Arc 2, Episode 1 transcript

Transcribed by Ashleigh McKenna
D&R Transcription: Arc 2 Episode 1     [intro music- dramatic music evoking important events forthcoming]   Jason: Episode 1 of Arc 2 of the D and R Podcast is brought to you today by the lovely people over at parteon.com/dandr. They allow us to do what we do every single day and bring this show to you guys. So thank you so much to everyone out there that supports us. If you stick around to the end of the show, you can hear a clip of some stuff that we have over on our Patreon you can hear each and every month that we produce just for you guys. So thank you so much and we hope you enjoy today’s episode.   [hopeful violin music, the start of a new journey]   Jason: Many things have changed since the opening of the seal and the great column illuminated the night sky above the continent of Ki’an. The light was seen far and wide as even people from different continents took notice.   Jason: Some, saw it as a natural wonder, a beautiful light show, that happened to be taking place far to the north. Others, saw it as a sign, a signal that they weren’t alone and something larger was watching them. It simply couldn’t be a coincidence, at least to many, that the pillar of light appeared on the same night as the Blood Moon, the time, every few decades, when the moon turned an eerie crimson. Word spread after the incident as it reignited a long dormant faith in many people. The adventurers who had been on Ki’an at the time returned home to the continent of Ellara. They told tales of what they had seen and the things they had encountered. Of course, that wasn’t the only thing of note going on at the time.   Jason: The dragon that had been spotted several times in the sky and finally attacked a major city in the northwest, had taken a seemingly permanent residence within the southern city of Odysia. Once the beautiful home to the Eladrin, it was now no more than a husk, an empty reminder of their once great society, that had been hollowed out for over a century. The elves of Ellara started calling the dragon Ru’Thamor, which loosely translates to “Black Wrath”.   Jason: No one knows what this dragon wants in the area or why exactly it chose to make its new home so far south. Many have tried to investigate the city and find out more. Researchers have paid high amounts in coin to find out anything new about the new dragon after the attack on Winterhaven. Sadly, no one ever returned.   Jason: All was not so bleak though, as Ellara—now no longer suffering from a wartime economy—was able to thrive on the commerce side. Many new shops have opened in cities all over the continent as goods and services return to places where they were previously unavailable. Logging and hunting camps started to spring up as well and many fresh faces took to the road for both profit and adventure.   Jason: The massive clan known as the Bru’gal, the name that the orcs of Ellara united under, split into two factions. Unsatisfied with the lack of progress and growth shown under the current leader Kraug, one of his generals, Gork-Al, took a small band from their camp south of the Stonesunder Mountains and headed west. This, of course, was seen as the most disrespectful thing an orc of one clan could do to another and a grudge is still being held to this day.   Jason: Gork-al led this new clan, known now as the Moz’zog, toward the major city of Winterhaven. After speaking with a group of diplomats from the large nearby city, it was decided that the new band of orcs would settle in a clearing just east of the Evergreen, the largest forest in all of Ellara. This also situated the new orcs smack dab in the middle of Winterhaven and Overdale. As one might imagine, this caused many problems. Travelers on the main road were understandably wary, as orcs were known for their violent streaks and have attacked caravans and wagons many times in ambushes in the past. The orcs also started spreading out in the area almost immediately, which meant cutting into the forest nearby and disturbing the elves who lived within.   Jason: The elves had lost large portions of their home in the recent years and were more than unhappy with these new settlers and that they showed no respect to the area. Brettana Moonshadow, the high matron of the elves in the region, decided to strike back after failed attempts at diplomacy. Orcish is a difficult language to speak and very few in the area were fluent. As a result, communications broke down quickly and the orcs only saw outsiders encroaching on their lands.   Jason: The two main cities never stopped trying to broker a peace though, constantly trying to placate their new neighbors at every turn to avoid violence. Both Winterhaven and Overdale have sent representatives to communicate with the new clan and try to work out new boundaries. Time moved forward and people adjusted to things as best they could. Two years and three months have gone by, and while a new year in Theria has just begun, it could hardly be called a fresh start for many.   Jason: Progress had finally been made with the orcs as both major cities started to reach an understanding with the Moz’zog. They also worked closely with Brettana and the elves in order to reach a peace. She agreed to give Winterhaven a bit more time to speak with the orcs and in the mean time, there would be no further violence on her part. Things were falling into place until the day a Moz’zog hunting party disappeared while gathering food. The Moz’zog became enraged, with nowhere to properly focus their anger. Almost all communication broke down as a result.   Jason: The party’s disappearance was eventually traced back to a group of slavers known as the Nu’Val. Winterhaven agreed to investigate and send a group out to try and find the missing orcs and return them home. This would hopefully calm the orcs down so that negotiations could begin again. And that is the group we find ourselves following today.   [Violin music draws to a close]   Jason: Llllllllllllllllllllet’s do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves! Iiii’m Jason, I’m the Dungeon Master. Going around the table starting with Kelsey!   Kelsey: Hey, I’m Kelsey and I play Aster Fae’nriel, the Elven Archer   Jason: And Xavier   Xavier: Hi, I’m Xavier and I will be playing Donovan Weiss, the Human Fighter.   Jason: And Michael   Michael: Hey, I’m Michael and I play Amvin Yamil, the Storm Mage   Jason: Aaand Susan   Susan: Hey, I’m Susan. I’ll be playing Madailein Rhiawen, the Human Cleric   Jason: And Robert   Rob: Hey, I’m Rob. I’ll be playing Uboh, the Half-orc Druid of the Mountain.   Jason: And last, and certainly not least, James   James: Hey, it’s James. I’ll be playing as Ezhno Masoka, the Half-elf Rogue   Jason: So quick breakdown. It is the 1st of Yeste’. Now that is, essentially, Theria’s first of the year. This is New Year’s. It is also the first day of Spring. Now you guys have just set off from Durnhollow. You started in Winterhaven, which is far to the north, and you’ve been on the road about eight and a half days. And it’s, it’s actually really warm for this time of year. It’s about 97 degrees Fahrenheit, or 36.1 degrees Celsius for our Canadian friends.   [Susan and Kelsey giggling]   James: Thank you   Jason: No problem, that’s okay   Kelsey: Did you look that up beforehand?   Jason: I absolutely did. I can’t do that conversion in my head. I’m a dumb American.   Kelsey: No that’s fair   [everyone laughing]   Xavier: In metric, there’s a majority of Canadians on this team   [everyone laughing]   [quiet strings and guitar music plays in the background evoking a feeling of adventure]   Jason: That’s true. So how ‘bout we go around here and kind of get to know the party because again, I imagine it’s just, it’s warm, you guys have been trudging now for a few hours today. Just heading south and how ‘bout we just go around and, and just kind of give a breakdown of who you are and what you’re about?   Michael: Sounds good to me   Jason: Yeah. We’ll start with James   James: Noh, okay. Ezhno, half-elf. Physically, he’s about 5’10”, 175, brown hair, pretty fair complexion, blue eyes, pierced ears, some scars here and there. And basically he’s here because his good buddy Donovan persuaded him that maybe it’s time to help somebody out.   Jason: Speaking of which, let’s hear about Donovan. Xavier?   Xavier: Yes. Donovan’s a real tall, real burly kind of guy, wrestler type, although with a bit of a gut. Ah, he’s 6’5”, 270 pounds, good looks. He’s got a broken nose, and yeah he does have the Pidgeotto haircut type, but uh, there’s no fancy hair clippers so it’s a little, little more rough about the edges. He’s basically armed to the teeth. He’s got like a pretty well-worn armor and it’s like, not very clean or anything but he’s got pristine white gloves and, like a Therian Postal Services Badge on his belt.   Jason: Hmmm   Xavier: Yeah and he basically came by ‘cause he, he needed the money. But also, as he told Masoka, never underestimate the value of having someone owe you their lives. Wink.   Jason: And Michael   Michael: Uh well, I think many people know much about Amvin, but he’s been around for a while. Still loves to write in his book. Still trying to publish that and get that completed. But it’s, uh, he’s here and trying to do good for Winterhaven—promote himself and Uman’Yiro—then he ran into his old friend Maddy and decided to help take in on this mission for both Winterhaven and for Maddy.   Jason: And for those who might be new, what is Amvin writing about?   Michael: He is writing about the nature of magic and how it is related to your bonds with other people. For example, how you could possibly—your connection with another person—make you stronger or weaker, or if there’s a stronger tie between you and the gods. And basically how does magic change based on your bonds with people and the world.   Jason: Hm. And you mentioned Maddy. Susan, what’s Maddy about?   Susan: Maddy, she is a human cleric of Amaunator. She is 5’9”. She’s lean with muscles and she has a longer face with a strong jaw. She has long, strawberry blonde hair but she usually braids it or wears it up. She also has a broken nose, so it’s a little crooked. She is on this mission because she’s a cleric of Amaunator. She believes in hope; she believes in helping out. She’s currently on a pilgrimage and she wants to help out the world in anyway she can because Amaunator’s all about spreadin’ that light.   [Jason snorts. Susan chuckles]   Jason: ‘Have you heard the good word?’   Susan: [laughing] Yeah   Jason: Uh Kelsey, tell us about Aster.   Kelsey: Aster is an elf from the Evergreen and they’re kind of here to see how this whole ‘play nice with the orcs’ thing is going for Winterhaven. So they’re kind of curious about this whole idea. So they’re a tall elf and they have long dark hair that they wear in kind of one long braid; it goes down their back and they have a lot of scars and muscle and they also have heterochromeo: one eye is blue and one eye is amber. And they have a bow.   Jason: For some reason I thought you meant a bow in their eye and I was like ‘well that sounds uncomfortable.’   Kelsey: No, I have a bow and arrow and use arrows to shoot people in the face, and that’s what I do best.   [Kelsey laughs. Jason chuckles]   Jason: So this—   Susan: Oh wait   Jason: Oh, go ahead   Susan: I forgot one thing. I am so sorry. She’s also interested in this mission because of her friend Uboh, who she travels with and has traveled with for the last five months.   Jason: That’s kind of what I was segueing into. Rob, you want to tell us about Uboh and why this mission might be somewhat important to him?   Rob: Uh, yeah. Uboh is a half-orc druid. He’s, I guess slightly above-average height for half-orcs and just muscled out the yin yang. He wears leather armor that’s kind of a, like a lattice-work of leather and between the lattices of leather straps, he’s constantly like tucking interesting rocks and stuff. Like sharp stones or smooth ones or just anything kind of anomalous. As a Druid of the Mountain, he’s really into rocks. His skin’s kind of on the green side of olive and he has like bright blonde hair that he keeps in a forward swept Macklemore kind of thing going on. And he has, he has just like sky blue eyes. And he is on this mission because, as a half-orc, he has a lot of orcish pride and he wants to free orcish slaves specifically and learn about the world while he’s doing it.   Jason: Which, again, brings up why you guys have sort of formed as a party. And again, been on the road for days, about eight and a half, and in that time, I would imagine you’ve gotten to know each other somewhat well. It’s a pretty new party from what I understand. You guys formed about a week before leaving Winterhaven and then you took the job and you decided ‘this is going to be our entry level gig. We’re gonna do it. This is how we get started’ and you headed out. If I’m understanding correctly.   [general agreement from all party members]   [music changes to include willow-y pipes; the sound is like the beginning of a story]   Jason: Alright. So you were offered 150 gold to head south, and just below Durnhollow, Pyre Forest, below that there’s an intersection of rivers. And that is pretty much where it’s suspected the Nu’Val are set up. Now the Nu’Val are a ring of slavers. Predominately, they’re set up on the east coast in a forest called Bandit’s Rest, this pretty extensive maze-like forest and it’s just full of thieves and bandits and terrible people, slavers being key in them. So what they do is they snatch up people on the road, specifically muscular workers, someone they can use as workers. Orcs pretty much are only grabbed to use to fight. There’s underground fighting rings where they pit orcs against each other, like dogfights essentially. But they’ll grab up muls, they’ll grab up anybody who’s got a nice strong back, and they either sell them off or use them for their own gain.   Jason: Now you guys have been tasked because, there’s a bit of a problem on the west coast right now, because there’s a new clan of orcs that have set up next to the Evergreen, south of Winterhaven. And this has caused a lot of friction and everybody in the area is essentially trying to, trying to placate these orcs, get ‘em to calm down. And when a band of their hunters went missing, obviously they got very upset. And being as how most people just don’t speak orcish—because it’s a really difficult language to learn—the best thing they figured was ‘okay we’ll send somebody out, we’ll tell ‘em we’re sending people out to try and find these orcs’. But it’s been weeks at this point and most people figure they’re dead. The orcs on the other hand are very sure that they’re alive. So essentially everybody’s waiting on you guys, just to see what you can find out. Winterhaven and Overdale, the cities north and south respectively, of this new clan of orcs are trying to figure out a different solution, something could do to kind of smooth everything over and kind of get ‘em to calm down a bit.   Jason: So, let’s pick up. You’re a few hours into the day, so this is like 11am, something like that. And you’re pretty much, I’d say you are about five miles or so south of Durnhollow. So is there anything you guys would like to do while you’re on the road before I throw something at you? Or something you’d like to talk about?   Michael: Are we walking? Or are we riding?   Jason: Walking.   [chuckling from the party]   Jason: Uh yeah, that’s where you’re at. Because you guys are just kinda, with the exception of Amvin, you are getting kind of started. And horses are kind of pricey, you know. They can be.   Kelsey: And what’s the, like, environment where we’re at?   