Who Am I?

Arinelle walked along the lane toward home, though she wasn’t truly watching where she was going. The Commander’s words echoed in her ears. The prophecy she’d been told about her entire life was about Akmon. Akmon! How was that possible? How had no one told her?

She reached up for her amulet, holding it so tightly the edges cut into her palm.

She’d been told since she was a child that she had a great Destiny. That she had a Responsibility. A Purpose. They’d never told her precisely what that was, but said she’d know it when it came calling. To be patient. Light knew, she’d tried. She’d waited and waited. But while she stayed safe in the halls of the Cathedral and within the walls of the hospital, the outside world had passed her by. Would it arrive at the doors of the Cathedral, like she had as an infant? Or was it out there, waiting for her?

Stay focused. Be patient. Your Destiny is coming.

But it was all a lie. A lie to keep her from fulfilling a prophecy for Akmon.

Tears gathered in her pupiless eyes, causing them to glimmer like gems in the lantern light. The amulet cut deeper into her palm, blood trickling through her fingers.

If her Destiny was truly to avoid having a Destiny at all, who was she? What was her Purpose? To be a healer, certainly. None could deny that is where her gifts lie. But was she truly intended to simply stay at the Cathedral for the rest of her days? To be tucked away where she could do no harm, should this prophecy actually refer to her?

“That’s not how that works,” she muttered, a passerby giving her an odd look and then hurrying on. If she did not follow the Call, the Call would find her. It could not be so easily avoided. Any at the church who thought otherwise were deluding themselves.

They should have told her. They should have warned her. Prepared her. How was she supposed to avoid something she wouldn’t recognize when it arrived? And did it need to be avoided? She didn’t know. Because they had refused to share this prophecy with her.

Regardless, she would not betray her goddess. She had given an Oath. She’d accepted Her blessing. No prophecy could change that. Certainly no Akmonite prophecy, of all things. How could they doubt her? After all this time? After raising her? Was her faith truly so questionable to them?

Arinelle shook her head. She felt adrift. Her entire sense of self floated like so much detritus around her. Everything she’d been raised to believe about herself was a fabrication. Should she even continue with this adventuring? Would it end up causing more harm than good? Would it lead to ruin? She could never live with that on her hands. Her shoulders bowed with the unending grip of responsibility pressing down upon her. She walked on silently.

The lights of the Cathedral came into view ahead and she took a breath. Her shoulders straightened. Her expression remained grim, however. She would not snuff her own Light but she would also not be the reason anything happened to the church. She would not abandon those in need, but she would step back. Allow others to make decisions.

Who am I, if my entire life was a lie?