Laying Low

Dear Diary,
There's a lot that's happened in my life. We're lying low in Avarice right now and I decided to pick you up to ease my mind. So many people have come and gone, yet here I am. Do I deserve to be here? That is yet to be determined. Daisy is in Oshama with Ami. Ana is off doing her own thing. I'm very concerned about them both. They're the ones I've been closest to on this journey I've undertaken, and now they're...gone. It's strange. Gabriel and Balthazar are still here. Zido is gone, back at his guild. I haven't seen Black in ages. Yet isn't that the cruel fate of a long, blessed life from being an elf? A monk? To see those I love come and go throughout the ages? Even more so once I finish my journey and meet the chosen of the Phoenix. Become a Master. I'm so close to the end of my journey, yet it seems it's still only just beginning. I still struggle with finding where I belong in this strange world. How can I help those in need? While here in Avarice, I know there are slaves being sold, traded, abused. But I can't help them without risking the safety of my friends. Is it right, that I'm in hiding while strangers around here suffer? I could do so much to help. Of course, there's also the question that resides in my mind - what's even the point of helping sometimes? No matter what I do, I'll never be able to help everyone. It makes me wonder the point of trying to help when there's always going to be suffering. I mean, I guess if my people could be taken down, the amount of suffering would lessen, but there are always evils in the world. Is this my purpose? Is this why I've been blessed with a long life? Why I decided to join the monastery? A long life allows me to help as many people as possible. But can it ever be enough to atone for what I did when I was younger? The sins of my family?