Jason: Again it’s, it’s warm for the first day of spring but it’s not inhospitable. It’s grassy fields, you guys are on the main road, there’s nothing, there’s nothing really in your way. No precipitation, nothing like that. It’s a clear, gorgeous, sunny day. If anything, it’s too sunny. It’s just a bit bright. Sunglasses would be great. If someone could invent those in this world [group chuckles], that’s be awesome. But wide-brimmed hats will also do.   Susan: I think the sun’s pretty awesome. I don’t know what you’re talking about.   [party laughs]   Jason: Would that be a thing? Where Maddy would be like ‘man, Amaunator is really smiling on us today’?   Susan: [emphatically] Yes. Yes.   [laughter]   Jason: Oh my god. Okay. Okay.   Susan: Like definitely. But only if someone is like ‘man, this sun.’ And I’m like ‘Yeah? Right? It’s awesome.’   [Jason and Susan chuckle]   Michael: See when we all need a pep talk, that’s why Maddy’s here.   [Susan laughs]   Jason: How do you guys think you’d feel after about eight and a half days? Like, and you’re, you’re resting each night, you’re stopping in major towns. The only, the only places you’ve been able to stop since you started this journey are Aubrey and then Durnhollow, Aubrey being a nicer town than Durnhollow. It has more accommodations for travelers; Durnhollow is more of a tourist-y town at this point. A few of their biggest things are the brothel, there’s a little gambling house, there’s inns and stuff but it’s still a smaller town.   Xavier; I think I like Durnhollow better.   [Jason and Susan laugh]   Michael: I’d only say that Amvin would probably be like, he’d probably want to pull out his book and start writing—but this like walking and stuff isn’t helping—and so then he’ll put his sewn bookmark back in, and every so often try to open it up and try again but it just doesn’t work and so he’s, he’s about to just give up and, ‘cause he misses the carriage ride where he could write and still make it to places.   Jason: Right.   [Susan and Kelsey chuckle]   Rob: Uboh is, is probably more comfortable out of towns than in them, so he’s, so being on the road is like in his element as a druid. He is, he is just glad to be away from all those icky towns and cities. If he, if he sees Amvin like fussing with that book, every once in a while, he like points to a word in the book—‘cause he’s trying to learn to read in Common, slowly but surely— and he just, he’ll like point to a word and he’ll like grunt at Amvin and if Amvin doesn’t answer quickly he’ll say “Grub, what is that one?”   Michael: “Abjuration. Next.”   Xavier: That’s not even a word.   [party laughing]   Rob: “Too big”   Michael: “Enchantment” And then he’ll like look over and then, “Like slot”   Rob: “Mmm, short. Good. You need to write more about blood and stab.”   Michael: “Perhaps. Maybe that will be my second book.” And he’ll smile.   Jason: I will mention, it has, it is great having Uboh on the team, I would imagine, as a presence on the road. It is, it can make things difficult in towns, because the orcs—especially in this area—aren’t looked at incredibly fondly in terms being able to speak to them, reason with them, getting them not to murder you. So they are, people would look at Uboh and be genuinely frightened, even though Uboh has done nothing wrong, technically, and he’s a half-orc, people would look at him and, and maybe cross the street, something like that.   Michael: And I want to say that I think Amvin probably—‘cause you’re, you’re huge right? Uboh?   Rob: He’s only slight above-average height, but he is just like muscle   Michael: Yeah, yeah so, probably when you first were approaching, he was a little bit like ‘oh god if I say no, you’re probably going to rip my arms off’. ‘Cause, ‘cause you’re an orc and the experience was uh…tense the last time we met an orc, or orcs, and so he’s been slowly getting used to having you in the group and being comfortable with that. But can tell he’s a little bit, the smile’s like ‘okay, everything’s good’. And it hasn’t caused any tension. And Amvin’s—   Rob: “You keep teaching words, you keep arms just fine.”   [group laughs]   Michael: Thumb’s up   Susan: Maddy will look over, “You, you shouldn’t say that. That’s not something we say. Okay?” [Susan laughing]   Rob: “That’s something we say”   [everyone starts laughing]   Xavier: “Yeah! Uboh, you do you.”   [Jason and Susan chuckle]   Rob: And, and he points over and he goes “He gets it.”   [chuckling]   Susan: “Well, you can do that with us, but I would suggest not doing it with people you don’t know as well as us. That alright?”   Rob: “In months since we came together, I have learned. Uboh not talk in town. Uboh talk on road.”   Susan: “And we’ll work on it. We’ll…we’re getting you to the point where you can talk in town, but, yes, for now, yes. You’re doing really well.”   Rob: [grunts] He just grunts and nods   Michael: “Maybe we pick up a word book in town for Uboh.”   Susan: “Would you like one, Uboh? Would you like your own book?”   Rob: “Mmmm, one book already too many book.”   Susan: “Alright. Then we won’t pick you up a book.”   Kelsey: “I don’t know, you could have him haul around a dictionary.”   [Kelsey and Susan laugh]   Jason: Coming up the road, there’s gonna be another group of travelers, coming the opposite direction; they’re heading north up towards Durnhollow. Taking the main road just like you. Bunch of guys, wearing leather armor. They look like they’re outfitted. Not, not merchants—they don’t look like they’re carrying a lot of stuff. They do, however, look like they’ve either seen some fighting recently or maybe their gear is just that worn down. That they’re in dire, dire need of some new stuff. But, they’re, they’re gonna approach and the guy leading the, the guy leading the charge is gonna sort of look up ahead and halt his people and then whisper something to the guy next to him and continue forward. So they are coming up the road, probably a good, you know, 60, 70 feet away from you, something like that. Which, by the way, is a pretty common sight, to find people on the main road. The only thing that would be a little weird is the ‘Hold on a second’ and then whisper something, then continue your way. Michael: What does their stance look like? Like do they look standoffish or like casual?   Jason: Two of them have their hands on the hilt of their weapons.   Kelsey: Aster’s going to casually get their bow out and sort of ready   Susan: Maybe—I didn’t say this earlier—Maddy clearly has a holy symbol on her hip and she has the crest of Amaunator tying her cloak together, which is pretty visible.   Jason: Mmhmm   Susan: So, obvious cleric   Jason: Yeah, so clearly, woman of the cloth   Susan: Yes   Xavier: Donovan’s gonna turn back and like see that people are getting, uh, not apprehensive but especially Aster, so just gonna raise an eyebrow and just do a small like smile by the corner of his mouth, and then just lean over to Maddy and pretend he’s whispering in her ear and just wink at her. And then just going to start walking towards the other people. It’s like the walk with his thumbs in his belt, just walking towards them.   Rob: Uboh taps Maddy on the shoulder and says “Warriors come. I cut my chest to scare them?”   [Michael and Xavier chuckle]   Susan: “Not quite yet. Let’s see how this plays out first—“   Rob: “Okay”   Susan: “—but hold onto that thought”   Rob: “Chest cutting rock ready.”   [Jason and Susan chuckle]   Kelsey: “Wait, wait. Do you seriously use a rock for that? Like is that even sanitary?”   Michael: Don’t you?   Rob: Uboh looks over at Aster and like says “Yes.” And then pulls out the chest-cutting rock and goes “This one.”   Kelsey: [skeptically] “Uh-huh. Gotcha.”   Rob: “Good for chest cut”   Michael: I smile and say “Aster, don’t you have a rock? We all should have a rock right? Everyone’s got a rock.”   Rob: “That is what I have been saying”   [laughter]   Jason: I gotta ask, what condition is the rock in? Is it bloody from the last time he’s done this?   Rob: It’s definitely not perfectly clean   [Kelsey giggling]   Rob: It’s been used a couple—I mean not recently, ‘cause they haven’t been in a scrap lately   Jason: Yeah there’s no Diplomacy checks needed   Rob: Yeah, yeah. Occasionally he washes it in the river a little bit.   Jason: Wow, okay yeah. Good good good. These guys are gonna get side by side with you. And the road is big enough that you guys can pass, it’s a pretty big road meant for wagons and carriages to pass in the night and yeah no one has to run off the road. They’re gonna get side by side with you and start to slow down a bit and they are clearly eyeing Uboh. Clearly.   Susan: Maddy will nod at them and say, “May the light smile upon your travels, friends.”   Jason: The guy up front is gonna be like just kind of do that quizzical like ‘Huh? Oh. Uh…’ And he’s gonna just like halt his people and step forward. “Did you, did you buy him? In Durnhollow? ‘Cause we’re looking for some muscle and I mean if they’re sellin’ half breeds, I mean that would be great.”   Susan: Maddy will tense up and say to him, “We are all free people here.”   Michael: I’m eyeing them. I have my book open, but I’m not really looking; I’m watching.   Jason: So this guy’s about, I’d say maybe 6 feet tall, pretty, like just a touch above average height. Something like that. And he’s going to take in what you say, he’s like “Uh-huh, uh-huh. Ah man, I…it’s just we could, we could really use some muscle for an upcoming gig.” And he’s going to walk up and start to kind of like grab at Uboh’s bicep, like he’s not a person—   Susan: Oooo, ooo   Kelsey: Oh   Jason: Like look at that, look at that.   Susan: Maddy’s going to grab his arm so fast he didn’t even see it coming.   Rob: Does she, does she stop him before he touches me?   Jason: You know what?—   Kelsey: It’s a check. Got to check   Jason: Let’s find out. I think that’s our first check guys.   Kelsey: Yeah   Xavier: Donovan’s watching this with a big shit-eating grin on his face.   [Jason laughs]   Kelsey: Oh Aster is as well. Aster’s like ‘heck yes, this has been a really boring day today.’   Michael: And Amvin’s like ‘yep, not gonna get any progress on my book today.’   Jason: Do me a favor. Maddy, give me an Athletics check   Susan: Ooookay, that’s going to be subpar. Oh wait! No, 17   Jason: No, it is not! You’re going to—so just before he touches Uboh’s skin, like just before, like [makes a whipping sound] just grab him by the wrist. And he’s gonna stop like ‘What? I’m touching your thing. Just what? What do you want?’   Susan: She’s gonna grip a little harder when she sees that look and she’s gonna be like “I said, we’re all free people here. He did not give you his permission to be touched.”   Kelsey: “Yeah, you don’t wanna touch him. He bites.”   Xavier: “You can touch me”   [everyone snorts with laughter]   Jason: He’s gonna let out a chuckle at that. Like the ‘Free People’; you’re, you’re being earnest it’s just, he’s like [chuckling] “Huh Huh, o-okay, yeah, no.”   Rob: “She’s not wrong. I bite.”   Jason: “Look, lady, I don’t care what you do with your slave when you buy him, but we just wanted to know where you got him. That’s all. Just admirin’ the muscle. That’s it.”   Rob: So, okay Uboh, Uboh’s not dumb. But Uboh doesn’t know a ton of Common. But he just used the S-word—   Jason: Yep, yep   Rob: —And Uboh knows what “slave” means and suddenly it kinda clicks, right?   Jason: Right   Rob: And Uboh is mad. Does, does anyone stop Uboh from reaching for his quarterstaff aggressively?   [Jason laughing]   Xavier: [reluctantly] yeaaaaaah, yeah I’ll start, I guess I’ll start getting inbetween the other group and our group   James: I think Masoka would reach other and grab Donovan’s arms and say, “Hey, hey just, just, just wait. I wanna see how this plays out.”   Michael: Amvin starts walking up   Susan: Maddy is gonna take a deep breath and like raise her head to the sky just for a second and look back down, let go of his arm, put out her hand to shake and say, “I believe we got off to the wrong foot. I hear you have troubles and you’re looking for help.”   Jason: He is going to sort of, reflexively, like if, if Uboh looks like he is going to get physical, something like that, he is going to reflexively like, “Oh. Okay.” And then he’s going to straighten up and offer a hand back to Maddy. “Look I, I didn’t, I didn’t mean any harm. It’s just, you know, we’ve had a tough week and I was, I was just, just asking about uh him” and he’s gesturing with his hand at Uboh.   Xavier: Jason, do I know where the nearest orc encampment is? Like the one that’s, I assume would be the one next to the Evergreen— from where we are?   Jason: Actually the closest one—so there are two—   Xavier: —I don’t know if I would know that. Possibly not   Jason: Uh, everyone knows where the orc encampments are   Xavier: Okay   Jason: ‘Cause that is a, that is a place to avoid for the most part.   Xavier: So they would too. Okay.   Jason: Yeah.   Xavier: I was gonna send them there.   Jason: Between Durnhollow and Donhurst, there is an area called The Divide, which is basically Ambush Center in, in Theria. There are two forests that sort of collide and orcs and bandits just love to wait for passersby and ambush them and kill them, take their things. Now the orcs, the orcs that live just beneath Stonesunder Mountain, those aren’t the orcs you are trying to help out. You’re trying to help out the Moz’zog clan. But, uh, they would be the closest ones to you.   Xavier: Yeah, so I would just say, “You can find what you’re looking for—“ I describe the general direction, haven’t quite mastered my voice yet, “You can find what you’re looking for northeast, uh, northwest from here.”   Jason: And he’s gonna, he’s gonna think about it for a second. “[snorts] Okay, I’m, I’m not tryin’ to commit suicide today. But whatever, just—“   Rob: “I was fooled”   Jason: “What?”   [everyone laughs]   Rob: “You say you’re not trying to die. Then you call me slave.”   Jason: He is going to bristle at that a bit. “Hey, I’ve had a tough week. I’m not going to be mouthed off to by property okay? So just,” and he’s going to stop addressing Uboh mid-sentence and address Maddy, “Get him in check, if that’s going to be around other people. Okay?”   Xavier: I punch him in the face.   [everyone bursts out laughing]   Susan: I was gonna say, Maddy steps to the side and just lets it happen   Jason: Wow. Okay, let’s, okay. Let’s—   Kelsey: [quietly] yes yes yes   [Jason laughs]   Michael: I sigh.   Jason: I’m not even gonna have you roll for that. Because that is a thing that I just feel like I—like he’s in mid-sentence and I’m guessing you’re just going to sock him in the mouth.   Xavier: Yeah   Jason: Okay. Now, how much are putting in—are you just trying to really lay in and just like knock him down or out?   Xavier: Uh, no, no   Jason: Or is just like I’m just teaching you a lesson.   Xavier: Yeah, it’s a, yeah it’s a shut up punch   Jason: Okay. He’s gonna take this punch in the face. And reflexively his men are gonna draw swords and crossbows and things. And he’s gonna be holding his mouth and he’s gonna look at Donovan, and he’s gonna reach down and grab his weapon and he’s gonna draw a sword and hold it out at Donovan but it’s, it’s like in a threatening, he’s using it as a pointer. “I want an apology, right now.” And you can hear his voice break just a tiny bit.   Xavier: Alright, I’m gonna put my hands up, just like I’m not gonna do anything. Just gonna take one half step towards him. I’m gonna say “I’m sorry.” And then I’m gonna lean in and kiss him on the forehead.   