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The Pyramid of Bhal 'al Ghuul

The Black Pyramid, a gigantic pyramid acting like a dark pulse of death magic. Many flock to it, thinking to raid its tombs, but many do not come out. In their place, dark stories surface, like rotting corpses in the ocean. Those stories speak of obscene things, such as metal skeletons, wandering spirits, flesh-eating abominations, and a man that has conquered mortality itself. Some say that this place used to be place to honor the dead, now the dead honor themselves.

Purpose / Function

Like all the pyramids in the sands, The Black Pyramid used to be a tomb for an important pharaohs, and place of worship for a God of the Sands. Over the years this pyramid has changed hands. Many of different Sultans saw this place as a way to get fame and fortune, and because such greed and neglect, most of the history of The Black Pyramid has been lost. Ironically, if it wasn't for the College of Necromancy, which had mostly been a thorn for the Seramen, no one would of known the Black Pyramid existed. Which has allowed to scholars suspect that it must of been a powerful and terrifying god, as ancient records indicate that it the pyramid had always been as black as a vulture's wings.

Alterations

The outer differences are only slight. The only real difference is that amount of obelisks around the pyramid, and the rumor that it glows sometimes at night. It is on the inside where the rumors of great changes surface. Some say, the rooms are perfectly geometric in shape, and that instead of stone and sand they are made of metal and flesh. They say, that there are entire rooms of sarcophagi containing skeletal automotoms, that come to life at night and spirit away those unlucky enough to find themselves in the Dead Lands. Some say, that there is a room made of bone and meat and in the center is the still beating heart of an indescribable being. Some say, that all the pharaohs in there were cursed, and turned into horrible monster that roams the ancient tombs, baying and screaming into the night. And then some say that it is a simple respite for those that fancy themselves necromancers.

 

Though one thing is certain. The Pyramid of Bhal 'al Ghuul, The Black Pyramid, The Necromancer's Summit, whatever you want to call it, is cursed. And those that want to enter it, and doomed to die.

Architecture

The Black Pyramid was originally made out sandstone and coated black. Though sense then unknown materials have been added to the pyramid, and it is send that the catacombs have been made into large caverns of some kind.

History

Death had always been a highlighted topic in Seraman culture, so when the College of Necromancy fled south in 231 of The Second of Age, the Seramen didn't any problem with letting them in. Most of them actually came into very powerful positions, and it was in these desert kingdoms were the necromancers were finally able to start their research on eternal life. And the king and queens were more than happy to support, especially if it meant they could live forever.

 

Of course, with such power and freedom, these once curious men began to become corrupt, and reports of creatures that resemble the vampires and ghouls of today. Though the most dangerous creatures that came out of this time were the Council of Liches, and their leader Bhal 'al Ghuul. It is believed that he came from the area known as the Ghoul Kingdoms, though that is about all the scholars know of him. At some point he came into possession of the Black Pyramid, most likely as some sort of high priest. Then, in 678 of The Second Age, the Black Pyramid was shut down and deemed inappropriate for worship.

The Deadlands, a place where necromancy is free to take its course, and where many horrors have grown. But is it truly as horrible as the rest of the world makes it to be? Maybe this place is simply, misunderstood.
The Deadlands
Geographic Location | Feb 20, 2019
RUINED STRUCTURE
678 of The Second Age
Alternative Names
The Black Pyramid; The Crypt of the Raising Dead; The Necromancer's Summit; The Heart of the Dead Lands
Type
Acropolis / Citadel
Parent Location
Characters in Location
An excerpt from the story:

Oberon looked at the obsidian pyramid before him. His guards seemed anxious, and both Veles and Keria tried to convince him not to go there until daytime, but Oberon knew that his employer would only come out at night. Oberon knew how much he liked to make a show.

 

Thousands of black obelisks stuck out of the sands. Oberon could faintly feel death magic coursing through them, and into the ground. As his caravan neared the front side of the pyramid, Oberon could also see small shifts in the sands. Something was watching them, though he already knew that well in advance. There was a giant ramp that led to a gigantic door, that stretched up to more than twenty feet in height.


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Comments

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Feb 20, 2019 14:33

In my personal opinion, the prose takes up a too big part of the article. But it is very good nonetheless. Maybe you could put the prose in the side bar, and make it a little shorter, or put parts of it as quotes in between the paragraphs (although I have no idea where they would fit). Also, an image would be helpful.
Some language mistakes that I picked up on first sight: "Sense then" -> "Since then", "made out sandstone" -> "made out of sandstone", "those that want to enter it, and doomed to die" -> "are doomed to die" (without comma).
So, in short: The article could use some proof-reading and some more info about the actual pyramid instead of the story and the people.

Feb 20, 2019 14:49

Thank you for the help. I'll get to editing right away.

Feb 20, 2019 17:06

I like the changes. And it's not self-evident that you can take this critique so easily. You deserved a <3 ^^

Feb 20, 2019 17:14

Oh, thank you.