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Saurian Empire

" It was we who first allied with the Lycans and the Aenarri. We have served them for over a billion years against our mortal enemy, the breaker. And we shall continue doing so till the last of the warriors of Mortarius are claimed by his touch!"   A declaration made by Salen Antioch
  The Saurian empire is a gigantic intergalactic empire formed by the Saurians race. Centered on the tropical jungle planet of Sauros, they are noted to be one of the strongest superpowers in the entire universe, with only the Aenarri controlling more territory than them and being tied with the Charybdians in terms of military power. They are also the dominant power in the Andromeda galaxy as of 3000 AD. Riding to war with not only machines of war, but their beasts as well, this race has proved to be a giganti roadblock to the path of Kerr and they shall not stop till either every last Saurian is taken by Mortarius or the breakers throat is ripped out by the Saurians themselves.

Structure

The Saurian empire is divided into multiple kingdoms who are each bound to the greater cause of th empire. In return for their service, most of the Kingdoms have some degree of autonomy. The kingdoms themselves each serve a special role for moving the empire forward and keeping it intact.

Public Agenda

" Our true goal is the safeguard of our brethren from the corruption of the breaker. He has been the sole cause for all of our ruin and we must stay strong against him."
  The main goal for the Saurian empire is the protection of their race against the corruption of Kerr. The Saurians have had many wars and battles against the breaker, at one time even almost being destroyed but being saved by the sudden transformation of Salen Antioch into the titan Mortarius and the arrival of The Alliance

Assets

The Empire consolidates its hold on a gigantic range of assets, ranging from lands, supplies, mineral wealth, armies and many other wealth . They can be roughly divided into a number of parts.  

"Territory

" If the breaker has to destroy us, then he has to break us in the stars first. And that wont be an easy task"   A saurian general remarking on the territorial advantage of the Saurians.
  The Saurian empire consolidates its hold over a vast stretch of territory across many galaxies, having colonised these worlds over millions if not billions of years. Most of the worlds are protected by long standing elite volunteer armies with reserves of trained conscripts unlike the The Imperial Terran Federation. The Saurians further categorise their worlds like most other races on basis of their geography, climate, etc such as Ice worlds, Volcano worlds, prison worlds and more. The task of protecting the space around these planets and celestial bodies as well as frontier regions and inter planetary as well as interstellar space are given to the Saurian fleet, the space fleet arm of the Saurian empire.  

" Resources

 
" Oh he thinks he can starve us to death? Even after knowing that we have enough food to make all saurians obese, he still tries to starve us to death. Lets see how it goes this time.
  The Saurians have a diverse range of resources ranging from manpower, food, arms and ammunition, raw materials and much more.  

" Food"

  The Saurian empire produces its food in special planets called Farm worlds, not unlike mankind and the other races of the galaxy. These worlds are quite literally, gigantic farms dedicated to feeding dozens if not hundreds of worlds on their own. The Saurians also trade in their food for other valuables such as arms and equipment from the various races of the galaxy.

" Mineral resources"

The Saurians get most of their mineral wealth from mining worlds, entire planets dedicated to extracting precious metals, ores , exotic gases or even water for other worlds. Mining worlds are not only restricted to terrestrial planets as there are gas giants with many resources that the Saurian empire requires to function on a day to day basis.  

" Arms and Weaponry

  A lot of the resources obtained from the mining worlds are transported into special gigantic factories in space, where the materials are turned into weapons and war machines to defend the Saurian lands from the invasion of Kerr

History

" The beginning"

 
" He had united all of the Saurian race in only four decades. He did what no other Saurian ever did and lead us from a mediveal civiliaztion to one dominating the stars themselves. He has brought peace to all of Sauros and Sauriankind just for us. In no way am i betraying lord Salen! Till the day i breathe my last, i shall protect him from any who dare to oppose him! Long live the Emperor!"   A Saurian king proclaiming his support for Salen and the Saurian empire
  Long ago, in a relatively unimportant jungle planet orbiting an F type star in the Andromeda galaxy, there existed a race of reptilian humanoid beings known as the Saurians. The Saurians had been divided into various warring clans across the lush planets surface, with each clan either being independent, existing in an alliance of clans or swearing fealty to another. In due time however, all of them would be unified by a simple Saurian boy named Salen Antioch.  

