Sewers, Slime, and Secrets

Discovery, Exploration

Some stuff happened, but I was eating my salad ---

Bones smushed the goblin in the closet with his hammer, turning into a sticky paste. The bugbear hits Johanna the bear with a huge morningstar, striking her between the shoulder blades. It does some damage, she staggers a bit, now angry (and still sticky). (14 out of 35) Johanna bites back, a little nibble, but it took a chunk out of the bugbear.

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Players • Chula - Kim • ones - Bryan • Johanna - Brad • Koath - Kevin • Neiman, hospitality gnome - Alex • Vult - Carlos • Lyra - Stefano   The Log Chula goes to open the door. "Stand up on your legs so I can squeeze through," explains Chula to Johanna (Sticky bear), "It's just going to be a tight fit." The door is locked, so she tries to pick it. "I should know how to do this… it is just sleight of hand." It opens super easy, because Chula is a lock-pickin' badass. She opens it, seeing two goblins, one staring at her - she yells, "Sneak attack!" and makes her arms like tree branches. Bones dashes in front and leans to the side. Before the sticky bear can move, there's a roar and something says, "GET OUT OF THE WAY" just as a goblin gets thrown across the room, and a damn bugbear comes around the corner. The bugbear had kicked the goblin so hard that it got injured. Johanna the sticky bear barrels through everyone to get at the action. Of course the bear was upset Bones went through her legs without asking, so she isn't too concerned about knocking him down, but they manage to pass each other without any trouble at all. "I'm gonna bite the heck out of him," she thinks out loud. Not being able to talk it comes out like "RRRRAAAAAWWWWRRRR". Her sharp teeth try to come down on the goblin's skull, but the goblin moves out of the way. The Bear swipes at the goblin's face, slashing across and ripping him in clean in half. A spray of super-red blood (the Goblin was very oxygenated) coats everything in the immediate area. He's basically goblin jelly. Johanna looks at her fur and realizes it is now even more sticky from blood.

