Mercy
Mercy
Amma, I miss you so
Dear Journal,
Gods I am so fucking annoyed with the anti-inocculation dipshits back home. Like, shut the fuck up. You’re wrong. You’re wrooong!! We could’ve prevented the spread of the disease had they not dicked around whining about shit they made up.
I have to vent, Journal. Not just about that. [short doodle of eye roll face] It’s been a long time, and a lot has happened. I talk to drug dealers and fight robots now. What else? There’s Selena, that little bitch! Guhhh I can’t believe I have to drag her along to make it through school. Yes, I just wrote “Guhhh.” Why? Because you need to know.
Iago keeps me somewhat sane. Zadrick and Clive keep me somewhat insane. Amma [Mom], what would you do with someone who punches through open doors and punches people trying to check out books? I don’t know what to do about any of the things that have happened these past couple days. I just want you to cradle me in your arms like when I was young.
I remember the day you took me to the stream. “Time is like the water, thija [affectionate term for daughter]. It flows and flows. You can try to stand in its way, but you can never make it stop. That’s a lesson I’m trying hard to learn too. The stars have foretold that you are destined for great things, and I cannot make the water stop.”
I didn’t understand. “What do you mean?”
“We are connected to all things through nature. And you are very special. You have a very strong connection. To each of these fish, all the trees, and the sky and the stream.”
“Even that little snail?”
“Even that little snail. Now if you can focus on him, you can-”
“Her, Amma!”
“If you can focus on her hard enough, there are very special things you can do.”
“What kind of things?”
“That’s for fate and nature to decide.”
“Even horses?”
“Yes, thija. Especially the things you love the most.”
“What about the creepy scary things with tentacles?”
“Where have you seen one of those?”
“I don’t know. Octopus.”
“Oh. Oh. I thought you meant something else. You’re scared of octopuses?”
“No.”
“Okay,” you replied, knowingly.
The look on your face the first time I forged the Beast… I still crack up thinking about it. Oh I miss you so. I’m going to help you wake up, Amma. I promise.
Love,
Atme
It won't let me sleep
Dear Makesa,
You or my village? The thought haunts my mind each night. Through the quiet coos from Iago’s corner of the room, an eavesdropper could easily hear my twists and turns until dawn. Zadrick and Clive make me laugh. My classmates make me laugh. But nobody can make me laugh like you could.
I thought I could help you. I thought I was going to come back to the house with a cure. I didn’t know how wrong I was. So fucking stupid. I’m sorry, Makesa. I don’t know what you thought in those final moments, but all I can imagine at night is your pained expression as you passed looking for me. You knew what I was trying to do, I think to myself. But there was nothing for me in the Hadrian. Nothing!
And the nightmare again. Dark wings surround my vision -- Iago’s? Not quite -- and I am falling, falling, until I land in the center of your eyes. Down, down, I sink, as your eyes swamp my face and my mouth -- I can’t breathe, can’t breathe, can’t -- and then, I’m at a round table. A faceless man sits across from me, and he pulls out two photos: one, you; the other, my village. He pulls out a lighter, and gestures. I know he’s asking me to choose.
“Mom, Grandma, what do I do?” I scream. But you are as silent as you were the day I set off to cure you. I try not to let the faceless man see my tears, but he sees all. Again, he gestures and asks me to choose. The faceless man laughs.
I won’t even tell Iago about it. I don’t want to talk about it. But I’m afraid of what it means: time is running out, and it could happen again. What if I can’t find the cure in time? Or worse, what if I do -- and it’s too late anyway. My family, my village, all dead and I couldn’t say goodbye to one of them. Maybe the pressure of the murder is getting to me, or maybe the pressure was going to hit anyway. I think I need a good fly. I’m a bit scared because it turns out not everybody loves hawks.
Fuck that. I need to see my family.
And so the studying continues. I miss you, Makesa. Perhaps one day I will even find a way to see you again.
Love,
Mercy
P.S. If that bitch Selena gives me that shit again I’m going to dunk her head in the goddamn toilet. I know how much you'd love that.
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