The Song of Silence

From the journal of Ishan Fanastri, Scion of Silence.

11 Malves
Adala. Never have I truly contemplated its meaning before now. Such a simple word to my people, but when my miaana Sang it to me last night, I found myself transported to another place. From the size and darkness of the trees, I believe I am now in the forest of Fial. No longer am I in the home of my carnael. No longer am I surrounded by the gleaming towers of Siirla. I am alone now.
Banished.

---

12 Malves
Fana. I am fana now. When my miaana told me the stars had chosen me to be a godsinger, I was angry. All my life, I have wanted to join the drumaldan. My teachers laughed at the idea. They said I wasn't a good Listener, yet all I do is Listen. They said I should be able to Hear one Voice, but I Hear all Voices. What is so important about the one among many? Why is it wrong to Listen to all of the Song, not just a single tone?
Now I am banished in Silence, all because I dared to resist a path I never wanted. It is an honor to be a godsinger, yes, but it's not what I wanted. I Sing for the ancestors' guidance, but I hear nothing. For I am fana. And one day, I will be Forgotten.
Blessed ancestors, what will my carwal think of me now?

---

18 Malves
Istraelan. From the moment we could first speak, we were told of the Silence. I do not know what I expected, but it wasn't this. Unable to hear, unable to Listen. For a week I have suffered this madness. I see the ebony trees around me, the bushes, the birds, the animals. I hear them. I touch them. I smell them. But I am deaf to their Voices. How can I be nelfyn if I cannot Listen to the Song? How can I live in this Silence? The trees stand dark and looming around me as if to smother my sight as well. The Fial, once so beautiful, is now terrifying. There is a city just north of the forest, but I fear to go there. I am fana. With that one word, Sung so loud I can still hear its echo, my miaana declared to all that I am not fit to be among them. My kyn will shun me, curse me, maybe even kill me.
Please, ancestors. Please guide me.

---

??
Uudalan. I do not know what day it is, how long it's been. I tried to count the days, but they have blurred together in my sorrow, my Silence. I scavenge for water and food. I huddle between the trees' black roots to rest and seek shelter. I Sing and Sing and Sing...and nothing answers. It is like a vice pressing on my head, squeezing out every last echo of sound. Squeezing out my Voice.
Gods, have mercy on me.

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4 Alur
Vaal. I met another today. A viistrael. His name is Rorik, and from him I discovered that I have been fana for almost three moons. Three moons of Silence. When first he spoke, his voice was deafening. I do not know why a viistrael is wandering the Fial, but I am grateful for the simple bread and cheese he granted me. And I am grateful that he cannot sense what I am.

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5 Alur
Fula. How strange that a viistrael should bring me hope. Many of my kyn look down on them for their chaotic and dissonant ways. I have seen only a few in my life, occasional merchants who passed through Siirla, and I find them curious. How do they live unable to hear the Song? What guides them? What enlivens them? I asked Rorik, and he said he listens to nature's song every day when he hunts. I cannot fathom how a viistrael learned to hear the Song. It should not be possible. The Istraeli were granted their gift by the gods after the viistrael were born of Chaos' lingering essence in the world. If a viistrael can learn to hear the Song, can I gain it back?
Can I be free of this curse?

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11 Alur
Sieval. I have been travelling with Rorik for six days now. His company is pleasant. Quiet, yet not without sound. When we stop to rest, he often hums a gentle tune as he prepares camp. It is calming. It helps fill the Silence.
Yet today, there was no calm. I realized almost too late that we were nearing the city of the storysingers. In a panic, I confessed my curse to Rorik. For a long moment, neither of us said a word. Then he calmly asked me to wait, and headed into the city alone.
I do not know how long I waited, but I could not bring myself to flee. For in the distance, I could hear them, the valadrun. Last summer, my sister left home to join their ranks. My parents were so proud of her, as was I. But it pained me when Adaliin left. The rest of my family always looked down on me for my failings, for my inability to Listen. But Adaliin...we were never that close, yet still I loved her. She always encouraged me to Listen however the Song wished for me to Hear it and not to be discouraged by my teachers. What I wouldn't give to speak to her again, to hear her Voice.
When Rorik returned, he bore a second pack with fresh supplies. He gave it to me and told me to travel south until I reached the river, and then turn west until I reached the silent place. I did not understand entirely what he meant, but he said when I got there, I would find a new home. I asked him to come with me, but he said it is not a place for his kind. He bid me luck, then headed back to N'Valaa. I wish I could have gone with him. I wish I could sleep in a soft bed next to warm fire and Listen to the valadrun Sing. But it cannot be. I will rest here in the shadow of the trees where my kyn cannot see me.
Tomorrow, I will seek the silent place.