" Salen Antioch"

  One day, A small Saurian boy known as Salen was playing outside his clans village with Kirava, a friend of his. At one point, they had gone far from the village and soon got lost. As they tried to find their way back to the village, they were set upon by some bandits from a rival clan. Whilst the young boy was valiantly defended her, he could not hold his own ground against armed bandits. Suddenly , they were saved by one of the blacksmiths of their clan, who had gone to bring them back to their parents. The blacksmith managed to save the duo but in the process , suffered mortal wounds.   Before dying however, the blacksmith told Salen that he had seen how bravely he fought, how he would give his life for the ones he loved. He told him that Salen had the bravery and all the qualities to become a leader of all Sauriankind. Inspired by these words, Salen decided that one day in his life, he will unite all of his race and reach out to the very stars themselves.  

" Birth of a legend"

" Ever since the day that he told me those words, i knew that this was my legacy. I had to unify my brethren lest they tear themselves apart. I wanted to lead them to die for a greater purpose, and for the good of all of us. What i am most proud of is that i managed to do that in less than half a century. And to this day, i still take joy in the fact that we live as brothers and sisters and in peace. And i shall give even my soul to maintain that."   Salen Antioch.
Salen had started working hard on his dream ever since the encounter with the bandits that time. Only a few years later, Salen had joined the army of his clan and lead daring raids and attacks against rival clans and bandit clans. Over the years, he distinguished himself as a valiant , brave and kind person and won over the hearts of many powerful Saurians. Soon, Salen rapidly rose through the ranks and soon became a seasoned commander. His army had begun swelling rapidly after his charismatic and inspiring speeches combined with his legendary exploits . Tens of thousands of Saurians had flocked to his army and more arrived every day. Salen soon became one of the largest clans in the entire central continent and had become famous in the hearts of many Saurians , even those that were his enemies at those times. In that time, he had also fallen in love with Kirava, his childhood friend and would soon marry her after a long relationship .  

Call of unification

 
" I urge everyone of you to unite under my banners. It is simply for the good of our entire race. Just think of what we can do if we unite! The stars themselves will be ours! I urge everyone of you to just accept this declaration for the greater good of our race."   Salen Antioch, urging all of the Saurian clans to unite under his banner for the greater good of their race.
  As his power grew amongst the Saurians, Salen decided to fulfill his most ambitious goal at long last. In the 30th year of his conquest, he had grown to the position of the leader of the strongest clan on the Central continent. During this time, he made a famous speech that even to this day, resonates within the heart of all Saurians who are still alive to witness it and have heard it. So powerful was the speech that all of those who have heard it have shed tears of joy. It was the beginning of the greatest empire Sauros had seen, a call for the unification of the entire Saurian race.

The Saurian war of unification

 
' Tonight my brothers and sisters, we march to war. A war to unify all of our race, for conquering the stars themselves. We shall rule as far as the light of stars go and the very astral realms shall quake with our march to glory. I only ask of you to lend me your strength and see what i do to the entire race!"   Salen Antioch, inspiring his men during the Saurian war of unification.
The Saurian war of unification was a major turning point in Saurian history. It saw the nascent Saurian empire come to dominate the entire planet of Sauros. After the declaration of unification by Salen, most Saurians joined in his army but there were some that united under Niras, a rival warlord that thought of Salen as a lunatic and wanted to stop him. Whilst initially wanting a peace treaty, Salen resorted to violent measures after Niras burnt an entire city of tens of thousands of Saurians to the ground, taking the lives of all the inhabitants inside of it. Salen could not tolerate it anymore and thus, declared war on the clan of Niras.   Over the course of the war, Salen had managed to defeat almost all attempts by Niras to destroy his movement, despite the fact that he had superior military equipment compared to Salens army. The war would come to an end on the fields of Flamepyre, where Niras and his army made their last stand.   Despite most of his men surrendering, Niras fought on till Salen himself had come. The two dueled together till Salen had defeated Niras. In a defeated state, Niras had finally come to realize that Salen had the best vision for all of Sauriankind and decided to join him. In later parts of Saurian history, he would go on to become the greatest general the empire had ever seen, earning himself the moniker of Niras the unvanquished. With his capitulation, Salens dreams were realized. He had finally united all of Sauriankind under one banner.  

