To Harness My Power

* The writing is incredibly sloppy, but barely legible. *
 
What an unbelievable day. After developing my power quite a bit, I decided to challenge Emerald to spar with me in the Arena. I don't know if that was a grave mistake or not; I learned a myriad of things, but at a considerable cost.
 
It all started in the Sandbar, where I was simply hanging out and having a good day. But I thought it would be somewhat fun to challenge Emerald to a spar of magical prowess. She accepted without hesitation, and we headed to the Arena to fight. I asked her when we would begin, but she simply charged at me with this wicked blade of shadow. Every time it went through me, I saw my nightly terrors; except that my fellow adventurers were in the experience instead. I couldn't bear it... in reaction, I cast a globe of darkness to perhaps blind Emerald and get away from her and that blade. It didn't help, though; her astute perception detected me and even if she was flailing in my general direction, the blade itself curved in the shadow to affect me again and again! I couldn't keep it up, so I tried a holding spell similar to the one I cast on Cliff and Hal. Her will was strong, and she resisted my paralysis. It was after that she dealt the final blow... I saw Kuon being ripped to shreds by the two mongrels which had done so to me countless nights. It was different; perhaps I take more psychological trauma seeing those I love get hurt more than myself. But after that, she caught me in her arms as I was crying my heart out. She took me to the Sandbar to rest and recover.
 
After plenty of consoling and a fine Elven meal, I eventually regained my spirits. It didn't just make me feel better, I was full to the brim with determination. So while Emerald wasn't looking, Hugh and I went to the Arena once again to train and perhaps spar. This is the good part: I was able to exert control over adrenaline, greatly boosting the speed of Hugh and myself up to six times! I could also control melatonin, halving our speeds and slowing our reactions in a sleepy state. But it was that moment I collapsed, only being able to move above my neck and speak.
 
Hugh carried me back here to the Sandbar, where I saw a bunch of reactions to my practically paralyzed state. Only after this purple liquid was poured on me, I was able to move my right arm and my left fingers, hence this sloppy excuse for writing. I used Prestidigitation to clean myself; but when I did, felt a sharp ringing in my ears and I couldn't help but wince in pain. Goodness, I can't believe a surge of determination brought me to this low point in life... Imni, help me.