"Sitoumenen dustenon athlian phaba,
Mesakta pleura pros ptuois peplegmenen."
Aeschylus
Though Too Weak To Tread the Ways of Truth
They say the Sun is love, in which case we were loved the most.
The heat turned our skin hard as crystal, our flesh so warm steam would pour from our bodies as we moved. The deserts of my world, unnamed, were nonetheless home.
I was crawling across the sands, my six limbs carrying me with the nimbleness of a cloud. Today was the day I turned twenty, at least in Earthly measurements.
The crisp air would burn the throat of any other creature, but my kind had grown accustomed. We were in our six millionth recorded year.
"Climb up this rock!"
The voice belonged to our thane, who was also my great-great-grandfather. Our particular tribe had started with him.
Obediently I scuttled up the log-shaped collection of boulders, its nose pointing east like a ship about to sail.
"What would you like to do today?"
"I'm not sure. Perhaps we can hunt near the dunes?"
"Take your brother with you."
We had no concept of birthday celebrations, but on the day you were born you were allowed to pick an activity the whole tribe had to partake in. It was more of a community-building exercise than a party.
We basked in the heat, the air so hot and heavy you could see the sand undulating like an ocean.
The plan was to go out and have fun. But you can't always plan for life.
This Age Fall Back to Old Idolatry
The disaster happened when the third moon was in the sky.
My world was fixed in what you'd call a tidal lock: one side permanently faced the suns and the other our moons. This bifurcation meant that the hot side, where we lived, was in permanent light, preventing us from seeing the signs of the dark side until it was too late.
Those from the shadowed part of the world let us know that the planet was in danger.
"The planet's exploding. Or maybe imploding. Either way it's about to be destroyed."
"What's causing it?"
"We don't know. But it's estimated to collapse in four moons' time."
Our thane, Odlcvrq Odlmlkysdq, proposed we evacuate. The Theoklites, as I'll call them in human speech, had advanced ships that could make short trips between planets through a secret form of nuclear energy usage: in their own words they were "harvesting the night sky."
Having a good relationship with our neighbours, they offered some of their vessels on the condition that we carried their pods. The pods were small fruit-sized capsules, each containing Theoklite eggs. We were to safeguard these pods and let them develop on the worlds we would be landing on.
My species can't lie, or at least we don't understand the concept and thus can't implement it, so our promises were unbreakable. With a pod for one person and fifty people in a ship, we set off as the world we knew was beginning to die.
Though Men Return to Servitude as Fast
We were placed in small coffin-like structures that would ensure our safe deployment onto our new planets. Ten ships would be sent out, each in a different direction to increase the odds of survival. My ship was set for an unassuming watery planet 25,000 light years from my own.
We had heard of its inhabitants through our Theoklite friends, who were the explorers and scientists of our world. They looked at humans with complete ambivalence, the same way you would know ring-tailed lemurs existed but not care.
Once near, the coffin would split off from the main body of the ship, breach the planet's atmosphere, land on a random area with land and begin its scan by sticking its probe into the earth. After scanning the native biosphere a suitable body would be produced within the coffin and I could exit, taking on the form of an endemic creature with all the suitable mechanisms to live on Earth.
It was a foolproof plan, and a work of genius by the Tornadoes of the Death Gods, as we knew them reverently. But life isn't always so simple.
Once inside the coffin, your movements are restricted by a translucent cooling gel that stabilizes your bodily systems and slows their function so you use fewer nutrients. The journey would take three days, during which I would be unconscious, in "cryo-sleep" as humans would call it.
On the trip I was in a world where dreams and reality were one, my mind a void into which the starry arms of the universe's lights would reach. When I awoke I was on Earth, my body ready and coffin slowly opening. Once fully ajar it would dissolve into the soil.
I was given the body of a human being. Practical, convenient, exponentially increasing my odds of survival.
But there was one issue. It seemed I was not the only one in the coffin.
As the Tide Ebbs, to Ignominy and Shame
It was a small black creature a few inches long, its head conical with diamond-shaped scales covering its body. As I would later find out this was an all-black variant of
Elaphe quadrivirgata, the four-striped rat snake.
It opened its small eyes, the pupils glistening like melted rocks. I attempted communication, assuming it was from my home:
"Pleasant suns and moons. What are you called?"
The snake responded telepathically, speaking the language of the Enshin:
"Nìlsh vrïv'ǟls ȯrród thrṍlxáìx...níchȕl ăélàĕ lìsnȕns düts? Ílnĕks qhȭldréáts?"
"Forgive my ignorance. I can't understand you."
It seemed
she, as I could tell from her mind's voice, couldn't understand me either.
My mind slowly put it together. She was a stowaway, sneaking into my coffin while I was asleep and before it was sealed. Her appearance right now seemed to be the result of the scanner being confused by two bodies in the vessel, assigning her a random form from its collected database of creatures.
"I'm sorry your body has turned out like this."
I soon found out the same could be said of mine.
By Nations, Sink Together, We Shall Still
The stowaway's intrusive presence had affected my own composition.
