Fancy Ben, The World's Last Nuke
Ol' Fancy Ben,Fancy Ben is the last known nuclear bomb left in the world since the fall of all nations. For a long time, it looked pretty likely that Earth would nuke itself into oblivion, and that didn't look any less likely when the world went straight to corporate-run hell. But once the Megacorps decided that the weapons were a threat to shareholders and an unacceptable risk to future financial quarters, that was that. No matter how many fell into nefarious hands or rotted away in abandoned silos, Megacorp kill-teams had a can-do-attitude and blatant disregard for human rights that got the job done. Thousands of nukes were decommissioned and turned into commemorative trinkets over a decade-long purge. Except for Fancy Ben. Somehow, Ben avoided destruction and has spent the time since changing hands, from corporations to terrorists to cultists, each one fighting and killing to get a hold of ol' Ben. No one's really sure what to do with him, other than keeping him out of the hands of those other jerks. Ben's the last of his kind, and some think it's just right that he gets to go out in style.
Last of his kind,
They went quiet,
But he'll go loud.
Who's Ben?
It's not the size that counts,Fancy Ben is believed to be a Mark VI, made-in-America nuclear bomb, over three tons in weight, and enough juice to wipe out an entire section of the Megacity. Originally described as having suffered superficial damage when struck by gunfire and explosives in what was likely an exhilarating moment for everyone around, Fancy Ben has since been rendered unrecognizable.
But the fuse to the fission.
by Ron Cobb
Living up to his name, Fancy Ben has been painted, re-painted, decorated with beads and golds, precious gems hammered into the case, and cupholders for beer welded onto the side. The last known photograph of Fancy Ben was initially believed to be a particularly gaudy piece of modern art.
Every new owner has added their touch to the bomb's casing in what almost seems like a compulsion. Some estimate that Ben's weight has nearly doubled by now, overburdened by the gilded alterations. There's probably a metaphor in that, somewhere.
Some think all the tinkering has rendered Ben permanently inoperable, but no one is willing to take the chance.
by Wikimedia Commons
Where's Ben?
No one's really sure, but there are a few ideas. Everyone wants to find him, and it's probably best that they don't, all things considered.Cult of the Kaboom
Worshipping every violent combustion as something divine, the Cult of the Kaboom are a bunch of loons who believe Fancy Ben to be something akin to a messiah. It's thought they've owned the nuke at some point in the past, trying to see if they could set it off with praying. The cult desperately wants their savior back, and they're willing to blow up a lot of stuff to get it.Explosioneers
A cross between artists and engineers, Explosioneers are a sub-culture that appreciates explosions to a fetishistic degree. Having a nuke has long been a final bucket list item for the more radical Explosioneers who want to go out with a real bang.Corporations
Pretty much every corporation wants to get their hands on Fancy Ben. Some want to decommission him. Others want to put him on display and sell tickets. A few just want to have him for the sake of having him. Despite popular conspiracy theory, no corp wants Ben to actually nuke anyone, though. They already have much better weapons.Malcontents
Owning a nuke has always been something of a dream for any ragtag team of terrorists who really wants to emphasize their point, and the malcontents in Megacorpolis are no different. So far, they're fighting each other just for the chance to figure out where Fancy Ben might be.Ben & The Big City
Merchandise! It's what every radioactive mushroom cloud really needs!These days, Fancy Ben has become a pop-culture icon. Instead of a dreaded weapon of mass destruction, citizens have come to see him as some sort of adorable mascot of a bygone era. The nuke has been the star of video games, TV shows, used as a plot device in more than a few books and movies. To fill that Ben-shaped void in our hearts, corporations created merchandise, enough to fill a medium-sized radioactive crater. Everything from Corporate Mascot Costumes to Ben-themed Mandatory Happiness Mobiles to lunch-boxes and anything else you can think of.
Yes, even that; especially that.As the last of his kind, there are regular calls to treat him less as a threat and more like a museum piece. They usually brush over the whole nuke thing with a sort of 'just because he can explode and wipe out a sector doesn't mean he will' attitude. At least one woman, Hannah Orlando, has reached a type of famous through her claims of marriage to Fancy Ben and the god-awful fiction she puts out about their adventures together. The honeymoon scene is still quarantined as a memetic infohazard.
Word on the street is that Centurion Arms & Armor are even considering a limited run of fully armed and nuclear capable recreations, to the delight of Benorabilia collectors city-wide.
What's the worst that could happen?
by Wikimedia Commons
Cult of Explosioneer's Drawing of Fancy Ben
by Emy (Serukis)
It's still unknown if the drawing is accurate or just what they felt like drawing that day. Other accounts differ greatly, so chances are most people don't even know what Ben looks like anymore.
Knocked it out of the park on this one. The black humour is delightful!
Thank you so much <3
Creator of Araea, Megacorpolis, and many others.