Session 12: Gimlock Tribe and Arauthator’s Lair Report
General Summary
Session 12 - To slay a dragon? Hooves, Martha, Deornoth, Lilifern, Cher, & T-Pain have arrived at the sea of ice. Wilbo must’ve missed the boat because he was nowhere to be found. The current plan is to find the map on a ruin that shows where the dragon masks were hidden. If we find these, we can banish Tiamot. But, the down side, these masks can also bring her back. So we must find them quickly before they fall into the wrong hands. We’ve been traveling for at least a day. Maccath has been driving us hard to get to the lair and the crew is getting tired. The weather has been extremely cold and very unusual for this time of year. Suddenly a booming voice cuts the air, but it is not english. Some of us guess is it is in draconic and no one in the party or on the bot can fully understand it but we think it may have something to do with the weather. Like that time when the pass of the Caradhras was all jacked because of Saruman, you know, similar to that. We took rest in shifts to gain back what little strength we could. The weather has become so insane that it is nearly impossible to navigate. But as we press on, there is a break in the weather. The break reveals a giant fucking iceberg. As we creep closer, it is clear that it’s raised up off the water and it appears to be a village of 50-60 huts with a good amount of activity. The captain barks his orders to turn the ship and anchor. Oh joy, we found a nifty little iceberg to pull up to! While all this is going on, the adventurers we’re working on getting the skiff ready. Deornoth hopped on Brian as the rest of the party and Maccath paddle the skiff to our doom. As we got closer, we noticed a lot of snow drifts and it’s begin to believe this is the lair we’ve been looking for. As we paddle closer, we begin to see walkable ride lines. But the first thing we see is a stunning wall of frozen dead bodies. It’s impossible to tell how long they’ve been there but Maccath knows. Maccath recognizes some of the bodies in the body wall. She knows some of these are her companions and is visibly disturbed. As we take this beautiful frozen body wall in, we catch in the distance, a cozy looking hooded figure with a polar bear who is pulling a cart. Hooves and Deornoth get cocky and decide to approach the hooded figure and polar bear. The hooded figure pauses and so does the polar bear. The begin to turn and look in our direction. Deornoth uses his divine sense to find if they are good or evil. Thankfully, they are definitely not evil but holy shit, that is a polar bear. After his findings, the hooded figure turns, and pulls their hood back and looks. It is a woman. She immediately sees Hooves and Deornoth; ”I have seen you two in my visions, why are you here? Where is the rest of your party? I know you are not alone.” Realizing we aren’t hiding shit from this woman, we take her to see the rest of our party. “Why are all of you here? Is it the White Death you seek? Why do you seek the White Death?” To keep the situation in our best interests, we tell her our reasons and that we ultimately will stop the White death. I believe you will find trouble handling the White Death. Even the mighty Uthgardt can’t handle the dragon, how is it you think you can?” The dumb fucking horse blurted out, “We are fucking heros?” “WHAT?!”The woman shouted and laughed, “You’re fucking hero’s? Come then, YOU MUST BECOME UTHGARDT! Follow me, I will feed you and test your worth.” The party is taken inside a large ice cave with a skin tent protecting animal skins. A delicious fish head stew is brewing. We take the time to fill her in on our long journey and that we slayed a fucking dragon once. But alas, we aren’t here to conquer, we are here to help. She finally tells us her name, Bone Carver, and begins to talk about how much better it would be if the dragon were not here. When the Uthgardt tried to take on the dragon, they were absolutely decimated. Maccath chimed; "At one point my crew paired with the Uthgardt and ultimately failed.” Maccath was the only one who survived. Bone Carver motioned us over to the god awful smelling stew pot. “Kevin their, cock sock of a ruler, has been making it damn near impossible to beat the dragon. Come, eat my fish head soup and I will make you a Uthgardt!” Reluctantly, we all eat this horrible, clearly rancid, fish head stew and most of us survived, but just barely. Martha just can’t handle her fish head soup, which is odd for a bird, became ill, and passed out for 8 hours. Those of us who did not puke our brains out were told we