On the Topics of Polite Society, A Guide to Etiquette

Mistress Harper Cavatica
When one speaks of etiquette, manners, and breeding, what is truly being discussed? Why are these topics of importance? Manners are those rules of life which we all attempt to follow, but why do we follow them? The reason, dear reader, is that by following these rules, one is able to navigate all manner of situations with poise and grace. Through etiquette, one relieves anxiety in themselves and brings comfort and ease to those around them.

Basic Manners

• The gentleperson always appears clean, neat, and put-together. They do not leave the house disheveled or in a state of undress except in the most dire of circumstances.
• The gentleperson does not draw attention to themselves in public. They comport themselves with caution; they are not boastful, loud, or arrogant.
• The gentleperson treats others, regardless of their race, age, or station, with respect, consideration, and honesty. They do not command servants as if property; they do not insult or harass those who work on the streets or who are impoverished.
• The gentleperson is punctual and does not make others wait for them.
• The gentleperson expresses gratitude when they are done a service, and apologizes when they are in the wrong. They do not make demands of others, nor do they argue over petty matters.
• The gentleperson, in passing someone of their acquaintance, tips their hat, bows, nods, or otherwise acknowledges the individual. If it is a particularly close acquaintance, the gentleperson may greet them verbally or stop to chat a moment. However, the gentleperson does not slow down someone who is in a hurry.
• The gentleperson does not use vulgar language, spit, apply cosmetics, scratch themselves, or attend to any other such personal matters in public.
• The gentleperson, if young and unmarried, should be accompanied by a chaperone or a friend.

Introductions and Conversation

• The gentleperson, before making an introduction, takes into consideration whether the parties involved will benefit from such acquaintance. They understand that in introducing individuals, they vouch for the good name, character, and respectability of those involved. Therefore, the gentleperson does not make introductions of someone with whom they are only passingly acquainted.
• When making an introduction, the person of lesser social standing is presented to the person of higher standing. Lesser nobility are presented to those ranking above them; commoners presented to nobles; younger individuals presented to older, and so on.
• For example: “Duke Winthrop, may I present Lord Harrington?” or “Mx. Ashborn, Mr. Smythe would like to make your acquaintance.”
• The gentleperson speaks with clarity, precision, and forethought. They modulate their voice carefully, avoiding shrillness, droning, or other such unpleasant tones.
• Above all else, the gentleperson listens to others attentively, asking questions when appropriate.
• The gentleperson avoids discussing controversial topics in casual conversation, such as politics or warfare. They do not speak of private personal matters, such as their health or troubles, except amongst the closest of friends.
• The gentleperson does not brag, boast, ramble, whine, slander, pry, or gossip. They do not monopolize conversations, they do not tell lengthy anecdotes, and they do not share offensive opinions about others different to themselves.
• The gentleperson may express a difference of opinion, but they do not argue or debate with others in polite conversation.

Dressing

• The gentleperson takes care to dress appropriately for every occasion. They do not make a peacock of themselves, draping themselves in jewelry or makeup, nor do they strive to appear miserly or threadbare. They do not wear a ballgown to breakfast, nor a wrap to dinner.
• Clothing for morning may be loose and comfortable, such as a wrap dress or trousers and a shirtwaist. As the gentleperson is not expected to receive visitors or be seen until the afternoon, clothing should be simple, with little to no embellishment.
• Clothing for the afternoon, whether for receiving visitors, walking, calling upon others, or running errands, should be made of sturdy materials, such as wools or linens. Decoration should be embroidery, ribbon, or some other unobtrusive element. Suits, shirtwaists, waistcoats, and jackets should be well-fitted, while trousers may be tapered or loose, and skirts full or narrow. Hats, gloves, shoes, and other accessories may be slightly embellished. Hair should be neat and, if long, put up. Jewelry and makeup are kept to a minimum.
• Clothing for evening may be of finer materials, such as silks, laces, or satins. The cut and decoration of evening garments and accessories may be more elaborate, including flowers, ribbons, or even small magical effects. The young and unmarried refrain from an overabundance of cosmetic or jewelry, although a small amount is acceptable; the married may wear more than their younger counterparts. Hair may be decorated with pins, jewels, flowers, or other objects.
• Activities such as swimming, exercise, hunting, cycling, and riding require specialized outfits meant for vigorous activity.
• Especially formal or ritual occasions may require specialized outfits, such as for a religious ceremony.
• Hats, coats, and wraps should be removed upon entering a building, and left with an attendant or in a cloak room. Gloves remain unless the gentleperson is eating.
• The gentleperson keeps their clothing clean and whole, without stain or damage. They may own only a handful of garments or an entire wardrobe full, but they treat all of their clothing and accessories with care.

