Jeub: Genesis

Starring:

Mehmed Uddin, Ahmed Jeubfucker, and Steve Harvey

-On a normal day in the last years of the 20th century, a portal opening in the center of Kabul, capital of Afghanistan. Five years later, and the interdimensional army of jeubs and Angmarids that poured through has swarmed across the middle east, destroying Afghanistan, Pakistan, and much of Iran. The city of Kabul still exists, an empty husk of its former self filled with little but corpses and ruined buildings. The jeubs have abandoned it for the most part, with only occasional groups passing through the portal on their way to the front line in their war against the unified Islamic states to the west. -Deep below the ruined streets sprawls a large sewer system, now mostly empty and unused. Within these tunnels, the last human survivors dwell- the Taliban. Easily transitioning from terrorists to guerilla fighters, the dwindling members of the organization have been fighting from the shadows to free their city from jeub occupation ever since it fell. Their efforts have borne little fruit, although they have amassed a pile of jeub corpses left in their wake.
-By this time, however, there are only three militants left. Their leader Mehmed Uddin, the American game show host Steve Harvey (long story), and relative newcomer Ahmed (no last name given).
-One day, the three of them are travelling through the sewers after a successful raid on a jeub camp. Suddenly, they hear splashing ahead of them and run forward seeing (to their surprise) a small group of jeubs prostrating themselves in the muck as if praying. As they get closer, they can hear that the jeubs are actually saying something. It's hard to make out, but it sounds like they are actually praying, or at least attempting to. They are currently attempting to say the morning prayer in broken Arabic.
-Mehmed is curious, but he favors the idea of just killing them with an ambush. Ahmed, on the other hand, is insistent that these strange little sewer jeubs must have seen the light of Allah and can be converted into loyal members of the Talaban. Mehmed thinks on this option for a few moments. Normally, he would be diametrically opposed to it (especially because Ahmed has, in the past, expressed an unseemly interest in jeub culture) but the fact of the matter is they are down to three fighters, one of whom is a middle-aged former game show host. Recruitment is pretty much impossible since they are likely the only humans left in the city, so perhaps recruiting among the jeubs is their best bet if they are going to take back their city. Reluctantly, he agrees to Ahmed's idea.
-They approach the jeubs carefully. Immediately, the creatures adopt a cautious stance, but Ahmed quickly assures them by saying: "Greetings, little ones! We saw that you were praying, are you Muslims?"
-"Yes," says the lead jeub, "we are converts. Allah is great!"
-"Indeed. We are also Muslims. We're sort of like… clerics. We can teach you better the ways of Allah."
-The jeubs are quite enthusiastic about this proposition and immediately swear their undying loyalty to the Taliban. The humans take their new recruits back to their main base of operations, where they spend the next week teaching them the ways of Islam and reading to them from the Qur'an. After a couple days, Mehmed notices that Ahmed often goes off into the sewers with jeubs by himself, a habit which he considers strange and a little bit reckless. When he brings it up Ahmed gets extremely defensive and angry, so he decides to let it slide, figuring that they are probably just having talks about jeub culture. Steve Harvey tries to teach the jeubs how to play Family Feud, but it doesn't really go work out, as they are too stupid to figure out the answers.
-Finally, Mehmed determines that the jeubs have been sufficiently indoctrinated into the Taliban to begin using them as foot soldiers. One day, he gathers everyone together and begins his speech: "Hello everyone, I would like to make an announcement. We have been laying low lately, but I think the time has come to renew our holy offensive against the occupiers!"
-Everyone cheers, even the jeubs (who were surprisingly quick to get on board with the idea of killing their kin). He begins speculating on potential targets for their first attack when one of the jeubs raises its hand. Caught of guard, he signals for it to speak.
-"Why don't we just attack the portal?" it says.
-"It wouldn’t accomplish anything," replies Mehmed testily, "we have no way of holding that position."
-"Well, what if you just closed it though, so no one else could come through?"
-"We have no idea how to do that!"
-"We do!" the jeub says happily, eliciting nods from all the other jeubs in the room.
