Pipino and the Mexcellent Burrito

In a glen laid a small village called Gweneth, and on the outskirts of Gweneth lived a young boy with green hair called Pipino together with his grandfather. They were goatherds, content with their lots in life. One day while they were out herding their flock Pipino tried resting on a mossy rock, but he sat down wrong and accidentally pushed it off the hill.

It just so happened that a fairy lived under that rock, and she was very much displeased that Pipino had just destroyed her home. She tried to shoot a vile curse at Pipino, but grandfather jumped just in the way before it could hit him. At first grandfather's stomach began to roar like a furious beast, but they thought that was all and they laughed at the fairy's pathetic curse. Then twice more grandfather's stomach began to roar and after the third roar grandfather's eye suddenly widened, his breath became choppy, and he was overtaken by a ravenous hunger for but one thing: a burrito.

"But!" the fairy said "Not just any burrito will do. Only a burrito made with cheese as stringy as spider web, onions as red as the setting sun, grounded beef harvested from a creature that yet lives, seasoned with 9 different herbs and spices from the highest mountain and salt from that mountain's top, all wrapped in tortillas made with cornflower that grows on top of the rainbow and slattered with the kind of guacamole only a mother could make can break the curse I put upon him!"

Pipino said to the fairy that he would make this burrito for his beloved grandfather, and despite grandfather begging Pipino to stay with him and not undertake such an impossible quest Pipino grabbed his stuff and went on his way.

The webs of cheese

Pipino went into the big city looking for a cheese that was as stringy as a spider's webbing. Every merchant Pipino met claimed that his cheese was as stringy as a spider's webbing, but when he asked for a demonstration every wheel failed to be as stringy as promised. Disheartened, Pipino went to sit down for lunch and took a bite out of his pepper.

As he did so a rat waddled up to him and asked "My friend, may I have the core of your pepper? It is naught but waste to you but to me it is a meal befitting a king!"

"Ofcourse, my dear rat." Pipino said as he cut out the core of the pepper and handed it over to the rat.

The rat sat down and together they enjoyed their pepper for a while before the rat asked "What has you so down, my friend?"

"Oh kind rat, thank you for asking. I am trying to make a special burrito to save grandfather from a curse, but I can't find the right kind of cheese anywhere!" Pipino frustratedly said.

The rat tried to remember every kind of cheese he knew and finally asked "What kind of cheese do you seek then?"

"I seek cheese that is stringy like a spider's web." Pipino sighed.

The rat jumped up and exclaimed "Than I know just the place!" and before Pipino was even up he had already scuttled off into an alleyway.

Pipino ran after the rat, who had stopped to stand on his hindlegs.

"Inside there you will find your cheese, dear friend." the rat said while pointing at an abandoned schoolhouse.

Pipino nodded and walked into the schoolhouse, which was surprisingly clean despite its apparent age. On the first floor Pipino only found a few old crayons. On the second floor he found naught but dried gum, but as he walked through the hallway of the third floor he got trapped into something sticky and warm. Pipino tried to shake himself loose but he became only more bound up in the stuff. Then he heard the scuttling of eight chitinous legs in front of him and he saw an red oval creature with eight yellow legs. It was a cheese spider. As the spider approached struggled himself lose from the webbing, and used his shepherd's staff to crush it. Then he used his dagger to pull out his cheese gland. With a quick squeeze the stringiest and tastiest cheese Pipino had ever tasted came out and he put the gland in his back.

The Onions of Dusk

At dusk Pipino was walking through a field, looking for beautiful red onions. He came across a red fox who asked "Shouldn't you be home, young man?"

"I Should but I am trying to make a special burrito to save grandfather from a curse, and I can't find a onions that is even more red than you fox." Pipino replied.

"Of course you can't, those only grew where the sun sets." the fox scoffed.

"I have never been there, how did I get there before the sun's gone..." Pipino said as he began to think.

The fox laughed "Follow me young man! I know a shortcut that gets us there in no time!"

Pipino followed the fox into his den, and as he was crawling through its cramp earthen tunnels he hoped that the fox had not deceived him. The fox was truthful and as they came to the place where the sun set Pipino set his eyes on a onion plant. When he pulled it up he spotted the reddest onion he ever saw, and he quickly plucked a few to put into his bag. While digging he felt warmer and warmer, until he saw how close the sun was getting. Pipino yelled at the fox, who had fallen asleep, that they had to get out of there before the sun burned to ashes. They ran into the the fox's barrow, and escaped just before the sun laid down to rest.

Pipino thanked the fox, and gave him a slice of goat meat as a token of his appreciation before he moved on.

