Diary of Azure Goldenrod
Diary of Azure Goldenrod VII-10281
Date: 649 6e: dear me. mommy and daddi say i nede to praktis my riting here. they say i am very good at riting in the cresh. they say i shuld rite here and be even better at riting. i like riting a lot. i like drawing a lot to. i drawed a lot to day. good night. from me.
Date 713 6e: dear diary. today was very exhausting. they ask so much of us, and its so very tiresome. I dont want to pray or do rituals. I just want to play in the creche. I don't want to learn the sacred texts. I want to read more about the universe. There are so many things I want to learn about. I want to learn all about astronomy and the planets. I want to learn all about the Oppidium. I want to learn all about the different planes. Especially the Dirge, because it seems very neat because nobody can go there. And most of all, I want to learn all about magic. They don't give us enough magic classes! It makes me so mad. But daddy says never to get mad, or the deacons will discipline my bottom good. I definitely don't want a spanking from the deacons again.
Date 749 6e: Dear Diary. I need to write this here because I cant believe it!!!! Maroon kissed me. He did it on the cheek and I was like huh and then he was like what and I was like what is that and he said I dont know. And I said isnt that bad and he said I dont know. And then he kissed me again. On the lips! I wanted to puke into his mouth like a baby bird!!! I ran away right then and told the deacons. They said its bad to lie and i said im not lying!!! But I couldnt talk to the priest because he was in meditation, so I said let me talk to the bishop. She was actually really nice. She sat me down, and calmed me down, and gave me food. and he told me all about The Great Misdeeds. it was... weird... sin and impurity . all these weird words. but even after i told him, he brought Maroon into the room and we BOTH got disciplined. right in front of each other!!! and after while we were waiting to leave Maroon said he liked what he sees. and i just looked at him mad and i said what, and he slapped my rear!!! i cant believe boys. and what does that even mean? why would you even like a rear? does he like poop too! boys are the worst!!!
Date 1112 6e: I can't believe this. I can't believe I even need to write this. So disreputable. But who else am I supposed to talk to about this sort of thing? Yet again, I supposed instead of swimming about my own mind, I can dwell upon the page. I committed a sin. A really bad sin, truly impure. And I don't think there's any amount of spankings or purification for me that will fix this. And I'm so scared. I want nothing more than to stay in my Arcane lessons. But this... what of this? It's about Jade Chestnut XXIX-5212. He has been so good to me. I know I struggle with arcane geometry, but he has tutored me every step of the way. His lessons after-hours are precious to me. And I suppose that was the problem. I had sinful thoughts before. It is so difficult to explain. But I would look at his beautiful brown hair, and his eyes were like a maze of knowledge. I messed up a glyph, and he was right there. I could smell the incense on him, and his scent. And it was like I could see into a demiplane, like nothing made sense. He snapped his fingers and asked if I heard him. He leaned in, and I felt his breath, and... I kissed him. For so long. So long. And then I realized, and toppled out of my seat. I tried to collect my papers, but he pushed me onto his desk. He moved my legs and I felt my whole body rush with heat. And he kissed me back! My pen staggers at the thought, but this is important. I pushed him away. I left all my supplies in his office, and pushed him away, and ran to the bishop. I knew what I did. This was wrong and terrible. Completely unbecoming, and with my deacon my observing priest AND my teacher no less. I banged on the bishop's door until he opened and I... stopped. He asked what was wrong, and I couldn't tell him. I would lose EVERYTHING. I'm old enough to know better. I would be disciplined in the avenue, I would have my record tarnished forever. I would lose my magic studies! But more importantly, Jade... He would lose everything. How much could he lose? Moreover, he sinned! I'm young enough to make an error, an irredeemable error. But he pulled me back and returned my sin. He could be be penanced... He could be excommunicated! He certainly knew better... and yet... why did he do it? Was he just overwhelmed by the sin of it all? Or had he had those same thoughts for a long time as well? So I told the bishop I was asked to help him. And by the stars above and the Redeemer below he did need a favor. By the Redeemer... I was furious. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. And I cannot even speak of the sin of my own undergarments, but for simple emphasis, this is how extreme this situation had become. So the very next day, as soon as our rites and liturgies, I accosted him in the halls and dragged his sorry rear to his office. On the guise or reclaiming my things of course. I demanded to know why he did that, why he would put us both in danger. He had the gall to say I did it first. I felt a surge in my face, and stomped my feet. You will repent to me this instant. And this is the truly unbelievable part. To me, he said: "Did you dislike it? I'm sorry if you did. I simply thought." Of course I didn't dislike it! I just couldn't... we couldn't DO that. I collapsed, and spilled my woes upon his robes, and begged the Redeemer and begged anyone for what to do. He picked me up and comforted me, but I was completely illogical. And he kissed me again. And I wanted to perish that very instant. I wanted to be struck down by The Redeemer's divine light himself. But I... kissed him. For so long. And I stopped crying. He asked again if I disliked it. I told him that I liked it. We kiss after every session of tutoring. And save my beating heart, but it pains me to say that this is more magical than anything I've ever learned in my life.
