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Zar'ral Helvimtor

Zar'ral Helvimtor

Physical Description

General Physical Condition

Lean build of average size, but exceptionally lithe and nimble

Body Features

Smooth black skin; thick, alabaster-white hair

Facial Features

Narrow, heart-shaped face with sharp cheekbones and a pointed chin; trim, arched eyebrows; evenly-spaced, deep-set eyes above a thin, pointed nose; wide, grinning mouth

Identifying Characteristics

Several helix piercings in his right ear

Physical quirks

Ambidextrous; walks with a casual confidence; appears to be perpetually amused or possibly bored

Special abilities

Inherent dark elf magic

Apparel & Accessories

Long, elegant coat made of black cloth; dark red leather chest-piece; black breeches supported by a series of dark red leather belts; comfortable, black leather boots

Specialized Equipment

Rapier and a short sword strapped to his hip; 2 daggers concealed beneath his coat; a collection of darts and thieves' tools stashed away in various pouches and pockets

Mental characteristics

Personal history

Zar'ral was born in Beckton to Rylgloth and Valzyne Helvimtor in 194 CA, followed a few years later by a younger brother, Sabdinn. Their parents were frequently absent throughout their childhood and adolescence for reasons they did not disclose to their children. In their parents' stead, their Grandfather, Ist'murss, took responsibility for their upbringing. Ist'murss taught the brothers everything from history to hunting, and imparted his philosophy of doing what you feel is right rather than what you're told is right.   In 229 CA, Zar'ral returned from a month-long hunting excursion with his Grandfather to find that his parents had been murdered in their family home in his absence and Sabdinn had been witnessed fleeing the scene covered in blood. Zar'ral immediately set out to find his trail, ignoring the attempts of his friends and Grandfather to convince him to let the guards handle it. Following the few signs of his brother's passage he could find, as well as the accounts of travellers he encountered, he made his way south to Lindow . Here, the local harbour-master told him that a dark elf matching his brother's description had been a passenger on a vessel headed to Ryewater.   Realising that the woeful amount of gil he had brought along wouldn't be enough to stay on Sabdinn's trail for long, and knowing that if he took too long to get more he would lose the trail altogether, Zar'ral considered where he might be able to apply his skills for a quick turnaround, and eventually settled on capturing a wanted criminal to turn in for a bounty. He quickly found his target, an arsonist, in a tavern on the outskirts of the settlement, and ambushed him after waiting for him to get drunk and leave. The reward he received for turning in the arsonist was small, but good enough to keep him going so he bought passage aboard a ship going along the same route as the ship his brother had sailed on.   Upon arriving in Ryewater, Zar'ral picked up his brother's trail again and immediately began searching for another bounty to support his hunt. This time, he heard rumours of a dark elf smuggler operating in the area and began tracking her down. He found her quickly enough after witnessing an illicit trade deal, but as he shadowed her across town he was surprised to see that she was handing out the money she'd made to people living on the streets and to families that seemed to be too weak or ill to look after themselves. Upon confronting her in a more secluded area, she confessed that she had fell into smuggling as her parents had died in a pirate attack while at sea and her older brother had turned to crime to support them, but had been killed after getting caught and resisting arrest, leaving her with the merchandise he had gathered. The woman, introducing herself as Yasithra, had received help from her brother's former cohorts and done fairly well for herself in the couple of years since her brother's death, and had been giving away large portions of her profits to other families that were down on their luck. This encounter helped form Zar'ral's perspective on crime; he resolved not to hunt down criminals unless they had committed a serious crime without any contextual justification. and decided that depending on their motivations and what crime they had committed, he might even help them. On hearing Zar'ral's own story and his reasons for being there, Yasithra offered to give him the money he would have received from turning her in- on the condition that he return to her and help her out occasionally, which Zar'ral agreed to. With his horizons broadened, he again set out.   Zar'ral's chase continued for several months before he lost the trail entirely in late 231 CA, after the creation of airships made it impossible for him to accurately track Sabdinn's movements. However, he continued to travel all over Eriad searching for any sign of where his brother was, but no longer looking for 'quick' ways to make money- he would now target serious criminals and outlaws, spending weeks or even months tracking them down and either ambushing them or leading guards to their hideouts. He found further employment after the monstrous upsurge in 238 CA, working with local guards to remove monsters that strayed or settled too close to whatever settlement he happened to be in. In this time, he also returned to Beckton to visit his grandfather, who was still annoyed by Zar'ral's decision to throw himself into danger by pursuing his brother, but was also quietly pleased with the role Zar'ral had taken up. Zar'ral began teaching himself how to cook as a result of his grandfather complaining about the quality of food he manages to make for himself, and he continues to visit Beckton to visit his only remaining family that he cares about.   By 270 CA Zar'ral was beginning to believe he would never find his brother, and with the passage of time had begun to question whether his brother was even guilty. No one had seen Sabdinn do it, only run away. Zar'ral had also yet to find any possible motive his brother could have had, as he had never shown any sign of being a psychotic murderer beforehand and they had spent too little time with their parents for Zar'ral to know if they bore any responsibility for it. Over the past few decades he had worked closely with both the law and criminals to capture or kill the most degenerate scum he could find, honing his skills and picking up some talents of questionable legitimacy along the way. His relationship with the smuggler Yasithra had also developed strongly over the years, with the two of them bonding over their shared values, general disregard for the law and being told how to live, and their shared personal losses. Yasithra's own influence and reach had grown to the point that she was able to act as a point of contact between Zar'ral and the underworld, securing information and resources for her partner and directing him to cases she thought merited his investigation.   In recent years, Zar'ral continues to act as a bounty hunter in between bouts of visiting his grandfather and partner. In one case, he encountered a young white mage whilst investigating a crew of pirates. The mage claimed to have been a captive of the pirates before the captain released him, and asked Zar'ral to escort him to safety. Unwilling to leave the boy to fend for himself, and seeing something of the naive child his younger brother had once been, Zar'ral abandoned his investigation to escort the boy. Once they had reached a location Zar'ral deemed to be safe, he found himself reluctant to part with the mage, having grown attached to him and his optimistic sense of rightness. Taking the boy under his wing, they travelled the lands together until a revelation from Zar'ral grandfather caused them to part ways. After returning to Beckton to visit Ist'murss, the old man confessed that Zar'ral's parents had been part of a small organisation that carries out work similar to what Zar'ral himself has been doing on his own initiative, and that he himself had once been part of it before he stepped down to raise his grandchildren and age caught up with him; this organisation is now looking for Zar'ral. Having been born in 59 CA, he knew he would not have much longer to break his silence on the matter. Taking the view that this organisation could have had something to do with the tragedy that had destroyed his family, Zar'ral decided to send his young ward away for his own safety, and has travelling alone while laying low ever since.

