Professor Coldheart’s Late-Night Musings: A Tale of Ice and Snow
Why is it that I want to put the freeze on feelings? Why do I hate love so much? Love, the one emotion that wise men say conquers all. Why do I think the world would be better off without it? So many people in my life have asked me these questions. They simply cannot fathom why somebody would want a world without love. Well, I assure you, I have good reasons to want such a thing, and by the time I’m finished, so will you.
I guess I should start at the beginning. The very beginning. October 31, 1886, to be exact. I was born on a cold Halloween night a scant 138 years ago. I was the youngest of seven children. But that wasn’t the only thing about me. You see, when I came out of the womb, I wasn’t exactly what you would call a “gurgling bundle of joy.” No. Instead, I resembled a baby ice demon, what with my pale blue skin, pointed ears, and smoldering red eyes.
When I learned that I had magical powers over ice and snow, things only got worse for me. The more superstitious members of our community would claim I was a vampire or a demon, out to devour the souls of the innocent. Even the more rational ones saw me as a human curse, a bad omen for our family. And perhaps I was. My mother and father were supposedly very close before I was born. I think my father always suspected I wasn’t his. He absolutely despised me.
The only person who really cared about me was my governess. She taught me all the different rules of etiquette we upper crust folk were supposed to learn. She was the one who prodded me to study hard and become the engineer I am today. But she left when I was twelve. Even so, she is the reason why I take hospitality so seriously; I honor her memory in this way.
The other thing I remember from my childhood was the church. Oh, how I despised going to church. Every Sunday, the pastor would preach from the pulpit about love and forgiveness. Hah. Show love and forgiveness to all except the demon child your community was cursed with, huh? Never mind the needy who are in the streets and the slums. While you could be out there helping them, you instead look down your nose at them, except when you can exploit them to fill your coffers.
I’ll never forget that one night. Upon walking home from my daily tasks, I caught sight of a little girl freezing in the cold. She was dressed in rags and looked not to have any shoes. Feeling sympathy for her, I took her home and set her up in my room. I gave her some of our food and my blankets. But when my father found out, he was furious. He strapped me so hard; I could hardly sit for a week. Then he kicked the little girl back out into the streets.
It was then that I lost all respect for my father. He was no saint. And it didn’t matter what I did. He just didn’t want a creature like me in his life. No matter how kind or gentle.
It didn’t exactly help that I was the only one of his children to survive long past childhood. In those days, you could have lots of children, but have all but one or two die. I was the lucky one who made it that far. By then, things had become so unbearable that I walked away and never looked back. I forfeited my inheritance, my family, everything.
Luckily, I still had my machine skills, and I managed to survive by marketing my inventions. It was then that I embarked on a personal journey of sorts. To see if humanity really was as bad as my first impressions of it had been.
Year after year, decade after decade, I hardly aged. I continued to scrape by with my inventions. Then the war came. And I invented weapons. All of a sudden, all kinds of important people were begging to have them. I made so much money during the long years of the world wars, I never needed to work again. And it was then that I saw the worst of what humanity had to offer.
The propaganda reminded me so much of the church. “Do this or you’re a bad citizen!” “If you love your country, you’ll buy bonds!” “Go throw away your lives for our cause!” I quickly realized how easily the masses would throw their lives and livelihoods away out of “love for country.” Not me. I was the smart one. I was the one making a killing off of these weapons. And these weapons were what won the war, not the lives of the soldiers.
My heart held no joy after the war. I had seen clear as water how hypocritical most people were. How their tongues spoke love, but their hearts spoke hate. With my saved funds, I moved out to the country. I found a place where none of the soft, sickly feelings ordinary humans shared permeated. I called this place “The Land Without Feelings.” And that’s where I built my castle.
So that’s why I want to put the freeze on feelings. I would rather live in a world where human beings are honestly cruel than one where they are falsely kind. I want to live in a world where love does not exist so that no one has to feel the pain that comes with love ever again. Perhaps then, human beings will learn to think for themselves, rather than just going along with whatever the herd tells them.
And the fuzzy-wuzzies? They could have intervened at any point. They could have comforted me after the incident with my father. They could have inspired the congregation to help others by example, rather than just preaching. But they didn’t. And thus, I have no obligations towards them. If my master plan results in their precious Care-A-Lot crumbling, then so be it.
As far as I’m concerned, they deserve it.
Professor Coldheart tells you his life story.
Comments