Date 1113: Jade is dead. We were found. I was lashed. I saw his head outside the window, floating in space. His body is crucified in the square. My name is under his. Sinner. I have hidden all my previous writing by spell. If you are reading this, you will not break through and read it. Those memories are precious, despite their sin, and you shalt not have them. I don't care if you know.
Date 1309: I am allowed to write again. I am also allowed to practice magic again. There was an incident recently that shook our community. A dragon was searching for our Shard. They ate so many people. Blood still fills the plaza. We barely chased it off. They remembered my skill in magecraft. They will be testing me first in my ability, and then may promote me to educator. I shall also be put on exterior defense. The first line of defense, in case the dreaded dragon Xanatorian returns.
Date 1730: I cannot believe this sin... no, this knowledge. I cannot believe this knowledge I have gained. And yet I cannot reject it. We hadn't heard from Xanatorian in centuries. But he came back in a vengance. I was with the children, making studies on gravity. He nearly crushed us under his mighty claws. I told him to wait. He waited. I asked him to spare the children, and he took pity. He forced the children into the aqueduct. They would be safe. He told me to let him in. I said I could not. He turned into a human. He approached me and rubbed my cheek. He said let me in. And I said I cannot. He told me that he would sunder my flesh if I did not open the vestibule. I said I cannot. He said he could smell my fear. I told him I did not care. He said he did not want to hurt me. I said please do not. He said that he could tell me anything I wanted to know. I told him I knew all needed. And he said to prove it. He spoke names I had never heard before. He spoke of divine beings, not the Redeemer. I told him that his twisted, reptilian brain could not fool me. And then he told me about Home. He told me Home was not a place for the Redeemer. He told me that before the First Halcyon, our Order did not worship the Redeemer. He told me that we used to ally with dragons. He said we were the first mortals to aid them in destroying the Titans. Of course I had heard these things before... We always found contraband literature, and it was my job to store it away. But... I always read it. Just to see the enemy's mind. Just out of curiosity. Xanatorian said he needed our Shard. I said we couldn't survive without it, and he said we had for eons. That it did not belong to us, and he had a favor to pay. He told me that he would bring me a book with everything I could hope to know about life outside of Home, ancient knowledge. But whence he returned, I must let him in. I told him this was sinful; he said the only sin was a brilliant mind like mine being caged away in Home. I agreed. I told the others I had fought it off. Xanatorian unleashed his breath upon the entrance to make it look like a fair fight. I was hailed as a hero. How bittersweet. Xanatorian returned. He provided. He patted his heavy hand on my shoulder and asked if I would let him in. I opened the vestibule. I gave him a robe. I told him I would not help him any further. He told me to leave. That the universe was changing. I did not answer him. Home was in anarchy. But I did not care. I pored over the tome. So much I had not been taught. It was all corroborated by the contraband. It was all true... this was all true. We had all been brainwashed, for thousands of years. I could not stomach it. So this is my last letter from The Pyramidion. I am leaving tomorrow. On the trade ship. I stole every gem and diamond in the laboratory. I packed every vestment I owned, and left.
Date 1968: I have been researching for some time. The knowledge here is fascinating compared to Wreath. I feel smaller every day. And yet I wish to know more. Even more about magic. Even more about the universe, and the planes and the stars. I want to know everything there is to know and more. I feel there is not enough time. They say the War in Heaven is about to begin. My companion Serdin - The Creator, as he prefers to be known - has been honest and if not stern with me. His assistant, a kindred, star-gazing sister, Dibe, has so much in common with me. She too was brainwashed, and had it far worse than I. We bond greatly. We hold hands sometimes, and gaze at the stars. I wonder if she's ever kissed anyone. She seems so young still. Best for her not to get involved in all that sin. Best for me to not be sinful either; I have far too much research yet to complete, and far too little time. I will take that time. For what comes next, they say, none can predict.
Date - The Second Halcyon, 432: I wonder if anyone will be able to read this. I only return briefly. I found so much more now. And I am at peace. Sin is a myth. Magic is reality. And now I am its conductor. I only wish to say that these memories seem so distant and nostalgic. I don't yearn for my past anymore. I don't even wish ill upon those at Home. Unmei says that their time will come if the fates allow. Our attention is upon the Rift now. It expands, and so we resist. I am the first line of defense. And I am proud.