Jason: Wow   Michael: Oh ho ho   [Kelsey, Susan, and Jason groan]   Jason: At, at you putting your hands up, and then the ‘I’m sorry’, he’s gonna start to, like just start to relax his arm a little bit like ‘Okay, alright.’ The kiss however, he is going to take as absolutely demeaning, like you’re kissing a child, like you’re not, you don’t take him as a threat and it’s like ‘Oh come here’. It is going to send him into a fury. He is going to try and stab at Donovan   [Music becomes more dramatic, violin and cello play quickly and sharply, horns and drums add depth and urgency]   Xavier: Alright. Let’s play D&D.   [everyone starts laughing]   Jason: Here’s what we’re gonna do. I am gonna put some, I’m gonna put some things in the combat tracker, I guess. I guess we’re fightin’   Kelsey: I, I feel like at, at this point we’re all rolling initiative, ‘cause Aster would fire if you’re actually trying to hurt.   Jason: Right, I would imagine.   Xavier: Uh, alright let’s do this   Rob: I feel like we’re trying to set a record for getting bounties on our heads.   Susan: Yeah   Kelsey: I mean—   [Susan sighs]   Xavier: I’ll take the blame for that.   [Rob chuckles]   Jason: I am going to slide you all on to the field in your marching orders, as per the thing we said earlier   Kelsey: Ah yeah   Susan: It’s actually really accurate.   Jason: Yeah   Susan: For how we played it out too.   Jason: Yeah, that’s really cool.   Xavier: Just, just for the listeners, I rolled last in the initiative and I just wanted to play out that I am just remaining perfectly still with my hands in the air the whole turn just like looking at him   [Kelsey laughing]   Jason: I’m gonna have them roll initiative! As per the traditions of D&D   Susan: [laughing] Okay   Rob: [using an ancient scribe voice] ‘According to the bylaws’   [Jason chuckles]   Jason: Mmm, mmm, Mmmhmm. Mmm. Mmm.   [Xavier laughs]   Rob: Is there time to like say anything to other party members real quick, or should I wait ’til my turn?   Jason: Oh, you, uh, you can absolutely say something. I’d say you have like a second while everyone’s like grabbing, it’s like ‘okay this has clearly escalated’.   Rob: Uboh says “Maddy. Is this kill-fight or teach-fight?”   Susan: “If there is fighting, teach.”   Rob: Uboh grunts and nods.   Susan: Ah, man, I was hoping Maddy’d be before the bandits.   Kelsey: Dang   Jason: Everyone—wow, I’m on fire tonight. That’s silly.   Kelsey: I know; what the heck   Jason: I’m rolling silly good   Kelsey: I was like ‘I didn’t do too badly’ and now it’s like ‘oh, oh no’. Now I’m at the end.   Xavier: It’s great for Donovan.   Jason: So this bandit, okay, the Bandit Captain has already taken 1 damage. Alright so—   [everyone laughs]   Kelsey: Wow. Good hit.   Jason: Good, excellent hit. Uh, so yeah. Okay he’s, he’s going to draw his sword and his men are going to as well. At that point I believe it’s just ‘Okay, well, we have to kill you. ‘Cause you’ve disrespected me so thoroughly, in front of your property. It’s crazy. I’m not going to take this.’   Kelsey: Mmhmm   Jason: Amvin—   Rob: Got the greatest one-liner for when we’re done with these guys   [Jason laughs]   Jason: Amvin, your turn.   Michael: So, looking at them like ‘You really don’t want to do this.’ And I will…is this, the front guy’s the main dude that just—   Jason: Yeeeep   Michael: And he’s the only one that’s tried to attack; the other ones have they—they haven’t tried to attack yet right?   Jason: They’ve drawn weapons, yeah, they’ve drawn weapons. They, they look like they intend to   Michael: Okay. Then I will start to form lightning bolts from my finger and cast Witch Bolt at him. Pull out my little twig.   Jason: Aghhh   Kelsey: Oh no   Michael: And [makes sad magic sound]   [Kelsey and Jason laugh]   Jason: I picture the twig going limp   Michael: ‘Aw damn it, not again’   Kelsey: Oh nooooo   Michael: Well that was anti-climactic   Jason: I, I, I so I picture this lightning bolt just going slightly wide, striking the ground to his left. So it’d be like a ‘holy shit! That, that could have hit me!’ Like these guys are probably used to dealing with non-magic users for the most part. They, honestly they look like rogues, bandits, thieves, something like that, just kind of ruffians. They have the look of people who don’t work an honest day’s, don’t do an honest day’s work a lot. So that’s, that’s gonna like ‘whoa’, that’s gonna catch ‘em off guard for just a second. Is there anything else you’d like to do?   Michael: Well, that didn’t work out so well, and so hmmm, yeaaah. I’m debating if I should move or not. I think I’m good. I’m good. I am good behind everybody.   Jason: You are good. Okay, Bandit Number 3, he is going to, man, this, this does not, this doesn’t look well. He is going to step to the side, and try to fire a crossbow bolt at Donovan. And the thinking here, is if they could just, like ‘let’s just kill the guy who disrespected you and we’re done.’ That probably wouldn’t do it though, that probably wouldn’t work.   [chuckles from Xavier]   Xavier: Fine by me   Jason: So here we go! 9. That is gonna miss. Bandit Number 1 is going to step forward. Oh man, I guess he’s going to step up to Maddy, target Maddy—   Xavier: Oh whaaaat?   Jason: —and just, he’s gonna say “I, uh, I’m really sorry but ahh” Like he’s not, he won’t even give an explanation as to why, like why he has to attack you, but just like ‘yeah I’m really sorry.’ So he’s going to take his sword and try to slash at Maddy. That’s gonna hit.   Susan: [groans]   Jason: 4 damage to Maddy   Susan: You butthole.   [chuckles from group]   Jason; Oh man, he’s gonna come down with his sword, again, almost, his eyes are almost going to close like ‘I’m really sorry!’ and he is going to slash out and just, kind of cut at Maddy’s arm.   Xavier: I’m gonna fucking glare at him   [everyone laughs]   Jason: Oh man   Xavier: Now you’ve disrespected me.   Jason: Bandit Number 4 is going to target Donovan as well, fire crossbow bolt…that is going to miss. And that is going to bring up Maddy. What, what would Maddy’s response be to, to getting cut on the arm like that?   Susan: Uhhh, man. I don’t wanna fight, ‘cause this is just ridiculous.   [Susan and Jason laugh]   Susan: And Maddy thinks so too. Okay, so I kinda wanna do Thaumaturgy and ‘you manifest a minor wonder, assign a supernatural power within range.’ One of the things it says I could do is create a harmless tremor in the ground or I can make my voice boom; I’m trying to decide which one. Probably make her voice boom or something, up to three times as loud. It’s a cantrip. And say…[sighs] I don’t know if she could convince ‘em to stop though. Ahhhhhh man—   Kelsey: Just, just, just go with what she would do. And if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. Just if that’s what she would do, just do it.   Susan: Okay, uh, she’ll yell [voice booms and echos a little] “You’ve spilled your first blood. Now you can stop!” And this is three times as loud as what—   Jason: Right, so It’s obviously not, it’s not enough to knock anybody down, it’s not like, it’s not that. But it is loud as shit, it’s like, Gandalf, it’s Gandalf   Susan: Yeah   Jason: It’s like ‘Do not take me for—‘ so that’s, that’s what you’re doing   Susan: Yes   Jason: And you—I, I would imagine you’re screaming it at the bandit who just cut you   Susan: Yes, and general direction of all the other bandits   Jason: Right   Susan: Just trying to get ‘em to stop this nonsense.   Jason: Right. The bandit, okay, the bandit who just took a swing at you is, is going to reflex with like, ‘oh god.’ Just, he did not expect that voice to come out of you. So it just, like, he’s like gonna pull back, just like ‘oh no a spider’, just kind of like pull back a bit. And I would get—if I were Maddy— I would get the impression that maybe he’s not the best bandit. Like maybe just not the best at what he does.   Susan: And she hasn’t even pulled out her weapon yet.   Jason: Ooookay. He’s going to look over to the Bandit Captain. Bandit Captain’s turn. While that does just momentarily stop, stop him just like ‘that’s really weird’, it didn’t hurt anybody and he is going to move forward and try to slash at Donovan.   [Susan sighs]   Jason: And he is going to swing with his—he’s got this big curved blade—, “No one kisses me!”   [group laughs]   Jason: And he is going to swing—Oh   Susan: Ooooo   Jason: That’s a 20   Xavier: Alright, alright   Jason: [speaking as Xavier] ‘I’ll allow it’.   [group laughs]   Jason: That is going to hit. Agh, 6 damage to Donovan. That’ll bring up Masoka   James: Okay   Jason: So your friend has just been slashed at. Like, I would say, this just comes down and just vaguely like cuts at the chest, just broadside.   James: So he’s gonna look at that and look back at the Bandit Captain here. You said I can split my move right?   Jason: Oh yeah   James: Okay so I’ll take one step up and say, [in a raspy, New Yorker voice] “You should consider it a privilege to have this man’s lips on your forehead. And now I will have the privilege of removing your lips from your face!”   [everyone starts laughing]   Susan: [laughing] Oh god   Xavier: I, I’m just gonna say under my breath, “Too much Masoka, too much.”   [everyone laughs harder]   James: Now I’m gonna do my, uh—   Michael: —sigh—   James: —double daggers here, and I, I’m gonna aim right at his face with ‘em.   Jason: Okay   James: So, ctrl, and I do these one at a time right?   Jason: Yep…[excited gasp] Oh that’ll hit. That is almost a crit ladies and gentlemen at home.   James: [fistpump] Yeah!   Kelsey: Heyyyy   James: Uh, damage on that one…   Jason: I believe you get sneak attack damage too because you’re standing next to Donovan.   James: Ah, right. That’s an extra D…6?   Michael: Is he still threatening him? Didn’t we say…   Jason: Wait what happened?   Michael: I was just remembering he said he has his hands up until his turn. I didn’t know if it mattered for threatening.   Xavier: Hmmmmm   Jason: Huh.   Xavier: Technically Maddie is also adjacent to him.   Jason: Yeah I—   Michael: That’s true   Jason: Yeah I was say still, yeah   Michael: Go for it   James: Okay so I get, that’s another d6?   Jason: Yep! You get one of those…That is an extra 4 damage   James: Niiiice.   Jason: Very nice   James: are his lips still attached to his face?   [giggling]   Jason: He still has lips   James: Okay, oh well   Jason: But you are gonna slash at, you’re gonna slash at like the collarbone area and you’re gonna catch him just a bit. And that’s, he’s gonna try and pull back but it will catch him, collarbone and shoulder. That’s, it’s, it’s kind of a nasty cut.   James: Okay, okay. Let’s swing with the other dagger.   Jason: Uh, 15, that’ll hit.   James: Nice!   Jason: So that’s 2 more damage.   James: Okay   Jason: whew, okay—   James: And I’ll [laughing] and I’ll step back behind Donovan.   [everyone starts laughing]   Jason: [impression] ‘Good day to you sir!’   [more laughter]   Xavier: Yeah, you can take your bonus action to disengage right?   Jason: No, so you can—   Kelsey: As, as a rogue—   Xavier: As a rogue?   Kelsey: —you sneak out of there   Jason: Oh yes, oh you can! Yep, see we’re—   James: Oh so I have to declare that then?   Xavier: Yeaaaah   James: Probably bonus action?   Jason: I would imagine you are doing that. It’s not—   James: No I just didn’t know, so—   Jason: Yeah and it’s a new system. We’re all gonna get…   Xavier: Yeah. I feel that’s gonna be standard procedure for Masoka.   James: Yeah. Yeah he’s like ‘disengage, goodbyeeee”   Jason: I picture a tip of the hat like ‘Nuh nuh nah, let that be a lesson!’ So, the second hit isn’t going to, isn’t gonna catch him nearly as well, but you are gonna like slash at his arm, and, and that’s the one holding the weapon. And he’s gonna [makes grunt of pain] and he’s gonna shout “After I’m done with him, I’m comin’ after you!” and he is going to be pointing at Donovan. Bandit Number 2 sees all of this and uh, let me see—   Michael: —runs away   [Jason laughs]   Jason: hmm hmm hmmm, he is going to just kind of move around this bush and he is going to target Masoka and he is going to fire his crossbow bolt at Masoka. 19. That will hit.   [chuckles from James and Michael]   Jason: 3 damage!   James: Alright, I can take that.   Jason: Alright. Uboh!   Rob: Uboh! Chuh chuh chuh, what does Uboh do? Uhhhhhh, let’s—   Jason: What would Uboh’s reaction firstly be to all of this? Like to Uboh, what was the scene? ‘Cause there was mild, like, ‘stop talking’ then it’s ‘hey, don’t use that word’ and—   Rob: Uboh, Uboh’s kind of taking the cue that it’s time to fight and defend himself, but he’s extremely confused about what’s happened because, like, you don’t kiss strangers right?   [everyone laughs]   Rob: That’s where it all just went like, crooked for Uboh   [Xavier and Kelsey giggling]   Rob: Like he has no, no idea why, why Donovan is kissing, is kissing these people and then they’re trying to kill us   [Xavier and Jason chuckling]   Rob: Um, he has questions for later—   Michael: Did he like see—   Rob: —that he’s like set aside. Like questions for review on this social incident.   [chuckling from the party]   Michael: Did Uboh see Maddy get hurt? Or cut? I don’t know if that matters at all—   Rob: Yeah, yeah, I think the biggest thing that has him committing to fighting is like ‘Uh, this dude cut Maddy and Maddy’s my friend, so’ Uboh’s gonna go a one, a two, whoops, uh, that’s a closed square right there.   [Jason and Susan chuckle]   Rob: He’s gonna, he’s gonna stand between worlds, uh, on the grid   [Kelsey chuckles]   Rob: Um, he’s gonna get to here and he’s gonna target Bandito 1 and Bandit Captain and he’s going to Thunderwave and it’s a 15 foot cube, so it catches those two guys and he’s kinda just casting it—I, I don’t know, you get the idea. It fits. It doesn’t hit any party members. And uh, he just shouts “The voice of the mountain says GO!” [rumbling thunder sound starts on GO]. And the GO is the thundering, like the word that thunders across these guys.   Jason: Nice   Rob: So he, let’s see, I just click that right?   Jason: That’s it. Okay. Well. Let’s see. The Bandit Number 1 is actually going to, is gonna steady himself, against all odds, steady himself and get ready just “whoa” and it’s not going to do anything. The Bandit Captain on the other hand is going to fail that save, and it’s gonna shake him. So, what does it do? Tell the kind folks at home.   Rob: ‘A wave of thunderous force sweeps out from you. Each creature within a 15 foot cube, originating from you, must make a Constitution saving throw. On a failed saving throw, the creature takes 2D8 thunder damage and is pushed 10 feet away from you. Successful save, the creature takes half as much damage and is not pushed.’   Jason: Mmm   Rob: ‘Unsecured objects are pushed 10 feet away and there is a thunderous boom out to 300 feet away.’   Jason: Nice. Okay.   Rob: Uboh warned absolutely no one to cover their ears.   Jason: [laughs] Ohhhhh   Xavier: Mop, mop, mop   James Is this like the hall clap?   Jason: Yep, essentially yes.   Rob: So 11 to the guy who failed and 5 to the one who succeeded   Jason: Alright. Already done. And the Bandit Captain here is just going to get bowled over 10 feet, just, just kind of like ‘what just happened? what just hit me?’ That type of thing. And does Uboh want to do anything else?   Rob: Nah that’s all. He’s just kind of pleased with himself.   Jason: So this, this thunderous wave is gonna, it’s gonna you know just blare out and birds are gonna leave trees, like, it, it rings out, you can hear that echo sort of—well if, if you can still hear—then yeah you’re gonna hear that echo. If I were mean, I’d do something, but we’ll save that for another day. Uh, Aster   Kelsey: Okay, Aster, they’re gonna kind of like roll their eyes at like ‘yeah, yeah, yeah, big dramatic magics, whatever’ and they’re very excited because it’s been a very long and boring day and they are ready to shoot something in the face. So, that’s what they’re going to do. Yeah!   