Calling and Visiting

• The gentleperson’s calling card should consist of their name, address, and their at-home day. For example:

Violet Jones
1234 54th Street At-Home Tuesdays

• Titles of nobility, military or guild rank, or priesthood may be added to a gentleperson’s name on their calling card, if appropriate, but words such as “mister” are not. For example, Baronex Matilde von Orsei; Master Ristard Eventre; Captain Jonathan MacPhil; Ankress Felicity Green.
• The gentleperson, upon their first call on a new acquaintance, leaves their card as a token for the individual being visited. If the acquaintance sends a calling card in return, the gentleperson has leave to visit during the acquaintance’s at-home day.
• The gentleperson knows that the hours for visitation of others are between 3 and 6 in the afternoon.
• When invited to an at-home visit, the gentleperson sits where directed by the host. They partake of refreshments, if offered, and they sit and make conversation with the host and the other guests. They do not overstay their welcome, leaving within the hour, unless urged to stay by the host.
• When they have been a guest at a dinner, ball, or other social occasion, the gentleperson pays a call to their host within the week.

Dining

General Dining

• The gentleperson does not slouch at the table; they do not play with their dishes or cutlery; they do not shovel food into their mouths, use their fingers as utensils, chew on bones, or perform other unsightly gestures.
• The gentleperson places their napkin into their lap upon sitting at the table.
• Silverware is used for each course from the outside in. If silver is brought with a particular course, those are used instead of the silver laid on the table.
• When food or beverages are offered, the gentleperson chooses and accepts quietly and graciously. If presented with a dish that the gentleperson cannot eat for whatever reason, they simply say, “no, thank you”; they do not elaborate or apologize for not taking the offered dish.
• The gentleperson does not comment on the food for good or ill, but makes pleasant, light conversation to those next to them.

For a Dinner Party

• The gentleperson does not arrive more than fifteen minutes before the time dinner is to start. If they are to be late, the gentleperson does not expect the other diners to wait, and joins in on the next course once they arrive.
• The host will have assigned where each guest is to sit. Before dinner, the gentleperson finds the card with their name on it, which will also list the name of the person they are to escort in. The gentleperson should find that person before dinner is announced.
• When dinner is to be served, the host leads the way into the dining room, escorting the guest of honor. The rest of the pairings follow in and find their places, waiting to be seated until the host and guest of honor have done so.
• The proper order of courses for a formal dinner are as follows:
• Hors d'Oeuvre: Bite-sized morsels to whet the appetite
• Soup: Typically a clear broth or light cream soup
• Fish: Seafood -- fish or shellfish -- served hot or cold
• Entree: Fowl or game with a vegetable or light starch
• Sorbet: Acidic and fruity to clear the palate
• Roast: Beef, lamb, or pork, served with vegetables and starch
• Dessert: Small sweets such as puddings, jellies, or pastries
• Fruit and Cheese
• Water and a variety of wines are typically served at a dinner. Coffee and cordials may be served after the meal or with the fruit and cheese course.
• When the meal is concluded, the host will stand to signal the rest of the dinner guests to do so. The gentleperson leaves their napkin on the table and follows the host to the drawing-room or parlor for entertainment and conversation.

For a Luncheon

• Luncheons are a less formal affair than a dinner, and are often shared between closer acquaintances.
• Pairing cards are not used at luncheons; instead, guests follow the host into the dining room and find their place by the name cards on the table.
• The table is laid in much the same way as for a dinner, although luncheon is composed of fewer courses.
• The proper order of courses for a luncheon are:
• Fruit: Either one variety or a medley
• Soup: A broth, cream, or other light soup
• Meat: Game, fish, fowl, or roast, served with vegetables and starch
• Salad
• Dessert
• Water, juice, and lemonade are often served at luncheon, although some hosts may serve one or two wines as well.

For Afternoon Tea

• Tea is typically served not in the dining room, but in the parlor or drawing room. Guests will be seated on chairs and sofas around the room.
• If a small side table is not provided for the gentleperson’s cup and saucer, they hold them carefully; the china can also be rested on one’s lap, if they are brave.
• Sugar and lemon are added to the cup before the tea is poured; milk is added afterwards. When stirring, the gentleperson is careful not to clink their spoon against the sides of the cup.
• Refreshments served with tea are light, such as tiny sandwiches and pastries, and are typically eaten with the fingers.