Gender Identity

Male

Sexuality

Heterosexual

Education

Received a formal education covering literacy, mathematics and history; was taught how to hunt, stalk, and fight by his grandfather; picked up a lot of skills such as poison-making, lock-picking, trap-disarming, and general street smarts from his time spent among criminal types; Self-taught chef

Accomplishments & Achievements

Spent 8 months working alongside the local garrison in Honeyscar to catch a serial killer targeting elves, ending in the killer's death   Won a cooking contest in Olidia   Girlfriend's pet cat fell asleep on him once

Failures & Embarrassments

/*Has failed to catch his parents' killer, or find any motive, after nearly five decades of searching */

  Stalked an old woman for a full week believing her to be a kidnapper; spent 24 hours in jail for false imprisonment after bringing her in.

Mental Trauma

Mild phobia of falling after being pushed off an airship while helping some guards catch a group of pirates

Intellectual Characteristics

Open-minded, empathetic

Morality & Philosophy

Doesn't care for laws and rules- believes that people should do what they have to do to survive, but that some people (murderers, slavers) are just iredeemably evil and should be killed outright

Taboos

Does not like to kill or harm people that haven't 'earned it' through their actions; does not like to spare people that have

Personality Characteristics

Motivation

Considers it to be his responsibility to remove the worst threats to society; goes out of his way to help underdogs, people down on their luck, or people struggling for personal independence

Savvies & Ineptitudes

Very observant; talented at getting around with being seen; great at cooking   Poor communicator- goes off on tangents and doesn't take himself or others seriously

Likes & Dislikes

Enjoys cooking, reading, travelling, bad jokes, playing with kittens, dishing out extra-judicial punishment, and playing cards; inexplicable fondness for spiders   Dislikes being told what to do and spending time around law-obsessed do-gooders

Virtues & Personality perks

Calm, easygoing nature; open-minded; disarming humour

Vices & Personality flaws

Gives up easily when lacking motivation; anti-authoritarian; disarming humour

Personality Quirks

Becomes deadly serious when cooking

Hygiene

Tries to stay clean and fresh when possible; smells of spiders

Social

Contacts & Relations

Partner and gateway to the underworld- Yasithra   Travelling companion and ward- Kupo

Family Ties

Brother- Sabdinn Helvimtor   Mother- Valzyne Helvimtor (Deceased)   Father- Rylgloth Helvimtor (Deceased)   Grandfather- Ist'murss Helvimtor

Religious Views

Doesn't hold to any particular religion- doesn't consider it worth thinking about

Social Aptitude

Always speaks informally; casually confident demeanour

Hobbies & Pets

Cooks as a hobby; Enjoys playing cards and reading books in his downtime

Speech

Speaks in a low, droll tone

Wealth & Financial state

Has never had a fixed income; spends his bounties as quickly as he earns them
Species
Elf
Year of Birth
194 CA 85 Years old
Birthplace
Children
Current Residence
No fixed residence
Gender
Male
Eyes
Dark red, narrow, alert
Hair
Mid-length, straight, white
Height
5'2''
Weight
110 lbs
Known Languages
Common, Elvish, Thieves' cant
Character Prototype
Limit break inspiration- Yuffie (FF7)   Theme song   Limit break theme

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Being constricted by red tape is never as fun as it sounds
7th day of the 2nd month, 279 CA