passed the test since we ate the rancid fish head soup. However, Bone Carver quickly becomes suspicious of Martha for not handling the fish head soup and believes Martha is not Uthgard. Hooves with all his rizz, tries to persuade Bone Carve and cannot even remotely convince her. T-Pain, as usual, decides to threaten her. Some how, as usual, this works and Bone Carver decides this show of bravery solidifies us as Uthgard. We got lucky and decide it is best to rest. A decision will be made in the morning if Martha is worthy of being Uthgard. Poor Martha, passed and only waking to blow chunks in the corner. The following morning, breakfast smelt more normal and Bone Carver is coming around to Martha being Uthgard since she was still alive in the morning.. Bone Carver believes her visions are coming true and begins to explain that the ice hunters are still living in their huts but have become second class citizens. The ice hunters would get food for the Uthgard and then the Uthgard would give it as a gift to the White Dragon. Some of us in the party, being this sick fucks we are, think this could be an way into the lair in. Bone Carver raised an eyebrow and proceeded to let us know of multiple entrances. We are also told that the Gimlock are guarding the entrances. Bone Carver informs us that she can only guard the entrances to not let in more Gimlock. This will make it so it’s us against the Dragon and not the mix with the Gimlock. Maccath speaks up and points out that we don’t have to go against the dragon, we simply need to get the map. Reminding u, it’s what we came here for. Despite Maccath’s perfectly logical direction, the party plans on taking on the White Death. The let Maccath know she can searche for the map while they slay another dragon. Our phase 1 plan is to go in with our Uthgard robes and a frozen sacrifice. Maccath just shakes her head and mumbles for fucks sake and hands us some goodies. One of those goodies is a dragon slaying arrow. The other two goodies are a ring against white dragon breath, and a lighting javelin. Maccath clearly wants alive or at least alive enough to distract the dragon so she can get the map. Our first party goal is to get past the lieutenant and their snow wolf. Bone Carver warns that if they hear too much fighting, the lieutenant will sound the alarms. So what do we do? Aim to murder the lieutenant and their snow wolf. Why not get a little fucked up before taking on a legendary dragon? Hooves and Deornoth gear up and get ready to go for the scouts. Cher and T-Pain plan on going for the Lieutenant and snow wolf. Martha and Lilifern are ready to provide support on the outskirts. What could go wrong? Hooves, the dumb fucking horse that he is, skips the plan and goes straight for the first scout and fucking destroys him in a fit of rage. Brian, Deornoth's faithful steed, is attempting to gouge eyes out but cant resist the sweet smell of Hooves’s horse flesh and gets a little distracted. The lieutenant lazily stands up to take a peek and just kinda sits back down. The wolf is on his feet and locks its sights on Hooves. Cher screams “FLAME ON!” igniting his sword and goes straight into the lieutenant’s tent to murder with his flame sword. The lieutenant groggily grabs his morning star but takes a hot blade to the chest. Shortly after, Cher hits the lieutenant with a Warhammer straight to the skull, smashing his brain to bits. Cher giggles and looks for his next victim. Deornoth is getting shot with arrows but they just bounce off his armor like nothing happened. Lilifern gets cheeky and flanks the wolf, attacking with her staff to bop it on the head. T-Pain charges in after Lilifern to bitch slap the the wolf as well. Martha lays down the heat and delivers a fireball into all the action. Finally, Hooves comes in with kill. Deornoth sends Brian to hit the Gimlock. Deornoth comes in right behind Brian for the clean up. Deornoth looked at Bone Carver with a smirk on his face. Just like that, our heroes murder all these mother fuckers. The Uthgardt stood in awe at our murder fest. After cleaning the blood off our robes we regrouped and plan to execute phase 2, murder a fucking dragon. Bone Carve is frothing at the mouth with how impressive and efficient we were. “WE ARE UTHGARDT!” she screams. She leads us to the throne room but lets us know, this is where she stops. Some of the party notice that it looks like a series of ice caves. However, underneath the ice, we begin to see the structures of what used to be. The robes helped us blend in, even with a centaur, and the guards took little notice. That sweet party rizz