The bad guy got what he wanted(?)

When life gives you lemons- and promptly decides to run you over with an entire caravan just to prove a point. Got stuck in the middle of a family dispute of DIVINE proportions. What am I even doing at this point? Why am I here?... Where do I fit in all of this mess?...

I lost my powers... all of them...

I... The plan was going so well. That bitch had to step in an pull the switch? What am I going to do now? I've... I've never felt this defenseless in my entire life(s)... What am I going to do now? All I can do... is cry in Clayton arms. I'm so pathetic.

Light at the end of the Abyss

*I've been in this dark aquatic-like void for what feels like an eternity. I died. 5 Times. The impact of all of them reverberated inside of me and still are. I've never felt this small. I thought being strong, the adrenaline, the thrill of evil all I needed to feel alive and yet, where did it take me? I were I don't have the strength to go back.* "Giving up? Where is the blood? I want blood", Shinohana said. Her presence has grown more prominent ever since we got on this island. I was still all curled up, unable to look at this monstrous presence I was subconsciously emulating all of my life. "I want it. I want the blood too... Or at least I thought... What's the point? There's nothing for us at the end... Absolute void." Her voice was my only comfort in this self-inflicting hell: "The only thing that matters is momentary joy. Distraction. That is my purpose. That is your purpose as my vessel." "... Would that help the emptiness... go away? The throb, the lust... the yearning... I don't want to stop feeling alive... I... I... I don't want to through this again-" "IF YOU WILL NOT ACT THEN GIVE ME CONTROL YOU WRETCH!" "Hehe... Maybe I should... I've been getting sloppy. Those memories, those feelings of attachment. I'm sick of this downward spiral of failure and weakness..." I uttered, mustering whatever emotional strength I thought I had. "Yeeessssssss. You are weak. You are powerless. Submit to your better, worm. Free me from this cage." "... I'm probably weaker than I initially gave myself credit for- but I kind of like you like this honestly... Actually being able to chitchat with someone who doesn't have any moral high ground on me isn't so bad. Maybe pissing you off is worth living for still." "DO NOT PLAY GAMES WITH ME, FREE ME NOW OR SUFFER LATER. I WILL WIN THIS BATTLE!" "... Oh but play is what I excel at Ô mighty original one. What if I decided to get myself killed? A zero sum game. We both lose. Now wouldn't that be a fun experiment~ hihihi" "You have made your choice. Only torment awaits you in this darkness." "How about we negotiate then? Instead of both losing, the both of us getting what we want would be best no?" "Do not threaten me. You have nothing to offer that I will not take by force." "Threaten? I wouldn't dare. I've learned my place. I've accepted that I am but a pale imitation. However, my little claw is telling me that even if I gave you control right away, you'd still be short in power or else you would've taken over a long time ago. Am I incorrect, my Dear?" "I will regain my power regardless of your decisions. Choose now, surrender to my will completely or suffer my wrath in the future." "... What will happen to me if I agree then? What will happen to... him?" "Fufufufu, if you surrender to me now I will spare your sweet. He won't even know the difference..." "... My family. I've been a liability to them. I'd probably taint my family's name someday or another... My teammates... I see them as mere meat half of the time... I'm not worthy of apologizing to any of them, am I?..." I was starting to cry and shake. I've never felt this weak... At that moment, I felt a warm presence unlike anything else in the dark place, and Shinohana hisses. "You are, you will be, you are not. Submit to me, accept your fate, and it will all fade to quiet." I was getting pulled up by a force, the water-like void pushing me upward. The disgruntled Oni leapt for the kill, me. She was so quick. I didn't even get time to flinch her fangs were already at an inch from my jugular. As I closed my eyes to accept my fate, there was a flash. [...] By the time I opened them, there he was, with his radiant smile, tearing up as he was holding me in his hands. I... I don't think I've been this glad of being alive... He... hehe... Maybe being weak isn't so bad, I wouldn't mind this lasting a bit longer.

I died... again... I'm...

... So tired.................. It's been ..... ..................................... ........ It's been... the 5th time... ... I'm ... ... So cold...... [...]

8th time the charm

I woke up in this dark place again. I'm in my true tailed form, must be the inner mindscape I tapped into the past couple of times. I looked around aaaaand then there's this bitch. Again. "OBLIVION", she said in her rusty distorted voice. This desperate shell of an oni was begging for a body among other ramblings. I was getting more and more agitated just looking at this bundle of primal rage and urges. I was mesmerized by its strange beauty in all honesty. Is this... what I could-? Is this what I should... All this pessimistic thinking is so unlike me. Why should I be scared of her?! This life is already a joke. Might as well have fun playing it until the end~ I clawed my wrist and offered her my blood. Let's see how this cunt reacts to it. She's acting all cool with those majestic glowing golden eyes of hers. She thinks she so mysterious and everything. I'LL FUCKING KILL H-! Oh. She's lunging at me. Would you look at that? She's acting so sloppy, yet she's so quick and powerful. On top of all of that, some weird eldritch-like appendage licked the blood off my wrist and this wild beast of a woman landed on top of me with a satisfied grin on under her snout. She uttered something before mauling me alive right in front of my eyes. I immediately woke up in haste. My wrist is stinging as it's still bleeding, my lower back hurting... As I got up to stretch my tails, I spotted a new friend. An 8th Magical Tail. Heehee [...] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I see how things are now! For all theses years, it was all you! Heheehehehe, very well, so be it. I'll give this "Oblivion" of yours a shot. Fun awaits. But be warned you old furred hag, I'm not planning on losing. Not to you. Not to "myself". NOT. TO. ANYONE.