Some stuff happened, but I was eating my salad ---

Bones smushed the goblin in the closet with his hammer, turning into a sticky paste. The bugbear hits Johanna the bear with a huge moninstar, striking her between the shoulderblades. It does some damage, she staggers a bit, now angry (and still sticky). (14 out of 35) Johanna bites back, a little nibble, but it took a chunk out of the bugbear. She slashes across its chest. Nothing happens for a moment, then the bugbear's eyes roll back in its head, a small trickle of blood drips out of its mouth, and it falls backward with a crash, dead. Vult, meanwhile, down the tunnel, realizes he's alone, and contemplates whether he should go back… eventually. The looting and pilfering begins in earnest. Quickly turning back into her normal form, Johanna goes through the bugbear's loincloth, finding a necklace of toothless dogs. (Chula rolls her eyes.) But it was actually a racoon pelt. This is the worst loot, ever, says Chula. Another rustle through the bugbear's loincloth and finds a crispy dead mouse, a necklace of dog ears, and a severed finger with an ornate ruby ring on it. "We still haven't found that guy, and no one has gone into that room to see if that's the room," Johanna observes. Kvoath loots the goblin and finds a golden ring with an elvish name on it. And 2 copper pieces. The goblin probably thought it was gold. He lights his pipe with the purple stuff in it, got a tingle, notes the delightful smell -- like skunk lavender. Neiman slinks over, with very little effort and gets Kvoath to hand her the pipe. She takes a drag and gets fucked up. We're talking Harold and Kumar levels of high. "We're celebrating, dude," she says, "we just beat up some goblins." "Finally, someone who understands me!" shouts Kvoat. Chula looks in the room, finding only old clothings. She runs down the hallway ("I'm bored with this loot," she explains), finding a room with beds. It smells better here, but not by much. Chula holds her lavender to help keep the skink at bay. It contains 6 small and 1 large straw-stuffed, dirty mattresses. They look like goblins and bugbears slept here. "I think we're done" says Vult. "You're not even close to being done," says a voice in his head. Neiman approaches the door carefully and quietly. He peeks through the keyhole and sees another bedroom, and right on the other side of the door, two guys are pushing a desk against the door. "This will hold them back," whispers one to the other. The party starts arguing about which way the toilet paper roll should be. And if you have cats, then it should be backwards. They quickly decide to leave the topic for another day. Neiman casts a friendship on the guys, shouting, "Hey, uh, we took care of the problem. Just letting you know, we're going to go now, and we left a bit of a mess. If you want to come out and help us mop this up!" One of the guys says, "I think this is okay. I think there's a lady that wants to help." There's noise of the desk sliding back. Then: "What the fuck are you doing?!" says another voice. "If you need some help moving that…?" offers Neiman. A loud slap occurs, followed by the sound of body falling and the desk sliding back. Neiman tries opening the door and it opens a few inches. Johanna comes up and pushes hard. Neiman's hands are on the door "I'm helping!" The door flies open, knocking down the desk onto one of the guys. "What up, bitches?!" Chula "sneaks" past Johanna and yells "who are you?! ARGH!" The guy under the desk yells at his friend, "Oh my god, kill them!" "Sneak attack!" yells Chula, as she attacks the Duergar with a poison dagger. The dagger sinks deep into the meat, releasing its poison into the Duergar's flesh. The Duergar looks like he wants to puke. The bandit wiggles under the desk, nearly getting out. The Duergar yells in anger, ("I wink at him," says Chula) suddenly grows three sizes larger! ("I stop winking at him", says Chula, dryly) The Duergar swings with his warpick and the pick goes wide. Neiman sneak attacks with a rapier, whispering "Room service!" The rapier tastes the Duergar's flesh. Duergar gurgles and dies ignobly. Johanna threatens to sit on the desk if the guy doesn't surrender. She puts one foot on the desk to hold him down. "What are you doing down in this area?" He tries to stab her. She puts her other foot on his free arm, straddling him. Fortunately she's wearing leggins. "Last chance: what are you doing down here?" He flails and continues trying to stab her. She raises her powerful weapon and…. "Okay, okay, I surrender!" he drops the knife. Neiman holds the pointy end of his Rapier at the guy's throat and whispers, "Sneak attack". "I gotta get to him before Chula does," proclaims Johanna, as the picks the guy's pockets. He has • a wooden box filled with 13 polished copper coins, • a vial of shimmering dust. "SMOKE IT" she hears from down the hall. "Sniff it", corrects Chula. Chula moves to the door, opening it. A toilet appears. "Do you have some chips" says one of the high folks. A grey ooze jumps up from toilet and moves quickly towards Chula before she can close the door. Chula throws a firebolt, hitting it square in the ooze. It fizzles a little bit, but it doesn't seem to be hurt. Chula retreats next to Neiman, who in turn thinks briefly about grabbing the desk (haw haw), but instead slams the door and wedges a daggar in the door. Unfortunately for Neiman, the ooze simply squeezes under the door and attacks Neiman. It throws a tendril, but Neiman smoves out of the way. "You're going to get me killed!" screams the bandit. Johanna picks up the bandit and throws him at the ooze. Unfortunately, she releases too late and slams the bandit straight into the floor. The sound of crunching bones is heard. "I'm going to do a sneak attack," whispers Chula. She swings and hits with her dagger, then yells, "I'm hiding now!" Neiman stabs it with his rapier, sneakily. As he pulls his rapier out of it, it immediately starts to rust and corrode (reducing its damage by 1). The ooze swings at Neiman but misses. The bandit gets to his feet and bolts for the door. Johanna tries to grab him, but her big mits connect with nothing but air. He runs, and she pursues. She attempts to thorn whip him, but no luck. Bones meanwhile has been moving towards all the commotion. Chula tries to attack the ooze, but super-misses. She stabs at it twice, but it moves out of the way each time. She disengages and moves back. Neiman sneak attacks with his rusty rapier, but