Forging an empire amongst the Stars

 
" I have finally managed to achieve my dreams at long last. All of my brethren are united. We must rebuild for our true age of success and power are beginning. We shall rule across the stars themselves and at every place as far as starlight spreads, our names shall be known.
  After the Saurian war of unification had ended, Salen had begun the long process of rebuilding the Saurian civilization . The first few years was spent consolidating his position and in a nightmarish mess of bureaucracy, appointing people to be the heads of the various parts of the empire. For the next century and half, the Saurian race under the dynamic leadership of their legendary emperor went from being an iron age civilization to one capable of interplanetary spaceflight.   At this point however, Salen had apparently hit a roadblock. The stars were far apart from each other and could not be reached feasibly even at sub light speeds. Salen was frustrated at this sudden obstacle to his vision and spent many years contemplating on a solution. All of this would be solved at last however, when a Saurian scientist managed to invent a Void drive, capable of faster than light travel by travelling through the void.   With the invention of the void drive, the Saurian race began its true conquest of the stars. Thousands of planets were colonized and soon the Saurian race became a dominant superpower in their region of the galaxy. It was the destiny of the Saurians being fulfilled. Salens dreams were coming true one after another. He had finally managed to see his race become one amongst the stars, and had finally gotten some sense of clarity in his heart. All of that would change however, as a sinister threat to the very existence of the Saurians was observing their every move and would soon begin his attempt to enslave the entire race.  

" First contact and war against the breaker

 
" We were forever changed after the war against the breaker. Our armies valiantly managed to fight back against the dread forces of the breaker, seeking to spread corruption and ensalve our entire race. To prevent that from ever happening again, we must stick together. No matter our differences. For this is everyones war against our archenemy"   Salen Antioch, addressing a meeting of the Alliance.
  It all began subtly but slowly. On the very outermost frontiers of the empire, a corruption had began to take place. Chaotic cults of the breaker had started rising up in the frontier worlds, and they mostly went unnoticed. Soon however, entire planets would be taken over by these Chaos cults before signals of help could be sent. Hundreds if not thousands of worlds were overrun in this manner and soon Kerr gained enough energy to send his demonic legions into realspace. It was only after an attack on a large Saurian world that the threat became evident to Salen. Immediately at once, he had declared a state of total war against the Breakers forces, knowing that this very well was a threat to the very existence of Sauriankind.  

" Battle of Sauros"

 
" We have all fought well this time. But our enemy does not tire. He marches on, leaving a path of destruction in his wake. But we shall not fall. By the blood of the gods, we shall fight on against this dark being and drive him and his armies from our lands. We must do our absolute best to achieve victory. So i ask of you all, to lend me the strength again , for we shall prevail this time as well!"   A speech made by Salen just before the battle of Sauros.
  Over the course of the war, despite fighting on valiantly, the Saurians were slowly pushed back to their homeworld of Sauros. With most of the remainning Saurian race being in the Sauros system, they prepared for their last stand and dedicated an all out defense against their enemies. For the upcoming battle, Salen had prayed to the old Saurian gods, asking for their favour to defend his race. With his prayers being done, he bid goodbye to most of his family, including his wife and love Kirava and went to the frontlines alongside them for the final battle.   When the Demons had finally arrived at Sauros, the Saurians counterattacked and held their defense, inflicting massive casualties amongst the demons, they were soon pushed back. Salen himself fought valiantly on the front lines but was mortally wounded. In his dying moments however, he heard a voice. A voice that told him to keep on fighting. Finding new strength, Salen gave one last roar before he transformed into Mortarius, the titan of death himself.  