Jason: Oh that will hit. 20, ladies and gentlemen at home   Kelsey: Nice   Jason 7 damage to the Bandit Captain   Kelsey: And I don’t—   Jason: So the Bandit Captain is going to get pushed south here, after Uboh flanked on the right and while he’s still getting his bearings, kind of trying to steady himself, an arrow is going to strike him in the chest. And he’s gonna have a look on his face like, uh, just, just ’i think I may have bitten off more than I should have. perhaps I should just let the man kiss me’. So.   Kelsey: Aster, Aster gives him a wink.   [Kelsey chuckles]   Jason: Donovan!   Xavier: Alright, he’s gonna have like round, round, round eyes staring at all the like lethal offense that just suddenly like appeared all around him. He’s gonna look at his wounds, gonna take a big breath in, gonna take Second Wind, heal a D10+2 damage as a bonus action. So, by 6. There we go! Topped off.   Jason: 6. Then, then you’re fine.   Xavier: And he’s gonna look at the Bandit Captain, take one step towards him, still not drawing any weapons, but like seeing the expression on his face as well and he’s just gonna go closer and tell him “Yeah, how ‘bout we call this a draw? You go wherever you are and the next time I see you I pay you a drink, alright?”   Jason: hmmm. hm hm hm hm hm.   Rob: Diplomacy, maybe?   Jason: I’m thinking Diplomacy yeah. It, it’s your call.   Kelsey: What about Persuasion?   Jason: Oh Persuasion is what it is in 5E. Sorry. [group giggling] Give me a Persuasion check!   Xavier: With pleasure.   Jason This is not gonna be a very high check   Xavier: I have proficiency   Jason: Yeah. Okay, so after the arrow, you can imagine the amount of pain this gentleman is in. And he’s sort of like—he’s, he’s kind of clutching at the arrow, and he doesn’t know whether to pull it out or not—and he’s just, he’s gonna look at Donovan and then look to the rest of the party, and then just furiously shake his head ‘yep’. “Uh huh, uh huh”. And he’s gonna start to call out to his guys and his voice is gonna crack because he’s in so much pain that he can’t shout. Shouting is hurtful to him. And the rest of his men are just going to sort of back away, gently—still having their weapons drawn but they’re gonna sort of surround the Bandit Captain and uh, try to, try to cart him away from you guys a bit. And that’s going to take you out of combat. Unless, anyone wants to do anything else that would be, uh—   [music transitions back to the general adventuring music from before]   Rob: Um—   Kelsey: Aster kind of wants to go get that arrow back, but if no one else moves is just kind of like eh   Michael: Let it go   Xavier: You shouldn’t take it out. They say you shouldn’t take it out   [Jason and Kelsey laughing]   Rob: Uboh kind of steps to the front of the party and yells after them, “Now who is owned?!”   [everyone bursts out laughing]   Susan: Ohhhhh snap   Rob: And then he just kind of grunts and he just kind of like flexes in their general direction   [party and Jason chuckle]   Jason: And they’re gonna, they’re gonna look back just like ‘is he gonna do something else?’ And then, they’re not going to—again no weapons drawn or anything like that. By this point they’re just trying to get their leader patched up and get him, get him away from you. ‘Cause he’s not in great shape. But they’re, they might move a, move a step or two quicker, just getting away. It’s like ‘uh huh, bye!’   Rob: And Uboh looks back at the party and goes, “They will have a bad day when they return to their families and are killed for their cowardice!” And he just smiles.   [Jason and Susan giggle]   Kelsey: Aster was already doubled over laughing and they’ll almost like sit on the ground like they’re ‘this is too much. this is amazing. this is great’ [Kelsey giggles]   Michael: Amvin’s wondering why his, his stick didn’t work.   [laughter]   Jason: It happens to the best of us.   Michael: He’s like ‘ugh probably gonna have to practice that. Probably need a new one. But I need to find one that’s hit by lightning. [sighs] Oh what there’s a battle?’   Rob: Uboh also looks to Maddy and looks to, just kind of glances down at her cut, and he just kind of looks her in the eye. He goes, “You got that?”   Susan: “I wear my battle wounds proudly. This is nothing.” And then she’ll nod to him.   Rob: Uboh falls back to his place in the marching order.   Susan: But she will wrap it up ‘cause she doesn’t want to bleed out or anything   [chuckles]   Jason: Yeah I would imagine after any fight, that there’s a time where you guys are just sitting around, just—I imagine bandages, bandages must be, they must sell huge for adventurers right?   [chuckles from the party]   Jason: Just it’s like ‘yeah, I need a sack full of bandages. That’s ten pounds of whatever I’m carrying.’ So yeah, I imagine, first aid is just a thing you learn in the world.   Rob: Yeah there’s an actual career in Theria called ‘Gauze Schlepper’   [everyone laughs]   Susan: Oh, Maddy will look to Amvin and say, “I thought you said that you learned magic?”   [Kelsey laughs]   Michael: “Did you not see the display of a lightning bolt hit the ground right there? I mean it was right next to him, but it was right there.”   Jason: There will be a little singe in the ground.   [everyone chuckles]   Susan: “I thought you learned how to use magic…well.”   Kelsey: Harsh   Michael: “It was a warning shot; we all know this. I just didn’t wanna—I wanted to make sure everyone had their, their chance.”   Kelsey: “Mmmhmm”   Susan: She’ll let out a smirk like she’s obviously messing with you and be like, “Of course, of course.”   Michael: “Are you okay?”   Susan: “Yes, I’m fine. This is nothing.”   Michael “Good.”   Rob: Uboh kind of sidles up beside Amvin and claps him on the back a little bit too hard and goes, “Maybe one day I teach you to speak with Voice of the Mountain!”   Michael: As I, I actually move a few feet forward after he hit my back, like “Yeah, maybe.”   Rob: [grunts]   Jason: Do you guys wanna get back on the road?   Xavier: Yeah, I just wanna say one more thing   Jason: Oh, please, go!   Xavier: “Hey Masoka, I’m flattered but what the fuck was that?”   [everyone bursts out laughing]   James: [uses raspy New Yorker voice for Masoka] “Donny, ya told me to be tough so—“   Xavier: “Yeah, okay. Yeah.”   James: “I thought it was tough. I don’t know.”   Xavier: “That worked, no, that worked out, that worked out. Just I don’t think they were worth the killing? You did good.”   James: “They hurt you.”   Xavier: “Did they?”   James: “Well, not now, but I thought it was worth it.”   Xavier: “Alright, I guess I had no plan, so no foul. Um, sorry about that. Uboh, you okay? Did you learn something today?”   Rob: “Why you kiss that man? Did you try to bite him and miss?”   {Kelsey giggles]   Xavier: “Uh no, no. Sometimes a kiss is more powerful than a weapon. It just didn’t work out this time.”   Rob: “I do not believe you.”   Xavier: “Ah, just, just stick with me and maybe you’ll watch and learn.”   Rob: He, Uboh looks at Maddy and says “We made weird friends.”   [Jason and Xavier chuckle]   Susan: Maddy will smirk and look at Uboh and be like, “Yeah, we did.” And then start walking.   Michael: Amvin will do Prestidigitation on Donovan’s to clean up any blood or anything that happened on him.   Xavier: “Oh wow, Amvin, thanks, thanks a lot!”   Michael: He winks to Maddy to be like ‘See?’   [everyone chuckles]   Xavier: Alright   Jason: Is that just—okay now I have to ask—is that just to show Maddy? It’s ‘Hey! I know stuff!’ [Susan laughing] ‘Cause I was gonna ask, Maddy’s, Maddy’s wearing white right?   Michael: Yeah   Susan: Uh, yes   Jason: ‘Cause that would be, there’d, there’d be blood. There’d be you know.   Michael: Oh yeah   Xavier: No, she says she wears them proudly   Susan: Yeah   Jason: Yep that’s—   Xavier: No cleaning   Michael: That’s why I didn’t.   [everyone laughs]   Michael: Like I was going to, and I was like ‘oh that’s right, okay, yeah, alright. Hey Donovan!’   [party laughs]   Susan: He just wants to show off.   Michael: Be like, prove myself   Xavier: Uh, and I’m gonna look at Aster and just say “Good fuckin’ shot.”   Kelsey: “Eh. I mean, it was a shot. It was a good fight. It’s nice to have something to break up the whole walking in the heat in endless fields of grass thing.”   Xavier: “Damn right”   Rob: “Don’t worry. Soon we find slavers. Then we kill many.”   Kelsey: “Yeah, I’m looking forward to it.”   Xavier: “Yeah that’s right. No, no kissing.”   [group chuckles]   Rob: “Only biting”   Xavier: “Alright”   Jason: I would imagine it’s exceedingly boring getting from place to place right? ‘Cause like if you’re ever been on a road trip, imagine just marching for days in a direction. The life of an adventurer, it’s mostly, it’s, it’s 95% boring and waiting for shit to happen and then 5% ‘We might die!’ Like that’s, that’s what I picture being an adventurer. But with that I, I feel like maybe it might be time for like a lunch; you guys kinda get, you’re, you’re bandaging yourself up, you’re, you’re grabbing a bit to eat. Now, I will say, everyone has rations their packs right? You got your dried meats, you got some bread, you got stuff like that. Now, at some point during the day, you might wanna go hunting or do something to have some actual meat.   Kelsey: Oh, I was gonna say the boredom thing, is Aster doesn’t take boredom well. Whenever they see signs of any sort of wildlife, they’d be like ‘I’m gonna go get dinner.’ Just like ‘this is something to do’. They’re gonna go like ‘oh there’s a bird flying overhead, let’s see if I can shoot it down’, kind of thing. They would definitely be all for going hunting, just even as an activity of any sort.   Jason: Okay. You know what? Do me a favor: give me a Survival check. Let’s see if, let’s see if Aster catches something   Kelsey: Yeaah   Jason: Alright yeah, I would say that’s plenty to get a boar or—   Kelsey; Oooo   Jason: —or something of substance. And you might need some help dragging it back. But yeah, that’d be enough to feed everybody; it’d take a little while to cook it, but that’s meat man.   Kelsey: Yeah!   Jason: I don’t know, how, how does Uboh feel about the whole ‘adventuring out on the road, just dry meat/bread’ type of thing? Like when you’re in towns you can definitely stop for a hot meal, but I mean, otherwise it’s just, it’s you know   Rob: I mean he’s got a, he’s got a high Survival score too here, so he’s probably like, he’s probably used to ‘oh there’s a little fruit or a mushroom over here, let’s pluck that’. Or, and and yeah if you’re killing animals, that’s the whole like predator/prey thing; people gotta eat. So, uh yeah, he’s totally into it. He is, he looks gleeful when Aster comes back with the boar.   Jason: Who would like to do me a favor, a roll a flat D20?   Rob: I did it!   Kelsey: No!   Jason Oh, you did it! Everybody at home—   Rob: ahhhh   Susan: Whaaat   Jason: Everybody at home, this is a proud tradition on D&R where someone in the party rolls a flat D20 and based on that, that kind of gives you an overarching ‘how’s the party’s luck going to be for the day?’ Now this could lead to a lot of different stuff. So, 14. You guys are gonna continue, for the rest of the day. You’ll have some, you know, people pass by, going in the opposite direction. Some people on horseback kind of scoot past you or you’ll see a merchant or two heading up towards Durnhollow. And after about six more hours on the road, it’s getting kind of dark and I’m imagining at some point you’re gonna set up camp and just kinda get some sleep for the day?   Michael: I just want to say that uh, before that all started, Amvin started writing more but it seemed like he was focused on a task as he was writing.   Jason: Mmmhmm   Michael: And then before we wrap up the night, I want to go up to Uboh   Rob: Okay so we, we’ve made camp at this point then?   Jason I’d say yeah, yeah. Not much you could do in the dark. I mean, you can continue on but it, you know; it’s getting to the point where you guys have to leave the main road is the problem.   Rob: Okay, we’ve left the main road, we’ve made camp I guess and yeah, you know if Uboh, if everyone is just kind of settling in for the night, Uboh is kind of like doing his Druid Ritual stuff and like you know taking his various stones out of the different lattices in his armor and setting some in circles and holding one in each hand and kind of clacking them together and speaking to The Mountain.   Michael: Amvin will wait until Uboh is complete before he actually walks up to him but he’s got like a purpose in his eyes but just, just letting him respect his space, especially knowing how important meditation and a ritual of your abilities are.   Rob: Yeah when Uboh finishes, he kind of stands up and says, “We will have great power tomorrow too. The Mountain makes us strong.”   Michael: “That is excellent. And I would love to learn more about how The Mountain aids you. But I did want to give you something.” And I open my book to where my bookmark is and you actually see me rip out a piece of paper that has a lot of writing on it.   Rob: Hmm   Michael: I hand it to Uboh and although you probably can’t read a lot of the words, it’s a very big, written almost contract-style saying, but the keywords that you see is, I write like “Uboh” and “free” It’s basically, I wanted it to almost be a paper saying ‘You’re a free orc.’ It’s kind of like documentation saying you are free. So you can keep that with you. “This shows everyone that you are free.”   Rob: Uboh like looks the paper over, and he says, “Why does it take so many words to say ‘Uboh is free’?”   Michael: “Because people are complicated. And sometimes you have to tell them over and over again before they get it. Kind of like when you have to hit someone over and over again for them to understand a point.”   Rob: “Mmm. That is how I show people Uboh is free.”   Michael: “This may help in the town. Where you can’t.”   Rob: “I will keep your paper. You are thinking ahead, Amvin. Very good.”   Michael: “I try. Have a good night.”   Rob: “You as well”   Jason: Good news guys. It is a gorgeous night out. Stars are above you. It cooled off significantly. It’s one of those breezy nights after a hot day on the road where you just, I imagine you gotta take your armor off after a while and just kinda, just kinda let your…I’m gonna, I’m gonna brace you for this: being an adventurer is a smelly job. It’s just, it’s—getting a shower is a rarity, getting a nice bath. Now, I’m gonna give you guys a couple of different options here because there’s two ways you can head into, head into this place. You can either follow the road just a bit more to the south and then break off east and there’s, there’s this little nook, between Pyre Forest and The Blistering Peaks that is essentially butted up against the mountains, the base of the mountains. And that’s where trackers say this big Nu’Val camp is. Or, you can follow the river, and the danger with following the river is it makes it a little more difficult to hear. So if someone were to get the drop on you, it could lead to bad things. Now, that also might mean you get the drop on them because they can’t hear you coming. Completely up to you guys. It would also be a good way to replenish water, though there’s little ponds and streams and stuff where you are.   Rob: So you said the choices are road or riverside?   