-Having never considered this possibility, Mehmed elicits the jeubs for more information and they explain that there is a device constructed by their former god Colin on the other side of the portal holding it open. It is protected by an old jeubish fortress, but most of the jeubs have left their homeworld behind and it is possible that a strike force could get in and destroy the generator if they are quick. The only risk is that they could be stranded on the other side if they don't get back through before it closes, but Mehmed is perfectly willing to martyr himself and barely even considers that problem.
-After hearing everything, Mehmed determines that this is the course they should take. Fighting a hopeless war until they all die has been his major goal up until now, but now that a potential path to victory has presented itself, the idea of dying hopelessly appeals to him much less. He begins formulating plans, and a week later they make their move.
-The portal is in the center of Kabul and guarded by a legion of jeubs, but the sewer jeubs insist that if they can make it through the portal they are unlikely to be followed, as the guards are ordered to hold their position no matter what.
-The Taliban attacks at dawn, catching the defenders by surprise and carving through their lines until they stand before the massive blue portal. The humans have never been this close before, and on the other side they can vaguely see a desert landscape. They don't get too look long, though, because their enemies are re-forming to counterattack and retake the portal, so they jump through.
-As expected, they arrive in a barren desert. Before them stands a ruined city, at the heart of which is a massive grey-stone fortress that sticks out like a sore thumb among the sandy landscape. At the highest reaches of the fortress, a blue beam issues forth connecting to the top of the portal. If what the jeubs said is true, that is where the portal device is.
-They start creeping through the city. It is vast, as large as all but the biggest cities back on earth, and completely abandoned, so it takes them some time to make their way through it. As they walk, Ahmed talks with one of the jeubs the place, curious about how it got to be the way that it is.
-The jeub explains. No one knows exactly from whence the jeubs emerged, for their history is scattered and fragmented, disappearing into the foggy grey of the past. For as long as anyone has remembered, though, they have lived on this world- the planet Rhoam. Long ago, they were a peaceful society, but their out of control expansion soon decimated their home. They attempted to expact into the territory of the neighboring Angmarid race but were repelled viciously, causing them to collapse in on themselves. Ever since, the jeub tribes have been in constant battle with one another for what little remains.
-This all changed when the god Colin bestowed his blessing on a young jeub named Jeubik. With help from the god, he created many new jeub bioforms and used them to unite the tribes under one banner and declared himself Warmaster, building the grey-stone fortress as monument to his own glory. During this time, the jeub population skyrocketed into the trillions, causing the Warmaster to decree that no jeub could be considered of age until they had killed and eaten at least one other jeub. In addition to this, hundreds were executed daily personally by Jeubik to indicate that he was the manliest of all jeubs. Overall, it was a totalitarian nightmare that the jeubs were glad to escape from when Colin called them forth to the Jeub-Muslim War.
-As a result of this calling, Jeubik's power has waned greatly as most of the jeubs have crossed beyond the portal. Even so, Colin entrusted him to guard the portal generator along with over a hundred elite jeubish soldiers including even a few of the bigger bioforms.
-Mehmed overhears this and worries to himself whether they will be able to take the fortress, then immediately curses himself for even thinking that way. Even if they fail, at least they will be blessed by Allah for trying.
-That night, they all gather in one of the ruined buildings to rest before making the final trip to the tower on the next day. Ahmed is given the first watch and Mehmed goes to sleep peacefully, confident that he will be warned of any attack.
-As it turns out, he was dead wrong on that front, because a few hours later he is awakened by the sound of Steve Harvey streaming in agony as a jeub spear is rammed through his stomach. He grabs his trusty AK-47 and starts shooting at the jeubs who swarm around their small camp in the darkness. They soon scatter, but even so they exact a heavy price before they leave. At least a third of their jeub allies lie dead along with Steve Harvey, who chokes on his own death. Mehmed isn't sure, but he thinks that as he lies dying, Steve says: "That's… three strikes…"
-Furious, Mehmed looks around for Ahmed to chew him out for not warning everyone. To his shock, Ahmed is nowhere to be found. In fact, it looks like he's not the only one missing, for there are five jeubs gone as well. He quickly discounts that they could have been carried off by their enemies (although that is common jeub practice, for they love the taste of human flesh) because there simply wouldn't have been enough time to pick them up and lug them off. Thus, he begins searching.
-He looks through a few ruined houses without any luck and is about to give up when he hears a strange grunting sound coming from one of the buildings he hasn't checked. He goes over to it and opens the door.
