Fondue Funland

Written by Chrundle_the_Great

General Summary

The small mountain village of Velnoya is celebrating its yearly Fondue Festival! With sightings of starfalls in the Griff Mountains, Kapital sends a small party to investigate any strange occurrences. Also, they are encouraged to seek out the Order of the Ochre Eye, the local mages, for guidance and information.
Strange occurrences did happen, but, as with things relating to the Astral Sea, the exact variety is not easily explained or believed. Prizes and prestige were won. New friends were made. Cheese was consumed.
Later, cheese consumed.
Below is a summary of Vinny's observations, transcribed by Yisbel.

A Horrid Substance

A festival dedicated to cheese?
In all my years, I had never tasted it. For our entire journey, this Grak of the Grik spoke only of cheese, different kinds, what foods they pair nicely with, so on, and so on. At the festival, the people were no less enthusiastic. There were all manner of activities, all of them cheese-based and all of them confusing.
I found myself growing excited to give it a try. As Yisbel gathered samples, I tried to recall the last time I tasted a new delicacy. I'm a bit of a picky eater, so this was a rare opportunity! I chomped down, starting with the cheddar.
It was disgusting.
All this commotion over that? Over something so utterly vile and revolting? I will never understand mortals.
The one calling himself Gobimi won some contest and was gifted a titanic wheel of the horrid substance. He began rolling it, very slowly, through the town and batting away the other tasteless freaks with his magic stick.
Yisbel once again impressed me by taming a great four-legged beast. This Biscuit, which I'm told is a "very good boy," was clearly a formidable creature, possessed of brawn and alien intellect I had never before encountered. Unfortunately, its love was won by Yisbel conspiring with it to steal cheese from the kitchens; this town perplexes me.
As the party entered the Melted Muse, a tavern and another warren of filthy cheese, I suddenly felt an strange resonance, one I had not felt for quite some time. The earth shook, and the tavern's cauldron of boiling cheese spilled over, flooding the streets with fiery yellow ooze. The giant cheese wheel Gobimi insisted on keeping began trampling bodies through the streets, like a boulder trap in a dungeon. The party fled and were only saved by an unlikely ally.
Loreeta, the local member of the Ochre Eye, piloted a zepellin called the Imperius and rescued us from the drowning town, not a moment too soon. She pointed out a nearby obelisk of black glass, known only as "the Spire." She applied some basic realmatic theory, explaining that a recent starfall resonated with the tower, creating the earth-shattering vibrations and coupling with the town's perverse obsession with cheese to summon unknown horrors below.
She worried that one of the Spire's traps was malfunctioning and explained that one of their order, Lord Belovar, was imprisoned below the obelisk for his necromantic experiments. She promised much gold for us to investigate the issue, though the two goblins did ask to be paid in cheese, which confounded the mage.
When we landed at the obelisk, we were quickly attacked by oozes made of fondue. While we escaped into the Spire, the zepellin was forced to retreat, as the boiling oozes burned the rope anchoring it to the obelisk.
Inside, the Ochre Eye's many traps had been transformed either into cheese or cheese-related objects. Yisbel was severely wounded by a swinging cheese grater, but we kept strong and soon found an elevator room powered by different enchanted gemstones.
On one floor, we found treasure guarded by the largest ooze so far. On another, we were stalked by a cheese golem, peppered with undulating black stone and smelling faintly of roses; we did not stay there for long. Finally, we found a cheese bridge, studded with glowing meteor fragments.
At this point, the orcling (that's what goblins are, right?) surged with magic and vanished for some time. When he returned from wherever he went, his stick glowed with new power, and he had a blank look on his face. His thoughts were pretty were weird when I read them, but, given that and his love of cheese, I think he just might be insane.

I once was the shepherd of galaxies, weaver of constellations. Now, a relic, forgotten by a cosmos that does not care.

— Gobimi's Thoughts

At this point, the bridge collapsed, but both goblins leapt into the abyss because "the molten cheese would cushion their fall." When Yisbel followed, we fell into some illusion and awoke in a dark sarcophagus, with someone trying very poorly to pass off as Yisbel outside.
I finally broke through whatever enchantments were placed on us and reminded Yisbel to use the new cloak we looted earlier. We blinked out of the sarcophagus and attacked the imposter, who turned out to be Lord Belovar, except turned into, you guessed it, cheese.
The fight was hardly fair, and we quickly brought Belovar to his knees. I suddenly smelled something very appetizing and broke through the floor, where we found the lich, no longer made of cheese, reforming around his phylactery.
Finally, a decent meal! I haven't had good phylactery in ages. That's a real delicacy. Oh, and I guess it was good to stop the lich from coming back and killing us.
We returned back to Loreeta where we surprised her with the events in the Spire. Still, she paid us well, and we set forth back to the Caves of Chaos with Biscuit and enough gold to keep the guys in charge happy.

Rewards Granted

Looted from Spire

Ring of Reduce
Cape of the Mountebank
Lord Belovar's Phylactery (consumed by Vinny)
Giant Cauldron of Fondue

Character(s) interacted with

Biscuit
Loreeta
Lord Tiresome Belovar

Report Date

20 May 2023

Primary Location

Spire

Related Characters

• Go & Bimi
• Grak of the Grik
• Vinny
• Yisbel Beaumont