Date 713 6e: dear diary. today was very exhausting. they ask so much of us, and its so very tiresome. I dont want to pray or do rituals. I just want to play in the creche. I don't want to learn the sacred texts. I want to read more about the universe. There are so many things I want to learn about. I want to learn all about astronomy and the planets. I want to learn all about the Oppidium. I want to learn all about the different planes. Especially the Dirge, because it seems very neat because nobody can go there. And most of all, I want to learn all about magic. They don't give us enough magic classes! It makes me so mad. But daddy says never to get mad, or the deacons will discipline my bottom good. I definitely don't want a spanking from the deacons again.
Date 749 6e: Dear Diary. I need to write this here because I cant believe it!!!! Maroon kissed me. He did it on the cheek and I was like huh and then he was like what and I was like what is that and he said I dont know. And I said isnt that bad and he said I dont know. And then he kissed me again. On the lips! I wanted to puke into his mouth like a baby bird!!! I ran away right then and told the deacons. They said its bad to lie and i said im not lying!!! But I couldnt talk to the priest because he was in meditation, so I said let me talk to the bishop. She was actually really nice. She sat me down, and calmed me down, and gave me food. and he told me all about The Great Misdeeds. it was... weird... sin and impurity . all these weird words. but even after i told him, he brought Maroon into the room and we BOTH got disciplined. right in front of each other!!! and after while we were waiting to leave Maroon said he liked what he sees. and i just looked at him mad and i said what, and he slapped my rear!!! i cant believe boys. and what does that even mean? why would you even like a rear? does he like poop too! boys are the worst!!!
Date 1112 6e: I can't believe this. I can't believe I even need to write this. So disreputable. But who else am I supposed to talk to about this sort of thing? Yet again, I supposed instead of swimming about my own mind, I can dwell upon the page. I committed a sin. A really bad sin, truly impure. And I don't think there's any amount of spankings or purification for me that will fix this. And I'm so scared. I want nothing more than to stay in my Arcane lessons. But this... what of this? It's about Jade Chestnut XXIX-5212. He has been so good to me. I know I struggle with arcane geometry, but he has tutored me every step of the way. His lessons after-hours are precious to me. And I suppose that was the problem. I had sinful thoughts before. It is so difficult to explain. But I would look at his beautiful brown hair, and his eyes were like a maze of knowledge. I messed up a glyph, and he was right there. I could smell the incense on him, and his scent. And it was like I could see into a demiplane, like nothing made sense. He snapped his fingers and asked if I heard him. He leaned in, and I felt his breath, and... I kissed him. For so long. So long. And then I realized, and toppled out of my seat. I tried to collect my papers, but he pushed me onto his desk. He moved my legs and I felt my whole body rush with heat. And he kissed me back! My pen staggers at the thought, but this is important. I pushed him away. I left all my supplies in his office, and pushed him away, and ran to the bishop. I knew what I did. This was wrong and terrible. Completely unbecoming, and with my deacon my observing priest AND my teacher no less. I banged on the bishop's door until he opened and I... stopped. He asked what was wrong, and I couldn't tell him. I would lose EVERYTHING. I'm old enough to know better. I would be disciplined in the avenue, I would have my record tarnished forever. I would lose my magic studies! But more importantly, Jade... He would lose everything. How much could he lose? Moreover, he sinned! I'm young enough to make an error, an irredeemable error. But he pulled me back and returned my sin. He could be be penanced... He could be excommunicated! He certainly knew better... and yet... why did he do it? Was he just overwhelmed by the sin of it all? Or had he had those same thoughts for a long time as well? So I told the bishop I was asked to help him. And by the stars above and the Redeemer below he did need a favor. By the Redeemer... I was furious. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. And I cannot even speak of the sin of my own undergarments, but for simple emphasis, this is how extreme this situation had become. So the very next day, as soon as our rites and liturgies, I accosted him in the halls and dragged his sorry rear to his office. On the guise or reclaiming my things of course. I demanded to know why he did that, why he would put us both in danger. He had the gall to say I did it first. I felt a surge in my face, and stomped my feet. You will repent to me this instant. And this is the truly unbelievable part. To me, he said: "Did you dislike it? I'm sorry if you did. I simply thought." Of course I didn't dislike it! I just couldn't... we couldn't DO that. I collapsed, and spilled my woes upon his robes, and begged the Redeemer and begged anyone for what to do. He picked me up and comforted me, but I was completely illogical. And he kissed me again. And I wanted to perish that very instant. I wanted to be struck down by The Redeemer's divine light himself. But I... kissed him. For so long. And I stopped crying. He asked again if I disliked it. I told him that I liked it. We kiss after every session of tutoring. And save my beating heart, but it pains me to say that this is more magical than anything I've ever learned in my life.
