St. Ignatius

Fourth time's the charm.

Ignatius, it is said, arrived at the city of Freeport (now Falport]) sometime late in the third century after the city's founding. Ignatius was a common carpenter and, with the growing success of the inland port, there was plenty of work for any man who had skill with a hammer and saw. More importantly however, Ignatius was a follower (possibly the only follower) of Tenpeni, God of Bent Nails.

In addition to employing his skills towards the effort to grow the burgeoning port, Ignatius spent much of his day discussing, or at least attempting to discuss, the many ways Tenpeni could have a positive impact on the life of an individual. Provided a good portion of an individuals life involved the thrifty recovery of damaged straight-shanked wood fasteners, then it is quite possible that the blessings of Tenpeni could go a fair ways towards improving one's lot in life.

Only months after his arrival in Freeport, Ignatius experienced an unfortunate accident involving a misery whip (a two person saw) and three dozen of his fellow carpenters who had reached their limits on the amount of proselytization regarding the scourges of screw-type fasteners. This passing came to be known as the First Martyrdom of Ignatius.

Three days after the "accident", Ignatius rose from the grave – and was immediately replanted by several carpenters who were present at the time of his "accident" and were quite unhappy with this current event. Martyrdom the Second.

On the sixth day of his most recent martyrdom, Ignatius rose again.

This time, employing the services of a sympathetic cooper, the local population (who generally believed that the dead should get on with enjoying the afterlife and not continually pester the living on matters related to woodworking) assisted Ignatius into a barrel weighted with rocks, and dumped said barrel into the middle of the Inland Bay . El Tercer Martirio.

The following day, despite the best efforts of bay fisherman armed with long oars and pointy gaff hooks, Ignatius walked upon the shore of the Inland Bay (looking a little worse for wear, by some scholarly accounts).

Upon learning of Ignatius' miraculous aquatic rebirth, a mob staked Ignatius to the ground, doused him in oil, and set him alight.

Martyrdom: Part IV.

The reaction of the general populous was one of ambivalence and general disinterest, as burning the dead was long established method of disposing of the deceased (whether the ambulatory nature of the deceased was the deciding factor in the immolation of Ignatius is a debated point to this day).

In time, the Inland Bay came to be known as the Bay of St. Ignatius, as it is the custom to name landmarks after martyred holy men. The current location of St. Ignatius' (im)mortal remains has been lost to time, and the general feeling of the citizenry of Falport is that it can stay there.

Today, St. Ignatius is remembered in Falport during Martyr Days – four days of celebration representing the four times St. Ignatius was martyrized. The holiday is marked by the increased consumption of alcohol and exposed genitalia…the former is often exchanged for the latter. St. Ignatius' Day is the culmination of Martyr Days – a day for celebrating the fourth (and hopefully final) martyring of St. Ignatius – and is a day of burning effigies of St. Ignatius…this celebration has resulted in the Falport burning three times in its history.​

Circumstances of Death

Martyred