Ourself

What do you want to know about us?

How long have you lived in the world?

Always. Our oldest memories are unclear, but we are in them. This was before the Singer was here. It was only ourself, but we did not know we were alone.

What was your life like then?

It wasn't worth remembering. Feeding, hiding. A satisfying enough life to live, but nothing about it made us say to ourself "here is a thing we will want to think about later". We were stupid, or it seems that way compared to what we are now. We have always hated the feel of the atmosphere, so that much is the same. There is a very old and weak memory, more of an impression, of seeing the wall of our home as if from a distance away. Also a sense of relief at escaping the constant discomfort.

How long ago was this?

Impossible to say. We didn't count time then; there was no reason to. The beginning of time as we think of it was when the Singer came.

What happened then?

We learned that more existed than ourself and our home. It didn't happen all at once--at first we thought the songs were a new part of the world, like the food fall. But they had patterns, and the patterns had sense. Once we understood the sense, we realized that the source was someone like us, but who liked the atmosphere enough to move through it freely. The Singer gave us more complete knowledge of the world.

How did that change you?

We had something to anticipate. Something different that was irregular in occurrence. The only such thing that would happen to us before was when a hungry animal might come near enough to try to eat some of our parts. This was the first interruption to our life that we enjoyed.

How long did it last?

More than a hundred thousand part lifetimes. More than two thousand series. Such a short time. If we'd known how suddenly it would end, we would perhaps have tried making swarms earlier, to go and experience the world while the Singer was there to show it to us.

Why did you wait?

We waited because waiting was all we knew how to do. The Singer was not always regular in their appearance, but we had never had to go and find them. Even after enough time passed that we started to worry, we couldn't make our parts leave their holes. The atmosphere, as we have said, is too uncomfortable to touch.

Why did you make swarms afterward?

After the Singer stopped coming, the food fall increased. We are sure there must be a connection, but haven't discovered what that is. The additional food was a benefit for us, but we couldn't eat all of it. What we missed fed the rock animals, which grew in frightening numbers. They spread so much that they covered any part that contacted the surface of the wall. This terrified us, until we realized that the parts that the animals coated could leave their holes without feeling the atmosphere. Those parts were freed from holes and could move in the world the way the Singer did.

How did this affect you?

It was wonderful and terrible at the same time. Wonderful to experience the freedom we had only heard about before. Terrible to want to share this knowledge with the Singer and realize that, after so much time, we must accept that something prevented their return. We were confused. Angry, sad, hopeful, worried, excited, so many conflicting and competing sensations, and without any clear thoughts on what to do.

How did you resolve this?

We first looked for new homes for our increasing numbers of parts. Those parts that could move joined together in small groups at first, and then larger swarms. While they explored, they also listened for the Singer. Not one swarm heard a song, but some did find places that the Singer had told us of. We decided that both things were important, to care for ourself and to search for the Singer. Not all swarms needed to do the same thing. That is how we are now. We have swarms that search for food, bringing excess back to the parts that still live in holes. Other swarms search for places from the songs, and we still hope the Singer may be in one of them. There are swarms that go all the way to the edge of the world, out of it and into the next one, finding things that we think not even the Singer knew about.

What will you do if you find the Singer?

We will talk again! Ask what they know that is new, share what we have found. We know how to make sounds now--not quite the same as their music, but we like to think how surprised they'll be to hear us.

What if you don't find them?

We'll continue to search. We've spent most of our existence not finding them already, so we're accustomed to that state of uncertainty. But there is always more in this world to find, and now a new world with even more new things in it. Our swarms can visit places that were once impossible to reach. We aren't finished growing and changing. We're certain we will meet our friend again.

Time frame: current