Mating Dance with the Dead

The Ravnica World News - That's a FACT!

In our previous article we uncovered a suspicious link between the Golgari Swarm and the Izzet League. Our expert on the Izzet chimed in with some interesting and disturbing insights. But we suspected the true horror lay beneath the surface - the very surface of Ravnica itself!
We reached out an expert on Golgari culture, who choses to remain anonymous, so they can avoid being injected with subterranean insect fluid, brainwashed, killed and warped into undeath to act as a thrall for a gorgon. We'll refer to them as Dunkin.
Dunkin explained that the Golgari motivations differ greatly from most of other citizens of Ravnica. They are less a guild and more of culture, accepting those who come to them and bringing them into the fold. This sounded a bit like brainwashing, and we asked for clarification. Dunkin said that the Golgari were not above using certain potions, fungi and essences to manipulate the mind and perception of others. These victims will often have no idea what is real, what is happening to them, and why they are being engulfed in jelly made from semi-dead monster tissues.
Was it possible that the Golgari are using psychotropic drugs to manipulate the already dangerous Izzet to perform tasks leading to some unknown goal. Dunkin said that such a concept was not impossible.
Nor is is improbable. When we asked Dunkin about the reason the Golgari are suddenly nuzzling up to Izzet researchers, there were many possibilities. Some were mundane, like the sharing of knowledge or culture. Possibly they are helping each other out to achieve goals that could not be handled without help from outside their guild. Such a thing is not unknown. Last week we reported on how members of the Selesnya Conclave met with the Simic Combine in an undisclosed meeting that was probably not just an excuse for an orgy of breeding techniques.
Mentioning this to Dunkin, he did admit that the Golgari and their obsession with fungus had lead to merging of life forms via magic and more biological acts to create new creatures only seen in the deep recesses of the undercity. Was it possible that the Golgari are taking biological samples through various disturbing and unnatural acts - so they can create some bizarre combination of undead fungal Scorchbringer? We are as alarmed as you are, dear reader.
Surely the Boros Legion is looking into the possibility of the streets of our beloved precinct four swarming with insectoid humanoids wielding lightening spouting arm cannons and searching for mates. But alas, they are probably too busy doing chest bumps, flexing muscles and drooling over their sword swinging angel-mommies to see the real threats in our fair city.
Needless to say, the fact that the Golgari and Izzet are working together so intimately can only spell more danger for the innocents of our precinct. And in a portion of the city constantly beset by rabid goblin street gangs, dimwitted Gruul Clans and Dimir backstabbing, do we really need any more perils while trying to get a cup of coffee?

- Precinct Four Reporting Team