My chest and arms were covered with skin resembling a crocodile's hide and my back with yellow and black serpentine scales. My lower half was covered with coarse black fur like a goat, twenty long greenish-grey tentacles with red sucking mouths protruded from my abdomen, on each hip was a small pinkish eye, and for a tail I had some sort of trunk with purple ring-shaped marks that ended with a gaping froglike mouth. My legs resembled those of a velociraptor, ending with round ridgy-veined pads for feet.
In short, my face and hands were the only parts that could be called human.
I wasn't really horrified at my look, or angry at the stowaway, as my original form was more "insect" than human to begin with: my skeleton had been outside my body, its cerulean blue like a sapphire caught in the seas of sand, so to have it inside with my soft parts out was an interesting first.
I used rudimentary hand signs to get my question across:
"What. You?"
She provided what I assumed to be her name:
"Vënú Brák'sàks'trēng."
I gestured some more:
"Nice. Name."
I felt her smile. I can't explain how, but I sensed it in my mind.
"We'll figure this out. I won't abandon you to this place, especially when we know little about its custodians."
I picked her up, cupping her in my hand and making my way to a nearby river.
As I'd later find out, I was in Japan.
Find Solace, Knowing What We Have Learnt To Know
The first few weeks were hell, put nicely. I guessed the humans wouldn't take kindly to whatever I was, so I hid in a nearby forest and would move at night to forage.
The food was unusual. Too soft and moist for me, but I got used to it. Mushrooms, berries, small animals. It was strange hearing them scream when I was eating them, as most prey on my planet are soundless.
There was a house nearby, its inhabitants farmers. One day I stole some clothes a female human had left out to dry. The move, though risky, allowed me to cover my body and enter human society.
I started by introducing myself to those living in the house, making sure I'd caked the clothes with mud so they wouldn't recognize them. I was unfamiliar with human language and spent the first five months there mute.
The family was an elderly couple whose children had left for the city. Out of generosity, or perhaps loneliness, they offered me a place to stay. I was given their son's old room, on the condition I helped with the fields. As humans are fundamentally very simple creatures I understood them just fine.
I kept Vënú in an egg basket on the windowsill, covering her with an old shirt so she'd stay warm. Winter was coming so there was not much I had to do: cleaning the equipment, picking surplus, keeping the house tidy. In a few weeks I learned some basic words, and by summer Nihongo was a second language to me. I taught my accidental friend some of it, and we soon were able to communicate.
"Where are you from?"
"I came from the interstice between the light and shadows."
"I lived in the light. Have you met my kind before?"
"One of your young ones attacked our nest when I was an infant."
"I apologize for that."
I'd heard human children weren't too different from our own.
"What's your name?"
"Odlbrfxxccxxmnpcccclll Odlmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb."
"How about I just call you Od?"
"Od. I like that." I'd later find out "od" was a synonym for life force.
"You call us
Enshin, right?"
"Yes. It's our best approximation of what you call yourselves."
"Languages are a funny thing. I find body language more practical."
"I agree."
Rich in True Happiness if Allowed To Be
They called me Nakata. I was instructed to only leave the house for chores and to avoid talking to strangers.
"This is a pretty peaceful area, but you can never be too careful."
"I understand, Kusanagi Obaa-sama."
"No need to be so formal, Neko-kun!"
That was their other nickname for me. Neko, cat, for my initial silence.
It seemed they didn't notice I'd stolen their clothes. The beginning of senility, I imagine.
"The creatures here age strangely. Unlike on our planet their bodies decay before they die."
"Decay is a strange thing. It's like the universe wants to return to nothing, and is peeping into existence for a game until then."
Going from what Vënú told me, we were the same age.
"At least the old couple seem fit and healthy."
I spoke too soon.
Faithful Alike in Forwarding a Day
A few weeks later I would wake to find them dead, having passed away peacefully in bed. It seemed they poetically left the world together.
There was a letter at the old man's bedside penned with shaky handwriting. I could read some
kanji and
kana now and understood most of what was said.
The old man had lived near a city called Hiroshima. According to him a great tragedy occurred there in which he lost friends and family. Having been outside the radius of the attack, he barely escaped death and stayed behind to help as many as he could.
He watched crying children reaching out for their parents, only for their flesh to peel off their bones like wet paper. Women holding their eyeballs in their hands, unable to let go of the desecrated relics of their bodies. Men who breathed clouds of dust and bled with the slightest movements.
These horrors nearly drove him mad. He fled to the countryside where he found a beautiful woman and, deciding to settle down, got married and had children. Perhaps it was an attempt to replace his loved ones or to heal his guilt for not dying with them, but he did his best. His son was working as a blue-collar mechanic and his daughter was a well-off lawyer.
As if in expectation of death, their numbers had been written down. I was instructed to call them so they could return to organize the funeral.
Signed, Jun'ichirou Kusanagi. I realized then that I had never asked for his first name.
The old woman hadn't left a letter, but I found a wad of cash at her bedside with a note:
For Nakata.