  • We return to the city proper and go to the most expensive inn in town on Vex’s insistence. Zef and I try and avoid drawing attention to ourselves since Zef doesn’t want to be recognised and I don’t want to be recognisable. Meanwhile, Vex gets absolutely mullered in pursuit of getting laid and Kupo wanders off somewhere. As I’m worn out by our exertions in the Holy Slaughterhouse Tournament 279, I just go to bed.
  • After breakfast, we go to the library and learn that we can’t just walk into the library and look for books. We declare what subjects we want to look at and make an appointment to return later.
  • We learn that Kupo has been captured by white mages. After he wandered off in the town where the white mage headquarters is based, knowing that they had previously placed a bounty on him, having just drawn a great deal of attention to himself by killing a dragon in the festival and then representing our group in the award ceremony. One day, he’ll learn to appreciate the benefits of keeping a low profile. Probably not in this group though.
  • Zef, Vex and I head to the white mage’s guild to intervene. Rex, however, has no patience for this bullshit and remains at the library.
  • At the guild, we find that the mages are using the classic good cop/bad cop routine with Kupo. An old blind guy seems to be taking Kupo’s side, while some bureaucrat is pushing for his dismissal. Even as we give testimonies to Kupo’s good character and berate the bureaucrat for placing ‘professional appearance’ above evidence of good character and skill, Kupo digs himself further into a hole by recounting all the ways he’s brought shame and dishonour to the white mage name.
  • We’re taken to meet the deputy leader of the guild to make our case. Honestly, I don’t see why we can’t just turn in Kupo’s badge and staff since it has no bearing on his ability and will save us a world of trouble, but it’s important to Kupo so I’ll shiv a fool if I have to. I have no idea whether we’re successful in our reasoning/ranting, but we’ll find out tomorrow. In the meantime, we promise that Kupo will begin to act more professionally.
  • Returning to the library, it seems that Kupo and Zef have managed to acquire high level access to some restricted areas by convincing the old blind guy it’s important. Rex, meanwhile, has been reading a book about the cult of Kurator.
  • Proceeding to our original objective for coming to Crysteria, we look at some books about primal crystals which talk about the entities they contain and how the elements interact with each other.
  • We once again find ourselves on the wrong end of bureaucracy as we try to research the crystals further, only to be blocked by the fact we’re not high-ranking members of the theocracy.
  • Kupo squirts out some curative white goop, and then throws up on the floor.
  • We’re thrown out of the library, but not before Zef quietly asks me to find access to the lower levels. I slip away from the group to case the joint and get a good idea of the layout, and return to the group with my findings. Being an overachiever, I also nab some keys from a guard.
  • Kupo explains that he felt some bad juju coming up from beneath the library, and we conclude that the restoration crystal we learned of previously must be present there. Having now been quite reasonably banned from the library, I propose a break-in.
  • Kupo secures permission from his old blind friend to go back into the library, overruling our ban on the condition that we don’t harm anyone inside. At the same time, I head down to the docks to find some like-minded individuals and get some tips on breaking in, but find that no-one can really help in that regard. However, what they lack in knowledge, they make up for in chloroform. I stock up and we meet back at the library.
  • The old man’s assistance allows us access to the library without an escort, and we make our way to a door I had identified in my earlier scouting as being our way down. Vex and I jump the two guards with a sleep spell and a healthy dose of knockout drug, giving us about 10 minutes before someone notices something is amiss.
  • I check the door for traps before we head through, being a professional. This is fortunate as there’s an alarm spell on it, which Kupo disables. We then head down some stairs and through a long tunnel before reaching some ornate double doors. Bursting in, we see the restoration crystal has been polluted by some dank purple essence. As soon as we move towards it, the essence starts forming into humanoid masses and advancing on us.
  • As we fend off the creatures, we discover that when we kill them they may explode in a cloud of darkness which saps the strength of anyone nearby. On top of that, the purple mass begins forming even larger humanoid creatures to set on us.
  • Kupo starts channelling the purple essence from within the crystal to himself, destroying part of the essence in the process. I step back from the fight to assist him, and holy hell does it hurt.
  • The dark mass forms into some kind of zombie beholder, which is less than ideal. I switch from channelling to fighting as we really don’t need this thing around. We manage to bring it down without being turned to dust/stone/zombies, and Kupo and I redouble our efforts to pull the purple stuff out of the crystal, which we succeed in doing despite feeling like my bones are turning inside out.
  • The cavalry arrives just in time to see that there’s nothing wrong with the crystal and there’s a bunch of idiots standing around it with their weapons out. A big man with an even bigger sword stands in the doorway, judging us.