" Birth of a legend"

 
" He had saved us all on that day. Like a shining beacon of hope, he had come to destroy our enemies and drive them back to their unholy nests. In that moment, any doubt remainning in the hearts of every Saurian that was alive at that moment was completely vanquished, for they had seen a miracle being performed"   Quoted by Niras
  Using his newfound powers, Salen managed to crush almost all opposition that stood before him. The demons could watch as Salen and the recently inspired Saurians massacared their brethren. It was only when Astraak the devourer and Neethkin the despoiler , two of the Higher Void titans had come to face Salen. Initially the fight seemed to be going in the favour of Salen until a large blow from Neethkins cursed sword crippled Salen. But inspite of all this, Salen kept on fighting until suddenly, a fleet of ships had arrived alongside a detachment of The Alliance . With their combined force, the Saurians beat back the remainning demons and emerged victorious in the conflict. The brethren of Salen had lived to see one more day.  

" Joining the Alliance"

 
" We might have driven the breaker off for now but he is far from defeated. In his corrupted lands, he gathers his strength again. We must ally with our fellow brethren in order to even stand a chance against our mutual archenemy. I agree wholeheartedly that till the last of us have fallen, we shall fight alongside you with all the might that the gods may bless upon us!"   Salen Antioch, inaugurating the Saurians entry into The Alliance.
  The Saurians had been saved by the Alliance and the bravery of their own leader. Having barely escaped extinction at the hands of the breaker, the Saurians decided to join The Alliance, who helped them recover and reclaim their lost lands. In a short amount of time, the Saurians had grown to their previous level of power. Ever since that time, the Saurians have fought side by side alongside their brethren, fighting till the death in their struggle against the breaker.

Territories

" The Saurians rule far more lands than mankind could ever do so in a thousand years. They control entire galaxies and rule the stars on a far grander scale than we do. Its safe to say that we wont be going on their level in a thousand years at least at the pace we are expanding at."   Quoted by a human soldier.
  The Saurians control a gigantic stretch of territory, from multiple thousands of galaxies to many billions of planets.

Military

" Oh they think that they can beat us again? Really? After we crucified their top brass on that day and left them for the beasts of the jungle, they still try to attack us? . I want to see what trick they have up their sleeve. Rest assured, most of them will probably be either mauled, stomped, eaten or die as thousands of tiny worms, bugs and parasites of the forest burrow under their flesh."
  The Saurian empire is one of the strongest races in the entire universe, having a gigantic professional volunteer army with well trained conscripts as reserves. Their power can roughly be divided into a number of parts.

" Land power"

 
" We ride to war with not only mechanical engines of war but the beasts of nature as well. This combined force is something that our enemies cannot stand up against. They try desperately but in the end, most if not all of them fail against the combined forces of the wrath of nature and our mechanical machines of death"
  The land forces of the Saurian empire are a force to be reckoned with. Riding to war with a gigantic array of armored vehicles, war beasts of all sorts and innumerable hordes of scaled warriors, their combat doctrine focuses on wearing down the enemy for as much time as possible with hit and run attacks as well as overwhelming them with large amounts of warriors. Saurian warriors are particularly known for being extremely efficient insurgents and guerilla fighters, often being able to hold off large numbers of enemy soldiers on their own without any weaponry. They can be divided into a number of sub branches as well.  

" Saurian Land army"

" When we ride to war, the earth shakes with our marching. It is a sign of impending doom for the enemy. It is a message that we shall not stop till our goals are achieved.
  The Saurian land army is composed of regular Saurian soldiers supported by armored divisions as well as artillery forces. The Saurian army makes up one of the key components of the empire and is usually in charge of defending saurian territory, consolidating contested ones as well as claiming more territory for the empire.  