Jason: Pretty much yep   Rob: Basically. Uboh kind of looks off on the horizon and looks at what we’ve got and says “We should go by the river. I will guide us. We will have ad…adva…”   Michael: “Advantage?”   Rob: “That one!”   [everyone chuckles]   Jason: Everyone else okay with that?   Kelsey: Yep   Xavier: Uh yeah, lead the way   James: Yes   Susan: If the whole party says yes, Maddy will reluctantly agree but she’s obviously super tense about it.   Michael: Uh. I don’t know if I want to roll an Insight on—nah, I think I’m good. On like [imitating Uboh] ‘I will guide us!’   [Xavier laughing]   Rob: I mean—   Kelsey: Aster is—   Rob: —Uboh’s got a +5 Survival so he trusts himself.   Kelsey: Yeah, Aster personally thinks they know, like tracking in the forest and stuff really well but they’ve kind of just, we’ll just let him think like ‘no no you’ve got this buddy. You’re good’ They don’t really take Uboh that seriously right now.   Xavier: Let them play with an unplugged controller   [everyone laughs]   Kelsey: Basically   Jason: Well, I will say what would be common knowledge is, since orcs and half-orcs, they’re not welcome in polite society so much, they kind of have to get good at living off the land and being out—   Michael: Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. That’s why I was like ‘welll, maybe I’d care more about figuring out if this place has any importance,’ like the lake or anything.   Jason: Right   [Kelsey giggles]   Michael: Where are we, in related to the world, so?   Jason: You, right now, are right at the edge of the Pyre Forest. If you check your maps—everyone at home, you can check your maps too if you go to dandrpodcast.com, there’s a map—   [group starts laughing]   Jason: —on the website. Otherwise I don’t know how to hand it to tens of thousands of people at a time. This is just the easiest way I can do it. So, if you, if you check your map right now, each one of those dots is about two and a half miles. So you have, you have come quite a ways, but you’re right at the edge of the forest, so if you were to split off right now and start following that river, one you’d have a constant source of water and you might be able to get the drop on them.   Kelsey: I feel like when Maddy looks like uncertain, Aster’ll kind of nudge her a bit be like “What’s up? You don’t seem cool with the whole river thing”   Susan: “Um.” She’s gonna look down and kind of like start fidgeting with her hands and be like—or fidget with her holy symbol and not looking them in the eye and say “Uh, I have a bad history with rivers. But it, it’s fine.”   Kelsey: “You sure? I mean, you’re part of the party too. If you want to go by the road, we can go by the road. But, I mean, if you don’t want to say anything it’s cool. We’ll—we’ve got your back. You’ll be fine.”   Susan: “I appreciate it. I’ll just, i’ll just be the one furthest away from the river.”   [Kelsey chuckles]   Michael: “You can pull us out if anyone falls in.”   Susan: [nervous laugh] “Yes. That’ll be me. Far away.”   Xavier: “You can tie yourself to me if you’re afraid of falling in the water.”   Susan: “Noooo, uh, I’ll be okay over here.”   Xavier: “Alright sister.”   Kelsey: “Hey just think it’ll be more opportunities for baths, so we’ll be relatively less stinky.”   Rob: I feel like as, as Aster says this, Uboh is literally just a couple feet away, like literally taking a dust bath. Like in the weeds.   [everyone bursts out laughing]   Kelsey: Like a chinchilla? Just—   Rob: —Yes, yes, he is, he is like clapping his hands into dust and like patting it down on his body and then rolling in it a bit   [chuckling from the group]   Kelsey: “Have you brought up the whole like, ‘actual baths’ thing with him yet?”   Susan: “We don’t spend much time in towns for him to be familiar with it, but um…this seems to do its purpose. Just stay downwind.” [Kelsey snorts] “Stay away. Stay upwind, I mean.”   Michael: See Amvin’s like the exact opposite since he’s so used to the Uman’Yiro luxury and Prestidigitation and just always trying to be clean as the situation permits.   Kelsey: Oh yeah by the way, Aster is totally going to try to get him to do everyone’s laundry at the end of the day [starts laughing] Like I’m just saying; you showed that off once, like this is your job now.   Michael: I will then be having you fetch my spell components as I need them.   [group chuckles]   Michael: Like ‘ah, go find me a stick that’s been hit by a lightning bolt.’ [Michael laughs]   Kelsey: I would, like in exchange for free laundry. Heck yeah [Kelsey laughs]   Rob: So what time of day are we doing this river approach?   Jason: I would say…let’s see. In the morning if you set off toward the river, it would probably be about six hours or so before you got to the river proper.   Rob: Okay, so we’re gonna be approaching the slavers’ camp by about noon-ish?   Jason: Oh, no, it’ll probably be another day or two on the road, but you’ll, you’ll get there.   Rob: Oh, okay, wait: what was the six hours thing?   Jason: The six hours is just you leaving, leaving the road proper and marching toward the river. The river’s the closest thing to you. If you were to continue—   Rob: Oh it’s six hours to the river and then another period of time to the bandits   Jason: Yes   Rob: Gotcha   James: Ahhh   Rob: Okay. Uboh’s ready.   Jason: Alright [sigh] So I imagine you all get a, get a good night’s sleep, you’re well rested and ready to start the day. Day 9 on the road.   Susan: I just want to establish: Maddy is always up with the sun. And she’s praying to the sunrise.   Jason: Wow. That is dedication   Susan: Yeah   Michael: As you do   Kelsey: Do you do like, like the yoga stuff? Like—   [Susan gasps in sudden inspiration]   Susan: Yes! Yes, thank you   [group laughs]   Kelsey: Okay   Michael: That’s canon now   Xavier: That’s your prayer   Susan: Yes it is. The Sunrise Salute! That, it’s a total yoga sequence, the Sunrise Salute; she does that every morning   [Jason and Kelsey chuckle]   Jason: Well hiking along. Again, boring, it’s tedious. I imagine your feet are just blistered by now. Just marching for miles and miles and miles every single day. ‘Cause you can cover, on a good day, 16-18 miles, like you can really get—but now it’s getting to the point where this river is coming up. It’s probably, uh, about noon-ish, and you’re gonna hear, you’re gonna hear this river and it’s, it’s flowing pretty fast. Not, nothing, nothing crazy but it does make a little bit of noise. And the closer you get to it, the more you’d have to raise your voice just a bit, unless you’re standing very close to one another.   Jason: So continuing along this river, there are some advantages to this. One, it will mask your noise as you travel and, and the further you head away from roads in Theria, the bigger the chances that you’re gonna run into wildlife, you could run into bandits, you could—less civilized, polite people essentially. Because people who avoid the main roads are usually avoiding them for reasons. Now the advantage is, obviously fresh water constantly because it is still pretty warm. It’s floating around like 95, 96 degrees today and, and it’s, you’re drinking more water as a result. Like it’s just that constant fresh water, kind of splashing on your face. If you wanted to you can kind of take a bath at the end of the day, something like that. It, it’s really handy.   Jason: So, you are going to continue down this river for a while and it’s going to sort of let up and slow down a bit; they’re not rapids or anything like that, but it is slow. And just to the other side—it kind of thins to about 15 feet, there’s a 15 foot gap between you and the other side of this river—there’s gonna be this little cliffside. Very scaleable, it’s like, I don’t know, like 20, 23 feet high, something like that. And there’s this little pond in the center of it. And it’s, it’s about 10 by 10 and all around it is shallow water, that little 10 by 10 spot just below that cliff is actually, it looks pretty deep. But it looks like a really nice spot to stop if you wanted to.   Xavier: Yep   Jason: Totally up to you guys   Kelsey: I mean I’d say yeah that Aster wants to check it out—   Jason: Sure.   Kelsey: Like make sure that it’s safe and everything beforehand—   Jason: Oh, of course   Kelsey: I don’t know what roll for that would be   James: We’re new adventurers; what could possibly be wrong?   Jason: Right. You know what? Give me a Perception check if you really kind of want to scope out the area.   Kelsey: Aw dang. Oh wait   Michael: Perception?   Kelsey: The first one I guess; i didn’t mean to roll twice   Jason: Yeah   Kelsey: I don’t know how that happened, but okay. [Kelsey chuckles]   Jason: Yeah we’ll take that first one—   Kelsey: —first one. Yeah. The 15, not the 7. Thanks.   Jason: Sooo—   Michael: Guess I should get my nose out of the book.   [Jason and Michael chuckle]   Jason: Again, you’d have to—oh my.   Kelsey: Are we doing Perception?   Jason: Let’s lead with Aster. That’s something, that’s something we’re not—   Kelsey: —I thought we were doing Perception checks differently [giggle]   Jason: No   James: Oh okay   Jason: No, we’re not doing that. We’re not doing everyone roll a perception check.   [Kelsey laughing]   Jason: It’s gonna be: if we do a Perception—   James: Why wouldn’t we all be looking though?   Jason: Well it’s not that you’re not all looking. I, I, the way it was phrased is like ‘Oh Aster’s gonna, Aster’s gonna like scope it out’. Like get a little closer and like kind of like investigate, it’s like ‘I don’t see anything’, that type of thing.   James: Oh, okay   Jason: And the way I’ve always thought of adventuring groups—whether you’re checking for traps, whether you’re doing negotiation, something like that—someone takes the lead and the rest of the party is like ‘Oh well they took the lead; I guess they know what they’re doing. I’m gonna trust them’. ‘Cause if you’re constantly redoing someone’s work or checking it, I imagine that would get insulting eventually. [James chuckles] It’s like ‘I check for traps guys’ ‘Well let me check for traps’.   James: No I get it ‘cause if everyone’s rolling someone’s bound to roll high   Kelsey: Mmmhmm   [general agreement from group]   Jason: Exactly! That’s the meta reason why that’s not—   Xavier: Did you note all of our passives?   Jason: Yes.   Xavier: Sweeeeeeet.   Jason: Yep I got that, I got that going too.   Kelsey: Fancy   Jason: [grave voice] Notes have been taken   Kelsey: [laughing] Oh no. Okay.   Jason: So again, this is like a, this is like a 15 foot gap, but you can traipse right through this. The water’s not very deep. It comes up to about, about hip high on Aster. So not, not very deep at all and the water’s not moving very quickly. And this little spot, it’s shaded, it’s, it’s nice. Again it’s, it’s sort of, it’s just a little, it’s a weird set up. It looks like it’s just naturally occurring but just scalable rocks that sort of drop off. And Aster’s going to find little tracks that look to be human—at least humanoid—that look like they’ve scaled the rocks quite a bit. And, I would imagine, that you’d kind of put two and two together, um, people kind of go like junior cliff-diving off the top of that—   Kelsey: [gasps and laughs in delight] Okay—   Jason: —As like a little thing to do   Kelsey: That is 100% something Aster’s going to do. Once they, they’re going to report back like ‘yeah it’s cool guys’ so if everyone else wants to hang out and stop, then—   Xavier: I’m gonna start to get undressed right away   [group chuckles]   Kelsey: Oh yeah, no like as soon as everyone else gives us like ‘yeah we’re gonna stop’, Aster’s immediately scaling up that wall.   James: We know what’s, what the situation is?   Jason: yeah—   James: —She would have relayed like ‘hey it’s, like, cliff-diving’   Kelsey: Yep   Jason: So, again, a lovely little spot to take a break right? And not a camp or anything like that, but just a spot to like take an hour just like ‘okay, can we just stop marching for a few minutes’. Ibuprofen really needs to be invented in Theria 2   [Michael chuckles]   Jason: Okay, if you want to do this cliff-diving thing, I have to warn you of something. Remember the description of, there’s kind of a bullseye right? There’s deep water and then the rest of it’s kind of shallow and—   Kelsey: Uh-huh, yeaaaah   Jason: —there’s like little rocks and stuff. Be careful, is all I’m saying. That’s the challenge   Xavier: I love it. I love it   Kelsey: See Kelsey hears that, and Kelsey wouldn’t do that. Aster is 100% gung ho, heck yes, this is gonna be a thing.   Jason: Alright. Okay so is, did Aster, did they climb to the top of this? And they’re standing there?   Kelsey: Mmhmm   Jason: Ookay.   Kelsey: [quietly] This is going to go really poorly.   Michael: I’m totally not seeing any of this. I am sitting down, taking a break, and I am just looking at my book and we’ll see if it’s comedic relief if she splashes all over my book when I’m sitting or not   James: [chuckles] yeah.   Rob: Uboh is watching this and is just like ‘why are we taking a break for recreation there are slaves to rescue?’. But he is just like looking, he’s looking on disapprovingly—   Jason: [laughs] Right.   Rob: —as this happens. Just [makes a groan/sigh]   Susan Is, is the sun setting? Is that why we’re stopping?   Jason: Yeah, it’s getting later in the day. It’s probably around like four, five o’clock in the afternoon, something like that, if you had to put a time on it. There’s still plenty of daylight left but it—you’ve been marching for hours and hours.   Susan Okay. Then Maddy would probably just ‘eh’ and start setting up camp.   [everyone chuckles]   Jason: Okay.   James: Masoka would have taken his boots off and he’s soaking his feet ‘cause they have massive blisters on ‘em   Jason: [sighs]   Xavier: Just the sound of it, like I feel good, like I feel it on my feet   Susan: Yeah   Jason: Oh dude, if you’re doing it, if you’re doing it right—okay, it depends. The river’s right behind you. If you do it in there, there’s this cool, gentle current kind of caressing your feet and just, it kind of just soothes some of that pain.   James: Yeaaaaah   Jason: If you’re doing it right there in the pool, then it’s just still water. Still very, it’s surprisingly warm, because the sun was beating down on it for most of the day, so it’s kind of, kind of spa-like and it’s very serene: the rushing water behind you and this, just this little—looks like it’s been carved out of the forest—just this little spot. Plenty of rocks to sit on.   James: I think, he, he’ll take the pool just so he can watch Aster   [Kelsey starts laughing]   Jason: Okay   James: See what they’re up to   Michael: Seeing Maddy getting the camp ready I’m going to close my book and help out and even maybe start putting something together for food or whatever’s needed   Jason: Here we go. I want you to make an Acrobatics check   Kelsey: ‘Kay   Jason: On a fifteen or higher—   Kelsey: Oh no   Jason: —you are going to, you’re gonna just hit the bullseye and you’re gonna be fine.   [Kelsey giggling regretfully]   Kelsey: Okay   Jason: Let’s do it   Xavier: That’s, that’s kind of high   Jason: It’s kinda high, like that’s—Holy shit!   [cheering]   Kelsey: Yay!   Jason: Nice!   Rob: Look at showboat here   Jason; Aster’s going to—   Michael: My eyes just follow   Jason: Yeah, like this is high up, this is like I said 20, 23 feet feet somewhere in there and, just leap off and there’s that eerie silence where it feels like time slows down. Aster’s going to leap off and plunge head first towards the ground essentially. Nails it, right in the center, bullseye, and just sort of disappears under the water. Big splash. And then after a couple of seconds is going to emerge from the water and be fine.   