The Sustaurox

The next morning Pipino walked into town. He went to buy himself some breakfast at the tavern and while there he overheard some local hunters talk about a creature known as the Sustaurox. One hunter claimed that it was a chimerical fusion between boar and bull, and twice as mean as both. The other hunter claimed that no matter how much you would cut into it, as long as you didn't hit its heart it would just regrow its body as if nothing happened.

Pipino jumped up and asked the two man where they had seen this Sustaurox. They pointed to the forest east of town, where Pipino began his search. First he listened for its call, but Pipino wasn't sure if the Sustaurox mooed like a cow or oinked like a pig. Then he went looked for tracks, but Pipino wasn't sure whatever it had the hooves of a boar or those of a bull. Finally he tried to lure it out with a comfy bed, but Pipino wasn't sure if it would prefer mud like a swine or straw like an oxen, so he put the straw over a puddle of mud.

Pipino felt that he had grown tired from searching for the beast, and when he sat down he dozed off before even realising. When he woke up he saw the Sustaurox sleeping in the straw-covered mud bed Pipino made for him. Pipino slowly approached him and asked "Sorry to awaken you sir, but might you be the Sustaurox?"

"Who likes to know so well as to awaken me from my slumber?" the Sustaurox asked in a booming voice caused the birds to flee their nests.

"It is me, Pipino, the one who made your bed sir." Pipino said soft but confidently.

"I must thank you, Pipino! For most humans give me naught but lead and iron, but you gift me a fine gift indeed. What would you like for it?" the Sustaurox asked.

"Well sir, I would like to ask you something important, for I am trying to make a special burrito to save grandfather from a curse, and only grounded beef that I can harvest from a creature without killing it will suffice. And I heard you have a talent for regrowing your flesh, so I hoped I could take some from you for the grounded beef. But of course I can't imagine that having your flesh cut off is entirely painless, so I am willing to give you an onion that grew where the sun set as well." Pipino said.

"You are right, despite my abilities it is very painful indeed. But an onion that grew where the sun sets is a marvel indeed, for I have never been in that land myself. Show it to me and I might decide whether I consent to you taking my flesh or not!" the Sustaurox replied.

Pipino handed him one of the onions, and after look it twice over the
Sustaurox said "Very well, you might have a pound of flesh, and not a bit more!"

Pipino scrapped of a pound of flesh from the Sustaurox's flank, and gratefully thanked the beast as he went of searching again.

The Corn of the Rainbow

For a week Pipino was searching for the rainbow. He asked around every town for rumoured sightings of the rainbow, but when he investigated the area the rainbow was gone.
On the seventh day Pipino decided to asked the rain itself if he could see their bow. Pipino knew the rain always loved a picknick, so he climbed on top of a large hill with a basket of bread and wine, and invited the rain over.
Before Pipino even sat down the rain came rushing over in their best grey suit to join him. They enjoyed the food and began talking for a couple of hours.
When Pipino finally made his request the rain said he no, and then the rain went on about how they always lose track of it when moves about.
So the Pipino and the rain talked for a while longer, until the rain noticed the time and moved on. True to their word the rain had forgotten to take their bow with them when they left, and the hill where they had picknicked was now covered the rainbow's seven beautiful colours.
Pippino ran to the rainbow's nock, and began to climb its limbs. When he reached the grip at the top Pipino saw a field filled with ears of multicoloured corn. Suddenly he felt the rainbow shake, and saw that the ground under him began to disappear. He grabbed as much corn as he could carry, and glided down the other limb of the rainbow. When his feet touched the ground the rainbow was gone.
Pipino grabbed his mortar and pestle, and turned the corn into flour from which he could bake tortillas.

