Alcohol & Economics - Something Dangerous - Part 6

“MICHAEL, ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?” Titus screamed into the electronic contraption in his hand. The idea of exchanging words without seeing the other party’s face was new to Titus, and rather rude in his opinion. But he doubted that even Ra would be able to help him if he lost it and that girl would need him, so he would have to get used to it in any case.

“Jesus, you’re late for that seminar, you’d better hurry.” Michael’s voice was muffled for a moment as he spoke to the angel. “I see you two have met Deceit and Miss Sin,” He didn’t even sound worried, and that bothered the twins. What kind of saint would nearly get someone killed and then be completely fine with it?

“THEY TRIED TO KILL US.”

“You don’t need to scream,” Michael sighed. Crypt saw his chance and took away Titus’ phone with a glare, hitting the speaker button.

“You could have told us that her sister was not only a biochemist, but engineers plants that move and lawns that eat people.” Crypt was way too calm for Titus’ liking.

“WE WERE EATEN BY A LAWN, OKAY, HOW IN RA’S NAME ARE YOU CALM ABOUT THIS?!” Crypt leveled his twin with a glare.

“Calm down before you hyperventilate.” He ordered, holding the phone just out of the blonde’s reach.

“Now, you two wouldn’t be having this problem if you’d just read their files. There should have been pages detailing their hobbies, and I can assure you that Merci’s plants are probably the least of your concerns.” Michael assured them, sounding rather amused. Had they been standing beside Michael, they would have seen Uriel stash a handful of important looking documents with an innocent look.

“I did read the damned things. Twice,” Crypt assured him. “They were generic at best, with a great deal of missing information.”

“Then perhaps you should fill in the blanks.” Michael suggested before proceeding to hang up on him.

“Damn that Michael,” He muttered to himself, watching Titus try to sit down without having a complete and total melt down. How was he related to that, exactly?

“So what do we do now?” Titus asked, after taking almost a half hour to regain his composure. Crypt came to the conclusion that he’d never had any Guardian Angel cases before. This case would be the end of his perfect career if he didn’t get his act together.

“We go back, check in with Gabriel, and complete the case.” Crypt said simply with a flat tone and a grave face. Failure was not allowed, and Titus should have already known as much.

“And if we die?”

“It will be doing what our creator asked us to.”

“Isn’t that the same reason a lot of suicide bombers use?” Anyone else would have laughed at the obvious parallels between those who give up their chance at life for their interpretation of ancient texts, and a young girl who hadn’t even hit the prime years of her existence. Titus, however, was more worried about dying.

“Suicide bombers don’t get a second chance in life, nor ever see the gates. We were lucky enough to do both.” Crypt knocked on a nearby door while Titus chewed on that information.

‘He is right.’ Titus may not have been able to remember very much about the time before they ascended, but it hadn’t been pretty. Life as an encantado may have seemed glamorous, but he rather enjoyed the ability to leave places at will. Titus was ripped from his thoughts when the door was opened by a lavender-haired angel with neatly trimmed dark wings.

“Are you two done freaking out?” She asked, throwing a pullover at Crypt and a cloak at Titus. “I had to guess your sizes, so hopefully those fit.”

“Yes, Miss-”

“Miss nothing, it’s just Lou,” She corrected quickly, ignoring the way the boys suddenly sat up straighter. The lady before them was the archangel Gabriel’s soon to be consort, and a very powerful woman in the angelic community… well, when she was actually there, which wasn’t very often. “You two managed to stumble into an overlap of the physical plains, so flying back is absolutely out of the question. You won’t be able to find the Inn if you tried.”

“The Inn?” Titus was confused. They were going back to Miss Deceit’s, weren’t they? That place had looked more like a fortress.

“Deceit’s,” Lou elaborated with an air of patience. “It’s nicknamed the Inn ‘cause that’s what it initially was before the past two generations of additions and updates.”

“That thing’s a fortress, okay. How long did that all take, exactly?”

“Deceit gets into fits, but most of it was already there. From what I’ve picked up, her parents worked on it for something around fifty years.”

“Damn, sounds like they had the same sort of deal as that Winchester lady with the confusing as hell place.” Lou leveled Crypt with a glare for his comment.

“Don’t be an idiot.” She wouldn’t tell them that Miss Sarah L. Winchester had been one of her earlier cases after she’d passed the Human World Certification Test, which allowed her to travel across the barriers between the world of mortals and the other realms without danger. The case was an absolute disaster in the end and had cost her the certification, much to her dismay. A post at Deceit’s Inn, a maze of a different sort, was her personal penance for such a blunder. Lou opened the door with a flourish. “We’d better go before Etna locks the doors for the night. You’ll most certainly run out of oxygen before morning if the lawn gets a hold of you again.” That seemed to do the trick, as the boys were out the door in an instant.

“Ra, you gave those two more than they can handle. I pray you guide them through it all.” She muttered her prayer and silently wondered how much of cars they’d seen before. “On second thought, give me the patience not to strangle them or worse.”

In his private rooms, Ra heard her prayer and suffocated a smile. “Inform Michael and Uriel that I wish to speak to them,” he paused. “Also, gin.”

“Damnit.” Jesus cursed, folding his hand of cards with a sigh. “I quit; you’ve won the past twenty six games.” He stood up and went to fetch the two archangels that had caused his father’s ire, and subsequent winning streak. Jesus was unsure of exactly what the two had managed to do, as they never really got along very well, but whatever it was must have been stealthy to avoid detection for the past twelve hours. Heaven may have had a twenty-nine hour clock, but nothing stayed hidden for that long.