The Letter that subdued a Volcano

Therarask,
 
I’ve been sitting here for hours now, trying to take a friend’s advice and write you some sort of letter. I don’t even know if I can bring a letter to the dream if this will even work. Yet here I am filling pages upon pages of what I want no need to say to you. What I need to ask you, for there are so many things I don’t know and definitely do not understand, however, none of it felt right for a letter.
 
I am sorry for my outburst the other night, and the stubbornness I showed on the second one. I reacted rather poorly, and it obviously hurt and upset you in ways I never thought I could. None of that was my intention, I would never want to cause you any pain, ever. I hope you can forgive me and if not, hopefully, I can earn it one day.
 
I know it’s no excuse, but I was just so hurt by the news that Belle was you. There I was having spent the most incredible night with this man, utterly falling for him and thinking about some sort of future, wanting so badly to tell you all about it to have it all be ripped out from under me. It hurt because it meant you lied to me when I asked if Belle was you, even if technically you believe you didn’t (you still did, though I forgive you) but what hurt the most were the voices that came flooding into my mind. Your priest and priestess…my father, all telling me that I didn’t know you, that you were the god of trickery and that it was all just a ploy, a stupid little game and I was merely entertainment - a whore. That I was a mortal man and was foolish - daft - to even fathom I could be anything more than nothing.
 
However, no matter how much I do try I don’t regret San Futas, any of it. I meant what I said to Belle – well to you. And I’m probably just being utterly foolish, but I find myself caring for you before the festival. I’ve grown accustomed to those touches of yours, look forwards to the time we spend together on that platform above the jungle Oddly there were times I find myself quite jealous when I don’t feel or hear from you for a certain amount of time as well. And what I felt for Belle just grew what I felt for you. I didn’t even realize it until recently, after our fights, just how much you actually mean to me. How you were right, that it’s time to shackle myself to someone else. To live for not only vengeance but for something else as well.
 
Like I said before there are many things I do not understand, like you telling me that you were in trouble for traveling to Varoona to spend San Futas with me. Why would you risk it? And I have to believe it’s because I mean something to you as well, even if I can’t seem to understand why, mainly because thinking otherwise…well it’s just a dark place I won’t let my mind wonder too. I must believe that it was all real, every moment we’ve spent together. That I have some sort of effect on you, that this is more than just a patron and their devotee. I mean the volcano…really?
 
So, I’m going to ask a favor, I need to know if I’m right, if any of it was real and what I’ve written is even remotely true, that I haven’t miss read anything. I don’t know how but please just let me know and ease these nagging voices.
 
Yours,
Declan