DAVE

Overview

I'm DAVE. Some call me DAVE, others Dave, some humans would call my "Big D" or something other, but my name in your language - every language - is DAVE. You couldn't pronounce my real name, trust me.

I'm the last of my race and ... no, that is a lie. Well, not actually a lie, I do not know if there are any others of my kind. Probably there is only one of me and that is me.

You know what? That is okay.

Appearence

I have four eyes in pairs of two like a human D6 on the 4-eyes-side. I have a head and a face, if you believe it or not. It looks a bit like a square, I have a nose - why do I have a nose in space, you might ask? Well, I still smell things! - and a mouth. I do not eat, but I do speak. Sometimes. I am still learning a lot of languages, especially from Humanity. Why do you have so many languages?! (Don't answer, I know the reason for this.)

I have legs and arms, four of each. Why? Dunno, the more the merrier? They are coming in handy if I need to juggle my food, drinks and scrolls, so I'm superior to your mortal extremities.

What do I eat? Whatever strikes my fancy. Sometimes I raid a transporter - well, I teleport things from the transporter to me; yes, I have powers -, but most of the time I harvest... things. Things you don't understand and sometimes Space Squids. Yes, they exists and yes, I know where to find them and no, I won't tell you. Why? Because you would raid them and then... we have no Squids anymore, so NO!

But I really enjoy human chocolate or Chronomancers Favourite.

My hands have four fingers and I quite envy races for their thumbs, but I do not need to open a can of pickles or something like it, so... eh, it is fine.

I sit on a floaty thing which might get called a throne on an asteroid. It moves with the power of my mind and my mind is strong. That is why I can teleport, open, close and raid things. I try to be at every place at the same time, but my mind can only do so much.

Workings

My...workings, yes. Well, I'm a Watcher, if you want a definition of how I work and what I'm doing. What else is there to do? I do not know why I'm here and the last time I interacted with a species led to their extermination. One of the Tomb Worlds if you will ever stumble upon one.

So I watch. I write things down, store them under my "throne" and continue to watch. But I have to say it was really boring until Humanity showed up.

I'm nearly invincible and can even survive a supernova from a red giant. Don't know why I can do this, but it is sometimes really helpful. I mean, imagine me sitting during the Purple Cataclysm with 3D Glasses on (yes, two pairs, you funny ██████████) and eating popcorn close up. And I can survive in the heart of the cataclysm, the radiation... tickles.

Perception of DAVE

Uhm... I hope you will never see me because it would probably lead to the extinction of your race.

Stories

What shall I tell you? How I have seen the birth of the first species there is? How the first supernova looked close up? Procreation of different species? Or the centre of a supermassive black hole?

Don't ask me about supermassive black holes, they are jerks.