Kalshebba, Goblin Goddess of Food and Drink

Kalshebba is the Goblin name and aspect of the deity representing food and drink.

Myth 1

In the deep past, before there were people, Kalshebba plucked a branch off of the Primordial Tree. She tasted it, and found it good. She crushed it, and ground it beneath her heel, pulverizing it. Then she took the pulp, and, mixing it with water, and gave it to Gabrook, and he took it up into the sky and spread it over the world as rain, which in turn caused all of the other plants to spring up, giving animals food to eat.

Myth 2

Once there was an abandoned baby. Kalshebba found him while walking through the forest on a beautiful spring morning. The baby, whom she named “Jessek”, meaning “foundling” in Mekiitagi, began crying in hunger. Kalshebba suckled him, and he grew strong. She fed him meat, and he grew powerful. Even as he grew older, she continued to suckle him, for one breast held milk, and the other beer, and her milk and beer stirred a Power in Jessek. When he reached manhood, he strode out into the world, led armies, and conquered the tribes in the land, and made a mighty nation that stretched from sea to sea.

Myth 3

Kalshebba possesses a great pot or cauldron, which never runs dry, and from which no one leaves unsatisfied. It always has a meaty stew bubbling, and no matter how many servings are ladled out, the level of stew never drops.

Myth 4

One day, long ago, Kalshebba desired Jeli’noor, the god of Light. She made him a great feast, cooking all manner of meats, including the dead soldiers of her enemies. Jeli’noor was so smitten by Kalshebba’s delicious food that Kalshebba had no trouble at all getting him into her bed, where they spent two full cycles of Jypra, the faster moon. (Editor’s note: in most pantheons, Jypra is often referred to as “the lesser moon”. It is interesting to note that in Goblish texts and stories, this term is never used, instead using variations of “the faster moon”.) They left the lovemaking bed only to eat more of Kalshebba’s food and drink of her wines, only to immediately go back to it. From this union, Kalshebba had a daughter, named Ley’marel Sidabi, who is later called the Supreme Mother, and is regarded as an ever resourceful lady whose place is at the hearth, and is a regulator of good conduct.

Myth 5

One of the earliest myths regarding Kalshebba described her as wearing the flayed skins of those she ate. This myth is also the one that describes Kalshebba as being “The Unrelenting Hunger” and “The Thirst of the Parched”, alternating between the two names in the story. This seems to symbolize Kalshebba’s sphere of influence, that is, food and drink, and the desire and need for both. Even if you eat to bursting, you will later become hungry again. Kalshebba understands this, and embodies it.

Myth 6

The tales tell of a great battle between tribes. One tribe had a powerful shaman, who was able to ask Kalshebba for a favor. The implication is that he gave her a series of extravagant sacrifices, and thus she came to him to grant her favor. He told her of the other tribe, and how it was ravaging their lands, and without her help, that other tribe would destroy his tribe.
She smiled, her teeth pointed, her lips red as blood. “I will grant you this favor, mortal,” she intoned, “for a price.”
“Name it,” the shaman said, bowing low to Her Magnificence.
“All of your enemy dead are mine. That is not up for debate. But I also want your blood.”
The shaman hesitated, fear filling his belly with acid snakes. “Yes, my Lady,” he replied, with a shaking voice that was an octave higher than he intended.
Kalshebba then disappeared, the shaman unsure of exactly when she would drink his blood. Across the land, where the enemy tribe was encamped, hunger struck the camp. They had food stores, but no matter how much they ate, the hunger never went away. They could see themselves getting thinner, their ribs showing, although they stuffed themselves with anything they could eat, including many of the plants growing about the camps. It didn’t help, and within two days had run out of food. Yet still, they hungered. It gnawed at them, burning in their bellies, inflaming their minds with senseless pain that wracked their bodies.
Then Kalshebba visited them. She took on a monstrous form, a giant the height of four Goblins, towing above them with a distended belly and massive limbs. And she grabbed the tribes’ thin, bony bodies, and ate them, one by one, chasing them down with inhuman speed, so that none survived. She ate them all, their bones crunching between her teeth. She slurped down their blood, and what she didn’t swallow ran down her chin in a red mockery of a beard.
When they were all dead, she went back to the shaman. She was still in her monstrously huge form, now even larger, as the bodies of the dead filled her stomach. The shaman thought he could see the outlines of them through her flesh, as if they were still whole in there, and moving still. He shuddered, knowing that he was going to join them. But he was resolved, and would pay her price. She had saved his tribe.
In a way, she was gentle. She only drank his blood, her sharp teeth piercing his skin, her tongue lapping up the flowing blood until, exsanguinated, he expired. She laid his body gently upon the ground, and left.

Common Ritual Practices

On feast days, it is common to set a place at the table for Kalshebba. Small amounts of food are placed on the plate, but are never eaten by mortals (although if the family has pets, it is often given to them after the meal is over).
Before any meal, it is right and proper to give thanks to the blessings of Kalshebba.
Her name is often associated with food, flavors, scents, or drinks, often as epithets or swears. “Blessed by Kalshebba’s lips”, “Kalshebba’s leaking tits”, “By the belly of Kalshebba”, and “Not even Kalshebba would eat this!” are all common swears. “Kalshebba’s Milk” is a local ale brewed in Port Karn, at the Rakiig Alehouse, on Fishwife Street in the Merchant’s Heath district.
In the past, sacrifices to Kalshebba would often be animals, killed on altars, although not always. Sometimes, the sacrifices would be prisoners of war, or criminals, or “emissaries” (volunteers willing to die to be with their goddess). Modern Goblins no longer sacrifice people or animals to Kalshebba (at least in the Tondene Empire). Nowadays, all that is required is a bit of blood.