First step into O.B.L.I.V.I.O.N.

The whole crew made it, even Dead-weight sea sick Me'a'. She could've useful in this last encounter, but what do I know?! After a while deliberating, we settled camp in the jungle. I took the first shift on night guard since I only need about 2 hours of rest. I might've slightly miscalculated my shot here. Turns out this isn't merely sleepiness I'm dealing with, it's complete bodily exhaustion. Here I thought my ceremonial dances were bad in terms of muscle aches. An hour passed into my shift... those moronic whispers are getting louder. They have gotten progressively more obnoxious ever since my "first proper meditative attempt". This intense pounding, theses insatiable desires! I stabbed myself to stay up and clear my mind. There it was. My very own blood... I haven't smelled its red goodness in a while. It's intoxicating and sickening, and yet its smell is still as enticing as ever. Grand-father Grigori always chastised me for my more 'self-damaging' tendencies, shaming me for enjoying my pain since my youngest days... But it still feels... so nice. It doesn't matter as I wasn't left to myself for much longer. Beth's awake now. Greeted her proper as a part of me is glad she isn't sleeping with the fishies just yet. Oh well, time to sleep. As I wrap this hand-knitted blanket from Mother, I'm sure a great night's rest and tomorrow are ahead.

Ship wrecked, truly the start of a lovely vacation.

How quaint. Stupid scale brains wrecked our ride. Some mentally deficient were-sharks and an abnormally large sea serpent (didn't know they could be this big). They demolished this mess of a ship and I actually had to fly through a storm. The winds were so strong. Thank goodness I was dexterous enough to to ride the wind currents on my way to this frankly god-forsaken island. [...] On shore... Sand all over my fur... I should apologize to Grand-Uncle Yuuto for not committing to his swimming lessons next time I see him. I wonder how he's doing. He's easily in my top 5 best horrified facial expressions; hopefully his poor frail heart can handle one more good fright before kicking the bucket. Ugh. I'm getting emotional again. I must be more exhausted than I thought. How disgusting.

I have a (new) boyfriend.

The back of my mind is constantly scratching the back of my mind. "Her" voice. "His" voice. Their voices. Guilt. Loneliness... ... ... Anger and lust. But then, he showed up. He doesn't how to give up. This Clayton boy, maybe I'm starting to see what "He" saw in him. Despite my frankly horrid mood, being near him gives me comfort. He won't leave me alone. I know I don't need him and yet- Urk. Keep on smiling Yoruzumi. Let's humor him, he does seem gullible enough. I do sense something interesting about our local fighter boy, let's play this out.

Infiltration mission... compromised...

... I've let prey get away. From to animals, to monsters... to humanoids, this is the first time it's ever happen to me. This was supposed to be a covert op, we were supposed to attack the dock and steal the ship but things backfired. The fighter boy that's been hitting on me messed it up. They told me to heal Big Brother, and the final cleric teleported away while we were distracted. Big brother said it was my fault. I was the one supposed to cover our bases. Despite all of my contributions, all of my confirmed kills, it's still my fault... My fault... My... [...] I don't know how to feel. Is this what failure tastes like? My head... hurts... Something's clawing at the back of my mind again... Maybe looting and mutilating those filthy meat bags on shore... will help with my mood.

A second life; The time rift closes.

I was just following Beth around before I suddenly blacked out. A tidal wave of memories and feelings came rushing through my mind. The oddest part... they still felt like an entire life's worth. Some parts were familiar, others massively divergent. [He] was so lonely. Repressed... Secretly sad under his humor and smiling. He was... me? But then Clayton arrived into his life. A little human fighter that gave him friendship, trust... and maybe something more. I never saw the goodie-two shoes runt in that way before. I had another life, I remember... I remember not existing... What is going on?... By the time I woke up, Beth and Clayton were there... looking worried. That's not fun. Might as well play a little amnesia prank~

So I'm a (part-)demon apparently?

I just got pinned on a wall and called an Oni by a complete, kind of strangely handsome, stranger today. He goes by Lin Xua if I recall correctly and is acquainted with my other companions. He was being super cool before he touched me with and magic'd the truth out of my very being. Now my traveling companions think I'm some kind of weird Demon kin... Urgh... I'm not cut out for all this emotional weight. This was supposed to be a fun adventure. I was seeking answers but the trail I was following might not be as clear cut as I initially thought...

I feel emotionally and physically threatened right now

Fox's out of the bag

Due to the rocky trip and showing a more vicious side to his personality, Yoru's come forth as a kitsune. His honesty resulted in his bond with Beth and Clayton improving quite significantly.