17a. A Loner's Musings
Written by: Pavao | Editor: Cailus
Eberond sat in the musty corner of The Pubb. The laughs of merry patrons mingled with the sombre voices of drinkers slurring their opinions of the State, all the while the bard's dull tune went mostly ignored. The smell of hops, sweat and Blue Bacco intermingled into the common sensation found in any average tavern in Dezaria.
The half-elf's green eyes scanned across the Pubb, ever vigilant for any trouble that could come his way, but instead were drawn to the contents of his cup. The flat ale's surface swirled, and Eberond found himself deep in thought.
Those woods, that old ruined house, those Hel cursed creatures...
I’m damn lucky to be alive. Damn lucky. Two times now already have I almost died and met my end. By all rights I should be dead. However both times I was brought back from the verge of death.
I don’t believe in fate - never had - but it’s almost like something bigger than myself, something beyond me, wants me alive. For what reason, I don’t know. It may be connected to these strange creatures appearing. It may even be connected to that curse I seemed to have contracted and am blighted with. Fuck! So many questions and none of the answers. Only even more questions, more mysteries and more strange occurrences, and all the while those nightmares keep haunting me, whether I sleep or am awake. That poor boy we found around the ruined temple in Forestlost, turned into a monster, what was his name, Tem?
...Yes, Tem. For the love of Helm, I don’t wish to end up like him. I must find answers soon. Whatever it is that kept me miraculously alive and made me brought back despite all odds, it seems my path now lies intertwined with those of my current company in fighting these monsters, stopping them and getting to the bottom of all of this. This may also even be the only way to redeem myself for all the foul deeds and wrongdoings, suffering and pain I caused or may have caused.
Thinking of my current company, I don’t really know what to fully think of them yet. Before our encounter with those strange monsters found in that old house, I didn´t really trust any of them. Well, except Bal´Aur, who is a little bit too simple and too blunt to hide or even hold any ulterior motives. That half-orc can be read clearly as a book.
The others though worry me still, even Gilles, who is the only one I know from before and is something of an old friend. Hel, especially Gilles! He has been acting strange for a while now, ever since these strange events started, skulking out to go on his own little undertakings I presume, and drawing powers and magic that are beyond my comprehension, some of which are - if one is to trust Surina´s words - forbidden.
However the man has always been a somewhat strange and reclusive and besides, it's not like I have not been acting strange myself lately. Helm knows what the others think of me ´cos of it.
Strangely enough, I feel certain kind of kinship with Gilles. I can understand the man, maybe now better than ever and I think deep down he can be trusted. Though people do change over time, that's true - just look at me. Or Surina. The poor dragonborn has turned into a blind zealot without a hope to turn or change back. To attack Gilles like that, that´s mad zealotry right there.
I still think Gilles´ heart is in the right place, despite everything. I am just worried he is meddling in something he shouldn´t and which might be dangerous to him and could pull him towards wrong... things... wrong ways. But again, who am I to say anything, with my own criminal past and all?
Damn, I have lead the wrong kind of life, no matter how you look at it, unpleasant and disagreeable. There are no excuses, but it is what it is. I can´t change that and I don´t even know if I would for all it has given me, both good and bad. Though mostly the latter. By the Prophets, I can´t even seem to gather my own thoughts. So many things have happened lately, it´s all been hectic and crazy. Despite my misgivings about Brutalithops, even with his ties with the Witch Huntress Kaziya, he has proven brave and dependable, especially for a goblin. As for Catsby, who out of the blue showed up eager to follow and travel with us but was almost nowhere to be seen while we fought those monsters, he is still a question mark The folk do say never to trust a person with a tail but we will wait and see. In any case, it might be worth still keeping an eye on both the goblin and tabaxi, or at least half an eye! After all, my experience has taught me to be extra careful trusting anybody. Thinking about experience and trust, although I am not proud, I think it’s good that I sent my former fellows of Silver Fangs on the way, for now at least. Although I´m certain I´ll bump into them again sooner or later.
