The Guilt

Before, when I couldn’t remember who I was, helping others was easier. The Dynasty are capturing Elders? Lets go stop that. Join the rebels trying to stop the Dynasty? Sure.
 
Even now when Gaqiim of RommoЯ is requesting my help for their countries political unrest and Elder issues, my first thought "Bloody hell, getting dragged into more political unrest. By the dark I have to help them though". On the other hand, I now know my own country's struggles. The dynasty advanced, and King Sage still played it neutral. A selfish move only the old bastard would do. I know some of the people of Scai don’t trust him anymore, but at the same time the King is the only one keeping Scai afloat.
 
It’s a pisstake really, that they come to me. “You’re the heir, you have to convince the King to get more with the times” or “You have the right to overthrow him! Help us do it” NO?! They don’t understand. He has more raw power than I could ever dream of. That’s why we’re okay for now, he can stop anything in his path. Most Scaian's proudly support him, Scai became its own country after the King saw how much happier his followers were under his rule, not because he's a tyrant. One day, yes, he will face an opponent that will be more powerful than him, but that time isn’t yet. I'm the only heir by default, last male of the Prince line left. I know the King is planning on assessing his other descendants, and when he finds one more worthy than me, poof, heir no more.
 
However it's so much worse now that I've taken over Cisa.
 
It's showing King Sage, look, you were wrong to dismiss me, I'm running a country that was just in pieces, fixed again. I was planning on overthrowing the Raagstens, evenually... Throwing Lord Dryza Raagsten of his own ship wasn't planned, neither was being asked to take over. I had the right to overthrow them, as my status as Lord of Scai, so I did. But, to the people of Scai who wanted me to change things, it shows that I could have.
 
I've 'saved' Cisa, I'm on my way to help RommoЯ, I won't be helping Scai.
 
It’s all so complicated. They'll look down on me when I help others, “Why can’t you help us?”. Every decision I make could move Scai into more unrest.
 
I guess I shouldn't have told Will I was helping, I know for a fact he told the others, other people who also think Scai should change. I used to be one of them I guess. He convinced me to go to the rebel base to help Cisa in the first place. At first I thought I couldn't intervene because it would make me more of an outcast than I already was. It wasn't my place, especially after the spirit inline incident, I still have nightmares about that. To think I thought me being connected to the spirits meant I was supposed to rule Scai, what a bloody idiot I was. Nevertheless Willamar fucking Houghton still waltzed on in, 14 years of not seeing each other and- well, he the mug ended up convincing me.
 
I know now how naive I was being, again. Maybe my connection to the spirits does mean something, maybe it doesn't. I don't care anymore, I'm just going to help the people I can.
 
The guilt though, that won't go. Broken promises. It was nice, not to remember.