As a Host

Invitations

• For a Formal Dinner - Send 4 to 7 days before event

Mr. and Mx. Feathersham
request the presence of
Ms. Olivia Jones
for dinner
Friday, June 15th
7 pm Music to follow

• For a Ball - Send 10 to 14 days before event

Ms. Virginia Tothery
requests the presence of
Captain Reginald and family
Wednesday, December 1st
9 pm Dancing

• For an Evening Out - Send 4 to 7 days before event

Mr. Charles Stanford
requests the presence of
Mx. Vanitas Redwine
to join him for dinner and theater
8 pm Fleming’s Restaurant
La Espirita de Vientu The Arrowhead Theater

• For an Exhibition - Send 2 to 3 weeks before event

Master Phillip Irving
offers invitation to
Mr. Michael Stormborn
to present his work
in the field of violin
Thursday, March 27th
8:30 pm The Bronze Wolf

• For an Extended Visit or House Party - Send 2 to 3 weeks before event
• The gentleperson includes the dates the visitor shall stay with them, the location of the stay (in the city, the country, at the sea, etc), other guests that are visiting at the same time, and some of the planned activities
• For a Picnic, Garden Party, or Outdoor Activity - Send 4 to 7 days before event
• The gentleperson includes the date and time of the activity, the location of the activity, and the number of people involved

Rules for Hosting

• The gentleperson knows that no matter what event they are hosting, the goal is to make their guests comfortable without being overbearing or fawning.
• The gentleperson, if hosting a house party, makes sure there are ample activities for their guests to enjoy themselves -- hunting, dancing, and other forms of entertainment.
• The gentleperson works with their staff or their family to ensure that the event location is in perfect order, that the menu or menus are meticulously planned, that the comfort of their guests will be seen to.
• The gentleperson curates their guest list carefully, avoiding inviting people of ill acquaintance, the boorish, crude, gossiping, shrewish, or those of unpleasant countenance.
• The gentleperson ensures that introductions are made, that conversation flows, that dancing partners are arranged, and so forth.
• The gentleperson endeavors to have seating, dinnerware, and other necessities for guests of their own stature, as well as those who may be taller or shorter than themselves.
• Should misfortune occur -- a plate broken, a carpet stained, etc -- the gentleperson does not draw attention to it, but simply has the area tidied up and the event continued on.

As a Guest

Responding to Invitations

• The gentleperson responds to an invitation within two days of receiving it. They attempt not to refuse, but a prior engagement, illness, being out of town, or mourning are acceptable reasons to deny an invitation.
• The gentleperson does not accept an invitation and then cancel because ‘a better opportunity has come along’ -- to do so is the height of rudeness.
• Acceptance

Mr. and Ms. Forstaph
accept graciously the kind invitation of
Larux Mikae Thomasin
to dinner on May 21st

• Refusal

Baroness Tabitha Williams
regrets that a prior engagement prevents her from accepting
the kind invitation of
Ava Larisi Whitestone
to the theater on July 6th

Being a Polite Guest

• The gentleperson does not accept a vague invitation such as “do come and visit us sometime” without first confirming the dates of their visit with their potential host.
• The gentleperson does not make demands of their host. They do not pester, wheedle, or occupy all of their host’s time, and they do not prevent their host from seeing to their other guests.
• The gentleperson makes their best efforts to conform to the event to which they have been invited. They participate gladly in what entertainments are offered, eat and drink of what refreshments are presented, and do their utmost to be a pleasant and helpful guest. They socialize with the other guests at the event, even if they are not previously acquainted.
• The gentleperson does not complain about the food, lodging, entertainment, or any other aspect of their visit.