" Saurian Beastmasters"

 
' You see my friend, the wrath of nature tears apart the corrupted soldiers and machines of the breaker just as well, if not better than our Artificial war machines and vehicles. Theres a reason we still use them to this day"   A saurian soldier remarking on the sheer effectiveness on the warbeasts used by the Saurians.
  The Saurians are not only limited to using Mechanical machines of war for their armies. In addition to their regular land forces, they are also aided by the beasts of nature, from the lowest poisonous centipede , parasite and worm that swarm and rip off the enemies flesh in a matter of seconds to gigantic basilisks, dragons and land creatures that can devastate entire armies easily. From the skies, Saurian dragons and banshees dive down into the enemy, their shadows often being the last thing they see before they meet their end.  

" Saurian Bloodspines"

 
" The bloodspines are more like the angels of death. The dreaded spirits of Saurian mythology that take the lives of all those that oppose them. If you ever happen to be their opponents, your better off running and bombing the area into oblivion rather than engage them headlong"   A saurian soldier remarking on the Saurian bloodspines.
  The Saurian bloodspines are the elite soldiers of the Saurian land forces. Bred and trained from birth to vanquish the enemies of the empire, these elite troops are renowned for their unbreakable will and undying courage against even the most hopeless of odds. Most of them have speceliaties depending on which Saurian division they serve but one thing is common in all of them, striking terror in the hearts of their enemies and fighting to their last dying breath  

" Stellar and air power"

" If our land forces are the hammer of our civilization, then our fleets would be the spear and the scalpel."   Quoted by a Saurian pilot.
  The Saurian military forces second large arm is its space fleet and Aeronautical divison. The space fleet is in charge of protecting Saurian interspace territory , as well as providing transport and security for Saurian colonization fleets that are sent out into uncharted lands. The Saurian fleet is a gigantic one, consisting of millions of ships divided into battlegroups, sector fleets and sub sector fleets, each led by a high ranking officer or admiral. The Saurian aeronautical corps are also a part of the Saurian fleet and carry out operations in Endoatmospheric as well as exoatmospheric conditions, filling out a wide variety of operations such as striking enemy targets and bases, providing air support, crippling enemy assets as well as combatting enemy aerial and exoatmospheric threats.

Technological Level

Technological prowess

  The Saurians are widely known as one of the most technologically advanced species in the universe. Their technological expertise is mostly in the field of agriculture and genetics which allows them to produce much more food for their inhabitants and also create the perfect soldier using their revolutionary genetic engineering. Another very important technology that the Saurians use are their groundbreaking methods of FTL travel, which are far more safer and reliable than the ones used by humans , allowing them to keep their gigantic empire intact .  

Military technology

  The Saurians are also widely renowned for their extremely powerful and robust military capabilities. Despite the training of their soldiers and equipment being only moderately better than humankinds overall and falling low in many places, the Saurians make up for that by inspiring the regular soldiers using their elite warriors to spearhead their attacks and lead their defences. All over Saurian settlements and planets, one can find military bases, camps, factories, ammunition dumps, airfields, drydocks, spaceports and many more pieces of military infrastructure lying about. The excellent transport system of the Saurian empire is another thing that makes the Saurians so dangerous, with their army being able to attack and disappear rapidly from place to place.  

Genetic engineering and bioengineering

  Arguably the place where the Saurians excel the most is in the field of genetic engineering and creating supersoldiers. The Saurians innate oneness with nature gives them a specialized ability to tinker with the very building blocks of life in a way that no other race could emulate. Saurian geneticists are regularly hired for high level jobs in the Federation and the Aenarri empire to provide their knowledge of genetic engineering to their allies

Foreign Relations

" Without the help our allies in The Alliance have given us, we wouldn't be alive by this point."   Salen Antioch, referencing the enormous amount of help the empire received from other alien races
  The Saurian empire exists in a gigantic web of alliances, both large and small. They can also be divided into a number of parts.  