strikes again. Lilifern decides she is going to cast her guidance on everyone to hopefully give us a small advantage before hitting the throne room. As we get closer, we hear voices. One of the voices sounds male and the other is clearly female. Male: “You want me to skim off the top and give to you and the red wizards?” Female: “You’ve seen my ways with the dragon, I can protect you and you can own this town. What you provide me will allow me to help you build your empire, your contributions will be recognized.” Male: “We need the Gimlock. When will you return?” Female: “I fear you will not see me again in the flesh, however, if you see an elf in the adventure party, spare her, I want to see her again.” Hooves recognizes the male voice as Kevin’s voice, the Orc that murdered his family, enslaved him, and destroyed his villages. Hooves kicks the door down with his back hooves, quickly turns his torso to fill the door frame and begins yelling in a fit of rage “KEVIN! YOU KILLED MY FATHER, PREPARE TO DIE!” At this point, you can hear the slap of hand skin hit the forehead of the other party members. They realize that the dumb fucking horse has completely blown their cover and likely fucked them all. Lilifern recognizes the female voice, and attempts to yell out to Tallis, to let her know she is there, and that she has never forgotten their childhood friendship. But it is lost in the battle cries of Hooves dumbass charging through the door. Martha is livid and immediately throws a fireball through the door, narrowly missing Hooves. Lilifern tries to hit the enemy next to Kevin and completely misses. In a hate filled rage, Hooves charges Kevin and only lands a scratch. Cher is ready to Flame on and goes after the next orc in the room. Cher quickly realizes, they ain’t fucking around and was not able to take him out as easily as the previous enemies. Deornoth goes for one of the enemies in the hallway and lands a decent blow. Finally, some damage is dealt. T-Pain takes on Deornoth’s enemy and takes him out, sporting an appropriate Shawn Michaels X. T-Pain immediately turned his attention to the next one and dealt a hefty blow. Maccath joins in on the fun and helps T-Pain out buuuuuuut, completely misses. We notice a cute baby ice dragon in the room, could be a buddy for Sparky? Martha, Lilifern, and Dio straight up murder the adorable baby ice dragon. Suddenly, Wilbo briefly popped up and placed the baby dragon body in the bag of holding and nope’d the fuck out of there, that little bastard. Hooves keeps tying to kill Kevin and just can’t land a single blow to save his life. Why can’t my dice perform damn it! Wondering the whole time why Kevin had a drum strapped around his body, the answer was finally revealed in the worse way. His drum has taken the energy of Hooves’s attack and threw it back at Martha, Lilifern, and Hooves, almost dumping them to the ground. Well thats nice. Cher drops his spoopy attack and managed to completely terrify 4 of the orcs. They dropped their weapons and ran like a bunch of fragile nut sacks. Lilifern readies her bow at one of the Orcs, and lands an arrow, taking him out with one shot. Nicely done. Enter the shaman. The shaman decides to deal a spell and aims for Hooves. Fortunately, the spell didn’t do dick but Kevin landed a hefty blow instead, Hooves is hurting, but no one is getting inspiration this game, damn it. Maccath takes out the last hallway Orc with a slight smirk on her face. T-Pain is down like a clown and aims to murder the terrified the orcs. Just like T-Pain to kick an Orc when he’s down. One of the four terrified Orcs is in Cher’s site, he goes in for the kill and he’s totally doing it for a thrill. Deornoth and T-Pain go for the next Orc that tries to run and they absolutely quarters him. Martha comes in clutch and aims for the shaman with a fire bolt. Boom, head shot and takes her the fuck out. Deornoth jumps in to hit Kevin and hits him hard the first time, but the second hit misses and gets absorbed into the drum. The drum fires is energy and knocked Deornoth back 10 feet. Cher comes in behind Kevin to flank him with the flame sword and nails him right in the spin. Hooves finally lands blow and almost kills Kevin. T-Pain lines up for the killing swing with his impaler goes and strikes Kevin’s head clean off his shoulders. A b-e-a-utiful fountain of blood sprays into the air and all over Cher and Martha. Hooves is barely able to standing but he’s not dead. Hooves gets a close look at the drum and realizes it is his long lost war drum at Kevin’s side. He snatches it immediately and has never been more