I called their children, took the money and left for the woods. I watched them from the shrubbery the next day as they arrived, the daughter in a black Citroën DS and son on a grey CB250T.
Not wanting to intrude on their grieving, I left with Vënú, carrying her in her basket.
"Where are we going?"
"I'm not sure. Anywhere else will do."
Of Firmer Trust, Joint Labourers in the Work
We found ourselves facing a city, its concrete trees unwelcoming and cold.
"Still, it's better than living in the woods."
"Agreed."
I was wearing some of Jun'ichirou's clothes, a simple pair of piebald jeans stained with oil and dirt, paired with a white undervest and dark blue flannel shirt. Vënú was in my breast pocket, moving around gently.
I stood there for a few minutes, feeling the gravity of this transition. Only yesterday had my life felt certain, and now it was like my planet getting destroyed all over again.
My kind doesn't feel emotions as humans do. Our thinking was usually practical and no-nonsense. But this new body came with new feelings, and I was not sure how to process them.
Taking a deep breath, we journeyed into the jungle.
Should Providence Such Grace to Us Vouchsafe
By day the city was busy but uneventful, its crisscrossing of streets confusing at first, but I soon grasped what a traffic light was.
Taxis, women with as many bags as a knight has armour, street performers, homeless people who were quickly shuffled away in case wealthy
gaikokujin were nearby.
By night the city became a different world. The lights on every corner and in every building seemed like centillions of stars in a living galaxy, the people like boats on a causal ocean passing each other by.
In some ways, this darkness with its sprinkling of light reminded me of home, at least the shadowed side where the water was.
We were reduced to foxes, scurrying around in dark alleyways in search of trash bins or leftovers dumped out by restaurants. Vënú, in her snake form, would be accustomed to small prey animals like frogs or insects, but had to make do with stale sandwiches and mouldy fish.
"What's the plan?"
"I'm not sure."
The coffin had provided some basic information regarding human society, downloading it into my brain as it was scanning the biosphere. Still, I was a stranger in a strange land, confused and hungry. Looking at me you would've only seen a smelly dishevelled man with what looked like a fat shoelace in his pocket.
One night, as we were eating our usual holy communion of discarded sushi rolls and bad rice, Vënú asked me a question:
"Is this how you imagined your life would be?"
I couldn't answer her. Until then I hadn't really thought about my life.
"I'm not sure. How about you?"
"Well, I imagined I wouldn't be hungry and cold on the roof of some abandoned building."
I steeled myself. My species has a strong protective instinct, perhaps the only thing about us you could call "human."
"I won't let you be hungry any more."
The next day I began looking for work.
Of Their Deliverance, Surely Yet To Come
It wasn't easy. I had no papers, little money, and no degrees. Office jobs were out of the question. Finally I managed to land a temporary role as a janitor at a cat café: sweeping and mopping floors didn't require academic qualifications.
So long as I did my job the owners asked no questions. In their mind I suppose they only saw an awkward but polite man who always made sure to cover every part of his body, wearing the baggiest clothes and strangely small shoes.
The money allowed me to get food for the two of us. We had no lodgings and could trek out to find rivers for bathing, so for the most part we were alright.
One night we were alone in a public park, under a tree overlooking some large body of water, a curvy bridge in the distance. The air was so cold I would have died had I been in my old body.
I was eating an onigiri stuffed with green onions and salted salmon. Vënú was eating off my hand, pecking off bits of rice and meat.
"Do you think there are others like us here?"
"I imagine our case was a bit unique, two people in one vessel. But I'm sure others have arrived."
"Wheredja think they are?"
"Not sure. Perhaps they're living wild, not bothering to mix with the humans."
"I wonder if they found their families, all scattered around like that."
"Might be optimistic, but I'd like to think they did."
"Did your family come with you?"
"My brothers, father and grandfather left on different ships. My thane chose to stay."
"So you're on your own. Kinda like I am, I guess."
"Any of your family get on the ships?"
"I have no family. They were all eaten by some larger animal."
Enshin were quite small and were easy prey on my planet. My older self would shrug it off as the course of nature, the strong killing the weak. But tonight something else moved in me.
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"It's fine. I've come this far alone, so I'm not sad or anything."
"At least we're alone together."
We pondered that in silence.
Alone together.
Prophets of Nature, We to Them Will Speak
Work got easier. I gradually moved up from janitor to cashier, climbing the corporate ladder or whatever the hell they call it.
"You're such a hard worker, Nakata! How 'bout we get some drinks to celebrate your time here?"
"I appreciate the offer, but I must decline. Meeting a friend of mine today."
A year had passed since we first landed. In my free time I would read to improve my knowledge of the human world. I started with magazines in the café and began visiting a nearby library when I was ready for books. Getting a membership was a bit difficult, but the people there were kind and I soon became a regular.
My friend was hiding in an old tree, the plant protected by the local belief that there was a kami inside.