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20 Alur
Malaanir. It took me five days to reach the river, and I have followed it west for another four. I do not know what I am looking for, but my journey has given me time to think. Strangely, I have gotten used to the Silence. Or rather, it no longer drives me mad as it once did. Perhaps it was Rorik's charity that changed my perspective. Perhaps it was something I heard from the valadrun. I do not know. Just as I do not know where my journey will end. I confess, I am afraid of this "silent place". What if it brings back the uudulan? What if I lose myself again? What if this time, I lose my Voice forever?

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21 Alur
Siatala! I discovered today that though I cannot hear the Voices around me, my Voice can still be heard. As I rested at midday, a deer crossed my path. Upon seeing me, it froze in terror, and on instinct, I Sang. I implored it not to be afraid, that I was just a traveler passing through, and it had nothing to fear from me. For a while after, neither of us moved. Then, it crept closer. I held out my hand and Sang again, quieter, not to be afraid. It came close enough to touch my hand with its snout. Then it calmly turned away and continued its journey elsewhere.
Though surrounded by Silence, I still have my Voice.

---

??
I found the silent place. It was luck, actually. A snowstorm forced me to seek shelter in what seemed to be a simple crevasse in a cliffside between two trees. But as I huddled back to escape the lashing cold, I suddenly found myself...somewhere else.
Somewhere silent.
It was a new kind of silence, as though all sound, even physical, was muted. I could feel my pounding heart, yet I could not hear it. The air fogged with my breaths, yet I did not hear their harsh huffs. It was as though I was transported without warning to another world entirely.
And yet I was not afraid. Where before, the silence was like a vice around my soul, here it was more like an open plain. An infinite space of freedom and peace.
I summoned my Voice and Sang in adulation. My Voice rippled through the space, and where it touched, stars burst into existence above. Hundreds, thousands, millions of stars. As I let my Voice fade, they too began to dim. And as they did, I heard the echo of my Voice all around. Yet it was different. Almost as though...it was asking a question.
Curious, I Sang again. The stars brightened and faded with the rise and fall of my notes. And after, the echo came again. This time I was certain that something else was within it. Another presence was Singing back to me. I summoned my Voice again, and this time, I asked a single question.
"Who are you?"

* * *

"We are the fanastri."

Ishan reeled back in surprise. "Who...what?"

"We are the fanastri."

He swallowed and tried to calm his heavy breathing. Never before had he heard such a Voice, as though everything in Existence spoke to him at once. And as it spoke, the stars overhead brightened and faded. And that word...fanastri. Fana meant outcast of course, and stri was added to many words to give them divine importance. He couldn't fathom how those two went together. "I do not know that word."

"It has never been heard beyond this place."

Curious and confused, Ishan stepped farther into the expanse. "And...what is this place?"

"Istraelan."

Ishan cringed. Istraelan? Had he really traveled to another Realm? "But...if this is Istraelan, how can you Hear me?"

"You are one of us."

Fresh tears pricked Ishan's eyes. "So...I truly am banished?"

The Voice was quiet for a while, and the stars grew so faint they almost disappeared entirely. "Banished? No. Blessed. Blessed as none before you have been. Many have found this place, but none have heard us as you have."

"Why?"

"Because you are fanastri."

"I don't even know what that means!" he cried.

"The Istrael know of the Song. But beyond the Song exists the Silence. The Song cannot exist without the Silence. We are fanastri, those that exist beyond."

The Song could not exist without the Silence? A sacrilegious perspective, for sure. The Song was everything. The Song was Existence. How could it rely on something else?

"You are a powerful Listener," the Voice continued. "When you Listened, it was not just the Song you heard, but the Silence beyond. But until you were deafened to the Song, you could not know what it was."

Ishan thought about all those lessons where his teachers reprimanded him. And the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he'd heard the same echo then as when he first Sang in this place. But with all the other Voices, the echo of Silence was lost. "So...what happens now?"

"Now? Now you can take up your true purpose. Return to your kyn and take with them your new knowledge. There is a discordance in the Song. Something is coming, something which will reshape the Song. You must stand strong for all Istraeli. You must protect the Song by sharing the Silence."

Ishan looked down, though he couldn't see his feet. "So...I truly am meant to be a godsinger?"

"No. Godsingers hear only the Song. They do not hear the echo of Silence."

"Then what am I?"

"Istraelundor."

Ishan contemplated that new word. "A scion?"

"Yes. The Scion of Silence."

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