Kelsey: They are cackling like a madman, just ‘heck yes’ they are extremely ecstatic that that went as they hoped it would.   Rob: As soon as, as soon as Aster comes up from the water, Uboh says “Terrible jump. Next time make big ball. Bigger splash.”   [everyone giggles]   Kelsey: “I will definitely keep that in mind.” [giggles]   Rob: “You can do it!”   [Everyone laughs]   Xavier: Alright, I get butt naked and I jump in the pool.   Jason: From the cliff or just in the pool?   Xavier: Hmm?   Jason: From the cliff or just in—   Xavier: No no no just in the pool   Jason: Okay cool. I was about to say, that—whew. So yeah, again it’s just a nice relaxing stop along—it’s actually a, a wonderful little reprieve, just hours upon hours, days of just hiking and nothing and then this, this is kind of a nice spot. It sounds like you’re making camp for the night?   [General agreement from the group]   Jason: Sounds like it. Now, you are about a full day’s hike—if you were to stop now—you’re about a full day’s hike away from where this camp is supposed to be. I would say the party, having a map, would know that. And that’s an approximate, but how would everyone feel kind of knowing, like okay it’s been, it’s been over a week of this, tomorrow might be the day. Have you given any thought or has there been a talk about what the plan is?   Susan: Nope! I don’t know   Kelsey: Nope   Xavier: Maybe now’s the time   Rob: I mean I feel like there’s going to be like a ‘look over there’ operation. You can’t really make a plan ’til you know what the operation looks like   Jason and Kelsey: Mmmhmm   Susan: Well I guess we should bring it up then. Maddy, after the camp’s set up and everybody’s within earshot, she’ll be like “Well, we should be upon the place tomorrow. So, how we gonna handle this?”   Rob: “Step one: we go in. Step two: we kill many slavers. Step three: take slaves home.” And he just looks around the party for approval.   [group chuckles]   Xavier: Yeah, Donovan nods   [Kelsey, Michael, and James laugh]   Rob: “Plans are easy. Ha ha.”   Michael: I honestly was hoping you were going to say like ‘Step one: this. Step one: this’ like—   [Michael and Kelsey laugh]   Susan: [slowly] “That’s a great plan. But what if there’s more slavers than there are us?”   Kelsey: “I don’t know if anyone else here is also good at the whole, like sneaking/scouting thing, but I can help out with that sort of stuff if that’s what you’re aiming for”   Xavier: “Yeah, having a headcount would be good. If you could do that, it would be perfect.”   Rob: “Hm, I can become a boar and get closer, look over their numbers. Unless they really like bacon. Then I have to run.”   [scattered chuckles]   Kelsey: Yeaaah. How fast can you run as a boar, like if they see you and go ‘Mmm dinner’? Like would you be able to get out of there? ‘Cause we could flank stealth then and that might work. I don’t know.   Rob: I don’t have the boar stat block handy to see if it’s faster than my 30 foot land speed. Jason do you—?   Jason: Oh! Let me, let me grab that for you.   Rob: I can’t remember. So my speed is 30 feet; I just can’t remember if the boar is faster or slower than me   Jason: Mmhmm   Kelsey: Yes   Jason: I am pulling it up now. Let’s see, uh 40 feet!   Rob: Okay.   Xavier: Is it?   Jason: It’s a little faster   Kelsey: Aster’s also thinking back to the fact that like, a couple nights ago, they were able to hunt down a boar pretty easily for dinner, sooo   Jason: Boars are kind of tough   Kelsey: Yeah   Jason: They’re not, not—it’s nothing you want to do hand-to-hand, like you don’t want to take out a knife and take it on. But bows and arrows, maybe.   Xavier: “I gotta say, I kind of like the idea of having them go after the boar. Get it, like have them split to hunt and then we can just get a jump on them.”   Rob: “They will think I am the prey. But they will be the prey.”   Xavier: “Exactly, Uboh. Exactly!”   Kelsey: “That is…I like that but, should we get a headcount first and then do that?”   James: “Yeah”   Xavier: “Uh yeah.”   Michael: “Maybe we should also lay some traps. So that when Uboh comes back with them, we can then still slow them down.”   Kelsey: “Okay so, headcount first and then hopefully boar and traps? Yeah?”   Michael: “Is anyone skilled in traps?”   Xavier: “I don’t know about the traps, but uh, I can jump down from a tree”   Rob: “That is a kind of trap”   Xavier: “Yeah”   Kelsey: “Yeah sounds like a good trap to me”   Rob: “A trap made of Donovan”   Xavier: “It’s all Donovan, baby”   Susan: “While this may lure away their hunters, I don’t think this would lure the whole slaving party. So, we should have a back-up plan. Or something after we get the hunters.”   Kelsey: “Yeah, I mean, It’ll at least knock down a few numbers and then we could roll from there?”   Rob: “We think too much now. Without looking at the camp. We must see to know.”   Kelsey: “What he said.”   Susan: “Alright. We’ll let Amaunator light our path.”   James: [grunts]   Michael: Hey Jason, the information we got about this place, was there any details about it that would be relevant?   Jason: I’m gonna level with you guys: everything you’re hearing, is kind of a hunch. There’s a reason there isn’t a bigger party backing you up because this is to placate the orcs. This is like ‘yeah I…we sent some trackers out and yeah it looks like they were captured. That, that sucks’ Their trackers basically followed this back and ‘yeah that looks like a lot of tracks leading to this area. There has been known Nu’Val activity in that area, that’s probably where they took them. They’re also probably either dead by now or sold or gone. So, I…let’s send some fucking schmucks to go check it out’—   [Kelsey laughs]   Jason: —‘and we’re going to talk to the orcs and say we’ve done everything we can.’ And that’s why you guys are there. They offered, they offered 150 bucks basically, 150 gold to send you down and if you come back with them, that is amazing. The city looks great, you guys look amazing, the orcs’ll be happy. If you don’t come back, then that just proves ‘Hey we did everything—we lost our people too’ [a couple of snickers] ‘trying to get your buddies back. We tried’. It’s a win-win. Except if you all die.   Kelsey: Yeah   Jason: That’s not a win   Michael: Yeah, death death   Kelsey: Well not a win for us. [chuckles]   Jason: Not a win for you. The city’s still fine guys, just lettin’ you know, Winterhaven is gonna be okay.   [Michael chuckles]   Jason: Are we getting sleep?   Kelsey: Yeah   Jason: Alright   Michael: And I will, just for fun, —‘cause I realize I have this spell and I know you said you’re gonna do every two hours—but I will set the Alarm spell for us.   Jason: Okay   Michael: Which just for everyone else’s, uh, ‘you set an alarm against unwanted intrusion. Choose a door, window, or area within range that is no larger than a 20 ft cube. Until the spell ends, an alarm alerts you whenever a tiny or larger creature touches or enters the warded area. When you cast the spell you can designate the creatures that won’t set off the alarm’—So Uboh if you need to get up in the middle of the night, you won’t trigger it—‘you also choose whether the alarm is mental or audible.’ And it lasts for 8 hours.   Jason: Let me ask you a question: where are you putting it?   Michael: That’s a good question   Jason: ‘Cause you can cover an area, basically. It’s 20 foot so if you put it on top of you, that’s too late.   Michael: Yeaaaah. I’m trying to think, like, where it would be coming towards the camp?   Jason: Right   Michael: And I kind of feel like what’s behind us is okaaaay. You guys can tell me if you guys think we—I’m kind of thinking of where we’re coming—going towards is where I’d want to have like an area—   Susan: Well if we set up our camp against that cliff or whatever, then they could only come from one direction   James: Yep   Jason: Mmhmm   Michael: That in the cards ‘cause I was kind of looking towards that way. If we want to. But I’m thinkin’ ‘hey if they’re in on it’   Jason: Very suspicious   Michael: Hey, it’s Theria, man   James: That’ll never go away   Jason: I—It’s fine. One day I’ll just steer into the skid. I will just become The Joker.   [chuckling from the party]   Jason: Waking up the next day, Alarm didn’t go off. Everything’s fine. I imagine you’re packing up and you’re getting ready to head out. Who would like to do me a favor and roll a flat D20?   Xavier: I’ll do it.   Michael: Nice   James: Do it   Kelsey: Hey!   Jason: Wow. That is gorgeous. So check this out   [Xavier and Susan whispering “Eighteen”]   Jason: The weather’s going to break a bit—That was an 18 for everyone at home. Sorry—The weather’s going to break a bit and it’s going to be a little cooler today, in the lower 80s, so off the bat good news. Again fresh, cool water whenever you want. You pretty much just gotta reach down, splash your face, grab a drink, whatever. And there’s abundant food. You could either try and go fishing at some point or you can just go hunting; there’s plenty of wild game in the forest, deer, things like that. The day is going to fly by and—probably because that adrenaline is going to start to get pumping—about halfway through the day you realize ‘we could come up on this camp at any moment’. Now, coming up, the river’s going to sort of bend, but there’s a section of hill that kind of looks like it leads up, almost like, not a mountain pass; it’s definitely higher ground. Now you could take that and maybe you could survey the camp from up there. Or you can stay lower and take your chances that way. Now, the risks of course, going up above is you’ll be able to—if the camp is down there—you’ll be able to kind of scout things out and get a god’s eye view of everything. Unfortunately if you were to make too much noise or something, you could be easily spotted as well because all they have to do is pan up and go ‘Hey!’   [Kelsey laughs]   Jason: ‘Cause it doesn’t look like there’s too much brush or anything like that. It looks like it’s semi-exposed.   Susan: Hrm, so…stealthy person   James: Yessssss   Michael: Who’s really quiet?   Rob: I could also go up there as a piggy and what’re you gonna do if a pig’s watching you from a cliff?   Jason: That’s true   James: Okay we’ve got that and we’ve got two stealthy people   Michael: Does Uboh know how many numbers, like if we were like ‘Oh there’s 20’ will he come back and say ‘There’s seven’?   Rob: [offended] He can count   [The whole group laughs]   Kelsey: Okay well maybe what we do, so Uboh can go on the hill and then, I mean, can we go on like the other sides of it, and kind of just go through the woods? Like would that also be an option?   Jason: What, do you mean just kind of taking the lower path and going through the woods?   Kelsey: Yeah   Jason: Yeah, of course   Kelsey: So we can have like multiple people scouting maybe   Xavier: Yeah   Jason: Yeah, problem with that being, you’d be pretty separated from each other so if something were to happen—   Kelsey: Yeah that’s true   Jason: I’m just, just letting you know, that’s a great distance.   Kelsey: Okay. I think piggy-on-the-hill plan’s probably the best one then   James: Is Uboh…what side of him can turn into a boar? Is it the orc side? Or is it that just his, uh—   Jason: He’s a druid   Rob: It’s the druid power   Kelsey: [laughing] All, all orcs   Jason: That is not something all orcs can do   James: Is there a lot of—Is there a lot of orc druids?   Jason: Oh no. Oh heavens no. Not a lot of orc magic users period   James: My point being are they gonna be like ‘Hmm, you know there’s a boar there. That could be—‘ They’re not going to think druid?   Jason: No, if they see, most times if they see a boar, they’re gonna assume it’s a boar. He doesn’t look different. It’s not like Beast Boy where he’s green or something. Like he’s just, he just looks like a boar. It’s, you know   Xavier: Oh my god what if the boar that Aster shot was just like turned into an—   [gasps and noooo’s from the party]   Jason: That has happened before. It’s tragic   Kelsey: Oh no!   James: [chuckles] Okay   Rob: Let’s see…I can use this feature twice and I regain expended use when I take a short or long rest. Ba dum bum bum—I can stay in the beast shape for a number of hours equal to half my druid level, rounded down, so—   Rob and Jason in unison: —One   Rob: So should I—How much climbing do I have to do before I’m near it?   Jason: It’s kind of a gradual slope upward. It doesn’t look like it’s too, it’s too terrible.   Rob: Okay   Jason: You can probably do it in pig form   Rob: Let’s see [mutters random sounds while looking at notes] I’m just refreshing on the rules here. And by refreshing I mean reading them for the first time.   [everyone starts laughing]   Rob: ‘You choose whether your equipment falls to the ground in your space or merges with your new form. It merges—‘   Jason: Oo, I should probably mention that. So you can have it merge with your form but is going to appear as though that boar is wearing armor and carrying a weapon   [Kelsey bursts out giggling]   Rob: Wait, no, it doesn’t like sink into my skin? No? Okay   Jason: No.   Kelsey: [clearly amused] Wearing little—   Rob: That’s a little less convenient.   Kelsey: Does it change shape though? So it’s like he’s wearing little—   Jason: Oh it’s fitted to the boar   Kelsey: Oh my god, like piggy armor   Rob: Wait, my armor changes from being fitted to the orc to being fitted to the boar?   Jason: Yes!   Rob: Oh, okay. Hmm, okay. That’s, that’s way too suspicious though   [everyone starts laughing]   Kelsey: But it’s adorable   Susan: It is. Especially if he’s wearing the boots   Jason: Boy, I imagine if they did spot you it’s like ‘Man, that boar is ready for adventure. Wow.’   Rob: Got a little like bedroll that he carries behind him   [Susan giggling]   Rob: Okay, sooooo, yeah Uboh, I imagine in the time he’s hung out with Maddy, he’s done this a couple times now. So he just like kind of heaps all his gear near Maddy and then uh, I imagine the druid transforming into a animal is not like a pretty transformation I imagine. It’s kind of like the horrifying werewolf, like bones rearranging kind of thing—   Kelsey: Almost like Animorphs yes!   Xavier: It’s the Animorphs, yeah   Kelsey: YES!   Jason: I honestly always—here’s the thing when we were going over this in the book—I always imagine American Werewolf in London.   Rob: I haven’t seen it   Jason: Oh my god, that’s a famous transform—basically it looks like the most painful thing. It’s not painful, it’s just…horrifying   Kelsey: It’s exactly like Animorphs   Susan: Drawn out and…yeah   Jason: Yeah   James: Is that one like the wolf’s mouth comes out of the human’s mouth—   Jason: Yes!   James: And then rips—yeaaaah   Jason: Yeaaaah. It’s not as gruesome, but I imagine, like he hunches over and his posture changes and hands disappear into hooves. It’s one those things, it’s like ‘wow, I pictured that to be more elegant’, just—   Susan: So we’re like, ‘you should turn into your pig form and go scope it out’. And then he just immediately starts taking off all his clothes and then hunches over.   Rob: Yep   Susan: That’s the way I’m imagining it. Sorry.   Xavier: ‘Is that what we’re doing now? Okay’   Rob: Number one, that is how it goes. And number two, Uboh’s all business about it.   [everyone starts laughing]   Xavier: I like that   Rob: This is, this is how it works. So yeah Uboh piggies up and then just kind of like gives the party a proud snort once he is in his pig form and just starts trotting off up the hill.   Jason: Alright   Michael: I made some serious notes on that whole transformation.   