Sun and Rain

My mother used to tell me that a rainy day didn’t have to be a disappointment, it was an invitation from Tella to experience something different. “Sunshine is nice” she said “But sometimes we’ve learned what we could from it, we need to experience something new before we can see the sun with new eyes.” Despite this, I always stayed inside when the rain started pouring, I suppose I got that from my dad. The day I got my letter from her it was pouring outside. I remember staring at it while listening to the rain hit the ground outside, a welcome distraction from the pounding in my chest. By the time I worked up the courage to open it, I needed to light a candle because the light of day had slipped by. My breath caught in my throat as I read the familiar script of my mother. “My sweet Snocker, did I ever tell you the story of my best friend? He was a cat with the most beautiful white wings. I met him when I was a young girl, living far away from here. He was stuck up in a tree and was licking at his wing, it seemed to be broken in a few places. I climbed up and brought him back to safety, and decided that my home would be the best place for him. I spent months caring for him and learning different ways to ease his pain. As I cared for him, I learned a lot about myself. I learned that the capacity of my love was larger than I knew (which you later showed me again), I learned how to care for something other than myself, and I learned that I was good at healing those in pain. Those few months were so special to me because it showed me that I could be someone that I never thought I could before, someone who loves others wholeheartedly. Soon I was able to fix up my friend's wing and watch him fly once again! He stayed with me for sometime, but he couldn’t follow me here, because he doesn’t belong here. Saying goodbye to Darwin was the hardest day of my life, until today. I have loved every second I have gotten to spend with you and your siblings, but I have come to realize that I, like Darwin, don’t belong here. It’s not anybody’s fault, it is just the truth of the matter. I’m not sure how to get to where I belong, but I would never forgive myself if I didn’t try. You will always be part of me and I will always be part of you. I know that this means you will have a lot of rainy days in your future, but I hope eventually you will be able to see the sunshine through the clouds. I love you with my whole heart and then some.” When I first read that letter I didn’t feel much of anything at all, I was numb to it all. Looking back I realize that was the moment I became a new person, someone who didn’t belong here. And it’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just the truth of the matter.