fumbles it. Fortunately, he does have halfling luck, so he turns the miss into at hit, but ! It dies quick. The guy keeps running, and runs right into Bones, who brings down his war hammer directly upon the guy's skull, smashing it like a melon. Chula tries to repair Neiman's rapier, no luck. Johnanna searches the desk and finds: • 10 sheets of parchment • A scarab jade broach • A metal cup • 3 copper pieces Chula, of course, moves to loot the dead Deurger. She finds • a small little doll, of very high quality construction, detailed stitching, maybe it looks like Kwoath. It even has a drinking cup. "Does it have any spot worn more than the other," smirks Kwoat. • 12 platinum pieces • Deeply smoked and preserved turkey leg. Chula runs off to find Kwoath. Kvoath is standing, but the other two are sitting in a pool of shit. Chula flicks the doll's head to see if there's any reaction; there isn't one. She nonchalantly hands Kwoath the doll without a word. He accepts the doll without a word. "If you let me sit on your lap, I'll go through you 'pockets' while you're there" says Neiman to Vult. "I'm gonna to search the monster" says bones. • He finds Bones and a goblin skull • A leather pouch - four fingers • Gem 25 g really clean • 2 copper • Iron bracelette non-rusted (magic?????) Vult realizes he's covered in shit and starts removing his clothes. He tries to clean them. Neiman looks at the door. It has a yellow symbol that looks like the signs. He checks for traps, finding nothing. He pushes it open, proceeding carefully down the hall. Vult grabs the Durgar's armor and warpick. Everyone pushes from behind, pushing Neimann into the room, followed by Bones, (Invisible) Kvoath, Chula, Lyra, Vult, and Johanna. The room opens up to a sight. Threadbare curtains hang on the east wall. A half-orc (Grumshar) stands with his foot on the chest of a human with red hair, screaming and crying. On the red dias stands a blackish figure, large white eyes, rubber skin, with tenticles and a blackish mouth. Sitting on a raised throne is the same thing. We are confident the man is Floon. Also a brain thing (Mr. Braindlesworth) Lyra recognizes the creatures as mind flayers. They have a strong pecking order and hierarchy. The one in the back is probably the boss. "Hey everyone, the guy in the back is the boss!" The final battle begins Lyra shoots the orc with a long bow. It blinks, not hurt too badly. Vult casts an Acid Orb at Grumshar, splashing it all over. It dies, gurgling. Floon curls up into a ball. Neimann moves to the side and shoots his crossbow at MF2. The arrow sticks in its chest. Bones asks Kwoath if he can bless him. "Uh, I g-guess" says the invisible Kwoath. Bones grasps around and connects, giving the blessing. Then he runs over to Floon and asks, "You okay, dude?" Floon grimaces and groans. Johanna transforms into … yes, again --- a (sticky) bear. She pushes past everyone and stops in front of MF2. "You should do 'harden' like metapod," jokes Chula. Johanna notices something in her thoughts, but she manages to shake it off. Kwoath sneaks around the creature and ties an invisible rope from the column to the creature's (MF2) legs. Bones, Neiman and Lyra all shudder under the onslaught. Bones, Neiman and Lyra all expire immediately. The MF2 moves to the side, gloating "I am a BAD MOTH--" the rope tightens and he goes down, comically. Chula heals Lyra and Neimann, then hides. (She gets a nine on stealth). The Intellect Devourer moves next to the orc, it then disappears and the 1/2 orc jumps up. Its eyes look cloudy and dead, and there's a trickle of blood seeping from its nose. Vult pours a potion of healing down Bones' throat, who revives. Neiman does the same for Lyra, then runs for the hallway -- no, hides behind the column. Bones hits the reanimated Orc with his hammer, which smacks him good, but it is still going. Sticky Bear jumps on the prone MF2, biting and clawing as if her life--and the lives of the rest of the party--depended upon it. She bites it on the face, chewing noisly, followed by a clawing, scraping it hard. The MF1 stands up, raises its staff and cries like a sandperson, then disappears. "That was a real asshole move," growls Chula. "I think we should attack things now," she whispers to Kvoath. Kwoath, nodding (or maybe not, he's invisible), attacks MF2 with his sword, hitting him squarely. It is a regular old curb stomp, but it is still alive. Kwoath feels something rooting around in his head, but shakes it off. Chula moves around a little, then fires a firebolt at MF2's face. "Sneak attack muthah fucker!" she squeals. His tenticles go like Zoidberg (whoop, whoop!) The Orc/ID attacks Johanna the bear, and misses complestely. The whoosh echos off the walls. Obviously the cateracts make it miss. Lyra attacks the Orc, killing the damn orc dead. He falls back, his head erupts, and the Intellect Devourer crawls out of the bloody mess. Vult thows an acid orb at the MF1, hitting it and killing dead. Neiman drops his crossbow and attacks the ID with everything he has. His rusty rapier hits home; he follows up with his dagger. The ID is still going. Bones swings at the brain, but misses. Bear swipes at the brain, scratching it. She bites at the brain, but she misses. Kvoath jumps the dead body of the MF and swings his rapier at the brain. Fortunately he has lots of luck and hits, killing it. "LOOT" yells Bones! Chaos breaks out. Chula sits down in the corner and promptly falls asleep The orc is stripped: • A satchel with spell book o Burning hands o Disguise Self o False Life o Shield o Unseen servant o Witch Bolt The mind flayer has nothing. "I wanna loot the brain," Nieman. He roots around, hoping for a payoff, but gets nothing but brain and bits. Johanna passes out. Kvoauth finds a small wooden chest • 16 gold • 2 potions of healing • 250 silver • 82 platinum Kvoat gives everyone 10 platnums GAME OVER We found Floon, we go back to Yawning Portal to meet Volo: "I confess that I have but few coins to spare. But never let it be said that Volo renigs on a promise." He holds out a scroll, the deed to an estate. Bones snatches it out of his hand. It is to Troll Skull manner. A magistrate witnesses the transfer. Vult pays the transfer tax of 25 gold. "How did you come across this Manner?" asks Vult and Neimann together. "I bought it as part of my research, but I never got to it." Volo replies. Vult immediately gets starstruck and asks about signed books and research and other shit that is boring as hell.