Turnurath Havilar
Turnurath Havilar
Copper dragon born (she/her) artificer and paladin of Gilungan.
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Alignment
Lawful Good
Age
20
Children
Gender
Female
Eyes
Acid Green
Skin Tone/Pigmentation
Copper and Brass
Height
6ft 5in
Weight
160lbs
A Poem
ONCE
Once, I was married to the sea. She was my freedom and my drive,
But I was just another sailor in her vast wake.
Once, I admired the sunrise. He gave me warmth and light,
But I was just another life on his journey through the sky.
Once, I danced in the rain. It danced on my scales,
But I was only a stop on it’s way to the earth.
Now I found an angel. Or did she find me?
I gave her my heart. I asked only to give me a chance.
To me, she is my whole world. Everything I could need.
So long as I am a grain of sand in her’s, it will all be worth it.
Well, She Didn't Say No
As awkward as it was, I am glad we talked. Thalia appreciated the seashell necklace and was happy I didn't keep my feelings to myself. When she hugged me, I felt myself melt into her arms. All of my defenses let down. No one else in the night but the two of us. I didn't want to let her go. I needed to take a walk when we parted. Mostly, because I didn't want to walk into the tavern together and potentially embarrass her. The others might not understand what is going on between us.
I walked for what felt like hours. If anyone saw me, I never noticed. I was preoccupied replaying the scene over and over in my mind. At some point, I realized I was smiling. I was happy for the first time in a long time. Everything I had been through since the earthquake took me seemed less daunting with Thalia in my life. She has a way about her that makes me nearly forget all the troubles we are facing. It's as if she was everything I was searching for when I made the decision to leave my home and family in Ramshackle for a life at sea.
When I stopped thinking and assessed my whereabouts, I was on shore near the Koa-toa cave where I first met Thalia. From there I watched the ocean, my first love, in the moonlight. The waves were calm, almost beckoning to me. I remembered when she joined us. Thalia swam into the cave on her own as if the sea was giving her to me. That sounds crazy. Really crazy. Time to go back and sleep I thought. I stood for another moment with the waves at my feet. I whispered thank you. The sea gave me the freedom to find my own way in the world and, someday, I might return to her. But, for now, I will explore this new relationship.
I returned to my room and Thalia was waiting for me. She asked if we could continue to talk in my room. I was nervous. Did she realize this wouldn't work and she just wanted to stay friends? No, she simply asked to take it slow. I'm sure I gave an obvious sigh of relief at her words. I am more than happy to honor her request. I've never been in love with someone else before. I told her that I didn't want her to feel any pressure to return my affections. I care more for her feelings than my own. A kiss on her hand as we said goodnight and I was alone again. This time the bed called to me. Rest. I will need rest for what is to come.
Time to get serious. The real work starts tomorrow. Azzalog, you're next.
So This Is Love?
Did I really say what I think I said last night? I know I was drunk. I know Thalia walked me back to my room. I said "I love you." as she left. But then, again, was I coherent? Did she hear me? Did she understand how I meant it? Thalia and I have been very close through all of this. She spent the day working on her spellbook and I missed her.
I have the seashell from the Tide Queen's realm to give her, but I haven't found the right time. I feel distracted and conflicted about how I feel about her. I want to spend all my time with her. When she's not there, she's all I think about. If that isn't love, I don't know what is. So, yes, I am in love with Thalia. I am just afraid to tell her.
Afraid, not because she may not feel the same, but because of what may change between us. I've always protected her during combat because I can. I don't want her to try to protect me at the risk of her life. Nonetheless, I need to tell her. If for no other reason then to get it off me chest. After the knighting ceremony tomorrow seems as good a time as any.
I wonder if I should tell Mara first so she can keep Kebub away. ;)
Frustrations
NO MORE! I no longer understand how we can continue to endure Kebub's idiocy! I had that hill giant distracted enough that he could have left us alone if we didn't move. Then this cotton-headed baboon casts a spell to bring his attention right back to us, with a second one on it's way to us. If I hadn't left Kebub to his fate, Thalia would have died when she fell from the sky. Considering he had already died, one would think it would lead him to better decision making. But, I suppose, what they say about stupid is correct. You cannot fix it.
If she had died, I . . . No, I won't say it. However, I cannot forgive his actions. Next time we may not be so lucky. Especially now that we are moving on to Kantor. We have no idea what may be left of the city or what we may encounter. We have to be ready and we have to be smart. We need a leader, a real leader. And why should it not be me?