Social Functions

At a Ball

• At the doorway of the ballroom, the gentleperson gives their invitation to the steward, who will announce their presence.
• The gentleperson may approach another, bowing and asking politely whether the other will honor them with a dance. If accepted, the gentleperson accompanies their partner to the floor, where they will spend one dance before allowing their partner to accompany others. The gentleperson may approach the same partner for a second dance later in the evening, but they do not monopolize another’s dance card.
• The gentleperson, if approached to dance, graciously accepts unless they are already engaged for the song. To refuse a dance from a fellow guest insults not only the asker, but the host as well.
• The gentleperson actively participates in the festivities, and does not become a stationary part of the wall decoration. To stand aside while others dance is unbecoming of the gentleperson.
• The gentleperson does not seat themselves next to a person they are not acquainted with. If they know the person, they may sit with the other’s permission.
• The gentleperson may offer to escort their current partner in for refreshments, or may themselves be asked. They accompany their partner into the refreshment room, where they will partake of the offerings before making their way back into the ballroom.
• The gentleperson understands that while they may be introduced to a partner for the purposes of dancing, they are under no obligation to continue the acquaintance after that evening.

At a Performing Arts Event

• The gentleperson strives to arrive ten to fifteen minutes before the performance is to begin. If they are late, they silently and cautiously find their way to their seat, or they stand at the back of the room until a pause in the show.
• The gentleperson does not fidget, speak, make noise, or otherwise distract others from the performance.
• The gentleperson claps only at the end of a segment -- a movement, a scene, or the like. They do not jeer and whistle or draw attention to themselves.
• If dinner or refreshments are to proceed or follow the performance, the gentleperson speaks with others in their party to arrange for transportation to and from the theater for the group.
• The gentleperson, if wearing a large hat or bonnet, removes the garment when they are seated so as not to block the view of other attendees.
• The gentleperson, if they are the host or inviter, arranges for the comfort of their companion or guests, including procuring programs and opera glasses if needed.

At a Social Club

• If the gentleperson is invited to a club in which they are not a member, they remember that their behavior reflects on the individual inviting them as their guest. Likewise, the gentleperson knows that the behavior of any guests they invite to their own clubs reflect upon themselves.
• The gentleperson treats any club they visit, member or not, with care and respect. They do not leave messes, they do not treat staff or other members with contempt, and they do not act as if they own the building.
• The gentleperson familiarizes themselves with the rules and regulations of their club.
• The gentleperson does not intrude on conversations or activities unless invited, but should an invitation be issued, they join in the playing of billiards, cards, dice, or darts, in debate, in art or crafting, in dining, or in exercise.

At a Church

• When visiting a church or temple, the gentleperson comports themselves with solemnity and respect. They follow whatever tenets are asked by the church when in attendance, whether it is covering one’s hair, bowing, making an offering, or anything else that is asked.
• If attending a weekly service, the gentleperson finds a seat quietly or is shown to one by an usher. They observe and participate as directed by the cleric, maintaining quiet unless directed to speak or sing. They do not chat or laugh or draw attention to themselves.
• If attending a sacred ritual or holy day celebration, the gentleperson finds out the proper way to participate before they attend. They endeavor to participate fully, treating the ritual with the respect it deserves.
• If on a private visit, the gentleperson goes to the main altar or asks to be shown to a private room. They conduct what business they have quietly and respectfully, typically making an offering to the temple outside of whatever offering they have made to the deity before leaving.

On a Hunt

• The gentleperson, above all else, follows the directions of the huntmaster for the safety of themselves and the other hunters.
• Unless the huntmaster calls for silence, the gentleperson makes amicable chat with the other hunters during the activities.
• Hunting from Horseback
• The gentleperson does not interfere with the hounds or horses of another individual. If a horse is loaned to them for a hunt, the gentleperson treats the animal with as much care as possible.
• On a riding hunt, the gentleperson takes care to stay along the same path as the other hunters. They do not take fences or streams if they are inexperienced at jumping.
• Shooting
• When hunting game birds such as pheasant or quail, the gentleperson is careful with their firearm, never pointing it at another individual. They maintain their place in line and do not shoot until the signal is given.
• The gentleperson does not march out to collect their birds, but allows the birdhounds to fetch the quarry and return it.
• Falconry
• The gentleperson takes extreme care not to startle or anger the birds being used. They listen to the directions of the master falconer at all times.