After all, Spooneye and the other truly rotten eggs in the group must be stopped for good, no doubt about that. Still, why do I feel like such a damned traitor, especially towards Orm? Dear, poor Orm - if only I could convince him there is other life to be had than the one he continues to lead, other ways to live and make a living. Damnit! Wish that didn’t seem like such an impossible task to pull off. I wonder where he and the rest are now. Aah, it´s no use, I can´t change what I can´t change. I should focus on finding Slyblade anyway, as he is the one that betrayed me. If only I could know where to start looking. Lady Ezma seems to have a lot of information and obviously quite a network of spies, perhaps she can help me with this.
On the other hand, I don´t want to endanger her. She is... exquisite. Mesmerizing. Perfect. Beautiful beyond comparison. Seemingly the only light in my otherwise miserable, pitiful life. I would hate it for any harm to come her way. Unfortunately, I don´t see any other starting point than that at the moment. Damn... damn my luck and my whole accursed life! No! Here I go again, pitying myself for my torments and pains, my rotten luck and my misfortunate life. I should stop doing that, I´m only annoying my own self. Twice now I could have easily died yet still I’m here and I should be grateful!
Too long I have wallowed in self-pity and let my self be tormented by my past, while at the same time worrying myself to death about what may come or happen. I can neither change my past nor see the future. The only thing I have for certain is today, now, this very moment.
Nothing else is a given, nothing else is promised. The only thing I can influence is the present. The only time I can act in is this very moment so I should stop my sulking, brooding and drinking all alone, huddled up in a corner like some sad, old man. To bed now, for as from tomorrow morning I try to live a little and enjoy the moments I have. I should also try to stop being such a withdrawn recluse and start trusting the company I am with, for it´s currently the only company I´ve got and maybe be the only one that can help me with this curse, this evil I feel inside me, whatever it is.
So screw everything, I will focus on the present and do the best I can to both make world a better place and to stop the evil that haunts me, or at the very least contain it.
If that means dying along the way, so be it. Whatever happens, happens!
I’m damn lucky to be alive. Damn lucky. Two times now already have I almost died and met my end. By all rights I should be dead. However both times I was brought back from the verge of death.
I don’t believe in fate - never had - but it’s almost like something bigger than myself, something beyond me, wants me alive. For what reason, I don’t know. It may be connected to these strange creatures appearing. It may even be connected to that curse I seemed to have contracted and am blighted with. Fuck! So many questions and none of the answers. Only even more questions, more mysteries and more strange occurrences, and all the while those nightmares keep haunting me, whether I sleep or am awake. That poor boy we found around the ruined temple in Forestlost, turned into a monster, what was his name, Tem?
...Yes, Tem. For the love of Helm, I don’t wish to end up like him. I must find answers soon. Whatever it is that kept me miraculously alive and made me brought back despite all odds, it seems my path now lies intertwined with those of my current company in fighting these monsters, stopping them and getting to the bottom of all of this. This may also even be the only way to redeem myself for all the foul deeds and wrongdoings, suffering and pain I caused or may have caused.
Thinking of my current company, I don’t really know what to fully think of them yet. Before our encounter with those strange monsters found in that old house, I didn´t really trust any of them. Well, except Bal´Aur, who is a little bit too simple and too blunt to hide or even hold any ulterior motives. That half-orc can be read clearly as a book.
The others though worry me still, even Gilles, who is the only one I know from before and is something of an old friend. Hel, especially Gilles! He has been acting strange for a while now, ever since these strange events started, skulking out to go on his own little undertakings I presume, and drawing powers and magic that are beyond my comprehension, some of which are - if one is to trust Surina´s words - forbidden.
However the man has always been a somewhat strange and reclusive and besides, it's not like I have not been acting strange myself lately. Helm knows what the others think of me ´cos of it.
