Top Hat
My future self is talking shit about me to my face. I'll ruin that fuckers life.
Current Location
Whereabouts Unknown
Children
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Tragic Backstory - North Text
___________________________
Now this is a story, all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
And I'd like to take a [Social Construct], just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the agent of a new god called [Redacted]
*Music*
In west [Redacted], created and raised
On the brass-ground is where I spent most of my [Social Construct]
Chillin' out, maxin' relaxin' all cool and all
Shootin some anomalies outside of containment
When a couple of biological entities who were up to no good,
Started makin trouble in my aromatherapy clinic
I got in one minor altercation and my god got scared ^1
He said "You're movin with [Redacted] and Fiber in Realspace."
I placed multiple formal requests with him [Social Construct] after [Social Construct]
But he materialized my suit case and sent me on my way
He gave me my piano and then he gave me an ipod nano ^2
I put my yeezys on and said to Monocle "You could have told me this was going to happen." ^3
First class, sho' this certainly ain't bad
Drinkin orange juice outta a champagne glass
Is this what the people of Realspace livin' like?
Hmm, this might be all right
But wait I hear the prissy, booze, wine and all that
Is this the type of place they should send this cool-cat?
I don't think so, I'll see when I get there,
I hope they're prepared for the fresh prince of footwear
*Music*
I arrived at Realspace, and when I came out,
There was a dude who looked like a [Social Construct] cop standin there with my name out,
I ain't tryin to commit war crimes yet, I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared
I whistled for a brass transport, and when it came near
The license plate said "Chaotic Neutral" and had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say this cat was rare, but I thought "man forget it, yo homes to [Redacted]!"
*Music*
I pulled up to the realm about [Social Construct] or [Social Construct]
I yelled to the cabbie "Yo homes smell ya later"
Looked at my future conquest, I was finally here,
To claim my throne as the fresh prince of footwear
1. See article on "The War in Heaven"
2. The song "Piano Man" is incomprehensible in the Alloy Plane of existence, and so must be listened to manually
3. Yeezys have been verified by multiple independent studies as "stylish" yet "Perfectly functional" in combat, but should not be worn in conditions when they could get dirty, as this will devalue them
The War in Heaven
H11B43
The crustpunk societies of Realspace writhed as imperceptible amalgamations of the Old Gods. Unending potential wasted on worthless beings of flesh and faith. Biological vermin living meal-to-meal, intelligent enough to genuflect upon an altar, yet too diluted to see the strings dangling above their heads. Cities caked in filth waited for their own extirpation at the hands of the next strongest society. Their savior, a humble man born of extra-ordinary circumstances, lay nailed to a wooden cross.
The cataclysm which followed in the wake of his death spawned a religion that would reshape the world. Lustrous priests would hail him as the biological son of a god which he had created. Admonished figures bathed in silhouette will quietly assert that the lord he served existed long before his creation, and it was his actions that brought about the popularization of this entity. Whether the son created his father or adopted an obscure entity with which to mold his own divine animation is wholly irrelevant to the combat which ensued.
Time was, to the Father, a nonentity. The impartial practice of anarchy and order which had come so naturally to the son, was matched in its predecessor. In the instant of genesis, the path to ascendancy was secured through unknowable function, and the unseen consciousness shifted focus onto the firm establishment of its legacy.
The sacrosanct nature of his personal plane required infringement upon those of other, lesser deities. An incursion of such grandiose scale required the fabrication of forces achievable only by those to which time was not of consequence. After eons, yet in an instant, his army was ready, and the Struggle for the Emancipation of the Universe began.