"You in there?" I asked in my head. My kind possesses weak psychic abilities, and it seems the time we spent together allowed for her telepathy to rub off on me.
"Just woke up. Wanna grab dinner?"
"Sure. But first there's something I want to show you."
Vënú slithered down after I ensured her nobody else was there. She slid over my hand and coiled herself around my wrist.
I took her to a cushy neighbourhood that survived the rapid industrialization when the city was being established. The houses were old but comforting, their chipped paint and dulled warm colours giving off a homey feel.
I took her to a small apartment complex that had just been built. It was barely the size of a decent hotel, but the rent was cheap and it was close to work.
"I've got us a room here. This will be our lodgings for now."
"You found us a home?"
Home is a strange word. I'd got us something resembling a house, that's for sure. But a home has to be
filled in, the breath of life breathed into its nostrils to become a living soul.
"I guess so."
"Yasssss!!!! Banzaiiii!!!!!"
I'd never heard her this excited before. It's like her voice was bouncing around my skull with a pleasant ring, tickling my brain.
"Finally! I was sooo tired of that old shrub."
"Maybe we can decorate it. We used to put shiny rocks in our caves back home."
"That would be nice. Thank you, Od."
"You're welcome, Ve-nu."
She chuckles.
"You never get the tones right. Call me Vi instead."
I sensed no animosity. Her happiness was all-encompassing, like lightning poured into a metal rod.
"Vi it is."
I took her inside. It was cramped but usable, a simple couch facing a small TV with a room behind it. This functioned as a bedroom and closet, with the bathroom on its left. A humble toilet and shower, a wastepaper basket outside on the balcony peering over the street. The evening sun was streaming in.
"One more thing."
I found a sheet of A4 paper and scribbled on it: オドとヴィ.
Sticking it to the inside of our door with tape, the castle was complete.
"Now this is our place officially."
Vi sighed.
"What's wrong?"
"I just feel relief. It's like we now have control over our lives."
I understood. We stood there peacefully, feeling the room come alive.
A Lasting Inspiration, Sanctified
The first few months were incredibly blissful. Work was good, rent was rising, life was life.
I remember getting Vi a birdhouse to sleep in. I filled it with feathers and a pin cushion and hung it beside my bed using the hat rack from the doorway.
"Figured you'd be more comfortable with your own sleeping space."
"I didn't mind sleeping next to you. But it's lovely, thank you."
Vi had a direct way of speaking, which may come off as rude to those who didn't know her, but I appreciated her company. I couldn't imagine living in this place alone, despite its prettiness.
By Reason, Blessed by Faith: What We Have Loved
More months passed. I don't recall much now as time flew by like a dream, but there was one particular encounter that stood out.
I was at the bus stop, having travelled out to get some materials for Vi's birdhouse. A human girl who seemed about sixteen sat next to me. As we were waiting for the bus to arrive an older man, perhaps in his late thirties or early forties, came and sat next to the girl. Judging from the way he came and how he immediately locked onto her, I assumed he had followed her.
He began to chat with her in ways that made her uncomfortable, asking her to come over to his place to "have some fun." She made it clear as politely as she could that she was not interested, but he was not leaving. I decided to do something.
I interrupted their conversation to ask her about the bus schedule. From her face I could tell she was relieved. She eventually made a call to someone I assume was her mother, and got up and left, mouthing the words "thank you" to me as she walked away.
I sat there, the man on my left, and thought nothing else of it. The sun began to set.
Suddenly I was shoved against the glass of the bus shelter. It was a hard shove but not too forceful as my shoulder took most of the impact. Turning in confusion I saw the man eyeing me with a look I'd never seen on a human face before.
"Stay out of my fucking business!" he huffed, sticking his fat finger at me threateningly. I could hear my heart in my head and didn't know how to respond.
"Okay."
That seemed to pacify him. We sat there in silence and I awkwardly got up and left.
Walking away from the stop, I bumped into a foreigner who seemed to have seen what happened.
"You good?"
"Yeah."
"Don't worry about him. He's a dickhead."
"Yeah."
"Wanna tell the cops?"
"No, that's ok. I'll be fine."
"If you need help just text me, ok?"
We exchanged contacts. By now I had saved up enough to buy a phone: it was a miracle I'd survived this long without one.
"My name's Matthew."
"Nakata."
"That's a nice name. Well, have a good evening, Mister Nakata."
And so he left. I took a different bus home that night.
For the next few weeks I felt a strange fear whenever I went outside. I was worried I would somehow run into him again.
"You won't. It was a random encounter with a quite possibly mentally ill man. These fears are irrational."
"Still, it's like I see him everywhere. Anyone who has his appearance triggers something in me."
"Sounds like trauma."
"To-rau-ma?"
"I remember the coffin mentioning something about it when we were getting the info dump. It's a thing humans experience when they suffer an extreme shock."
"So how do I fix it?"
"I believe it said you can talk to someone and find ways to subdue those fears."
"I don't know who I can talk to about this. I don't have that many friends."
"You have me."
So we talked. Vi decided to teach me a meditation technique her kind practised on our planet.