Courtship

• The unmarried gentleperson does not show physical affection in public. They take care not to be seen exchanging kisses, holding hands, or engaging in other scandalous behavior in front of others.
• The gentleperson may show regard or acknowledgement through the use of flowers, a folding fan, or other accessories. The author of this treatise has included a list of common flirtations as a separate document, for there is too much to include in this writing.
• The gentleperson may approach an individual of their acquaintance, either in person or through writing, to ask if they may pay the individual court. This proposal of courtship is accompanied by the first of three courtship gifts; the first is traditionally known as the ‘gift of the hands’, and is meant to be something useful to the intended.
• If the gentleperson is the one approached with an offer, they may either accept or reject. Courtship gifts are to be inspected for craftsmanship and suitability to the recipient. Ill-made, broken, gaudy, or otherwise unseemly gifts are reasons to reject a courtship offer, as are offers from those of known cruelty, ill-temper, boorishness, and so forth.
• If the offer is accepted, the courting couple may spend time together under supervision. They may walk together, attend the theater or other entertainment, picnic, go riding, or other such activities, as long as they are accompanied by a suitable chaperone.
• The second courtship gift is the gift of the home and should be something for the couple to use in their life once they are wed. The second gift must be presented no less than one but no more than three months after the first.
• The third courtship gift is known as the gift of the heart, and is intended to be something meaningful to the recipient, their interests, and who they are. This gift must be presented no less than two but no more than six months after the second gift is presented.
• With the agreement of both parties and their families, a longer courtship period may be negotiated.
• Upon the receipt of the third gift, the receiving party must make a choice.
• If they choose to end the relationship, the gentleperson returns the gifts and thanks the giver for their regard, but states that they must reject the proposal.
• If the receiver would like the relationship to proceed, however, they accept the third gift and present the giver with a gift of their own. This gift should, typically, be a pair of rings to be worn by the couple during their engagement. It is then up to the individual who initiated the courtship whether to accept the rings or not. If the rings are accepted, the couple is officially engaged. If the rings are rejected, the courtship is ended.
• The gentleperson, before offering courtship, speaks with their intended’s parents or other chaperone to obtain their permission to initiate the relationship. However, this does not always stop foolish or lovelorn individuals who wish to propose.
• The families of the engaged couple, or the couple themselves if no family is present, make an announcement of the engagement to friends and relatives. The average length of engagement is six months to a year, depending on the circumstances of the couple.
• Apart from the traditional courtship gifts, a courting or engaged couple may send other small trinkets to each other over the course of their relationship, such as flowers, chocolates, or letters. These should never be anything expensive or cherished, for unlike the three required courting gifts, the recipient is not required to return them in the case of a broken courtship.
• Once engaged, the couple may be more physically affectionate, holding hands, exchanging chaste kisses, and the like; however, they make certain not to display indecency in public. Additionally, they may spend time together unchaperoned, although care is taken to not be alone together during the nighttime.
• Relationships sometimes occur between more than two people. In these cases, courtship gifts are presented from the established partners to the new intended, and the intended should accept or reject the offer as a whole. Alternately, if only one partner of an existing relationship wishes to court another, a gift is given from the courter’s other partners to the new intended to show their approval of the relationship. Otherwise, the rules of propriety still stand.

Special Occasions

Weddings

• Weddings may be held at the home of a family member, at a park or garden, or at a temple; the churches of Peitho are those most likely to perform wedding ceremonies.
• The gentleperson and their intended choose their attendants for the day, two or three for each of the betrothed. These attendants assist the betrothed with dressing on the day of the wedding, with helping prepare them for the ceremony, and acting as calming, helpful companions leading up to the day.
• The gentleperson and their betrothed should be dressed in white, either gown or suit, with one partner in gold trimmings and the other in silver. Attendants are traditionally dressed in red, with gold or silver to match the betrothed. Guests should be dressed in formal clothing. Crowns of roses and other flowers are placed upon the heads of the betrothed before the ceremony.
• When the ceremony is to begin, the attendants process out from each side of the altar, making the way for the betrothed. The betrothed follow, stopping before the altar, where the officiant is waiting. The ceremony is then performed.
• During the ceremony, the attendants swear to defend the newlyweds on that day, so that the couple may enjoy their wedding feast without fear. Afterwards, the betrothed exchange vows, and the officiant blesses the marriage while the couple’s joined hands are bound in cords of silver and gold.
• After the ceremony, the couple leave with their attendants to the location of the wedding feast, while the rest of the guests follow. The traditional wedding feast involves music, dancing, and a large meal shared with guests; the menu may vary, but traditionally includes fish or seafood, fresh fruit, chocolate, and a cake made with honey, dried fruit, and spices.
• Traditional wedding gifts are things the newlyweds may use in their new life together -- dinnerware, linens, artwork, etc.