Jason: Oh dude, we need character art   Rob: The research   Jason: So Uboh’s gonna, he’s gonna start jutting up this hill and after a few moments he’s gonna disappear, go around this little bend. And I guess the party’s just gonna chill here while he goes on a little adventure.   Kelsey: I mean, I feel like we’d keep watch of him   Jason: Well I mean there’s really no way to do that without following him.   Kelsey: Oh okay   Jason: I mean you could take the route opposite him in the forest, but that leads you back to where you were.   Kelsey: Yeah, okay. Well I guess we’ll keep and ear out   Xavier: If you want—yeah, Aster and Masoka if both of you, you want to just scout ahead but not too far, you can do it as well, just stay low   Kelsey: I mean I feel like maybe we’d fall behind him like a bit, just so we’re aware if something goes horribly wrong, but…   Xavier: Yeah, stay within sight of the camp   Kelsey: Yeah. He should be getting all the information we need so we’re kind of ‘who watches the Watchmen’ type of thing   James: Okay   Kelsey: That makes sense   Jason: Thirty five minutes. Thirty five minutes are gonna pass. Uboh, in a run of luck that is just amazing, is going to get to a point where this sort of levels off—it sort of plateaus—and it’s a nice little cliffside thing. And looking down into this patch of forest, some of it has been chopped down and some of it has been sort of cleared out to make room for this large camp. Now Uboh’s going to hear a lot of noise. And I would like you to do me a favor and give me a Perception check to see exactly how much of this you’re picking up.   Rob: Solid. 16.   Jason: Very solid. So this is an operation. You’re watching people move in and out. It’s tough to gauge exactly how many people there are, but there’s considerable amount. In the time that Uboh’s watched the camp so far, he’s spotted about 25, maybe 30. And they’ve run the gamut; some of them don’t look like fighters necessarily, there look to be some burly people there. More importantly, towards the back of this camp, you’re gonna see wagons set up with cages on top of them. Now these are flat-back wagons, it’s just basically there to roll these orcs to where they need them to go. And you’re gonna see several orcs caged up in these contraptions. They don’t look pleased   Rob: I imagine   Jason: Yeah. The other thing you’re gonna notice is every once in a while it looks like one of these guys are gonna get bored and sort of walk up to the cage and stay just out of arm’s reach and they’ll do things like spit or just kind of shout at them, try to do the thing where you get close enough to the cage where they could take a swipe at you and then back up. In one case ,there was one guy who walked up with a large pole, sort of the back of a spear, the blunt end and just started jabbing at them.   Rob: Mmmm   Jason: That is the sight that Uboh is seeing.   Rob: Okay, I begin trotting back down the mountain.   Jason: Alright. Thirty five minutes later. So an hour and ten minutes has passed for the party   Rob: So after the hour is up, I have to revert back, which means I am now just like walking through the woods naked.   [chuckles from the group]   Jason: Right he’s coming down the mountain naked, that is a, that’s a sight I would imagine.   James: Donovan, is it?   Xavier: I clap. I give him a polite golf clap   Susan: Maddy hands over his stuff   Rob: Yeah Uboh just dresses himself back up nonchalantly as though there’s absolutely nothing strange about that. As he arrives, he looks mad and he says “We will kill 30 slavers today.”   Kelsey: “Whew”   Xavier: “Yeah, sure. Did you see any slaves in there? I mean captured Free People”   Rob: “They have many orcs in cages. They spit on them. Poke them.”   Kelsey: “Can’t you like draw on the ground or something, just like a basic where the cages are and stuff? ‘Cause if we could get them out of the cages, they’d probably help in killing the slavers, I think”   Susan: I was thinking the same thing,’cause there’s thirty.   Michael: “How many did you see in the cages?”   Rob: Uh how many did I see, Jason?   Jason: He would’ve seen 9 or 10 of them, it looked to be about 10. The problem is, they have been caged up for weeks now, almost three weeks. And I don’t know if they’re gonna be a crazy big help in a fight.   Kelsey: “Back to piggy bait plan?”   Xavier: “It’s up to them if they want to fight or not. They could also try to escape. But it’s definitely better than going head on against thirty people and possibly having to retreat without having opened the cages.”   Kelsey: “They have to leave at some point. Like at least send out like patrols and stuff. Could we pick those off at least to narrow it down a bit before…’cause I don’t think rushing in there, six against thirty is gonna do it, you know?”   Michael: “Almost feel like we need a way to get them out when—there’s the pig plan, that’s almost like if we could be like ‘there’s some orcs this way’ get a few of them then surprise them, in like multiple rounds of some sort. Whether it’s like the hunters, do the pig thing, and then we do a like ‘hey we found some orcs this way’.”   Rob: “I think Aster is right. We look for patrols. Pick them off slowly. Might take a few days.”   Michael: “How far apart were the buildings there? Or the camp?”   Rob: Uboh scratches a rough version of the camp into the dust for informational purposes   Jason: Yeah there are several tents set up through this thing and there’d be a couple of fires going. This looks like they’ve settled in quite a bit. Not buildings but definitely tents.   Michael: So how far away were the cages from these tents?   Jason: A couple of the tents are near the cages. About fifteen feet away, somewhere in there.   Michael: ‘Cause I was wondering if we waited until night and then like set some tents on fire   Jason: Well the one things you guys have, as of right now, is the element of surprise. They don’t know you’re here. How you utilize that is completely up to you.   Rob: “I like the fire idea.” And Uboh does his cantrip Produce Flame and shows that he can like make the fire. And he says “If we go at night, fire is a good distraction. Make tents burn. Maybe get orcs out of cages while they try to stop it?”   Kelsey: “That could definitely work.”   Susan: “That’s, that’s a great plan.” She’ll look to Uboh while she says that, like ‘wow, that’s a great plan’.   Rob: “It is a bad plan. Not enough dead slavers. But it is a safe plan.”   Michael: “Well fire, maybe an occasional lightning bolt, and there might be a few more dead than we expect.” And I wink   Xavier: “There is always more dead than we expect.”   [everyone chuckles]   James: “How’re we supposed to sneak out of there?”   Rob: [makes ‘I don’t know’ noise]   Michael: “Probably there’s enough fire that they’ll be distracted. And only catch a few people’s attention at the very least—or at the very most.”   Xavier: “I don’t, I have a hard time believing we’re going to be sneaking out of there honestly. Uboh, do you think these orcs will want to just leave and sneak out, or do you think they’ll want to get revenge?”   Rob: “They will want revenge. Whether they will feel strong enough to take it, I do not know.”   Xavier: “Alright. Let’s do it at night. We’ll act fast on the cages—on the fires first—act fast on the cages, if we can avoid being scene and then the decision will be in the hands of the orcs. Meanwhile, we’ll keep setting tents on fire.”   James: “Alright. I think Aster and I can sneak in back to the cages.”   Kelsey: They’ll nod   Michael: This is so bad if I get you killed   Jason: Does Amvin say that?   Michael: No   Jason: Oh okay.   Michael: That was Michael. He might be thinking it   Xavier: We all know what we’re into. We signed the waiver   [Michael and Kelsey chuckle]   Jason: So it sounds like you’re sneaking into the camp at night?   Rob: Yes. Do we want to split up into a Free Slaves team and a Distraction team?   Jason: I think that sounds amazing   James: Do you think Uboh would want to take boar form and come with stealth/free slaves team so he—   Rob: Problem is Uboh’s not super sneaky. Like if you guys actually have stealth training, Uboh does not.   Kelsey: I feel like it’s just Aster and Masoka   James: Yeah. I was thinking for appearance-wise, if he wants to make a good impression on the orcs, it’d be—   Kelsey: Or maybe he could like keep at a distance behind us but nearby just in case we need back-up?   Rob: Well I’m the guy with fire though, for burning tents—   Kelsey: Oh! That’s a good point, that’s a good point.   James: Oh yeah   Kelsey: You’re the fire guy   James: Okay, you’ll talk to them after then.   Xavier: Yeah as far as making an impression on the orcs, I think wrecking their shit is gonna be the best way   Kelsey: Yeah and unlocking the cages, that’s uh, yep.   Jason: I’m gonna set up this little map just to make things easier. So splitting up into two teams. You got Aster and you got Masoka and they’re gonna split off and head north, very slowly through this underbrush and just to try to get into this camp without alerting anybody. And then you got the rest of the party who is going to hang back and take up a bit of a straightforward approach and try to get to one of the tents on the outer rim here. Now, obviously the job of Masoka and Aster, that job’s a little more difficult. Because you are trying to get toward the center of the camp, sneak up to these cages, and then pick locks—   Kelsey: [in a squeaky, unsure voice] Yep!   Jason: —and not get spotted   James: But we’re not going right through the center, are we?   Jason: No you’re kind of on the outer rim. But you still gotta be quiet, sooo   James: Okay. Yeah.   Jason: Here’s what I’m gonna do first, after you disappear for a little while—I’d say like five, ten minutes goes by, something like that—Team Distraction, are you ready to make a distraction?   [Susan giggling nervously]   Michael: Let’s do this!   Uboh: Sure   Jason: Okay, I heard something about conjuring flame   Rob: Yeah, do you need an attack roll or is the tent pretty stationary? Do I—   Jason: Tent’s pretty stationary. It’s not a particularly dodgy tent.   [laughter from the party]   Xavier: But it’s wearing armor!   Rob: What I’m asking is, does it just work? ‘Cause if it just works, I do that thing.   Jason: It pretty much just works. It’s a cloth tent. It’s nothing, it’s not like wood or stone or anything like that. So—   Xavier: It resists!   Jason: It’s so dextrous! So Uboh’s going to conjure this flame, and the rub is you have to get within 30 feet of the tent, which I imagine you do   Susan: Ohp   Jason: Uh-huh?   Susan: I have one too so we could like two tents on fire at the same time.   Jason: Oh god   Susan: It’s a cantrip too. Mine’s 60   Jason: What it looks like, what it looks like right now is there’s kind of a congregation of people toward the center of this camp. And you’ve got your random patrol people every once in a while, like one or two people, just kind of on the outskirts, mostly, honestly, looking out for wild animals, that type of thing. Just to make sure that nothing’s screwing with their food or tent. So, they’re kind of doin’ their patrol and you guys are gonna sneak up, and you’re going to flick fire, magic fire, at their tents. Two of the tents on the outskirts are going to be struck from the back and at first it’s just kind of a—   [Jason makes whoosh/poof sound, background sound of flames burning can be heard]   Jason: —and it just kind of hits one area and then after a few seconds that fire’s going to spread   [crackling sound added to the sound of flames]   Jason: And it is going to rapidly climb up these tents and just sort of, just sort of lay on top of—like a big old flame-y hug— and just start devouring these tents.   [music becomes faster and more intense]   Jason: And you are going to hear panic set in as people try to run over and put these fires out. They’re taking like blankets and smacking it and…Team Orc Freers. Maybe.   James: Hey!   Kelsey: Yep, that’s us   Jason: I would like, I’d like you both to roll a Stealth check please.   James: [chuckles] Ookay   Kelsey: Hey! [laughs] That was not a good roll but my bones didn’t—   Jason: It’s not the worst, it’s not the worst. Okay that’s a 12 from Aster and 14 from Masoka. I will say that it is a good thing there’s a distraction going on right now   [Kelsey laughs]   Jason: Because even on the outer rim, there’d be a little bit of noise. Picture as you guys are approaching these wagons, there’s two large cages right? With five orcs in there apiece. So as you’re approaching, just picture like twigs snapping or something like that from Aster and maybe, maybe Masoka’s foot gets caught a little bit of ivy or something, it’s like chrck, it’s just a littel bit of noise, but I imagine it’s one of those things you both stop and go ‘fuck’   Kelsey: [giggling] Yeah   James: [in growly Masoka voice] “Ow my ankle” [grunts]   Kelsey: [laughing] You lost five hit points   James: Yeah   Jason: Now there, there was a patrolman up by this cage. He is going to move forward, as these flames start to spread. And what they’re trying to do is, some of these tents are kind of close by. They don’t want all their possessions burning up, so they’re trying to grab water. They’re, they’re trying to deal with this right? So a majority of the camp is kind of at least facing that, maybe not abandoning their post completely, but they are definitely looking at this fire. And I would say, that does give you a clear shot—if you want to go for it— to try to open these, these cages.   Kelsey: I mean, I don’t think it’s going to get better than this. So—   James: Do the orcs see us? Like are they reacting in any way?   Jason: I would say at this point maybe one or two. Yeah they don’t look, they don’t look great. They look like they’ve been tied—basically caged and beaten and malnourished for a few weeks.   James: Okay   Jason: But they are hardy. They are orcs. I think that would have really punished, like say a human, a lot more   Kelsey: Mmhm mmhm   Jason: But they, they don’t look happy.   James: They’d probably approach like sort of hands up, like ‘I mean no harm’ and then sort of like keep eye contact and then reach for the lock.   Jason: Which is going to confuse them greatly, because they associate people like you with enslavement.   Kelsey: Mmhmm   James: I imagine so, yeah.   Jason: And it, there might be more protest, or maybe grabbing at you or something, if they had the energy. It, it, after seeing you play with the lock, I would imagine the thought process is, ‘okay either you’re stupid enough to let us out and I can kill you or if you’re trying to get a better vantage to beat me just by opening this door, maybe I can murder or you’re trying to free me; I don’t care why’   Kelsey: Yeah really   Jason: They’re not trying to reason it out.   Kelsey: Yeah   Jason: so—   Rob: Does Team Distraction really need to do anything else on the distraction side or could we start circling around to where they entered so we can back them up if something bad happens?   Jason: That’s what I was going to ask you guys. After you do cause a distraction, are you trying to get to where they are?   Michael: I would think we’d want to get out of the way so A) we’re not noticed that we just set the, uh, flames, so it doesn’t just look like arsonists are just standing there admiring their work   [the whole group starts laughing]   Jason: Makes sense. You all start whistling nonchalantly   Xavier: Uh yeah, that’d be the smart thing to do   Rob: Oh my gosh. [laughing] I have a thought and…let me put it this way, the thought strikes Uboh and he realizes there’s no time to ask the party if this is okay   Jason: Oh awesome, I love these things   Kelsey: Oh no   Xavier: Just do it!   