Alliance with the Aenarri

  The Saurians have had a longstanding and special friendship with the Aenarri, having been saved by them and helped in rebuilding their ruined race. In Saurian worlds, there are large communities of Aenarri in Saurian worlds and the same can be said for Saurians in Aenarri worlds. Both being members of the alliance, the Saurians have sworn to protect their allies from the threat of the breaker and stand side by side on the battlefield.  

Alliance with Mankind and the Lycans

  After the Aenarri, the Saurians are the closest to mankind and the Lycans, both being trade partners and being bound by the trade treaties of the alliance. There is particular demand for premium quality Lycan and human equipment amongst the Saurians since while they are not badly equipped, they favour Lycan equipment for their killing power and efficiency against demons.

Agriculture & Industry

" Agricultural Power"

 
" The Saurians are one with the nature. Unlike us, their entire race has a spiritual connection with the flora and fauna of their homeworld, which comes to aid them during their darkest of times. Its fascinating, truth be told"   An Imperial researcher, remarking on the Saurians closeness with nature."
  The Saurians are a race that is close with nature. Having a special bond with the ecosystem of their homeworld of Sauros, a lot of Saurians grow up to be farmers and work in the great plains of wheat as well as domesticate animals and use them for their farming purposes. Others on planets with harsh climates grow up to be perfect hunters who hunt the beasts of the wild to feed their respective communities. Another branch still, has the specialty and the task of taming dangerous beasts for use by the Saurian army.  

Industrial power

 
"We might be connected by nature but dont think of us being puny in the industrial sector as well."   A Saurian remarking on his race"s industrial capabilities.
  The Saurians, whilst being the least industrialised of the five great powers of the Alliance, still are a tremendous industrial superpower, being ahead of all but the Aenarri and the Lycans. They have special worlds dedicated to the manufacturing of arms, weapons, armor, vehicles, spacecraft, ships , industrial machinery, and many other items that ensure the well being of the empire.

Trade & Transport

" Barter and trade"

  One of the key strengths of the Saurian empire is its ability to move logistics extremely rapidly from place to place. There exists a gigantic web of interconnected space stations, stellar dockyards, Interstellar and intergalatic shipping lanes that handles the trade functions of the Saurian empire. Each of these logistical supply and shipping lines are carefully guarded by the Saurian fleet against enroachment by their enemies, for the fate of the empire depends upon the lines being kept intact.

Education

" If we have to defeat the breaker, we must learn more about our enemy. For that reason, we should teach we teach our youth from their childhood about the breaker and his corruptions"
  The Saurians have a robust education system that is characterised by large amounts of informal education by their parents or guardians before they are admitted into their local schools. They learn a wide range of subjects ranging from science, geography, mathematics and most of all, the art of warfare, with mock drills and battles being conducted as part of the curriculum to strengthen their children for general combat. In their higher educational institutes, the Saurians are given special educational "Paths" which correspond to one of the individual careers. There are three major paths, the Path of the Artisan, the path of the Warrior and the path of the architect. Each of these paths have their own sub paths that the Saurians can choose for more specialised training. After completing their education in their respective paths, the Saurians go off

Infrastructure

Travel infrastructure

  The Saurians have a gigantic travel infrastructure that they have carefully maintained for time untold. These include large colonies and stations on remote planets, Star stations that provide food, fuel and shelter to ships traveling in the interstellar void, large ship launching stations above orbit of most populated planets and many more other buildings to keep trade going and the empire flowing.

"For the Great Serpent!"

