Being Streetwise in 2085

Welcome to London 2085, the place we affectionately call The Big Smoke. Yeah our air is like that.

by NightCafe by Absinthe

So you want to visit our lovely fair green land? Well there are some things you should know. The wise words of the street so to speak.
Never trust an elf. This goes without saying no matter where you are in the world.
Never deal with a dragon. Need I say more? I do? How about; deal with a dragon, wear  your best asbestos.
Never all the police baggers if they can hear you. They might look like bags of greasy crisps but they still pack a punch and tend to be those of lower IQs.
Someone suggests going to the Zoo. It's not a place to view animals, it's a shopping mall.
If something is Swiss, it is expensive.
A Trancer is someone with an addiction.
If it's spitting, it is raining.
If you're ulu you are lost in the middle of nowhere.
Going to steam, means you're going to mug someone or steal something. But if you're steaming then your drunk.
Going out for scoob, you'll be getting drinks. Do remember to buy your round, it is common courtesy and good manners.
A slint or being slinty is a right horrible creep.
>>> Creeper Jeepers <<< That would be me, your favority upskirting gnome, the terror of the tube, the purveyor of all your intimate apparel.
>>> Solly the Trog <<< When I find you, I will crush you.
Someone who is a sep or septic is an American.
Barbie and Ken are corporate employees.
If a bloke is Elvis, he is dead. If dead by violence, he was wraithed.
If you need blood, dial for an ambulance or doctor.
These are a few of the phrases and slang words you might hear or need when on the fair streets of London. We Londoners do our best to make things polite and hospitable for you during your stay. We appreciate you visiting and hope that you have a lovely stay.
>>> Stumpy <<< Jebus, this guy is smoking Jabby's crack.
>>> Jacen <<< He ain't no one from the shadows.
>>> The Boy Debois <<< I'll make a better city guide than this chump.
>>> Jabberywocky <<< Only if you can find your way out your door.
For the best shopping you can try your luck on Oxford Street and Regent Street.
There are food courts in Selfridge's flagship store and Harrods.
>>> Scratch This Shyte <<< Give them what they want, send them to the girls found on all the Tart Cards that cover our public phones. Not that I know of any public phones that work, but, hey whatever.
>>> Artist <<< You men the red ones, not the blue one right?