happy in all his life. The party decides it’s time to fuck a dragon up or at die least trying. Bone Carver told the party to stay to the left to get to the lair. As we get down to the ground level the temperature drops significantly. Maccath realizes they are nearing the library that she seeks. However, as the party approaches the library, they notice an ice troll. But not your everyday ice troll, this one seems different. Cher slips on his ring of invisibility and tries to sneaks up on the ice troll. The downside to it being so cold is the ground forms a layer of frost that is great for showing where someone is walking. The ice troll sees the foot steps but not the thing making them and screams for white death. Cher realizes he has no choices, yells FLAME ON!, then takes a swing at the ice troll. He lands a blow with the flame sword and follows up with a second blow of his war hammer. All the while, the ice troll keeps yelling “why are you hurting me?!” However, Chers double trouble wasn’t enough and the troll begins to heal right before his eyes. The ice troll, being backed into a corner like a while animal, strikes back and wrecks Cher. Martha mounts Hooves and they both charge in for an attack. Martha leaps of to ready her spell, sliding across the ice, and sends a fire bolt straight at the ice troll landing a deadly blow. Hooves comes in after and lays the smack down. The rest of the party joins the blood bath. Cher comes swinging with the flame sword as the ice troll screams IM JUST A LIBRARIAN! Cher cuts him down diagonally across the chest, splitting his upper torso from his lower half. As the upper half hits the ground, a headband falls from the ice trolls limp head. Cher walks to the headband and picks it up. “That’s a headband of intelligence, you could probably use that Cher.” Martha says. The library gets thoroughly searched by Martha and she gets some goodies only Martha would understand. After summarily murdering the librarian, we waltz our way to the lair of the dragon. “I can smell you” The White Death spoke. “I can hear you” and with a booming voice “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LIBRARIAN?!” “Uh…we murdered him?” Hooves blurts out. T-Pain notices immediately that the ice is pretty thin and any large being will easily break it. Cher is going to use his new found intelligence and charge in first to take his position behind a rock. The White Death lets out an inaudible chant and becomes multiples of itself. He makes his way to the ceiling of his den, upside down. Somehow, there is suddenly more light in the room and the walls become a hall of mirrors. Straight up Bruce Lee shit going on here now. Hooves and T-Pain ready their positions on the rocks. Lilifern casts a storm and manages to hit one of the four White Deaths. Knocking them down to three. Martha throws a magic missile at the other three fake White Deaths and takes the rest of them out. The White Death seems a little surprised by how quickly this happened. Deornoth goes god mode and gets ready to fly. He has now become one with the air. Cher loads the dragon arrow into his bow, draws it back, and lets loose, nailing the White Death right under the wing. The White Death is not amused and releases a giant cone of frost from his mouth hole. Deornoth and Cher do their best to not be killed but are in the range of the cone of frost. Thankfully, they take little damage but enough to take notice. Martha, up to her usual tricks, casts fireball and burns the fuck out of him. The White Death starts speaking in tongues and sleet storm begins to form. The White Death drops to the ground to take car of business. Lilifern aims her dispels the sleet storm, clearly tired of The White Death’s bullshit. Most dragons of this size would easily strike fear into those who face it, but not this crew. Deornoth has enlightened us and we do not fear this beast!. Deornoth moves in for the kill but couldn’t land a blow and the dragon goes in for a bite of Deornoth’s tasty flesh and succeeds. T-Pain musters up his strength, sets aim, and throws his javelin of lightening while The White Death attempted to eat Deornoth. His aim was true and caught The White Death square in the chest. Infuriated, The White Death swung his tail and to his dismay, completely misses. Even the party was a little stunned by this, giving each other questionable looks, isn’t this supposed to be a legendary dragon? Cher jumps on to the ice while The White Death is still on the ground and readies his bow and looses an arrow. The arrow flies true and penetrates the dragons scale but not too deep. The White