Freedom
There are so many who have never known what freedom is. True freedom comes when you know that all of your choices are made without influence. The only time I felt it so far in my life was when I chose to leave home and join Captain Stanfield and the crew of the Serene Bounty. The first sunrise on that ship was the happiest I had ever felt. Everyday after that was mine own. Yes, I had my work to do. We all did. But, it was work I wanted to do.
I wanted to learn everything Alisair, the ship's carpenter, had to teach me. Woodword, the navigator, taught me how to read the compass and sexton so I could better understand their function, not just how to fix them. The freedom sailing life afforded me, I feel now, prepared me for what is happening now.
This situation was forced on me. My freedom pulled from me by the earth. This is but temporary. The people of Sidrithorpe live in fear of Azzalog and his devils. Most of the devils are gone, but there is still work to do. Necessary work. We're coming for you, Azzalog.
Beautiful
The realm of the Tide Queen is magnificent. Traveling the world on the Serene Bounty, I thought I had seen everything the sea had to offer. But, being on the waves is very different from seeing what lies underneath them. Colors I couldn't have imagined. Sea life so close I could almost touch it. The experience nearly brought me to tears.
As wonderful as all this was, I kept turning my eyes to Thalia, who held my arm the entire time. I can tell she sees me as a friend, possibly her best friend. I am okay with that. I want to tell everything I am feeling with her by my side, but I know I can't. It's too soon and I don't have it all figured out, yet. Like this underwater world, she is beautiful in a way I never know beauty could be. I have to keep reminding myself we only met a few days ago, but we've already been through so much during that time. I know she is important to me. Whatever our future together maybe, I will be here for her. I will be her anchor.
Family
Our day had such the bittersweet ending. To learn that Balasar's brother was not the individual we met just two days ago. A devil. I feel sorry for Balasar, but more so for Lorlene. Elves live seemingly forever, so I understand how loneliness lead her down this path. Loneliness, like love, makes people do strange things. I hope there is something we can do to help free Uke's soul and not take away Lorlene's "family".
Family. Those who stay with you no matter what. That was my shipmates. Now this motely crew is all I have. Balasar, Mara, and Kebub are like the siblings I never had. I haven't decided where Thalia fits in with us yet, but she definitely fits with the rest of us.
Lamentations
I hate having something close, but just out of my reach. I miss the sea. I miss the Serene Bounty. I miss my Captain and my crewmates. Being in this port village makes the desire to return to the sea ache that much more.
I dont know if I will ever see my ship again. I assume they think I perished in the earthquake. I have friends and a duty here. That eases my mind to a point, but will it be enough to keep me here when this is over?
Until then
After the Fight
I've never been one to write down my thoughts. Other sailors do, especially the captain and officers, but not me. My memory is too good. However, that's not why my shipmates write. It's not for themselves, but for others. Stories for their children and families. Letters to their wives and lovers (may never the two chance to meet). The old saying goes "you only live so long as there are others to remember you". Maybe that's why I'm taking to quill and parchment; to take a chance at being remembered after the light leaves my eyes and my body is committed to the sea.
The fight against the false god, Chum, left me feeling exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. Fights always take some toll on the body, but few get into your mind like that. Watching one massive skeletal shark swallow Mara whole was bad enough. Mara is tough as hull nails and able to brute force her way out of most situations. Then witnessing the second one snatch Thalia clean out of the sky did something to me. I lost control. I never loose control. I'm the calculating one, the tactician. Emotional decisions don't win battles. In the moment, none of that mattered. My thoughts, my actions were consumed with saving her. Then she, not only saved herself, but destroyed the offending creature in spectacular fashion. Drawing me to her more. And I don't fully understand why.
Ever since Thalia join our group in the koa'toa lair, she has fascinated me. I want to know more about her. I've never seen anyone like her in all my travels. She certainly doesn't mind my company and I enjoy her's. I wanted to say something stupid and poetic to her before the fight, but I couldn't find any words to say. It's probably for the best. I don't know if anyone has noticed my behavior around Thalia. Maybe Balasar. He picks up on these things better than most. Bards are like that. Even if he has noticed, part of me doesn't care. I want to understand these feelings. If not for myself, for those it may affect.
Until I can write again.