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Home is where your answers are

Did I ever wish I hadn’t left home, you say?

Sure. For all sorts of reasons. There is a lot I could learn from ancient tech if I had access to all those items abandoned in our storages instead of waiting to find one rare item once in a century. And it turned out that we had a lot of species that don’t exist in other worlds, even when they are a lot like…

Uh?

Yes, that’s one of the reasons: I miss some of my relatives. But, wait. No, is not exactly that. I don’t regret deciding to leave. Is just a pity that I needed to do it. Doing it on my terms… Yes, I had to. I would leave sooner or later, and if I was declared Greedy it would have been awkward. Instead I said goodbye in happy terms with everyone, and they were happy that I had a plan instead of being worried that I would be out there… out here, with nothing but my ambition.

Besides, they kind of hoped that I would find my brother. Silly, I know, because the universe is so big even… Yes, he was exiled a few years before I left home. It was a mistake, I’m sure even now, but either way, he’s gone now. Murdered. Half the reason why I get why you are so invested in avenging your cousin, nevermind how different the situation is.

Either way, I remember that the only time I really told myself: “Sally, you should have stayed home”, was when I was starting to work here.

I had been following answers on my own, learning about cultures as one learns about a mineral’s composition, you know?... what? Of course you do, don’t say… Okay, okay.

No, there is nothing wrong with studying cultures. It’s good in many ways, actually.

Is just that I hadn’t yet experienced other forms of interaction. When I joined the lab, I met a lot of people who, despite being from different backgrounds, were all connected by the need to know. Just like me. As we worked together, some of them wanted to know me, or be friends, or I wanted to befriend them. There was a bit of flirting too, though I didn’t quite notice most of it at the time. Yes! Exactly! Why even bother if they are gonna be so subtle that one can’t tell, right?

However, the problem was that, contrary to your reckless suppositions, the vast majority of people in the lab have quite short lives and I was an exception. A short life makes all people… a little too similar to each other. They try hard to be so, and I guess they have their reasons. It works for most civilizations, especially those who think that they are all so different from each other that they need laws to keep people feeling as part of something.

Of course, in the lab it was more like “the more differences the more trivia to talk about as we wait for bacteria to grow” and, even back then, they were also aware of the similarities. Somehow they thought that I was just as unique as anyone else here, and with time I have learnt that that is true. But at the same time, they all changed and would eventually fade, while I was to stay the same. You can argue that I’ve grown in knowledge, but in the great scheme of things… Exactly! Clever man whoever says that about knowing nothing.

It was kinda depressing at first: I had somehow found my way to a group of people as curious as me, managed to get along with them, earn their trust… and they were all going to die in a couple of decades, half a century at most.

That’s when I finally understood why most Abiding let themselves grow old and die with a person they love more than anything. Of course, I can’t do that. It’s not a matter of choice for Nidauvie and, more importantly, I have lots of research to do on this side of death before I can start to explore the other one. But I do understand them.

Yes, I miss a lot of friends, mentors and coworkers that have died, too. Is really not different from my family who I won’t see again. Why would it be? They are all the same: may or may not exist, in a place I can’t locate or reach, and from which it’s unlikely that someone comes to visit.

So yeah, it’s sad. But with time you can also see how amazing it is that there is always more. More life, more friends, more questions and answers, and… more sadness.

Back at the caves, I was home and I was loved and I was among people who were like me in a way. The lab was the same, but with answers, so I stayed.

I have the feeling that you know exactly what I mean.


Writtten for the Fifth Epic Character Challenge, this is Sally's side of an interaction started by Sou when the latter hadn't officialy decided to make a career at the Research facility in the Ninth World but kept joining to missions and projects.


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