"Imagine you're sitting in front of a desert. The wind is carrying millions of grains, drifting past your eyes like on a calm river. Take a thought you're having and place it on the river, watch it drift away like a frog on a lily pad, then place the next thought and the next. If a thought you placed comes back, place it on the river again. Keep doing this when you have those negative thoughts, those sticky thoughts that are hard to suppress, and eventually you will be able to subdue them without even thinking."
So I did. I also learned a grounding technique from her.
"We call it
zäthrùmïsh. Whenever you feel that anxiety, look at five things in your immediate surroundings, touch four things, identify three sounds, identify two smells and identify one thing you can taste, be it saliva or something you've eaten. It will ground you in the present by stimulating your five senses."
"Thank you, Vi. This helped."
And it did. Even when the dark thoughts came back, I could handle them. My social anxiety got better, and word from Matthew was that the creep was arrested after harassing some girls at a train station.
Until that encounter, I had not thought much of humans. But now I understand that humans are complex, messy, ugly, nuanced and beautiful, having seen their worst in a monster and best in a friend, and what I know for certain is that I know so little about them.
Others Will Love, and We Will Teach Them How
Christmas was probably the strangest human thing I'd encountered. According to Matthew and my co-workers it was one of the biggest "holy days" celebrated by humans across the globe.
We had no such rituals on my planet, but I was intrigued. Throughout December, I would see people with thick leather-bound books out preaching, attempting to win others to the reverence of their god, and I would engage in discussions with them.
"So, if I understand correctly, your god created the world and its systems knowing ahead of time what would transpire, made humans knowing they would sin and become imperfect, assumed it was justice to punish one person for the sins of another and determined that all humans are responsible for original sin? Then with that framework established, he sacrificed himself to himself, considering that these distinct persons are fundamentally one deity, to act as a loophole for rules he created instead of just forgiving without the need for blood?"
"Your eyes have been blinded."
"But according to your text, your god is the one who's blinded my eyes and hardened my heart, that I should not see with my eyes nor understand with my heart and be converted so he could heal me. If he knows everything then predestination is the only logical conclusion, in which case my not being convinced was also predestined: I was essentially doomed from birth, while others were chosen for the Kingdom before the foundation of the world."
"I'll pray for your soul." They would say it with the most self-righteous malice they could muster, and I rarely found one who didn't.
After these strange encounters I'd do some window shopping. I had by now purchased a wardrobe of clothes and got a position as head waiter. I was also on good terms with the manager, a strong woman named Tsurugi Murakumo who started the business from the ground up.
That Christmas season I was looking for a present for Vi. But not some mundane thing like a blanket for her house or a new tub she could soak in while shedding. I wanted to get her something that would tell her how I felt inside.
You see, I realized I'd begun to develop feelings for her.
It wasn't an attraction to her body. Despite my "human" form I still had the feelings of my old self when it came to courtship.
On my planet mates were selected based on mental strength. Despite our "scary" appearances (at least scary to humans) we were pacifistic and sought internal fortitude rather than superficial outside characteristics. In other words, we were a sapiosexual species that prided the intellect over the physical form.
Vi was not of my species. But then again, this was not my homeworld and we were not in our old bodies. Any taboos or hesitations from my old life didn't apply here. I found her mind beautiful, and that was all that mattered to me.
"I need some advice, Matt."
"Lemme guess...it's Christmas so you wanna get something for someone."
"You're a real Hercule Poirot."
"So who is it?"
"Girl I like."
"Oooh, nice! You got pics?"
"No, but I wouldn't be comfortable showing her anyway."
"Ah, I see. Must have the phattest ass."
"What could I get her?"
"Hmm....being honest, I've not had the best luck with women. Not as bad as that bus stop pedo, but still not great. I'd say just get her what you feel is right. You won't know what it is until you see it."
Instruct Them How the Mind of Man Becomes
Christmas day of our second year on Earth. I brought Vi to a small Christmas market.
"Why are we here? I thought you didn't like crowds."
"I don't. But there's something I wanna show you."
First we got some takoyaki and played some local games. At an ema stall I wrote down a simple wish: "I wish for love."
Then I took her, hidden in my haori, to a large gathering in an open field.
"Look up. It should begin soon."
She peeped out from my shirt, hidden by the black I chose to wear. And then they began.
Bursting stars, each with a hundred colours, shining with the radiance of a thousand suns. They exploded above us, seemingly glowing brighter with the cheers below.
"Fireworks. They don't usually do it, but it seems they made an exception this year."
"Od...they're lovely."
"The best is yet to come."
We got back, packets of food in hand. I placed her on the table and began putting the stuff away.
"I have your present. Just figured I would save it for last."
"Oh Od...you didn't have to..."
"Nonsense. You'd have done the same for me."
I brought out a thick rectangle wrapped in green, red and white paper. Placing it down next to her, Vi poked the package with her nose.
"What is it?"
"Something I felt you'd like. Something that felt right."