This is not the chicken breast I wanted
24th day of the 1st month, 279 CA

  • We reach Padstow and turn in our Rice Breed heads for a tidy sum of gil and return our mountaineering equipment to get some money back.
  • We board an airship bound for Crysteria to see if we can find any books containing lore about the primal crystals, records of the primals they contain, or instances of crystals appearing on people. We part ways with Gilbert as he doesn’t want to fly.
  • Aboard the airship, we speak to an old man looking for a weapon called Fiendscythe, one of Arrex’s fellow Dark Knights who’s too busy being edgy to pay any attention to us, a bunch of adventurers heading to Crysteria to take part in the Holy Blood Bowl festival, and Cid Raines, the owner of the airship company we’re flying with. Cid very kindly gives us free passage for life for helping refuel his airship that one time, which is very lucky considering none of us purchased passage for this particular trip.
  • Vex decides to pay a visit to Cid’s private chambers so I very generously furnish him with a flask of olive oil for his health.
  • We arrive in Crysteria and buy a chicken.
  • Checking out the White Mage guild, we find that they’re all out overseeing the festival. Since it’s due to start soon we decide to sign ourselves up and take part.
  • We learn that the ‘festival’ is sanctioned wholesale slaughter of the local fauna and flora, with cash prizes for all participants based on the scale of carnage they create, ranging from tier 1 (babby monsters) to tier 5 (big daddy OG monsters). The participants with the most impressive kill will receive a magic item.
  • We begin the festival on our chocobos with the goal of reaching some of the tougher monsters before our opposing adventurer groups. The first thing we encounter is a bunch of tier 1 imps, which we deem to be a waste of our time and resources and dash past them. Anyone that runs into trouble with these things shouldn’t have been signed up in the first place.
  • As we’re getting past the imps, we’re ambushed by harpies. They’re not a huge threat, being only tier 2, but Vex, Rex, and I still fall prey to their feminine bird wiles. We overcome them with some small amount of difficulty, but emerge mostly unscathed.
  • Pressing on, we see a great hideous purple giant thing ahead, while behind us we notice a full group of our fellow adventurers have been taken down by some displacer beasts. I immediately move back to protect the fallen group, as I have little to no interest in money when more important things are on the line. Vex is shocked by this, apparently having assumed that my general shadiness and morally unclear background meant that I was just some greedy vagabond in a nice coat.
  • The party splits between the displacer beasts and the giant. Vex, Rex, and I believe we can handle the displacers between us, while Zef goes to earn our group some credit on the tier 4 giant. Kupo remains between us to provide support.
  • The giant proves to be more formidable than we expected, even with another small group of adventurers battling it alongside us. Kupo is brought down by the giant with some kind of evil bullshit from its eye whilst Zef receives a near-fatal blow, only escaping through his honed jumpy-boi reflexes. He brings Kupo back up with a potion before dashing back into the giant’s range. Meanwhile, just as we’re about to bring down the last displacer beast, a crystal dragon lands right next to us and hits us with a blast of its crystal breath. We just about survive, and quickly finish off the displacer beast before turning out attention to the dragon.
  • Things are looking pretty dire, as the group we came to save from the displacer beasts now has a dragon looming over them instead, and the giant seems to be overwhelming Zef and the other adventurers. All of us have taken a beating and seem to be nearing our limits, and it seems that the best we can do is draw the dragon’s attention and hope another group will rescue the fallen party. In the background, we hear a horn sounding the retreat: apparently this dragon was not part of our scheduled activities. We see monsters and adventurers alike falling back from our location as we begin to put our last-ditch plan into effect.
  • Beset on both sides by massive, terrifying monsters, I notice that Kupo suddenly has an arrow made of what I can only assume to be the Sun nocked in his bow. He lets it loose and it sails right through me, Vex, Rex, Zef, the dragon, and the giant, flooding us with energy. Our wounds close and our energy returns while the dragon and giant reel in pain. With renewed vigor, Zef and the other adventurers bring down the giant. Zef then joins our fight with the dragon while we send the others away to safety. Bringing our full force to bear on it, we bring it close to death before it tries to fly away- a big mistake, as Zef leaps up to deal it a plunging death blow.
  • We receive a magic lantern for our trouble.

Rocks fall, everyone slides
22nd day of the first month, 279 CA

  • We beat off Titan’s hands and burst through the peak of the mountain.
  • The platform we’re on begins to slide down the mountain before Titan bursts out and breaks it in half, chasing us downwards.
  • As we try and fend off the angry rock, it continues to break the platform. Occasionally we manage to temporarily subdue it and attack its glowing yellow core. Zef gets trapped in a stone gaol but luckily I manage to take the gaol by surprise and break it, while Arrex engages in a headbutting contest with the Rock God.
  • After we do sufficient damage to his core, Titan disperses into energy. We heroically raise our weapons aloft and absorb him for another crystal power up, momentarily forgetting that the platform we’re on is now one eighth of its original size and is still hurtling down the side of a mountain. Vex and Rex are punished for our hubris as they fall off the platform. Those of us with better reaction times are able to stabilise ourselves and hold on until we reach the bottom, and our companions join us after they’ve finished being grated against the mountainside. Rex manages to shake it off, but our humble captain is once more at the brink of death until Kupo almost reflexively brings him back up.
  • A chill tortle greets us as he watches us slide to a halt. He’s travelling the world on his fat chocobo, using his dead dad as a literal shield, and wielding some kind of chill non-religious holy magic. His name is Gilbert and he wants to travel with us to Padstow, which we readily agree to.
  • As we’re speaking to Gil, we spot some rustling in the bushes. I sneak up on them, unseen, and don’t see anything. Obviously, this was just the wind.
  • We set up camp, and since Rex is too tired to do anything we decide that I will take first watch and Kupo will take the second.
  • I go to sleep after an uneventful watch, ready to rest after a day spent mountaineering and god-slaying. However, Kupo shortly wakes us all up to show us that he’s fired a light-encased arrow into the dark surrounding our camp and hit a hobgoblin in the eye. This appears to have scared off the creature’s companions, so I’m content to give Kupo a pat on the back and return to my meditation.
  • We wake up, pleasantly unmolested by hobgoblins, and set off to Padstow. As I’m scouting ahead of the group, I spot a group of disgusting insectoid creatures known as Fried Creams. I return to the group and we hold a vote on whether or not we should fight them- ultimately, the sense that they might pose a threat to a less capable group (and also that they’re monstrosities that deserve only death) wins out and we try to ambush them.
  • Rex and I manage to get close to where the Flight Dreams are snacking on something- before the rest of the group gives away our position. We engage them and find that they’re tougher than we expected, and also possess a paralysing poison in their nasty mantis mouths. Gil uses his cool-cucumber powers to give me more opportunities to attack, rocketing up his value as a party member. I make use of my new crystal power, absorbing the aether of the creatures I kill to bolster my toughness. I’m sure that my interruption of the planet’s natural flow of aether will have no repercussions or implications.
  • We finish of the Thrice-Cleaned with no casualties, collect their heads for bounties, and continue to Padstow.