Rite of Naming

• The naming of a newborn before the temple of Kelesta is a solemn affair, and the gentleperson, if invited to participate, treats it as such. The ceremony typically happens a fortnight from the birth of the child.
• The gentleperson dresses in formal, somber clothing as befits the situation, omitting flashy or excessive decoration.
• At the naming ceremony, the newborn is presented to the officiants, who write the newborn’s childhood name in the record books of the temple. A blessing is said over the child, and two benefactors are chosen to support the child, acting as non-parental mentors to the child during their life.
• A small reception may be held at the home of the parents after the ceremony, where family and friends may see the child, often for the first time; light refreshments such as for a tea are usually served.
• Traditional gifts for a naming ceremony include money to be used for the child’s education or welfare, knitted or quilted blankets, rattles, stuffed toys, and anything with the child’s name engraved on it, often of silver.

Rite of Majority

• The rite of majority is a time of celebration, when an adolescent reaches adulthood at the age of 21 and chooses their gender and adult name. After this ceremony, they are considered an adult in their own right, with the rights and responsibilities that come with such.
• The gentleperson in attendance wears formal clothing; while some decoration is acceptable, the gentleperson knows that eyes should be on the new adult.
• During the ceremony, the adolescent declares the name and gender that they wish to be known by in their adult life; this is often the name used in their childhood, but not always. The adolescent is then asked a series of questions by the officiant, to which they swear in the affirmative -- whether they will be a citizen of good moral standing, if they will care for others, and so forth. Finally, the new adult gifts one of their own toys from childhood to a younger relation or friend, asked to participate before the ceremony, to signify that they have grown up.
• After the ceremony, a reception is held, typically at the home of the new adult’s parents. While some may host a small tea or luncheon, many families will host a dance the evening after the ceremony as the new adult’s first introduction to society.
• Traditional gifts to an individual for their rite of majority include clothing and accessories as befitting their chosen gender, personalized objects such as stationary or writing implements, money, or something for a particular favorite hobby or activity.

Funerals

• While, in some cases, death may be a temporary state, true death is a solemn and mournful event. In the event of a death, the gentleperson sends out notifications to friends and family, including information about the funeral ceremony.
• The gentleperson, upon receiving notice of a death, sends condolences to the deceased’s family as soon as possible.
• The deceased may have chosen to be buried, cremated, or otherwise returned to nature. If the deceased is to be buried, the funeral is held graveside and the body buried during the ceremony. If the deceased is cremated, a memorial ceremony is held.
• During the funeral ceremony, the officiant -- typically a cleric of Nicodemus, although if the deceased was particularly devoted to a different deity, one of their clerics may perform the ceremony instead -- will say blessings and prayers for the deceased. Afterwards, members of the deceased’s family, friends, and respected acquaintances will say words of remembrance in the deceased’s honor. The body is then buried or the deceased’s ashes scattered.
• The deceased’s family may hold a small memorial reception after the funeral, where individuals may come and pay their respects. The gentleperson stops at the reception for a few minutes, but does not burden the bereaved with company should they not want it.

Mourning

• The gentleperson in mourning typically does not attend social functions for a period of three months after death for a spouse, parent, or child, or one month for other relations. After that period, the gentleperson may reenter society, although mourning clothing is still worn. However, in these modern times, more and more are choosing to continue about their daily life immediately, albeit in mourning garb.
• For a friend, the gentleperson may wear a black armband or a black ribbon pinned to their breast to show their grief.

Full Mourning

• Full mourning is worn for a period of time equal to the closeness of the family relationship. The gentleperson in full mourning wears black, in everything from clothing to shoes and accessories. Some wear black veils when outdoors. Jewelry and cosmetics should be omitted, unless of a wedding ring, or some other piece in remembrance of the deceased.
• For a spouse: 1 year in full mourning
• For a parent: 6 months in full mourning
• For a child: 6 months in full mourning
• For a grandparent: 3 months in full mourning
• For a sibling: 3 months in full mourning
• For a fiance: 3 months in full mourning
• For other relations: 1 month in full mourning

Half Mourning

• After the initial mourning period, the gentleperson may reintroduce some color into their wardrobe, signifying that their grief is lessening. Gray, white, and mauve are acceptable colors to add to the gentleperson’s clothing, as well as the slow addition of decoration or jewelry.
• For a spouse: 6 months in half mourning
• For a parent: 3 months in half mourning
• For a child: 3 months in half mourning
• For a grandparent: 2 months in half mourning
• For a sibling: 2 months in half mourning
• For a fiance: 1 month in half mourning
• For other relations: 1 month in half mourning