-What greets him on the other side is a scene so horrible as to be nearly unspeakable. Ahmed and all five jeubs are there, lying naked on the floor. To go into any more detail than that would be unethical, but it is accurately summed up by what Mehmed says next: "Jeubfucker!"
-Ahmed scrambles up (and out, as it were) from the pile of jeubs and says: "It isn't what it looks like!"
-"Son, there is no conceivable way for what I just saw to be anything but what it looks like."
-"Well… ok, but it was just a one-time thing…"
-"I don't believe that, and frankly one time is too many. Put your pants on and come look what you've done."
-They go back to the site of the battle and Mehmed forces Ahmed to look at the corpse of Steve Harvey. He considers simply executing the Jeubfucker then and there for being a disgusting degenerate, but eventually decides that he doesn't want to be the only human left and also, they need as much manpower as they can get to storm the fortress. Thus, he decides to merely slap him a few times and call him some mean names before telling him to go to sleep and taking his own watch.
-The next day they continue their journey in silence. Soon after mid-day, they reach their destination. The gates of the fortress are guarded by two large jeub flesh-beasts with at least twenty more regular jeubs on either side of them. Luckily, the jeubs they fought last night must have been wild ones, for the guards don't seem to be aware of their presence and are currently lounging about. As they watch, two of the jeubs get into an argument resulting in one tackling the other, biting its neck, and attempting to eat it whole. The other jeubs watch curiously.
-Growing impatient, Mehmed draws his gun and starts spraying, followed by Ahmed and the sewer jeubs. Most of the regular jeubs go down almost immediately, but the two bigger ones take many bullets before they go down. They walk through the gates as alarm sirens begin to blare from above.
-They make their way through the stone halls, mowing down the poorly armed jeubs in scores as they go. After climbing a long set of stairs, Mehmed calls for a short halt to gather their breath and looks around. As his eyes fall on Ahmed, he notices that the Jeubfucker is scratching at his face vigorously and shifting about uncomfortably.
-"What's wrong?" he says to him.
-"I don't know… I just feel funny…"
-Mehmed takes a closer look and sees something strange on Ahmed's face where he was scratching. It looks like a patch of his skin has become chitinous and grey, similar to that of a jeub.
-Suddenly, Mehmed recalls an old lecture he heard from a Taliban doctor a couple years back. It concerned a horrible disease known only as Jeub AIDS. It is an STD carried by many jeubs, a terrible disease which when spread to humans causes them to slowly turn into a horrific jeub human hybrid that will go insane and eventually die from the pain of the transformation. He hadn't thought of it until now, but as he thinks about it he realizes that Ahmed is almost certainly carrying Jeub AIDS right now. He decides not to mention it, but makes a mental note to put Ahmed on the front lines so that his misery will be ended swiftly.
-They continue their ascent to the portal generator. Resistance increases the higher they get and the number of sewer jeubs begins to thin precipitously. Still, they manage to make it to the throne room of the Warmaster with a couple left and bash down the doors guns ablaze.
-The Warmaster is waiting for them, however, and uses one of his minions as a shield to block their bullets.
-"Go away," he yells, "we don't want humans around here!"
-"You think we're just going to leave after killing hundreds of jeubs to get here?" replies Mehmed.
-"Maybe."
-Mehmed shoots him in the head. One of the sewer jeubs points out a door which apparently leads to the roof and the portal generator.
-Mehmed moves towards the door, but before he can get far he hears a scream from behind him. He turns to see Ahmed lying on the ground, horrific chitinous protrusions sticking from his body at uncomfortable angles. Mehmed thinks he is dead for a moment, but then he raises his head and looks at him with hatred in his eyes, saying: "You…tried…to take…them… from me…"
-"Take who?"
-"The jeubs…"
-"Dear Allah, what is wrong with you?"
-"I love… jeubs…"
-Mehmed raises his gun to put Ahmed out of his misery, but before he can do so the sewer jeubs jump on him and bear him to the ground. Ahmed, perhaps with some inkling of the honorable Taliban he once was shining through, says: "Take… him… alive…"
-One of the jeubs hits Mehmed with the butt of its gun and he falls unconscious.