Motivate, Elevate, Hyperventilate: Vex's guide to mountaineering
17th day of the 1st month, 279 CA

  • We buy a chicken.
  • We learn that Kupo's bounty was posted by a white mage and then immediately rescinded by a different white mage. We also find no leads on the marlboro smuggling ring.
  • Vex and I take a break from doing any work to go and buy some studded leather armor. As I spent all of my money on a crossbow about 15 minutes prior, I instead spend Kupo's money.
  • We decide to go and inspect the nearest primal crystal since it's not too far. In the local library we learn that there is a mystical peak in the nearby mountains which falls into the area which we suspect the primal earth crystal of being in.
  • As we prepare for our mountaineering excursion, Kupo and Vex negotiate a 25% discount on climbing gear and receive an offer to allow us to sell the gear back for half of what we paid when we're done with it. This is an astoundingly good deal that I'm shocked they were able to haggle for. I'm equally shocked when Vex, seemingly not realising he has secured what amounts to a 62.5% discount, continues to push the merchant for a better offer. Zef and I step in to seal the deal before Vex can socially incapacitate himself.
  • Contrary to expectations, we work together as a competent and effective team to reach Titan's Peak without incident. The only casualty is whatever remained of Vex's humility as he begins giving us daily inspirational speeches.
  • As we enter a cave that we assume will lead us to the crystal, Arrex gets 'excited' and makes us uncomfortable.
  • We spot an Otyugh eating some sort of substance off the floor in the distance. My expansive bestiary knowledge and breadth of worldly experience immediately tell me that this substance is none other than bugbear shite. I consider turning back as memories of killing a dozen bugbears while I sneak through their dung-filled camp come flooding back to me, like a sewer in monsoon season; all the money I earned from that job was spent on desperately trying to rid myself of the smell and buying a whole new set of equipment, leaving me without a single gil to my name before my usual webby aroma returned.
  • We continue deeper into the mountain, guided by Rex's warm, tingling sensation.
  • We reach mud.
  • Small earthquakes begin shaking the mountain, sending Vex into a claustrophobic panic. He is not comforted by my assurance that there's nothing we could do anyway if we get trapped.
  • We reach a wall with holes in it which Arrex can't wait to get into. The defenders of the holes jump out of the walls and fight us in an effort to keep us away. I take a punch from behind, but as I do I recall that Vex probably said something inspirational earlier and decide not to be hurt. We finish the guardians off and Kupo heals up our minor injuries while Arrex puts a ball found in one of the guardians into a hole in the wall.
  • Two rooms appear either side of us, each with some kind of muddy puzzle in them and another ball for the wall at the end. Presumably these puzzles have a solution, but Kupo uses magic to bypass/brute force them and save us all time and thinking power.
  • Placing the remaining balls in the holes in the wall opens up a new chamber. Upon entering, an earthquake speaks to us. I don't speak earthquake but it sounds like:
Angery Earthquake noises
"Rise to awaken   Something about sand   I need a drink   Get off my land"
  • Whilst Arrex, Vex, and I consider what the earthquake means, Kupo shoots a container full of sand which starts flooding the chamber. Seeing that the weight of the sand causes the floor of the chamber to lower, slightly exposing a lower floor to us, we destroy some more containers while some more hole guardians make a half-hearted attempt to stop us. The floor is eventually low enough for us to hop down to the next floor, carrying a large chalice we found on the top floor with us. We rinse and repeat the process and go down the next floor bringing a second chalice with us and finding a third on the next floor. Finding some chalice shaped holes in a door on this floor, we surmise that we need to fill the chalices and insert them into the door.
  • We consider what an earthquake would like to drink. The answer, it turns out, is not sand, blood, hot bone whiskey, or piss, but water. We go through the door after inserting the chalices and find a giant crystal 30 feet high and 10 feet wide. We assume the position and try to touch weapon tips on the crystal to show it our dedication, but the crystal shies away into the ground and then tries to bury us in a rockfall like the tsundere it really is.
  • Our sweet baby Arrex has a rush of wind which protects us from the rocks and begins to rocket the platform we're on out of the chamber. As we're shooting up, however, an angry face appears in the wall in front of us and some big ol' rocky arms reach out and grab the platform.
Artistic rendition of Earthquake (Z. Helvimtor, circa 279 CA)
wtf

Hand crossbows are the most expensive standard weapon known to man
9th day of the 1st month, 279 CA