Death becomes enraged and goes to breath his frost breath but does the unspeakable and begins coughing. We must’ve caught this dragon on a bad day. The White Death is infuriated and through his fury, a hail storm appears as he flies back to the ceiling of the lair. If only someone in the party could help us all fly… Lilifern readies her bow with her dragon arrow, looses it, and sinks the arrow down to the nock. Again, The White Death rages and causes an ice storm. Deornoth downs his two of his health potions to regain his strength and get back to the battle. Martha has been waiting in the shadows to strike. She is ready to throw a fireball, and with sniper precision, hits the dragon again. Martha is single handedly causing the most damage to the White Death. The White Death is not pleased and readies his attach. T-Pain attempts to shoot The White Death with his cross bow and the arrow just bounces off the dragons scales. Cher uses his new found intelligence to pick a critical area to shoot on the dragon. Cher discovers that in some areas, the scales stretch and reveal the softer skin underneath. He lets loose an arrow and nails the dragon in a critical opening between the scales on its chest. The White Death decides to try his frost cone breath and does not cough this time. Though the White Death didn’t cough, the breath was weak and did not damage any of our party members. What does this dragon have? Performance anxiety? Martha smirks and throws another fire ball, dealing sever damage to the dragon. Making him flee to the ceiling of the lair. If only someone in the party could help us all fly… The White Death targets Lilifern, but completely misses. Lilifern has had enough and wild-shapes into a bird. She attempts to flies up and hit the dragon but only lands a minor scratch. Deornoth sees an opportunity of attach will Lilifern distracts the dragon, flies up, takes awing, and completely missed. T-Pain and Hooves are just hanging out getting healthy after taking some damage since neither of them can fly to help Deornoth and Lilifern out. If only someone in the party could help us all fly… Cher reaches for his trusty bow, shoots twice, and lands both arrows, causing the dragon to drop to the ground. Deornoth and Lilifern took a chance to attack as the dragon goes to the ground. But Deornoth’s mojo isn’t flowing and he misses. Lilifern only delivers a faint scratch. As the dragon reaches the ground, Hooves charges and attempts to lay into him, Cher bringing up the rear (nice). The White Death snapped his wings and caused Cher and Hooves to fall prone. Deornoth finally got some of his mojo back and smote the dragon the best he could, with all the fury of god, delivering a decent blow. The White Death is panicked now and whips his tail, smacking Hooves like the bitch he is. Thankfully Hooves has been in a fit of rage and barely noticed he was just slapped with a legendary dragon’s tail. Lilifern attempts an attach and fails, the fatigue is clearly setting in. T-Pain desperately commands Martha to attach while the dragon is distracted by the rest of us and can’t attack Martha. Martha takes a deep breath and steadies her mind. Fully knowing this is her last fireball. But she isn’t worried, she has been trained as a wizard sniper, she cannot miss, even if she tried. Martha pulls the fire from the air, builds a ball of flame between here hands, and pulls it in towards here torso. “Nighty night mother fucker” whispers Martha The ball of fire is released and the flaming bullet launches straight and true. The White Death is decimated by Martha’s last fireball. Maccath, strongly absent from all the fighting, finds the map, thus finding the location for all the weapons that were used against Tiamot. Each weapon having a purpose. Each weapon extremely deadly in the correct hands. As all good adventures do, we loot everything in the dragon’s lair that we can. Again, Wilbo is in the right place at the right time with the bag of holding but is gone in the blink of an eye. Man, we really could’ve used you Wilbo, hopefully you can explain to us how you appeared and disappeared, damn sneaky rabbit. We notice the ice is beginning the melt from what lies beneath it. Eventually, We make our way out of the dragons lair and back to the surface. Once there, on the horizon, we notice several boats. Given their size, the appear to be giant boats, likely full of giants. The boats appear to be getting closer. The party decides it is best that we go before the calvary arrives. It’s time we make our way back to Helms Deep for a little R&R and to making a killing off this loot.