I slowly tore through the paper. She took in the object: a book of about three hundred pages with a cream-white cover and a picture of the author, a middle-aged man with a pair of blue square glasses.
"
It's Not Marriage if He’s Made of Yoghurt: A Poetry Collection by Dr. Nzuriel Ndlovu Ph.D. Not gonna lie, the title's kinda wack."
"I know. But I believed you'd like it as it deals with the concept of the future and it's reality. Many African philosophers posit that the past and present are the only parts of time that are real."
"I'd been researching that, actually. Thanks!"
I felt her aura, a thousand colours like a supernal rose blooming in my mind.
"There's something else I need to tell you, Vi."
I'd planned to get her something that would tell her how I felt. But I realized very quickly that my feelings needed to come from me, that I had to be honest and not rely on the strength of things outside myself.
"The truth is, I..."
"Like me?"
"How'd you..."
"If I can be honest, Od, I like you too. And not as a friend."
It took a few seconds for my mind to register.
"F...for how long?"
"I think since the middle of last year. I realized you add a layer of depth to my life that surpasses the influence of a friend or family member. I just didn't know how to word it until recently."
"So, you like me despite...how I look?"
"Of course, you adorkable dumbass! Besides, don't you like me despite how
I look?"
"That is true."
"So...what do you want to call it? Are we dating? Boyfriend and girlfriend? Forbidden lovers? A tragic Romeo and Juliet doomed to never be together?"
"I think boyfriend and girlfriend sounds good."
We burst out laughing. The situation was completely absurd, beyond human reasoning, and without a good end in sight. But that night was the happiest night of my life.
A Thousand Times More Beautiful Than the Earth
We began "dating" by organizing places to eat and hang out where no one would notice us. A misshapen man with a snake wasn't exactly going to be ignored.
We found parks at night, restaurants about to close, shrine areas. For hours at a time we would talk, eat, joke around and discuss what we wanted to do going forward.
"I think we should get a house."
"But it's just the two of us. And in this economy a house is impossible anyways."
"True dat. Well, I don't care where we are so long as we're together."
One time we went on a Ferris wheel. With Japan's declining birthrate a lot of places were being shut down due to a lack of manpower, and we got to have a ride on this one before it was demolished.
I was munching on a pretzel, wearing a white turtleneck. Turtlenecks had become my go-to since they covered my neck as well as my arms. Vi was resting on my lap, looking out at the scenery below.
"Do you think we'll age?"
"I'm not sure. We seem to go through the normal functions like other creatures here. Growing and shedding hair and scales, sleeping, requiring latrinal assistance."
"So you think we'll die?"
"Probably. But that's not something for us to worry about. Large snakes can live for about twenty-five years, and humans about eighty, but I'm not planning to stay that long. Besides, we're not a human or a snake so we'll probably have different lifespans."
"I wish we could die together, like the old couple."
"So do I."
We went up, then down, up, then down, as if the wheel was a microcosm of life itself.
On Which He Dwells, Above This Frame of Things
One night as we were returning from a date, going through a dark alley, I spotted a poster of some kind:
"
Find the reason for your existence, discover the glories of the worlds beyond Earth. What kinda culty BS is that?"
Still, the name of the organization caught my eye:
死神の竜巻.
"Tornado of the Death God...where've I heard something like that before..."
It was the middle of our third year on Earth.
"You wanna check it out?"
"There's something...odd about this. Something drawing me to it."
I took note of the location and we left the next night.
The meeting was in a bar of some kind, perhaps rented out. Or maybe its owner was in charge of this shady group.
I was greeted by a short girl at the door:
"Salutations! How are you?"
"Just paying a visit. Not looking to join or anything."
"Joining is not your choice, though."
"Huh?"
She reached out and touched my chest. I was immediately uncomfortable but found myself unable to move.
"Fumufumu...I see. Come in, Brother."
"Brother?"
I was taken in, gently pulled by the jacket. Vi was asleep in my pocket, being naturally a diurnal snake.
I was taken to a backroom. My feet wouldn't help me and my body was like a glacier being pushed around by waves.
Still holding me by the jacket, she opened the door.
"Another child has returned!!!"
"Welcome home!!!"
"Good to see ya!!!"
"Glad you've been well!!!"
People I'd never met, of different ages and walks of life. By this point I'd put two and two together.
"You're of my kind."
"Yes, we are. My alias is Hitoribocchi Rurunai. Everyone calls me Hitori."
Another of my kind, in the form of a tall man in biker getup with a goatee, got up to shake my hand.
"Eroimu Essaimu. Pleasure to meet you, Brother."
He was joined by another man.
"Kaijuu Waasigan."
I was shaking hands, trying to remember all their strange names and be polite. By now it seemed my body had returned to normal, but I was curious.
"I remember now. Females of my kind had stronger psychic powers."
There were four sexes in my species: male, female and two that had no human equivalent, as they weren't androgynous or neutered, and involved gender roles that also had no human equivalent.
They convinced me to stay, discussing their particular situations.
