Unwanted growth

My dear future self, I'd make apologies for my negligence to you, but as I'm sure you'll remember, its been an eventful few weeks.
 
Between our day-trip through time and space (which for both our sakes I will now move on from forever), our mad dash back across the continent, parting ways with Jun=Pei, reuniting with Caerbhall and the Marquis' entirely anticipated attempt on my life, matters of literacy and music have fallen lamentably by the wayside.
 
And, of course there is the small matter of my blossoming...talents. I think I've always been aware I was a little Wyrd-Touched, and looking back on some of the frankly insane misadventures and escapades I managed to get away with in my youth, its no small wonder magic was involved. So, it seems I have the capacity to be a magician, and given that I held my own against the dear Marquis (who, for the record, appears to have sold his soul to the Otherking in exchange for power and prestige), one of not inconsiderable power either. That troubles me - for all Magden's alleged deceptions and manipulations (how embarrassing that a dab hand at deception like myself couldn't spot them) I genuinely believe everything he said about the Wyrd was true: that its an all-pervading, near-sentient force, and thus not prone to whimsy or caprice.
 
You've been chosen, Takuma. Chosen by Magden, chosen by the Wyrd, chosen by fate, and most importantly, chosen over and over again, despite your personality, your failings, your past, by Martin.
 
Being relied upon and wanted, genuinely wanted, does not sit comfortably with me (my speechlessness in the face of Jun-Pei's adoration is proof enough of that), and now that I apparently have the power to discharge the very duty they rely upon me for, all that I lack is the resolve.
 
You do lack the resolve to be relied upon, don't you, future me? Because to tell you the truth, a horrifyingly significant portion of your present self is relishing it. This whole "companionship in the face of insurmountable odds and heroism" thing. Its making me forget that deep down we're selfish cowards who are only in this for the money and fame, and that we don't owe anybody anything.
 
Except for Jun-Pei, who our negligence may very well have cost his parents.
 
Guilt, responsibility, loyalty, friendship, even?
 
Its all happening so quickly.