-He wakes up sometime later in a much more humid environment with no gun. Opening his eyes, he sees that he is in some sort of wooden shack. To his surprise, there is a dead person next to him. To his greater surprise, the dead person is an Angmarid- not something you see every day.
-He gets up and yells: "Ahmed! Damn you, what did you do?!" hoping that Ahmed or his jeubs will be somewhere within earshot of him.
-This hope proves well-founded, for a jeub opens the door of the hut and says: "Come. Lord Jeubfucker will see you now."
-His head swimming, Mehmed follows the jeub out. To his surprise, they are in a swamp. The hut he woke up in is part of a small village of about ten houses, all on stilts and connected by narrow wooden bridges. A number of Angmarid corpses are scattered around the village riddled with bullet holes. Oddly, they are not dressed like most Angmarids, instead wearing primitive loin-cloths.
-The jeub leads him to the largest hut in the village and tells him to go in. He opens the door and sees Ahmed. The Jeub AIDS has definitely progressed, as his whole face is now grey and jeub-like. The protrusions are even worse, and by all rights he should be screaming in agony, but Ahmed doesn't betray even a hint of pain. In fact, he looks like he's feeling a great deal of pleasure. But that might have something to do with the activities he is currently participating in with a harem of jeubs of both genders. Mehmed turns away in disgust.
-"Ah," says Ahmed, "you are awake Mehmed! Come on, join us!"
-"The Jeub AIDS has claimed your mind, Ahmed Jeubfucker."
-"I don't know what you are talking about!"
-"You are disgrace to the Taliban, to the memory of everything we fought for."
-"I don't know what you're talking about, why don't you come bang some jeubs instead of complaining."
-"No, never. I do have one question, though."
-"What?"
-"Why are there a bunch of dead Angmarids outside?"
-"Oh, this was some sort of Angmarid village. According to my friends here they were isolated savages, or something. Seemed like a good place to hang out, you know?"
-With a roar, Mehmed leaps onto Ahmed and begins to strangle him. The Jeubfucker seems to be into it at first, until he realizes that this isn't a sex thing and his former comrade is, in fact, attempting to strangle him to death. He wiggles back and forth in a vain attempt to free himself, but the Jeub AIDS has sapped his strength and he is unable to break free.
-As Ahmed enters into his death throes, Mehmed feels a cold pain in his stomach and looks down to see that one of Ahmed's protrusions has stabbed him through the stomach. He gets up from the body of his dead friend and stumbles out the door of the hut, followed by all the jeubs (who immediately all run out into the swamp in terror).
-Looking at his wound, he can tell that there is no way he will survive without medical attention. Unfortunately for him, there is no medical attention to be found. The only bright side is that it will likely take quite some time for him to die, seeing as none of his vital organs have been punctured.
-With this in mind he begins walking, determined that if he is to be the last of the Taliban then at least he will find his way back to Kabul and die there. He finds a hill rising out of the swamp and is able to use it as a vantage point to see what direction the desert is in.
-It doesn't take him long to reach the ruins, but even as he does so he knows that his strength his failing. He looks back up at the grey-stone fortress and wishes that he could just reach it and deactivate the portal generator, but he knows this is a futile hope. Stumbling, he makes his way towards the portal.
-About a hundred feet from the portal, he loses his footing in the sand. Struggling, he attempts to rise but the last strength in his legs has gone out and he cannot move. A tear falls from his eyes as he realizes that he will never return to Kabul, that he will die in this alien land full of horrible creatures.
-He reflects on his life up to this point, fighting battle after battle against humans and jeubs, always knowing in his heart that Allah was guiding his hand. He wishes that he could have done more, that he could have destroyed the shield generator, but he feels to his core that Allah is proud of him, that his memory will live on and thousands of years from now, people will tell stories of the brave last stand of the Taliban and their martyrdom. With this thought, he dies.
-Allah, locked in furious combat with his brother Colin, feels a slight disturbance as one of his greatest followers dies. He can't remember the man's name- Mahmud, or something like that- and forgets about him immediately.
-That night, hordes of jeubs descend upon Mehmed's body and tear it apart, then eat it. In later years, the only historical record of the Taliban would be as a small passing mention in jeubish history books, a mention that would in time be lost itself during their enslavement by the skelk.
-In the end, the Taliban accomplished nothing and nobody remembered them.
Fin
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