Murderbeast Jerky

Article written by Jude

A pretty handy thing to have with you when off exploring, hunting, or whatever else it is you people who fuck off into the wilderness so often do, is murderbeast jerky. Not a super common thing, since it's actually kind of tricky to get our hands on the murderbeast meat, but still. It keeps much better than any other meat we've made into jerky, and it tastes great.

Mina: 'Whatever else it is you people do' I feel so unappreciated right now.

Crystal: I don't. He covered the basics.

Angel: I also check and set traps! Don't forget that!

Mina: I think that's probably covered under 'hunting'.

Jude: I was considering the traps part of hunting, yeah.

Angel: In that case, you basically have it covered. Hunting and exploring.

Mina: And relaxing, sometimes. Away from the small child.

Angel: Gods, yes. Can't forget about that.

Actually making murderbeast jerky is pretty much the same as making any other jerky. You cut the meat, you marinate the meat, you let it sit in the ice box for about half a day, you bake the meat to dry it out, and then you store it for later use. Tada, perfect travelling snack. Assuming Mina doesn't raid the stores and eat all of it, of course.

Mina: THAT WAS ONE TIME!! And it only happened because my stupid super soldier biology was freaking out or whatever.

Jude: I know. It was kinda scary at the time, but upon reflection, you have to admit it's kind of funny.

Mina: I mean...yeah. Alright. Thinking about this from an outside point of view, it is objectively amusing. Just sitting there, glowing in the dark, shattered glass all around me as I shovelled as much meat into my face as possible like some kind of budget horror monster.

Jude: Exactly.

Do not forget to use just so much sugar2 in the marinade, by the way. It doesn't work quite the same as actual, Earth sugar, so you have to use double what you think you need. Check literally any of my actual jerky recipes for more info.

Mina: This has been: Cooking With Jude!

Jude: I'm not signing off like that.

Mina: Oh, come on!

Jude: Okay, maybe next time.

Mina: Fuck yes. Another win for Mina.

Crystal: Every time you refer to yourself in the third person, a piece of my brain dies a little.

Mina: Sorry, Crystal. I'm a married monogamous woman, I can't be giving you little deaths. Maybe try Angel, she's poly.

Crystal: Sometimes I wonder why I put up with any of you.