Strangely enough, I feel certain kind of kinship with Gilles. I can understand the man, maybe now better than ever and I think deep down he can be trusted. Though people do change over time, that's true - just look at me. Or Surina. The poor dragonborn has turned into a blind zealot without a hope to turn or change back. To attack Gilles like that, that´s mad zealotry right there.
I still think Gilles´ heart is in the right place, despite everything. I am just worried he is meddling in something he shouldn´t and which might be dangerous to him and could pull him towards wrong... things... wrong ways. But again, who am I to say anything, with my own criminal past and all?
Damn, I have lead the wrong kind of life, no matter how you look at it, unpleasant and disagreeable. There are no excuses, but it is what it is. I can´t change that and I don´t even know if I would for all it has given me, both good and bad. Though mostly the latter. By the Prophets, I can´t even seem to gather my own thoughts. So many things have happened lately, it´s all been hectic and crazy. Despite my misgivings about Brutalithops, even with his ties with the Witch Huntress Kaziya, he has proven brave and dependable, especially for a goblin. As for Catsby, who out of the blue showed up eager to follow and travel with us but was almost nowhere to be seen while we fought those monsters, he is still a question mark The folk do say never to trust a person with a tail but we will wait and see. In any case, it might be worth still keeping an eye on both the goblin and tabaxi, or at least half an eye! After all, my experience has taught me to be extra careful trusting anybody. Thinking about experience and trust, although I am not proud, I think it’s good that I sent my former fellows of Silver Fangs on the way, for now at least. Although I´m certain I´ll bump into them again sooner or later.
After all, Spooneye and the other truly rotten eggs in the group must be stopped for good, no doubt about that. Still, why do I feel like such a damned traitor, especially towards Orm? Dear, poor Orm - if only I could convince him there is other life to be had than the one he continues to lead, other ways to live and make a living. Damnit! Wish that didn’t seem like such an impossible task to pull off. I wonder where he and the rest are now. Aah, it´s no use, I can´t change what I can´t change. I should focus on finding Slyblade anyway, as he is the one that betrayed me. If only I could know where to start looking. Lady Ezma seems to have a lot of information and obviously quite a network of spies, perhaps she can help me with this.
On the other hand, I don´t want to endanger her. She is... exquisite. Mesmerizing. Perfect. Beautiful beyond comparison. Seemingly the only light in my otherwise miserable, pitiful life. I would hate it for any harm to come her way. Unfortunately, I don´t see any other starting point than that at the moment. Damn... damn my luck and my whole accursed life! No! Here I go again, pitying myself for my torments and pains, my rotten luck and my misfortunate life. I should stop doing that, I´m only annoying my own self. Twice now I could have easily died yet still I’m here and I should be grateful!
Too long I have wallowed in self-pity and let my self be tormented by my past, while at the same time worrying myself to death about what may come or happen. I can neither change my past nor see the future. The only thing I have for certain is today, now, this very moment.
Nothing else is a given, nothing else is promised. The only thing I can influence is the present. The only time I can act in is this very moment so I should stop my sulking, brooding and drinking all alone, huddled up in a corner like some sad, old man. To bed now, for as from tomorrow morning I try to live a little and enjoy the moments I have. I should also try to stop being such a withdrawn recluse and start trusting the company I am with, for it´s currently the only company I´ve got and maybe be the only one that can help me with this curse, this evil I feel inside me, whatever it is.
So screw everything, I will focus on the present and do the best I can to both make world a better place and to stop the evil that haunts me, or at the very least contain it.
If that means dying along the way, so be it. Whatever happens, happens!
Eberond stood and left for his lodgings. Drawn to his own thoughts, he hadn't noticed the beggar boy who was asking patrons for a copper piece, but this child noticed him. With a growing fear, the boy realised this was the third time he had seen this particular, pale half-elf, and the familiarity of the first encounter suddenly unlocked and flashed in his traumatised mind, revealing the face of the person who had killed and butchered his entire family.
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