  • We arrive in Padstow to find that a marlboro is attacking the town guard, clear evidence that we're on the right track to catch the elf with soft amber eyes running the marlboro smuggling ring.
  • I advise our group to fight the marlboro from a distance to avoid its deadly teeth and breath, having encountered a creature like this before.
  • Zef and Vex immediately engage the creature in melee combat, and Arrex joins them after thinking about it for a bit.
  • Zef is brought down by the marlboro after being hit by its deadly teeth and breath. Arrex shortly follows.
  • Some Gridalian knight on a black chocobo, clearly a veteran combatant, dashes at the marlboro and sails right past it. He then tries again and falls off his bird, proving himself the true hero of our story.
  • The marlboro is killed without any casualties thanks to Kupo's interventions, what a good boy.
  • Investigating the cart that the marlboro broke out of, we find a scorpion in a box and a dead tabaxi. Rex and I recognise him from our escapades in Yarrin, and we find part of the monster manual on him, confirming his involvement. The elf with soft amber eyes is nowhere to be found.
  • I recount mine and Rex's adventure in Yarrin to Zef and Vex after they enthusiastically inquire what happened. During this time, Kupo wanders off into town.
  • Zef, Vex, and Rex decide to go to a nearby inn while I go into town to 'look for Kupo'. He's a big boy and doesn't need me looking over his shoulder, so I send a message off to my favourite purveyor of legitimate goods instead.
  • I decide to drop by the local bounty board to see if there's anything interesting going on and find the rest of the group (sans Kupo) is already there. They've settled on going after a troll that's been sighted in the hills nearby, and with a 25000 gil reward I don't disagree. We then set off to find Kupo, assuming that he went to the hat stop since he hasn't stopped talking about it since we met the con man on the airship. We find that he WAS there, but he left.
  • Following Kupo's trail, we eventually find that he went to a house party, got drunk, and was strung up mostly naked on a tree. We rent some rooms at an inn and decide that me and Rex should stay with Kupo to make sure he stays put. It turns out that the kid has learned my morning routine and snuck out while I was brewing tea. I'm so proud, even if he did leave a note saying where he went.
  • We prepare for our encounter with the troll, buying shovels so we can dig a hole for it to fall into (….) and some oil to set it alight and stop its regeneration.
  • We find the troll's lair without much difficulty and I head inside to see if it's home while the others start digging a hole outside. Unable to see through the darkness, I conjure up some lights but can't see anything. However, I do hear some shuffling which is more than enough confirmation for me. I head back outside to inform the others, but the troll comes trundling out after me for reasons unrelated to the lights I left in there.
  • We take up positions and prepare to enact our plan (without the hole, since it's only 5 feet deep): Arrex will light up the troll with some traditional drow faerie fire to improve our chances of hitting it, Zef will throw oil at it to increase its vulnerability to fire, Vex and I will hit it fire magic and flaming knives to exploit its weakness, and Kupo will stand behind us and provide support. Having prepared so thoroughly, we are confident in the smooth execution of our tactics.
  • Arrex hits the troll with faerie fire, illuminating the bugbear riding on its shoulder. As the troll draws closer, Zef throw oils at it and misses, leaving Vex and I unable to act due to our stringent adherence to our plan to hit an oiled troll.
  • Recovering from our momentary commitment, I throw a knife powered by the fiery adornment in my chest, whilst Vex launches a barrage of fiery rays at it. Rex and Zef continue to try and oil up the troll but it just slips out of their hands and gets everywhere.
  • Taking matters into my own hands, I strike the troll in a critical location with one of my knives and channel the power in my crystal to cause the troll to spontaneously catch fire. At this point, Zef finally manages to hit the troll with some oil, causing the fire to burn even more intensely. We then dispatch both the troll and its bugbear companion with little difficulty.
  • As the bugbear seemed to be calling out the troll's name during the fight, we briefly stop to consider the morality of our actions. We rapidly and unanimously conclude that we are justified, as the troll's cave contains the bones of people it's killed and eaten, and the ability to feel love does not absolve monsters (or anyone) of murder. We then stroll back into town for our prize.
  • I spend all of my money on a hand crossbow.

Wholesome memories for the whole family
6th day of the 1st month, 279 CA

  • I jump off the airship onto a behemoth's back.
  • This is not what I signed up for.
  • The behemoth pulls the ship to the floor, causing everyone who jumped off the ship to get hurt while the people who stayed on the ship are totally fine.
  • The behemoth massacres Vex's old crew, as happened in reality. It then runs away from Rex and starts smashing the village we were ostensibly trying to save.
  • I get back on the airship so Kupo can heal me and then gracefully go back down to the floor and nobody can claim otherwise.
  • Our resident danger-pogo-stick master gets REAL FUCKIN MAD and jumps into the clouds, crashing down onto the behemoth with the wrath of god. This knocks it down and brings it close enough to death that we can finish it off, but not before Vex returns to his default state of incapacitation. We're then kicked out of the vision back into the mirror landscape.
  • We try to rest and find that time and space is non-linear and sleeping gives us little benefit.
  • We crowd around Rex's mirror and get transported to the cave in which our beautiful abyssal champion was born just 4 and a half months ago. We see Rex kneeling on the floor in front of a short man in a gimp suit standing on a table, and I decide that this cult isn't for me. There's a dark mask floating around Rex while the short man chants, and after a moment it rushes towards ghost-Rex and forces its way into their mouth. The vision then loops again and again, and I fail to understand anything that transpires. We're then kicked out.
  • We crowd around my mirror and are transported to my childhood home in Beckton. I find myself standing before my parents, hunched over a table and discussing something frantically before a dark figure appears between them and stabs them both in the throat before taking something from the table and leaving through the window. My little brother then appears on the scene and tries to help our parents before realising the futility of it, then gives chase to the assailant. This moment alone makes all of this crystal bullshit worth it as my brother is exonerated from the murders.
  • The lighthouse decides to loop the scene, just in case I missed it the first time. Focussing on the assailant, I see that it is an unfamiliar female dark elf. She took some books on the table bearing a familiar seal which I neglect to mention to the others. I'm absolutely certain that this will never become a problem for us. We are then returned to the mirror landscape and I have a vision of a fortress in a volcano.
  • Having interacted with all our mirrors, we are pushed out of this realm and reappear in front of the lighthouse door. Vex falls down the stairs.
  • After we take a rest, we head south to investigate our bounties in Padstow. We take a brief detour to the orcs we ignored earlier and kill them after I scout out their camp. We then stop in Swynhill to claim the bounties on them before continuing south.