The Blind Lady on the mountain

For the next ingredient Pipino knew exactly where he had to go: he had to climb the largest mountain in the world.
Pipino travelled through valleys and glens, through hills and ravines, through caves and cliffs. Land and sea did he travel before reaching the foot of the mountain. It was so tall that he could hardly see the top of it, but Pipino was determined to save his grandfather.
On his way up the mountain Pipino tried to pick the different spices and herbs, but he was neither chef nor herbalist. So he plucked whatever plant he thought looked tasty, hopping that they were the right ones.
When he neared the top of the hill, a storm broke loose. Pipino found a small decrepit hut, and went in to seek shelter from the storm. Inside there sat an old woman, and when she heard Pipino's footsteps she asked "Who goes there?"
"Good day Ma'am. My name is Pipino, and I am trying to make a special burrito to save grandfather from a curse. I am currently harvesting herbs and spices to season the beef, and climbing to the top of the mountain to harvest some salt." he replied.
"My, oh my, what a brave boy you are. But tell me young man, why did you come into my house? I did not give you permission." the blind woman asked.
"It is storming outside, and when I saw this old house I thought it was abandoned..." Pipino said, "But now that I know you are there I apologise for my intrusion and would like to ask you permission to stay, if only for the duration of the storm."
"Oh poor dear, you can stay until the storm is over, but only if you tell me a bit more about yourself." the blind woman said.
So the two talked while the storm raged on. Pipino told her about the ingredients he had collected, showing them to her. She laughed at the collection of weeds he had collected on her mountain and gave him a basket filled with the nine herbs and spices that actually grew upon the mountain. Then they talked about the places Pipino had been and of the home he left behind. During this last subject the blind woman's ears perked up.
"Gweneth, you said? I once hailed from there... But I left after my daughter disappeared." the woman sighted. She sat for a while thinking before turning back to Pipino's general direction and saying "You know what, maybe it is good to smell that old glen and to hear the busy feet of the people of Gweneth one last time. I will travel with you so I might end the rest of my days there. Now you wait here while I get one more thing." The blind woman left the cabin, and after half an hour she returned with a chunk of salt she got from the mountaintop and presented it to Pipino.

The Guacamole of Love

Pinino secretly had always known that his quest was doomed to fail, for his parents had died when he was only a babe. He had hoped that he would learn of some miracle that could bring his mother back to help him create the guacamole filled with her love for him. So together with the blind woman from the mountain he travelled back to Gwyneth.
When they had reached the plaza a fear grasped Pipino's heart like he had never felt before. What would grandfather say when he learned that his grandson had failed. Even if he wouldn't be angry at first, would he be able to keep anger from his heart when his mind slowly submitted to the madness of his ravenous hunger. Pipino did not know, and in fair he suggested to the old woman that they should fill their stomachs with some food from the local inn before seeing grandfather.
Pipino knew this inn well, for his good friend Suzze lived here. When she saw him she was overjoyed at his return. She asked him all about his travels, but Pipino heard none of them for he was overcome with the realisation how beautiful she had always been. He mumbled a few answers to her questions and then asked for a plate of her mother's renown nachos.
When they sat down the blind woman turned to him with a sly smile and said "This Suzze-girl must be quiet a good friend to you Pipino. After all, a woman that didn't care for you would not have reacted so politely to the way you answered her."
Pipino gasped "How do you mean?! I wasn't being rude to her, was I? I must have forgotten my manners when I say here... The long journey had made me forget how beautiful she really is..."
"If you don't want to end up like me, you should go for it young man." the blind woman said, and before Pipino could response Suzze came in with the nacho platter.
Pipino thanks Suzze, and tried to stammer something about his feelings to her, but before he could finish his sentence she was called over by another guest and left. Deflected, Pipino took a bite of the nachos. On his second bite he put some dip, and when he tasted the avocado goodness upon his tongue his eyes widened.
"What do you think?" an middle aged woman's voice asked behind him as she put her hand upon his shoulder. It was Suzze's mother, bearing a wide warm smile as she saw Pipino's look.
"When I heard you were back in my inn after your journey I knew I had to put in some extra love in my guacamole." she explained.
"That... That's it! The last ingredient! O please could you make me some more of your amazing guacamole? So I might use it to make the burrito that will save my grandfather from his curse?" Pipino asked.
"Well lucky for you I made a large bowl! Suzze! We are closing for today, we got some burritos to make in the kitchen!" Suzze's mother yelled, and Suzze immediately began to usher out the guests. Pipino, the blind woman, Suzze, and her mother went at work in, cooking the best batch of burritos the world had ever seen or would ever see again. When they were done they ran to grandfather's cabbin in the wood. There grandpa was sitting among a handful of half-eaten pillows and devoured candles, with the fairy floating nearby.
When they grandfather the burrito the fairy laughed "This is neither your mother or his, that guac will never suffice to break the curse." but by the time she had finished her sentence grandfather was finished, and had returned to his old self.
The fairy was taken aback, and while she tried to stammer out an argument about how this shouldn't work Pipino had turned to Suzze.
"Dear Suzze, it is only now after being absent from you that I realised how much your presence means to me. Would you like to become my partner?" He asked.
"Yes of course, my dear Pipino." Suzze said.
Suzze's mother was shocked and said "What! You weren't dating yet? Could have fooled me with how you are always spending time together. I thought you were already my son-in-law, Pipino." everyone laughed, while the fairy shyly asked if she might could also have one of the burritos.
Years later when they grew up Pipino and Suzze would get married. On the same day Grandfather and the blind woman were also to get married, and together with Suzze's mother the five of them lived happily ever after.

The End