Scherzukot

Jerk Cat

pronounced: sure-zu-cot
translation: jerk cat

"I was scratched by a scherzukot once... Came to the next day in the middle of town naked as a jaybird and pretending to be a chicken."

— Anna Omis, Cartographer, Kononoi Agency of Logistics and Statistics

A scherzukot¹ is a furry four-legged mammal, and at first glance they can be mistaken for oversized domesticated house cats. Scherzukots exist due to Stojohn's whimsy, as he oft followed behind his siblings making twisted variants of their creations during The Making. A scherzukot's fur can be solid or multicolored, and they can have stripes, spots, splotches, or a combination of all. They also have a wide range of fur colours; with blacks, browns, oranges, grays, blues being most prevalent.

Built to Run

Scherzukot can run at speeds up to 45 mph and excel at traveling swiftly and silently through uneven terrains. Their oversized paws coupled with their dexterous gait manages to muffle most noise as they travel, and they can be extremely stealthy, even at high speeds. They can also use their tails to help them pivot quickly on the run. These tails are prehensile, and so can be used to swing from branches or hold objects. Scherzukot have incredible endurance and can maintain high speeds for several hours if necessary, although this will exhaust them. After reaching this point, they must consume a meal of about 500 calories (approximately 2 rabbits) and then rest two hours for every hour they ran. It is not often you will find a scherzukot in this condition, however, as it is not really in their disposition to run when they have other means to escape predators.

Scherzukot Scaring Horse by Midjourney AI

Defensive Design

Slipped the Mickey by Midjourney AI

The claws of the scherzukot have unique pockets in them that can be used to introduce toxins to their adversaries. The scherzukot has a choice to use lethal or non-lethal toxins to disable or kill their attacker. Scherzukot do not often deliver lethal doses unless they have been cornered and are fighting on their backs. The non-lethal toxin, called alucinarsok4, causes intense hallucinations, fever, chills, and a variety of psychological symptoms including excessive lust or rage. This toxin can be delivered by the scherzukot's front claws. The onset of symptoms can begin as soon as thirty seconds after exposure, lasting for up to 24 hours. Scherzukot have been known to scratch just because they are bored, as the resulting chaos entertains them.

History remembers well the effects of scherzukot lethal toxin, Surnudsok⁵. It was the poison Merirue Oridove used to assassinate Alluin and Daylor Wyndvyre and end The Elf Wars. Surnudsok is extremely fast acting and incredibly deadly, and it is composed with natural oils so it does not evaporate quickly.
Luckily for the scherzukot, both of their toxins are produced at will as opposed to holding a reserve. This is fortunate for the scherzukot because it eliminates the feasibility that they are hunted to harvest the toxin. Scherzukot will occasionally befriend a humanoid, and maybe convinced to donate some to a good cause.

Not Quite a Social Butterfly...

Scherzukot are not solitary creatures, nor are they pack minded. While they do not mate for life, they do seem to form lasting bonds with other scherzukot, and those friendly towards one another are generally welcome to visit the others territories. It is not uncommon to see groups of four to five scherzukot, although they return to their own territories after their visit to sleep. Communication between scherzukot is telepathic, conveyed as a collection of images and ideas of what the scherzukot wishes to convey. They can do this with other creatures as well, although the scherzukot has to rely on visual cues by the recipient to know if their message is understood. Given time, a scherzukot does have the ability to learn and understand languages spoken to it.

Scherzukot Chasing Butterflies by Midjourney AI

Born for Fun

The gestation period for scherzukot is 70 days, usually resulting in a single kitten. Young scherzukot stay near their mothers for six to eight months, allowing time for them to learn how to hunt and for their defenses to fully develop. Once their development is complete they move off to find their own territory, although they do remember their parents. It has been observed that they return to visit their mother's territory quite frequently.

Scherzukot SMASH! by Midjourney AI

The scherzukot has one purpose in its life, and that is to entertain itself. Often, that entertainment is at the expense of others. Scherzukot will drop out of trees on the unsuspecting, steal items and hide them (usually on someone else!), trip people, scare transport animals into bolting, rip up carpets and furniture, or urinate and defecate on belongings. If that doesn't prove entertaining enough, they just may decide to slip the mickey and then sit back and watch the ensuing chaos. Scherzukot are considered nuisance animal inside cities, and in many places citizens have been banned from trying to keep them as pet inside city limits.

Yum Yum Yum

Scherzukot are omnivores, but they do prefer meat, partly due to the fact that they find tracking and hunting fun. However, they can often be found nibbling on various herbs and grasses, and they become quite ecstatic upon finding a raspberry bush.

Scherzukot by Midjourney AI

²Kingdom
Animalia
Phylum
Chordata
subPhylum
Vertebrata
Class
Mammalia
Order
Carnivora
Family
Felidae
Genus
i zgjuarkot³
Species
scherzukot

Origin/Ancestry

Stojohn's Whimsy

Lifespan

85 years

Average Height

27.6 in

Average Weight

50 lb

Average Length

51.2 in

by WorldAnvil