Lighthouse designers should be subject to a regulatory body
2nd day of the 1st month, 279 CA

  • We arrive in Swynhill in pursuit of chocobos and buy a chicken.
  • We visit the chocobo ranch and learn how to catch a chocobo. Proceeding into the woods, we eventually stumble across a couple of them. Kupo and I approach them, being the stealthiest of our group. Upon being told to keep the chicken quiet, Rex keeps it quiet permanently. One of us trips over and scares a bird off, and Kupo leaves the forest with the other one, guided by Zef.
  • Me, Vex, and Rex get lost in the forest until I realise that I can navigate better without them and ditch them.
  • All 5 of us regroup through sheer coincidence, and through even sheerer coincidence find some more chocobos. Through coincidence so sheer that it could be arrested for public indecency, there were precisely 4 chocobos in this group. We catch them after Kupo is brutalised by the largest one and return to the ranch, where we sleep with them.
  • Rising early, we begin trying to break our 'bos in. Zef informs us that he was educated in bird law, immediately compelling his bird to obey him. The rest of us (except Rex) begin taming our chocobos like normal people, and somehow all of us (including Rex) succeed by the end of the day. The ranch master gives us some magic whistles and we decide to visit the nearby lighthouse, which may or may not be capable of enhancing the power of our alternative medicine implants.
  • One night on the journey there, I spot some torches in the distance and lock down our camp into stealth mode. Upon investigating the lights, I find a group of orcs heading towards a nearby copse. Taking this knowledge back to the group, they decide to ignore this.
  • Arriving at the lighthouse, I question the credentials of the lighthouse's designer as it's too far inland and the light is too dim for this building to be of any use as a lighthouse. As we were told, the door does not open. We eventually discover that we must get our weapons out and touch the tips to the door, which teleports us to some sort of magical crystal landscape. Floating rocks that we each perceive differently, an endless expanse of nothingness, and some mirrors that reflect our assigned elements are what we're presented with.
  • We find that touching the mirrors causes each member of our group to be drawn towards the mirror being touched. We crowd around Kupo's mirror and find ourselves transported to a white room with a robed man praying in it. Kupo discovers that this man is Kupo and this revelation knocks us back to the mirror landscape.
  • We crowd around Zef's mirror and find ourselves transported to a Gridalian mansion, featuring a woman reading a letter. Zef discovers the letter is his letter and this revelation knocks us back to the mirror landscape.
  • We crowd around Vex's mirror. Things have been pretty tame so far so I brace myself to watch Vex get rejected by women or crash an airship. As expected, we find ourselves transported to an airship. Continuing to meet my expectations, the airship suddenly begins descending rapidly. Deviating slightly from my expectations, there's a behemoth the size of a small village attacking a village the size of a slightly larger village, but we can still bring things back on track if it rejects Vex.

Only accept free piercings from professional studios
30th day of the 12th month, 278 CA

  • Arrex and I spend 3 days in our cabin and don't speak to anyone.
  • We leave the cabin and find that my adoptive brother Kupo is aboard the ship along with his adoptive father, Grand Inquisitor Zephyr Highwind, as well as his other adoptive father, 'Captain' Vexacious Rein. I introduce Kupo to Arrex, his new adoptive father/mother/zombie.
  • Kupo has started some kind of 'swear jar' scam among his parents. A single tear rolls down my cheek into my empty pockets.
  • Our ship is attacked by mini albino marlboros. I do a radical ninja jump from the deck to the captain's cabin and Zephyr becomes salty that he isn't the only one capable of vertical leg-powered propulsion. The captain (the actual captain) barrel-rolls the ship and lands it in a mountain range.
  • We climb the mountain to find a cave to recharge our ship. We're accompanied by someone. They carry the power barrel for us.
  • Kupo wanders off but we don't worry because we hear his pee spoon.
  • We encounter a confusion of moogles. In the room past them, we find a giant crystal being attacked by a gargoyle. We kill it.
  • Some kind of moogle demon prince appears and the moogles we encountered attack us alongside it.
  • We beat down the moogles non-lethally to avoid the wrath of activists. The moogle king punts our brave barrelboy into a chasm, then begins a slow, meandering charge towards Vex. Vex fails to dodge, evade, or walk leisurely away from this charge and gets smote. I stab the Moglord from behind and it explodes.
  • We see visions of many places and recall next to none of them afterwards.
  • We wake up and find that we wouldn't look out of place in a homeopathy store, as our abdomens are replaced by crystal piercings.
  • We all get our weapons out and touch tips, which repairs the damage the gargoyle did to the crystal. We then go back down to the airship with the fully charged barrel and ask to be dropped off at the nearby chocobo ranch so we can go on a field trip to a lighthouse.

