Thunderous Fart Beans

One of the rarest foodstuffs in ancient northern Europe, the thunderous fart beans is a delicacy only ate once a year in honour of Thor, God of Thunder. Magical in nature, a very large deep copper pan is used, placed over an open fire in Uppsala, partly filled with water, and has the beans placed in it to cook them.   The beans themselves are left in the Temple of Uppsala in a pile once a year, and is said by the High Priests of Thor theat collect them that they are a blessing from the god themselves. Those that eat enough from a piled plate, have to scatter the rest around the grounds of Uppsala tO attract the gods of he Vanir to nless the lands with fertility.   One aspect of the beans is the effects of the beans. As most know, the interaction of the gut microbiome & beans can lead to gas build-up and resulting in flatulation. in the case of the thunderous fart beans, this is amplified and causes horrendous flatulation for days afterwards. Those that eat them are generally thought to (though half-jokingly) that they are honouring the thunder god with these loud farts.   Unfortunately, too much can cause horrendous side-effects. Bloating is common, and not all can properly digest the beans. Also, those that eat more than they should, can damage their internal organs. At least one has bloated up so much after overindulging on them during the celebrations, that their abdomens swell to horrific proprotions before exploding in a shower of gore, and the resulting gases are quite flammable. More than one poor family has suffered from these side-effects.   The last time that it happened was late in the year 800 AD, and the death of Harald Siggerson the Dwarf of the Sandes Mountain Dwarves overindulged. By the time he made it back to his clan's stronghold he felt ready to burst.... which he did spectacularly in the grand hall, killing at least half the Dwarves present when the resultant gases poisoned some, and burst into flames killing the others. The resultant sound also sounded like a massive earsplitting clap of thunder hat deafened all thous around for a good mile to two miles.


Cover image: by Colonel 101

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