Time and Tide

The loss of Captain Sanna has been hard on the Bo and Grim. I have attempted to give them space to grieve since it's not exactly my place to tell them how to feel. I'm here for them if they want someone to listen, but beyond that I'm keeping my distance.
 
The plantation workers listened to me when I told them to take back what was theirs. They were understandably angry about the old man witholding information that could have saved people, and it wasn't long before a mob formed. Mobs are dangerous, all it takes is one spark and you have an uncontrollable fire and I might be able to manage people but mobs are a force of nature at that point. I tried to keep a handle on the situation and almost fuckin' lost control at one point. Folks always look for the chance to be cruel, but that wasn't why I was here. I didn't march these people here out of contempt for the rich fucker, I did it because these people deserve better. I've made it clear that I'll be back and if things have become bad here then I will take responsibility for what I caused. It always seems like my fuckups are the ones that cost lives. It's never like knocking a vase over. You can replace a vase but it ain't so simple with people.
 
We saved the two rich kids. Didn't seem right to just leave them to a mob when they wanted no part in what happened. They haven't said much to me, and to be honest I don't exactly blame them. I'm the one that got their parents killed. I know what I'd do in their shoes; I've thought about that enough. I'm just glad that they have eachother. They might be as old as me but it's nice to know that someone is left. Someone who shares the same experience as you.
 
Ship needed a new captain after Sanna passed away. It's a difficult thing. I'm pretty new to this group but also the only one that's really got a feel for the job. Takes a lot to be a captain and it's a lot of pressure, it ain't something that can just be done by anyone who can turn a wheel. Not that I doubt Bud's ability to sail, I've met plenty of folks like but and some of them have been my favorite crew members, but he seemed pretty shocked to have even been considered.
 
I'm trying to do right by these folks. They were pretty fond of Sanna and I'm not gonna try and replace her. I'm not rewriting the book here I'm starting a new chapter. I'll try and do it justice but I've just gotta hope that people can respect me, and if they don't do that then at they need to talk to me about it at the very least. Bo has already come to talk to me about some information that he seemed quite worried about sharing. He's had a rough time of it to be honest. Reminds me a lot of myself a few years ago, difference is that I know the name of my problem, while hers seems to hide behind a title. I'm glad we had the talk. I don't know who that Madame is but if she comes after him then she's gonna regret it.
 
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Lost another duel today.
It's been three(ish?) days since I got my ass handed to be my Rex and lots my ship. I've been in fights with that guy so many times in the last decade and I can't for the life of me figure out why I can't win. I'm not bad at this and I can hold my own, but it just feels like everyone else in the world can hold theirs better.
 
Astris is talented and Celia would really like the dude, which is always a good mark in my book, but I just can't shake the feeling that I may never be able to stand against Rex, and if I can't deal with my own problems then what the fuck am I even doing?
That isn't to say that I have anything against Astris, guy has nothing to do with it. I guess I'm still not used to losing yet. Oh well, I'll get another chance to duel him I'm sure.
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Hope Celia's having better luck than me.