Founding Date
Around 3 billion BC
Type
Geopolitical, Empire
Capital
Leader
Salen Antioch
Head of State
Salen Antioch
Head of Government
Salen Antioch
Government System
Monarchy, Elective
Power Structure
Unitary state
Economic System
Mixed economy
Major Exports
The Saurians are known for exporting food and other biological resources to their allies. The surplus food is immensely useful to nascent interstellar races like mankind, who have yet still not gotten a strong agricultural base to feed their large populations.
Major Imports
" We might be quite self sufficient. But the weapons and industrial stuff those Lycan and Aenarri friends of ours forge? They are as high quality as you get.   A Saurian soldier remarking on the Industrial prowess and quality of the Lycans and Aenarri civilization.
  Whilst the Saurians are one of the most self sufficient civilizations in the entire milky way galaxy, their industrial base and quality is quite underpowered compared to the other great powers with the exception of mankind, the nascent superpower of the milky way galaxy. They have also been known for trading with the Aenarri , another race that is a massive industrial superpower and the Lycans as well.
Legislative Body
The laws for the entire empire vary from place to place but ultimately, the core rules are run by a retinue of lawmen handpicked by Salen himself. These men put out the laws as dictated by him but also have a certain degree of freedom in making modifications and changes to their own law.
Judicial Body
The Judicial body of the Saurian empire is carried out by three branches.

" The magistratum"

  The magistratum are the prime judges in the entire empire, all of them being members of the chief legislative council as well. Their word is law and it is final unless challenged by significant opposition. The Laws of the magistratum transfer to the regional judges who have the power to implement them in their respective regions and also have some slight powers to modify the laws.  

" Legum Lator"

  The Legum Lator are the regional judges in their respective kingdoms and regions and have the power to modify the rules slightly .  

" The legatus

  The Legatus are the law enforcement forces of the Saurains. They have the job of enforcing the law of the Empire in their respective region. Most of the Legatus are lightly armed to intimidate criminals but a special tactical Gendarmerie style force known as the Legatus Militarum also exist to combat highly dangerous individuals to all out cults of Kerr until the army proper can arrive.
Location
Related Myths

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Comments

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May 17, 2019 17:10 by Jaime Buckley

$#@$!!! awesome. Love it! ...I hate you for distracting me so easily. Curse you....

JAIME BUCKLEY
Storyteller, Cartoonist,..pretty awesome friend =)
Subscribe to Life of Fiction to see the live results of all this worldbuilding.
May 17, 2019 17:35

Really nice post! I have yet to read everything else in the setting so there were quite a few things I didn't understand the background on yet but I am looking forward to reading more! :D   If anything I would like a little deeper explanation on how they went so fast from being a medieval civilization to conquering the stars.

May 17, 2019 19:12

Fascinating... it reads well, and although the scale is a bit out of my depth (did I really read that they've spread across galaxies?) it was still a really interesting read. I need to go reading through some of the links sometime to get the background of it.   Personally I would move the history portion into an article completely its own, with only a small summary left here and a link to the in depth article. You know, like Wikipedia sometimes does with the "Main article: blah" thing?   Other than that, I don't see anything wrong that I can communicate. A fun read of what seems like a bit over the top (in a good way) species for perhaps a space epic on the darker side. Were you perhaps thinking 40k when you spawned this nation?   Are you planning on writing more on the species itself? I was left wanting to know more about several things: The empire is a monarchy, what are the ways of societal mobility? Main prevailing cultural norms? Legal principles? Checks and balances against mad kings, if any? Just in general more details on how the empire operates, what it is like to live in it, and in the same universe as it, what's their place in the wider universe? You had bit of it under "foreign relations" but I wanted more.   Keep up the good work!

