Zaidfar: Chapter 1: Across Fantasy

(After the events of Full Circle Parts 1 and 2)
 
Other people’s thoughts had always been her business. Always listening to them, yet often doing what she could to avoid being in them. When her presence had become something of a norm in a place she would often leave with the wind, off to find a new place to start anew. It was important to remain unknown and even more important to remain underestimated and overlooked.
 
Lilu changed things, the daughter she had birthed but never named nor been present for. Lilu had been rescued from Athkatla, surprisingly alongside the kind woman, who now had a name. Maggith, Maggith Beauclerc even. The elder human woman had become the de facto grandmother of the family, with her granddaughter Lilu also taking the last name Beauclerc. Beauclerc was a fake name, one carried for many years and with some favor by a wandering Moon Elf. If Lilu and Maggith had taken names then why shouldn’t that Moon Elf take one as well?
 
Jacqueline Beauclerc had been a mask, a veneer, the form of a vapid dreamer and a woman carried by the wind by her seemingly empty head. But those years had made it far more; Jacqui had become a reputable woman in her own right. A talented painter, and a talented adventurer, she may not have been real at heart but what the name stood for now was something that a 9 year old girl had been asking anyone and everyone around town about. A 9 year old girl who was proud to share that name with her mother. It was hard for her, for Zaidfar, for Jacqui, to know which one was the real person and which was the mask.
 
More importantly though she had other problems. Children needed, no deserved, to have certain things in life. Safety, a loving family, education, friends, and pleasant memories. Jacqui had every intention of making sure Lilu had every chance to have the things that the Room had never offered to another child in need.
 
Safety meant teaching the child to understand herself and guard herself. Fortunately changelings have instincts which drive them to adapt and there is a certain joy in re-incarnating oneself anew into a new form. Under Jacqui’s guidance Lilu was quick to learn how to change her appearance, and the girl soon settled on a slender moon elven form which paid great homage to her mother’s appearance, the two were clearly mother and daughter to any eyes which scanned the two.
 
But looks were not everything, and though they looked like mother and daughter it would take time to learn what being a mother truly was. Jacqui knew that being a good and loving mother would mean giving her daughter something to believe in, something to rely on. Jacqui reflected back on the near-riot that had broken out in The Arch during the events of the Maelstrom. The citizens had nearly turned on their protectors, the Thaumaturgy Police, believing them to be bullies and corrupt when in truth the situation had simply been desperate. Jacqui had stepped up then and painted before them a story of togetherness and solidarity, a fantasy of propaganda and safety. It had simply been words and images presented with flair, but it had stopped the riot nearly cold.
 
Could it be so simple? Maybe all ideas started that way. You simply imagined them and then presented them, no matter how empty they were or how little confidence or belief you had in it. It had certainly served her well all these years; her cover had been based on the simple truth that people believe what is comfortable, what they want to believe in. Could being a mother be as simple as tricking herself and others, and then just sticking to it? Just like the thin shell of a mask that Jacqui Beauclerc had once been as an identity and had now been filled in and had become so much more with depth. Even if it wasn’t the perfect answer it had always been her answer, she’d fake it until she makes it as a mother.
 
Education was going to be difficult to offer Lilu though. Thankfully her ‘Uncle Zug’ was an educated man and even lived in a school for kids Lilu’s age, a placed called Hyssop Home. He insisted that Jacqui not only enroll Lilu but that Maggith and Jacqui come as well, to help take care of the girl. It also came with the opportunity for Lilu to make friends with other children, and it meant she’d be well taken care of, even if Jacqui had to travel on business with B.A.S.E.
 
With some trepidation the Beauclerc trio made their way to the home, passing through the heavy outer gate and entering a brilliant courtyard with paved walkways, bubbling fountains and fragrant flowerbeds. Jacqui had been to Hyssop Home many times before, as a visitor, and had never truly understood the business of the home. As far as she understood the concept of religion and spirituality they were nothing more than brands like a store, the cuisine of choice of the kitchen staff so to speak. Her recent experiences and even some long overdue introspection had changed her perception on symbols though, maybe there was something more behind all of this.
 
These teachings must have begun the same as any other idea, right? A simple shell, a presentation with little behind it. Over time though hundreds if not thousands had added more and more until that symbol was deep, it was real, it had meaning. The people in the home were so simple and honest about it all. They believed in their shared ideas and they believed in each other, and they hid so very little. Even when Jacqui listened in to their thoughts they were the same as the words they spoke. Their belief was built on a trust in the ideas, and in each other.
Could she learn to be like that? Learn to be a good mother that Lilu could believe in? Learn to be something that others could trust in? Where does the line between the lie you live and the truth of who you are stop being? Somewhere between saying you’ll do something and being done with it, surely. If so then she’d start off right. She’d be the person reflected in the deep blue eyes of Lilu, the very blue eyes which were a reflection of her own blue eyes, her eyes, Jacqui’s eyes. She would give people something to believe in, and the first thing she would have to learn to believe in was herself.
 
Unravelling the bundle of lies that was herself wasn’t easy though, and even more so was realizing that she had never formed a pact with another in the desperate times of the Room. If the protection of the mists had been a pact, then why was Lilu able to call them as well? It was in their blood. If it was in their blood then she had been her own savior, if she had heard any voices they had perhaps been her ancestors. Whatever had preceded her she may never know, but she would set about honoring the family going forward.
 
Lilu, Maggith and Jacqui Beauclerc settled into the new home, each learning to live with change while hoping for the best.