Hot bone whiskey is more expensive than you think
26th day of the 12th month, 278 CA

  • I arrive in Yarrin in pursuit of an elf with soft amber eyes and buy a chicken. The stall keeper refuses to roleplay with me.
  • I move to the Joyful Jay tavern and find that the owner, Joyful Jay, is out. I proceed to sit around waiting to be served for a while before concluding that this isn't that kind of tavern. Moving up to the bar, I check the menu and decide to buy some Hot Bone Whiskey, which turns out to cost 600 gil per bottle. Feeling too awkward to back down from my decision after acting all cool, I spend all of my money on a single bottle of whiskey. Hoping that spending this much money will get me some information from the barmaid, I learn that hope is futile and return to my seat.
  • Hearing a crash outside, I go to investigate. I find an individual that speaks with two voices, has glowing red eyes and corpse-like skin, and fails to appreciate the finer points of stealth. We visit a house of ill-repute together.
  • I drop my bag of balls all over the floor.
  • There are spiders in a cage in the basement. They kill my chicken after I push it through the bars to distract them. Bastards.
  • We open the cage to avenge my chicken. I kill two with throwing knives and my perfectly normal companion finishes off the last one by having it explode all over their armor. Finding a dwarf wrapped in web in the corner of the cage, I determine that these spiders poisoned him with spider poison. We take him to the temple to be healed.
  • Our dwarven friend introduces himself as Secret Door and tells us that there was a Gurdi in the basement we found him in. We return there and go through into the tunnels behind it. Hearing flapping wings in the distance, we predict that there are spiders with wings ahead.
  • Arrex pulls a wooden panel out of the wall and we are attacked by a hot wing spider. It is missing 6 legs and 7 eyes. Fortunately its remaining eye makes up 80% of its body. I slash it to death from around a corner whilst it slashes me to half-death from around the corner. Arrex stands awkwardly between us in a state of some kind of anti-death.
  • Proceeding further, we find an abandoned room with a door leading to tunnels going beneath the local river. On a desk to the side of the room, we find an unfinished monster manual and learn nothing from it. We also find a letter from the elf with soft amber eyes revealing that she is part of some kind of marlboro smuggling operation in Padstow. We leave without investigating the tunnels any further.
  • I sell one sixth of the bottle of hot bone whiskey to Arrex for 100 gil, on the basis that things taste better when you pay more for them. Arrex does not like the whiskey but replaces the water in their water skin with it, then invites me to their cult. I politely decline.
  • We learn that an incoming airship is travelling to Padstow and decide to travel down together since we made such a great team and laughed at each other's jokes. Finding that I am too broke to buy a ticket, Arrex spends all of their remaining money on two airship tickets. Our adventure as a duo begins.

Cover image: by Eldi13

Zar'ral Helvimtor

Rogue 7 Class & Level
Bounty hunter Background
Dark Elf Race
Any Alignment

Strength 10
+0
Dexterity 18
+4
constitution 14
+2
intelligence 12
+1
wisdom 12
+1
charisma 10
+0
Total Hit Dice 7
Hit Die 1d8+2
2 proficiency bonus
15 Passive perception
0 Strength
6 Dexterity
2 Constitution
3 Intelligence
1 Wisdom
0 Charisma
saving throws
6 Acrobatics
1 Animal Handling
1 Arcana
2 Athletics
2 Deception
1 History
1 Insight
0 Intimidation
3 Investigation
1 Medicine
1 Nature
5 Perception
0 Performance
0 Persuasion
1 Religion
4 Sleight of Hands
8 Stealth
3 Survival
skills
16
AC
38
Hit Points
4
Initiative
30ft
Speed
Skills: Perception, Deception, Stealth, Acrobatics, Athletics, Investigation, Survival
Languages: Common, Elvish, Thieves' cant
Weapons/armor: Longsword, Hand crossbow, Rapier, Shortsword, Simple weapons, Light armor
Tools: Thieves tools, Poisoner's kit, Cook's utensils
Saving throws: Dexterity, Intelligence
Proficiencies
Attacks

Spellcasting

Equipment
I am willing to hear people out and let them explain themselves when they do wrong.

I can't help making light of a situation, no matter how dire it is.
Personality Traits
Laws are meaningless if society forces good people to break them- I will ignore them and do what I feel is right.
Ideals
My parents were killed and my brother disappeared- I will find out what happened, and why, no matter how long it takes.
Bonds
I can often be merciless towards my foes, even when they're incapacitated or are surrendering. Some people are iredeemable and don't deserve to live.
Flaws
Racial: +2 Dex, +1 Cha, Perception proficiency, Advantage on charm saves, Immune to sleep, Trance, Drow magic (Dancing lights, Faerie fire, Darkness)

Class: D8 hit die, Expertise (Double proficiency for Perception + Stealth), Sneak attack (2d6 per turn), Thieves' cant, Cunning action, Ninja teleport, Ninja spells (Ice Knife, Darkness)

Background: Stealth, Survival, Poisoner's kit, and Cook's utensils proficieny, Criminal contact feature

Feats: Crossbow expert
Features & Traits

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