Rob: So Uboh says, “Go meet with the others. I will catch up.” And he starts using his second boar form transformation.   [Kelsey giggling]   Jason: So nudity abound   Rob: No no no no no. He keeps his armor on for this one   Jason: Ohhh   Kelsey: He just starts stripping   Jason: Alright   Rob: No no, no he’s fully armored for this one   Jason: Fully armored. Okay   Xavier: See none of us likes—   Susan: With his little booties! I’m sorry, I’m so excited   Kelsey: So cute   Jason: So I do picture—   Rob: Yeah this’ll be fan art   Jason: Yeah. I do picture, picture a boar, like a fairly sizable boar, wearing—what does Uboh wear, leather?   Rob: Leather, yeah   Jason: Yeah, so like leather armor and there’s a staff on its back—   [Kelsey giggling delightedly]   Jason: —and just like yeah, little, little booties on hooves   [Susan awww’s and claps softly]   Rob: And when he uses his ultimate move, the staff spins like a helicopter blade and he flies   [everyone bursts out laughing]   Kelsey: I love this   Rob: So here’s the goal: the goal is, in boar form, charge through the camp, catch a flaming tent on my tusk, and drag it into the other tents, and then bolt out the other side of the camp   Jason: Ohhhhhhhhh   Kelsey: Oh my god, you’re gonna get shot by arrows.   Rob: So I just want to catch it—   Kelsey: Do it   Rob: —drag it into more tents, and then just keep running, like I’m a boar spooked by fire who happens to be wearing a ton of armor and have a staff.   Jason: Right, that’s the only bit that’s like—which I imagine if this were to get pulled off, right, it’s one of those things where it’s like ‘I don’t care about the armor. It’s more the fire that we’re worried about right now. We can investigate this boar-armor situation later’   [Kelsey giggling in joy]   Jason: Okay, so the rest of the party, let’s, let’s do this. The rest of the party, I’m guessing is going to start back around and curl, curl back to the east here and try to wind up where Masoka and Aster took off to, correct?   [agreement from the group]   Jason: Okay, while Uboh’s getting ready to do that, I am guessing—and correct me if I’m wrong—Aster’s going to take a cage and Masoka’s going to take a cage, correct?   Kelsey: Yep   James: Sure, yes   Jason: Okay now these locks are obviously, they’re strong enough to keep these orcs in, but it’s more about the sturdiness of the cage. The locking mechanism is just pretty good. So I would like you to roll a Dexterity check with a +2, I believe Masoka gets a +4 for his thieves’ tools?   Kelsey: Yeah ‘cause he has the extra thing; I took it for a different skill   Jason: So Masoka, roll a Dex check with a +4 and Aster roll with a +2. If you get to 13 or higher—   Kelsey: Dang it!   Jason: Okay, wow. Okay.   Kelsey: Why are we rolling so badly?   [James groans]   Jason: Okay well that’s a 4 and a 5. So okay, that’s not great. So you’re going to fiddle with these locks right? And the seconds are going to tick by into minutes right? And I would imagine both of you are looking at each other like ‘This isn’t working’   James: [in a loud whisper] “Shit!”   Jason: So three whole minutes have ticked by now. At this point the orc is going to look down like ‘okay, do you know what you’re doing or not? Like, I was kind of under the impression some shit was gonna—like what, what is going on?’   Michael: Forgot my key   [Jason and James laugh]   Jason: Uboh!   Rob: Yes   Jason: Are you ready to do this?   Rob: [hesitantly] Yeeees. Always   Jason: [Laughs] Okay, let’s get ready and make a bigger distraction here. So, what stats do you keep, as a druid?   Rob: My mental stats   Jason: Okay, so your Dex is boar Dex, so that’s gonna be +0, but it’s not gonna take a lot to pull off the thing you want, so do me a favor and roll a flat D20.   Rob: Okay. Yankin’ a tent isn’t Strength?   Jason: No, I want you to—This is you bolting in—   Rob: Ohhhh   Jason: This is basically how quickly you’re moving at these tents and doing what you’re doing.   Rob: Okay.   Jason: Mmhm…Oh that’s gorgeous   Rob: That’s a good roll   Jason: That’s 15. Okay, so this boar, this fucking armored boar, is going to come in out of nowhere—and these guys are still distracted, the fire is just getting out of control— some people are actually trying to reach inside the burning tent to get things out of them so they must have something in here that is worth something to them. And Uboh is going to come streaking from these bushes—   Rob: [in a grave announcer voice] Out of the darkness   Jason: Out of the darkness. Is there a, some sort of war snort or grunt or squeal that you’re gonna come in with?   Rob: I wanna squeal like I’m a boar scared by fire   [loud pig squeal]   Jason: Okay, do me a favor: now give me a Strength check, that’s a 20 +1   Rob: ‘Kay. Adjusting 1 and go…   Xavier: Ohh!   Jason: Holy shit   Rob: Hot streak. Hot streak   Jason: 18 ladies and gentlemen at home. He is going to catch his tusk right on the edge, right on the edge of this first tent, like coming around the corner right?   [fire still crackling quietly in the background]   Jason: And he is going to yank half of this down and it is just going to be a burning cloth streaking behind him as he tears ass through this camp. We already did the Dex check; he’s moving at a really good clip. And the Strength check means he didn’t slow down at all, he is going to continue. There is going to be a fever pitch panic as you streak off to the next tent and just start trying to light shit on fire. Meanwhile, I would say, by this point, Team Distraction has met up with—   Kelsey: Oh no   Jason: —has met up with Masoka and Aster   Kelsey: Are you sure?   Michael: So you got ‘em out right?   Kelsey: They, they can wait. They can wait a bit   James: Uhhh, heh heh   Jason: So again, minutes have passed…   Michael: So where are they?   James: So we try again?   Jason: Yep. I would say—so as they’re walking up—give me one more attempt, both of you   Kelsey: HECK! Oh wait, no did that make it? Was it 13?   Jason: They both made it! Holy shit!   James: Wow   Kelsey: Yes! We barely made it   James: Wow.   [Jason and Kelsey laughing]   James: It’s the pressure of working in a group   Jason: That’s what it is. So just as these guys are walking up, you’re going to hear two clinks and you are going to open these cage doors like just as they’re walking up.   Kelsey: We, we timed it that way on purpose to be more dramatic.   Jason: Oh my god, I imagine there’s a bit of perspiration like, ‘Oh come on, you fucking lock, come on’   James: ‘We, we had to fight some guys before we got here.’   Kelsey: ‘Yeah. It’s really tough guys’   Michael: You guys get a story straight before   [laughter]   Jason: These doors are gonna open though.   Xavier: I’m gonna drop—I have both my hand axes in each hand—and I’m gonna like flip them so I’m holding them by the axe part and I’m holding them to the orcs that are in the open doors like for orcs to take   Jason: Well okay, the orc initially going to, he’s going to think that you’re trying to threaten him a little bit. Just you’re grabbing a weapon, I know you’re not doing it—   Xavier: Yeah I already had them like—   Jason: Right but it’s gonna be like ‘why, why are you doing this?’ It’s like foreign, like why would you rescue them, why would you come them. Like it doesn’t quite make sense to them. But after a second, he’s gonna reach out and grab that axe   Xavier: So like two of them can take one   Jason: Ahhhh   Xavier: I don’t, I don’t mind.   Jason: There, there are weapons around this camp. Now these, again there’s a lovely distraction going on in the middle of this. One of the orcs is going to take one of these axes and move over to one of these tents that is not on fire. And he’s going to slash down and just cut the back of this tent out right? And he is going to disappear into it for a moment. And he’s going to come out with this white powdery substance   Kelsey: Ohhhh nooo   Jason: Everyone—   Kelsey: Ohh noo   Jason: Could you guys do me a favor, give me a Survival check   Kelsey: I already know what this is   Xavier: Am I familiar with drugs?   Jason: Uh you—   Susan: Can I do Medicine?   Jason: Huh?   Susan: Can I do Medicine?   Jason: Yes! You can do that too, [mutters] though this is not medicine. But yeah you could do Medicine   Kelsey: Uh yeah it’s   Jason: Oh my   Kelsey: Oh no   Jason: Okay, yes   Susan: Oh no, poor Amvin   Rob: Amvin is sheltered   [Jason, Rob and Xavier laugh]   Jason: ‘Is that baking soda?’   Michael: ‘It’s a spell component, a spell component’   Jason: Yeah, I would say Aster, Masoka, jeez, Maddy, and that’s it. You’re gonna recognize this as a very potent drug. In Theria, it’s known as Yaro, which is…it’s used by slavers sometimes—if they’re training a fighter so to speak, “training”—what they’ll do is they’ll give it to them and first of all, it’s very addictive. Second of all, it amps them up and shuts down pain receptors very temporarily. So essentially, they just go nuts, they blank out, they get hyper violent and it pushes them to do superhuman feats for a short period of time. This orc is just going to jam it in its face, just a palmful of it and just give a big snort   [audio sound of a large creature deeply inhaling]   [Kelsey makes a noise like she is uncomfortable/worried]   Jason: And it’s going to clench both fists for a minute as just a rivulet of blood starts pouring out of its nose and he is going to bellow into the sky. And then he’s going to race toward the center of this camp with the axe held high…And I think that’s a pretty good time for us to stop for the evening.   [James and Xavier chuckle]   Kelsey: You had to give him an axe.   Xavier: I—he could have found one   Michael: I was waiting for ‘And Jake has entered the call’.   [everyone laughs]   Rob: It would be extra hilarious because he wouldn’t be like, he’d be like ‘Aaaand I’m basically playing the exact same character.’   Xavier: ‘And I have the same introduction’   Jason: Oh good lord   Xavier: Well awesome. Thank you!   Kelsey: Yeah   Rob: What’s up guys?   [audio for the episode fades out]   Jason: Whew we really hope that you enjoyed today’s episode. It was a ton of work for everybody; we really wanted to kick this new arc off in fashion. And again, today’s episode was sponsored by the lovely folks at Patreon. They keep our lights on, they allow us to do this for our living, it is amazing what they’re doing for us. And we bend over backwards to try and produce A TON of content. There’s about 6-8 shows depending on the month that we produce just for lovely Patreon folks. If you go to patreon.com/dandr you can find all the stuff there. Here’s a clip from something called “The Safe Haven Society”. It’s something we do each and every month; it’s just a bit of extra roleplay, it fleshes out stuff in the world. And we tell stories in character, in a little bar called Safe Haven in the city of Brightport. So on the show they take turns telling stories and sharing experiences and inbetween each story, they go get a round of drinks. In this clip, a halfling named Deppin is asking a githzerai named Milo, how he fights with one arm and Milo is obviously pretty drunk in this clip. So, enjoy.   [Sound of fire streaking across as a transition ending in an echo fading out]   [background noise of people murmuring and talking in a crowded bar]   Bri: “How do you think I load this?” And he’s waving the unloaded crossbow in Deppin’s face like ‘how do you think i do that?’   Jason: “Um. Slowly?”   [Bri laughs]   Bri: Milo is going to laugh just like that, just as high pitched and everything. To the point where it’s almost creepy because I’m a lady and he does not have a lady’s voice. And then he’s going to kind of turn so that Deppin can see the mechanism on his hip that—we’ve talked about it before—he has a fancy little mechanical thing. It’s not like steampunk or anything, it just works with screws and fucking cogs—   Jason: It’s essentially a lever in leather   Bri: Yeah and he places it into the mechanism and at that point he can let it go, and he can pull a lever and the whole thing loads on its own for the most part. And then he picks it back up and he’s like ‘Aha!’   Jason: Deppin’s going to notice the mechanism for the first time—I don’t think he’s got a really good, like a clean look at it—   Bri: Yeah they’ve been sitting for a while   Jason: Yeah, or understood exactly what it’s for. Or something like that, that would be something that’s completely foreign to him. And he gonna go a bit wide-eyed at how fast it gets loaded, ‘cause it probably takes two seconds all said and done. And before he can say anything about like ‘Oh that’s really impressive’ or anything like that—   Bri: There’s a crossbow being waved in his face that is now loaded.   Jason: Right, right. Now it’s—and a very drunk man is holding it—so it’s just kind of a ‘Oh that’s great, just put that down maybe? Just like, don’t shoot me in the face’   Jason: Back over at the bar, I would imagine Sa’Tai is getting a bit impatient at how long it’s taking to get these beverages, ‘cause the bar’s kind of hopping at this point   Bri: Right   Jason: It’s late enough in the evening that everyone’s kind of piled in; there’s nothing really else to do in this section of town. Like it’s either get drunk or…work, I guess. By work I mean—   Bri: Brothel   Jason: Probably yes, something like that.   Bri: Fun work   Jason: Yeah, fun work. Depending on what kind of night you’re having.   Bri: Yeah   Jason: But after a few seconds there is going to be a crossbow bolt striking one of the pillars next to the bar.   [sound of arrow being fired and thudding into wood]   Jason: And I would imagine the bartender, the bartender’s still upset at this point. Sa’Tai is going to look at the bartender and realize like ‘Okay, look I get it. No one was hurt though. Don’t, don’t be a bitch’. Like that, kind of that, it’s like no one got hurt. But realizing that the bartender’s still upset and that in polite society it’s probably not a friendly maneuver to just fire a loaded weapon in a crowded bar, that type of thing.   Bri: Right   Jason: So he would offer kind of a [smooth, soft voice with a slight slavic accent] “I’m sorry. My friend is a moron”, and grab, just start grabbing beverages and just like ‘Okay, we’re done now though. That’s it.’ Like that’s the end of this transaction, we’re fine.   Bri: Right. ‘I paid you, we’re good’   Jason: Yeah ‘we’re done, you didn’t get hit, you’re fine’   [Sound of fire streaking across as a transition ending in an echo fading out]   j- So if that sounds like something you might be interested in, go to patreon.com/dandr and join the people who help support this show. You can also find us at dandrpodcast.com. You can find our Facebook, our Twitter, our forums are there, Discord server, all kind of awesome stuff. We want to hear from you, please reach out [email protected] is our email, send us an email, let us know what you think. And of course we always very much appreciate iTunes reviews. If you go to iTunes, look us up and give us a rating, man, let us know what you think. It really really helps us out and kind of helps us spread the word. If you think a friend might be interested, ship it off to them. So thank you everyone out there so much. We’ll be back next week with a brand new episode and until then, let us know what you think in the comments and keep in touch with us.
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Article template
Document
World
Theria
Author
Steve 'twg'
Publication Date
5 Aug, 2019
Creation Date
4 Jul, 2019
Last Update Date
5 Aug, 2019
Visibility
Public
Views
364
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