Hitori, who was eighteen in human years, left behind a brother and mother and struggled for a while before she ran into others of our kind. The people here were of different tribes, but none of them seemed to be from mine.
"The Odl tribe? Seems none of them survived. Perhaps their ships malfunctioned or they got stranded, but we would have found them by now if they were alive."
"I see."
I felt nothing regarding this information. I didn't have the best relationship with my family, and for the first time in my life I was beginning to understand what love and happiness was.
With that in mind, I decided that being the last of my family line wasn't such a bad thing. I had a girlfriend, and as I was seeing now, some new friends.
Which, 'Mid All Revolution in the Hopes
Near the end of our fourth year. My friends at the Shinigami-no-Tatsumaki would invite me out for drinks once in a while. Matthew was finishing his studies here and would be working as an English teacher in the countryside. Life was slow but well.
On this particular day, the 29th of September, Vi was busy teaching me some Enshin vocabulary, as she had been for the past few weeks. The problem was her language was tonal and had eighteen of them: multiply that with five vowels and the speech was nigh impossible to grasp.
"Repeat after me: Rȍsh."
"Røsh."
"You're using the wrong tone."
"It all sounds the same to me."
"How can you not hear the difference between rȍsh, rȏsh, rōsh, rȱsh, rȭsh, rȯsh, rȫsh, rṏsh, rṍsh, rṓsh, rṑsh, rọsh, rộsh, røsh, ròsh, rösh, rósh, and rŏsh?"
Awkward silence. We both started laughing.
"
Jeezus. Human speech is so much easier."
"Yeah, I guess so."
"What's with the sudden need to teach me this, anyway? No offence, but it's not like our languages have any use here. Even my friends and I use human speech with each other."
My tongue has only two vowels and functions through strings of consonants spoken like the buzzing of a cricket's wings. Nihongo was the easier option.
"Well, I want to give you things to remember me by. Starting with some of my language."
"But I don't need things to remember you by, babe. I've got you right in front of me!"
Her aura darkened.
"Maybe not for long."
"Eh?"
"Od, I'm about to tell you something really personal. Please stay calm, okay?"
"Okay. I'll try."
And she told me.
I knew my kind lived for about two hundred human years in our regular bodies, and the Theoklites took the cake for lifespans at a whopping 4,320,000,000 years. But the Enshin, an elusive species that kept to themselves, were a mystery to us.
According to Vi, her kind lived for about twenty-five human years. If that was true, then that meant...
"I only have about a year or so left."
"How...how could you say that? You don't know how long you have with this new body!!!"
"Don't yell at me!!!"
"I'm not!!! But a year??? A fucking year??? No, no, no, no, no, no, no..."
I needed to clear my head so I left the apartment.
The library offered me solace and isolation, where my thoughts could run free without hurting anyone. I was gripping a book on Old English poetry and fingering the pages, not reading anything.
"It can't be...it should be different with our current bodies..."
But maybe it wasn't. My planet was gone, my family gone, and now it seemed the love of my life would soon be gone too. Maybe the universe just hated me. Maybe my life had just been a series of failures strung together by occasional happy moments.
"She can't leave me...not her...everyone else has..."
I felt a stinging warmth in my eyes. Before long I was doing something I had never done, not even after I was assaulted at the bus stop or found out my family was gone.
"Please...Vënú...I don't want you to go..."
My body went limp. I collapsed, lying on my side and not caring if someone found me without a shirt on.
"We still have...so much...to do..."
The book was on the ground in front of me, it's page on 734. A short poem about the cyclical nature of time:
"Mīn līf is swylċe ealdrum brād,
Mid weorcum and wundrum āwriten,
Mē bīdanþ Deāðes dæġ,
Ac iċ sċeal fremian mīne ġife,
Oþþæt mīn tīd āweorþe,
And iċ mīne ferð sēċan mōte,
Sēċan hūs sēle and rūm sōfte."
I read the translation beside it. Getting up slowly, my throat hoarse from crying, I stumbled out of the library and made my way back.
I burst through the door.
"Od! Where the hell were you??? You think you can just up and leave after I reveal some personal shit to you..."
"I'll be there."
"Huh?"
"I'll be there the entire way. Anything you want to do, let's do it. Go anywhere you want to go, eat anything you want to eat. If you only have a year left, let's spend it with joy, not fear."
She said nothing at the time, but our auras were in agreement.
And Fears of Men, Does Still Remain Unchanged
I call the next few months the Slough of Despond. During that time it was like I was between life and death, going through the motions but unable to commit to anything I did.
Still, there were moments of unutterable peace. Vi and I did many things, visited many places. Arcades, parks, festivals, temples, karaoke bars, pubs.
One day in particular is most memorable to me. It was the day the pod was ready to hatch.