Date 1113: Jade is dead. We were found. I was lashed. I saw his head outside the window, floating in space. His body is crucified in the square. My name is under his. Sinner. I have hidden all my previous writing by spell. If you are reading this, you will not break through and read it. Those memories are precious, despite their sin, and you shalt not have them. I don't care if you know.
Date 1309: I am allowed to write again. I am also allowed to practice magic again. There was an incident recently that shook our community. A dragon was searching for our Shard. They ate so many people. Blood still fills the plaza. We barely chased it off. They remembered my skill in magecraft. They will be testing me first in my ability, and then may promote me to educator. I shall also be put on exterior defense. The first line of defense, in case the dreaded dragon Xanatorian returns.
Date 1730: I cannot believe this sin... no, this knowledge. I cannot believe this knowledge I have gained. And yet I cannot reject it. We hadn't heard from Xanatorian in centuries. But he came back in a vengance. I was with the children, making studies on gravity. He nearly crushed us under his mighty claws. I told him to wait. He waited. I asked him to spare the children, and he took pity. He forced the children into the aqueduct. They would be safe. He told me to let him in. I said I could not. He turned into a human. He approached me and rubbed my cheek. He said let me in. And I said I cannot. He told me that he would sunder my flesh if I did not open the vestibule. I said I cannot. He said he could smell my fear. I told him I did not care. He said he did not want to hurt me. I said please do not. He said that he could tell me anything I wanted to know. I told him I knew all needed. And he said to prove it. He spoke names I had never heard before. He spoke of divine beings, not the Redeemer. I told him that his twisted, reptilian brain could not fool me. And then he told me about Home. He told me Home was not a place for the Redeemer. He told me that before the First Halcyon, our Order did not worship the Redeemer. He told me that we used to ally with dragons. He said we were the first mortals to aid them in destroying the Titans. Of course I had heard these things before... We always found contraband literature, and it was my job to store it away. But... I always read it. Just to see the enemy's mind. Just out of curiosity. Xanatorian said he needed our Shard. I said we couldn't survive without it, and he said we had for eons. That it did not belong to us, and he had a favor to pay. He told me that he would bring me a book with everything I could hope to know about life outside of Home, ancient knowledge. But whence he returned, I must let him in. I told him this was sinful; he said the only sin was a brilliant mind like mine being caged away in Home. I agreed. I told the others I had fought it off. Xanatorian unleashed his breath upon the entrance to make it look like a fair fight. I was hailed as a hero. How bittersweet. Xanatorian returned. He provided. He patted his heavy hand on my shoulder and asked if I would let him in. I opened the vestibule. I gave him a robe. I told him I would not help him any further. He told me to leave. That the universe was changing. I did not answer him. Home was in anarchy. But I did not care. I pored over the tome. So much I had not been taught. It was all corroborated by the contraband. It was all true... this was all true. We had all been brainwashed, for thousands of years. I could not stomach it. So this is my last letter from The Pyramidion. I am leaving tomorrow. On the trade ship. I stole every gem and diamond in the laboratory. I packed every vestment I owned, and left.
Date 1968: I have been researching for some time. The knowledge here is fascinating compared to Wreath. I feel smaller every day. And yet I wish to know more. Even more about magic. Even more about the universe, and the planes and the stars. I want to know everything there is to know and more. I feel there is not enough time. They say the War in Heaven is about to begin. My companion Serdin - The Creator, as he prefers to be known - has been honest and if not stern with me. His assistant, a kindred, star-gazing sister, Dibe, has so much in common with me. She too was brainwashed, and had it far worse than I. We bond greatly. We hold hands sometimes, and gaze at the stars. I wonder if she's ever kissed anyone. She seems so young still. Best for her not to get involved in all that sin. Best for me to not be sinful either; I have far too much research yet to complete, and far too little time. I will take that time. For what comes next, they say, none can predict.
Date - The Second Halcyon, 432: I wonder if anyone will be able to read this. I only return briefly. I found so much more now. And I am at peace. Sin is a myth. Magic is reality. And now I am its conductor. I only wish to say that these memories seem so distant and nostalgic. I don't yearn for my past anymore. I don't even wish ill upon those at Home. Unmei says that their time will come if the fates allow. Our attention is upon the Rift now. It expands, and so we resist. I am the first line of defense. And I am proud.
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