Chirper's Inn
To lure wealthy tourists to the Market Ward and keep them there, ten affluent merchants (whose names remain dark) pooled their funds to build Chirper’s, a sprawling inn located near the Great Bazaar. Now in its second century of operation, Chirper’s is known throughout the multiverse for its tasty meals, spacious rooms, and dazzling entertainment. And regardless of faction, race, or profession, everybody’s welcome - especially clueless primes and provincial planars with heavy purses. Guests who don’t care for water in their bathtubs may opt for lava, ice crystals, or molten copper. Rooms may be cooled, heated, or gassed, per the occupant’s request.
It’s this open-door policy that’s made Chirper’s so popular. Street sweepers rub shoulders with moneylenders, bariaur toss dice with tieflings. The bubber passed out in the corner may be a millionaire or a murderer. Or both.
Cutters who tire of drinking can sample the inn’s superb cuisine while gazing on the exotic creatures in the exhibition spheres. They can visit the shops or peruse the Skull Museum (and wonder, as thousands have before, if the Carceri monkey skull is the real thing or a clever counterfeit). They might invite guests to join them in the Dance Plaza or enjoy a performance in the Seawind Theater. And at the end of a long evening, they can rent an upstairs room for 8 sp and catch some sleep.
Some guidelines for the first-timer:
- Like all inns, Chirper’s expects a few fights. If a brawl gets out of hand, the Mercykiller bouncers toss the scrappers into the street, and that’s the end of it. But a berk who pulls a weapon’ll be restrained in a holding room by the bouncers, who’ll summon a Harmonium patrol to scrag the rowdy. To avoid such embarrassment, patrons are encouraged to check their weapons in the cloak room.
- Don’t annoy the creatures in the exhibition spheres. Last month, a bubber teased the Maladomini tiger with a chunk of raw goat; the tiger broke the sphere, had the goat for an appetizer, then dined on the drunk.
- Guests who wish to meet a Seawind Theatre performer should leave a note on the stage, asking the performer to meet them at the bar for a drink. It’s considered a breach of etiquette to disturb performers in their dressing rooms.
INSIDE CHIRPER'S
An immense brass eagle mounted just inside the foyer, above the oaken front doors, glares down at entering customers. A Handsome bariaur doorman in a velvet weskit greets regular patrons by name. Immediately inside the doors, a check room awaits guests' cloaks, coats, hats, and weapons. Those who wish to freshen up after their pony cab ride (or almost certainly eventful walk) can do so in the rose-scented lavatory. The buckets and troughs are emptied hourly; after all, this is a first-class place.
Amber lamps hanging from the ceiling bathe the chestnut-paneled dining room in soft light. Fireplaces flicker in the corners, oval mirrors dot the walls. Customers sit at round oaken tables covered with linen tablecloths, each embroidered with a different species of songbird. A body may have a seat at the oblong bar, made of chestnut with brass inlays, or be served in the dining room. Specialties include Gzemnid beer, githzerian altar mead, and 200 varieties of wine (stored in a cellar, accessible through a trapdoor behind the bar). Those preferring nonalcoholic beverages may choose between coconut cider and Thuinn sheep’s milk (sweetened with vanilla).
Centered in the dining room are three 20-foot diameter spheres made of transparent crystal (AC 3; 25 points of damage shatters a sphere). Each sphere contains a different species of rare creature, along with whatever foliage, minerals, and scenery are necessary to simulate its native habitat. Small holes in the top of the spheres provide ventilation. The proprietors change the exhibits every few months, since new creatures guarantee a surge in business. The current exhibits include a Maladomini tiger (from Baator, it resembles a cheetah made of black granite; its sphere is filled with jagged rocks and a pool of mud), a batfly (from Chamada in the plane of Gehenna, it resembles a butterfly with bat wings, made of solid iron; molten lava lines the bottom of its sphere), and an eyewing (from the Abyss; it hovers silently in the otherwise empty sphere).
Don't tease the Eyewing. ~ Sign on Exhibition Sphere at Chirpers
Patrons who prefer to take their meals in seclusion may reserve the private dining room for 3 gp per night. The price includes the services of two waiters and a Mercykiller guard who stands outside to ensure the diners aren’t disturbed.
Anyone who threatens an employee or another a customer with a weapon is locked in the iron-walled holding room. Pulling the copper chain hanging over the door activates a flare on the roof of the inn, shooting streamers of color into the air (similar to the effects of a color spray spell) and alerting the nearest Harmonium patrol.
Chirper’s employs a staff of 40 chefs (working 8-hour shifts in groups of 10) capable of preparing anything from light snacks to multi-course feasts. The kitchen’s equipped with two iron ovens (each big enough to roast a whole pig), two huge wood burning stoves, and an herb garden. The standard menu features creamed fish sandwiches, mulberry salad, Shurrock mushrooms, roast rack of Niflheim stag, pepper nut casserole, and broiled slaad legs; a typical dinner costs 6 sp (beverages extra). Chirper’s sugar biscuits - delicate pastries made of chestnut dough and Bytopian honey - come with all meals.
A unique feature of Chirper’s is the row of specialty shops along the left wall of the dining area. Quick Clip, operated by a Prime half-elf barber, offers hair, beard, tail, and mane trims. Sweet Fang carries a selection of fine candies from across the multiverse. The biggest seller: chunks of honey fudge shaped like wrens, each bearing the word “Chirper’s.” At Portraits by Suruax, a tiefling artist creates a pastel caricature of anyone who wishes to pose. A typical portrait takes about 20 minutes to complete and costs 2 gp. Finstyr’s Florals is a full-service florist, specializing in exotic plants from the Inner Planes. Delivery’s available to anywhere in Sigil except the Hive Ward.
Patrons of Chirper’s are admitted free of charge to the Skull Museum, which features a variety of skulls from across the multiverse. Included are the skulls of a gargantuan magman, a bozak draconian, a cat lord, and what’s reputed to be a Carceri monkey (three pyramid-shaped skulls attached to the same bronze spine).
The Dancing Plaza, an outdoor dance floor made of polished oak and enclosed by a cast iron fence, provides entertainment for patrons. A mandolin quartet (sometimes augmented with a balalaika player) performs in a shallow pit in the center of the floor. Clouds of incense fill the 100-seat Seawind Theater with the salty aroma of ocean-blown air. Velvet curtains hang from the proscenium, which frames a raised stage about 50 feet wide and 20 feet deep. Beneath the stage are docks for scenery storage. On either side of the stage is a small dressing room. Wrens nest in the rafters, fluttering over the heads of the audience and occasionally chirping along with the performers (giving the inn its name). A program distributed to customers in the dining room and posted outside the inn announces the current lineup of performers; a new act performs each hour, 8 hours per day, with a ten-minute break between acts. The second floor has 62 guest rooms, each with over-sized feather bed, a bowl of cut flowers (fresh daily), and a marble bathtub. Unless the guest requests otherwise, a waiter delivers a complimentary breakfast at dawn: a plate of fresh grapes, a half-loaf of fruit bread, a container of lime jam, and a flask of Thuinn sheep’s milk.
Remove these ads. Join the Worldbuilders Guild
Comments