The Theoklites, or Çöċéčęǜȏǟġøăĕʖāôáċȕȩàĕȭϧȫïøüséptü as they called themselves, reproduced in clusters of 7,022,069,930,058,095,092,538,900,949,364,545,646,327,489,479,839,
398,794,794,698,494,878,538,388,386,895,368,356,857,845,784,845,
845,784,578,478,884,874,888,784,845,784,758,945,784,796,849,343,
578,788,856,897,854,784,787,578,793,557,830,780,307,803,073,873,
869,089,879,830,796,547,043,980,634,780,057,865,706,537,060,876,
523,078,635,207,865,078,653,087,965,308,796,508,763,256,824,760,
276,725,686,580,675,807,620,786,578,684,730,692,760,972,508,967,
296,057,872,976,578,986,755,766,728,956,270,972,967,580,967,567,
875,678,657,678 microscopic eggs each. Each pod we were given had one cluster in it, and a few hundred eggs would survive of each cluster, perhaps why nature made Theoklites produce so many.
Theoklites themselves were quite small, about as big as rice grains, despite being possibly the smartest species in the universe. The pods we were given took the form of rubbery pink orbs encased in a metal filigree resembling a plant's roots.
The pods could be worn as jewellery, like with Hitori who had hers fixed to a necklace, and Kaijuu who wore it as an earring.
After a gestational period of six years, the viable eggs would hatch. Today was the day.
Vi suggested we take them to a place special to both of us. It was evening when we got there, the sun half-hidden behind the towering skyscrapers and mountains of dashed dreams.
"Here would be good."
I agreed. It was the spot where the tree was, near the large body of water with the bridge in the distance.
The pod was in my hand, Vi wrapped around it. At 5:28 the capsule began to gently pulsate.
"It's happening."
We stood there, watching the pod as it slowly split open, releasing a cloud of eggs into the air, no bigger than the smallest grains of sand. Those that made it would venture where the winds took them till they were adults, settling in forests and other secluded areas that were cool and dark, while the ones that didn't would simply fall to the ground. Like tardigrades Theoklites could survive on almost every planet.
To our surprise, all the eggs flew up.
"Seems they all made it."
"That's incredibly rare. A one in a billion sight."
"And I got to see it with you."
I looked down at her. Lifting her to my lips, I kissed her head, something I had never done before.
"Ewww!!! You got me all slobbery!"
But I felt her smile.
In Beauty Exalted, as It Is Itself
That day feels unreal now. Ask me how it was, and I can only give you the scarcest details.
Vi had asked me to make a special trip. We got there in the morning: the house we first lived in.
It seems the daughter decided to move back in, getting bored of city life. Her name was Ikuta.
"Hello. I'm Nakata."
"Mum told me about you."
"She did?"
"Yep. Said you were the nicest person she'd ever met. Said there was something about you that made her and Dad want to keep living."
I realize now that we affect the lives of others way more than we think.
We were allowed to stay, or rather
I was allowed, since I never let anyone see Vi.
We had lunch, rice with fancy shrimp curry Ikuta got from her place. I snuck some to my room afterwards so Vi could eat too.
"Much better than leftovers scavenged from alleyways, dontcha think?
I smiled. That took me back.
"Yeah. Much better."
She was getting colder in my hands. Not even her natural temperature could explain it away: the bell was tolling, and she had to answer soon.
"Take me to the forest."
I carried her in an egg basket till we reached the spot where the coffin landed, its marks still singed into the ground.
"Set me here."
I set her down, allowing her to crawl out onto the grass.
"Lie down with me."
I lay down, letting her climb on my chest.
"Od?"
"Mhm?"
"Please hug me."
I did. I held her to my heart, and we both watched the sky change.
"The truth was I'd always known. I just didn't want to hurt you."
"That's ok. I understand now."
"Is this how you imagined your life would be?"
I thought about it.
"It is. Every second of it."
"That makes me happy."
"Did you get what you wanted from this life?"
"I did."
"And what did you want?"
"To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth."
There were days when we'd read poetry to each other, not caring how much time passed. I recited one final poem, the one I'd read in the library:
"My life, it stretches broad with age,
With works and wonders on my page,
Death's day awaits me, so they say,
But until then my gifts I'll play,
Until my race has run its course,
Then seek my soul a pleasant source,
A cherished room and hallowed space."
It was night now. The moon looked like she was singing. Even the stars seemed like choristers, serenading us with their requiem of light.
"Od?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you. I love you across space and time, as you are and as you were. If only we'd met sooner."
"Even then, I had five great years with you. I wouldn't trade those for a hundred with someone else."
"I want you to remember me. If you remember me, then I don't care if everybody else forgets."
"I will, always. And I love you too, across space and time."
We both fell asleep. When I woke up she was gone.
Of Quality and Fabric More Divine
It's been six months since she left. I'm nearing twenty-six now, going by human measurements.
Days sometimes feel less real. Even now the sun has less warmth.
She was like the sun. Drawing me in, burning me the closer I got. Still, I was happy to be in her light.
So because of that, I must carry on. I must live, not to fill in the years we never had, but to honour her and the years we did. I will cry, be destroyed, and be reborn again and again, because life is like that sometimes.
They say the Sun is love, in which case I was loved the most.
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