May 17, 2019 21:39

Okay so first of all: that is a big ass article. 4k words, but holy hell did you put some effort into describing and going into detail with your organisation. You don't seem to skim down on any bits of lore regarding the organisation, which I'm proud of regarding the detail you try to put in it.
I just find the problem that you try to sometimes skim over certain parts or with the phrasing make the stuff feel a bit hard to understand. I recommend looking over the entire thing and checking your writing to make it read more fluently, see if things can be put into separate articles or explain some aspects with tooltips. Cut down on quotes too. But overall, you did some great work trying to flesh out the history. With tweaking and some skimming of the fat you get a pretty solid and firm article! Solid work! [spoilers]

  • I highly recommend the usage of links with excerpts for names, species and more.
  • "Riding to war with not only machines of war, but their beasts as well," sounds odd, I recommend making it more "riding into battle with not only machines of war"
  • As of 3000 AD? Maybe change that to the 31th century.
  • Some grammar/spelling, as usual.
  • It has kingdoms? So, it has also kings? Maybe go into detail about some kingdoms what they bring to the table.
  • The last sentence of the Public Agenda may be best rewritten, it reads weird.
  • " If the breaker has to destroy us, then he has to break us in the stars first. And that wont be an easy task" I barely understood that.
  • Floating space at the "Food" tab of resources.. Also any particular food they produce?
  • I recommend for the history tab that you put the headers one category lower, since it kinda blends into each other..
  • "His army had begun swelling rapidly". Sounds weird.
  • I do feel like there are a bit too many quotes per paragraph.
  • I do also notice that you often have the same word appear in the same sentence often twice, which can be a bit hard to read.
  • I highly disencourage the usage of "" in titles, because it gives it a "sarcastic" tone.
  • You do say hundreds of thousands of planets got colonised, but also corrupted. So basically every planet got a cult on it?
  • "His wife and love Kirava" it does sound like that's two different people
  • How did he transformed? Mutated? Called a mech? Literally a titan pops into existence?
  • the Birth of a legend title should honestly be removed to make the text flow better.
  • Does their "horde" approach result in soldiers being often less firmly equipped?
  • I think you should make each part of the military into its own separate article to skim down excessive info dumps.
  • Where does the motto of the "For the Great Serpent" come from?
  • I'd try and make the Bodies in the sidebar shorter or try to put them under the sidebar.
  • |notes[/spoilers]

    May 29, 2019 22:16 by Stormbril

    This article is huge! It covers such a vast range of history, with so many different topics. I sadly don't have enough time to delve into all of it, but I can point out a couple things! With regards to the content of the article, it's great as always. You've built yourself a deep universe here, and this article really shows that. It might just be my opinion however, but I think some of this could be split off into separate articles. Give the reader a chance to rest a bit, without having to pause mid article. It seems like a lot to put the history of Salen Antioch into the history of the Saurian Empire, even though I recognize that the Saurian Empire wouldn't be where it was without Salen.   Still though, just a thought right? I think this could easily be broken up into 3 interlocking articles that reference each other with block references and the likes.   I'm really enjoying the quotes in this article! You've nailed the character voices, and the quotes read like actual human (reptilian?) speech. It's really good.   Moving on from that! Here's a couple sentences I noticed that began to stretch on a liiiittle long. You might want to consider breaking them up into smaller sentences, or maybe tossing in some semi-colons. Giganti should probably be "gigantic" as well.  

    Riding to war with not only machines of war, but their beasts as well, this race has proved to be a giganti roadblock to the path of Kerr and they shall not stop till either every last Saurian is taken by Mortarius or the breakers throat is ripped out by the Saurians themselves.
     
    The Saurians have had many wars and battles against the breaker, at one time even almost being destroyed but being saved by the sudden transformation of Salen Antioch into the titan Mortarius and the arrival of The Alliance
      A few spots could use some more capitalization, like:   History "The Beginning"   Couple uncapitalized "I"'s in the initial quote   As for a word choice:  
    Whilst the young boy was valiantly defended her, he could not hold his own ground against armed bandits.
      I would use Kirava, instead of "her" here   Actually, as I'm reading more, I notice a few more uncapitalized "I"'s as I go. I would definitely recommend doing a once-over for grammar and spelling! Then, as mentioned before, do another once-over for run-on, or especially long sentences. Don't be afraid to break them into smaller ones.   Anyways, really good big article you have here! Well done, with the scale you're working at (across galaxies, billions of years, etc), it has to be hard to write. Definitely be proud of what you're writing.