Ow. Just... Ow

Alright. I need some place private to put down my thoughts and I guess this is it. The world has just gotten too weird for me to handle without a relief valve. But I'm too old for "Dear Diary". I need something else... Fuck it. Congratulations, diary. Your name is Mary.
 
So Mary, I have no damn idea what I'm doing. I just spent three years traveling between galaxies and being implanted with all these powers. Then I get into my first big superhero fight and some Cobra Commander wannabe with smokestacks on his arms cleans my clock! I have GOT to learn to fight! Which reminds me, why in the name of sweet Jesus with hollandaise sauce didn't the damn K'Thali give me combat training!?!?! Sure, I'm not radially symmetrical like they are but they could have taught me something! But no, it's just "here, take these powers. Now go down there and hero things up!"
 
Ok, Mary, enough kvetching. I landed back on earth after being gone years. Even the K'Thali take some time to go from the Milky Way to the Lesser Magellenic I guess, though I spent most of the travel in suspended animation. By my internal clock I've been gone about four weeks which was how long they needed me awake for surgical recovery. But when I get back every hero is dead! Even some of the villains! Basically if they wouldn't kowtow to Destroyer they're gone.
 
I futzed around for a bit, learning the lay of the land and listening to Marvin the Martian (my name for the lead producer) yelling at me to do more and occasionally popping me into strange places, when I got this steampunk looking tablet delivered to me. Long story short I find myself sneaking into an internet hub in the area and planting the tablet. BOOM! I'm in contact with other metas. One of them, Runeforce I think, needs us to plant a fifth one at a dam control station of all places. Only we're not planting one even though we were going to. Instead we need to shut down the dam? I am so confused.
 
Ok, getting ahead of myself. So I met a few more metas that want Destroyer stopped. Runeforce seems a good guy and Isobar is sure as hell powerful. Faust is the one I've gotten to know the most. He seems able to copy my powers which has Production muttering about IP infringement but between you and me, Mary, they can go screw themselves. The group of us, along with a couple others I never really got to meet, went in and shut down the power plant. Then Isobar called for help. He'd found a Viper base (well, some snake themed thing. That always seems to be Viper. Bad guys love them some phallic imagery) somehow and was pinned down. Faust started carrying me to the fight when Marvin decided things had gotten too slow and popped me over there, which hurt like hell! Some weirdo was robbing the place in the middle of the fight but I ignored him and pounded some Viper agents. You know, I'am almost certain they're not Viper agents but I don't know what they actually are so let's just go with Viper for now. Placeholder.
 
At first things went easy. Then the bad guys noticed me and I noticed I was like a good football field away from my teammates and surrounded. I may need to work on tactics a bit. I got pounded. Like there was a HOLE in the FIELD! Marvin almost had a heart attack screaming about how much I cost and how he couldn't afford to fix me. Fuck Marvin. But I managed to hold them off long enough I guess, mostly by bleeding all over them and making them go clean their uniforms or something. Then Isobar called retreat (He's a smart one) and armored arm guy, never did get his name, helped me get out of there thanks to me being blind at the time. We jumped into a hole and somehow ended up at Homestead. HOMESTEAD! I recognized it from when Sapphire gave me a tour. Turned out we were rescuing Socrates, The Champions AI.
 
I have no fucking idea what's going to happen next but I have to say, I like this. NEVER tell Marvin I said that! Destroyer screwed over the planet and killed literally the most heroic people on Earth. Anything I can do to put a thorn in his paw makes me happy.
 
More later, I guess. I feel better for writing this. You're a good friend, Mary, even if you're not real. Thanks.