A shout, a scream, and a screech
“Damn it, Sprick! Where are yah, buddy?! Yer store’s gettin’ robbed!”
Marachar’s shout reached my ears, followed by Halmond Mire’s yelp. But not a moment sooner were their cries drowned out by the slam of a shelf and the explosions of its glassed contents introducing themselves to the ground. I instinctively shot up with a jolt from my nook under the counter, and WHAM! I was seeing stars...
Not even an hour prior, it was just business as usual at The Owl’s Eye. Or at the very least, it was no different than the past two days had been since the store’s opening. The sun gleamed through the store’s back window onto those old splintery oak shelves that lined the walls. Each of ‘em were finally stocked from tip to toe. All kinds of goods were placed carefully throughout the store: from jarred figs ‘n powdered spices, to aged leather bags and scratchy wool blankets. The fireplace behind the counter burned and crackled, and those candles that dad always insisted “smelt like the fall” swallowed the room with a cinnamon-vanilla scent. The store at last was properly set up! Just like dad would’a done at The Eagle’s Eye a decade ago. It would’ve made him proud! Just as I finished decorating my little cranny and opened shop for the day, a short and stout human strolled in… He sported a scar across his right eye, and sure, he had just a bit tad much of a shady disposition, but he didn’t seem like a bad man… Though, his sharp eye could’a hinted at his true intents… “Pardon me, my fine sir. Do you’ve any teas in your wares? Specifically, a currant, if you would? I don’t seem to see any upon your shelves…” He asked for one of the few things I kept under the counter… Could’ve he known…? “Ah-! Y-yes sir! I keep it in the back! Please, just a moment!” I snapped out of my thoughts and rushed to the back of the store. Eh… mayhaps taking my sights of him wasn’t the sharpest of my ideas… I can kinda see how my absence caused things to play out. “Good mornin’ Sprick!” The door slammed open, and from that hearty greeting, I could tell it was Marachar making a friendly morning visit. “How’re yah on this fine day of ou-… Who… who’re ye? N’ what do ye think yer doin’?!” And what followed was a shout, a scream, and a screech.
After bashing my head against the counter, I stood in a daze. A war had broken out in my store, but my senses were shocked. I couldn’t process a thing. When I finally came to, I arose from my temporal concussion into an unfamiliar environment. My warm and cozy store had altered into a horrific beast. A plume of smoke and dust had erupted into the air and consumed the once familiar sweet scent. Shards of glass, splattered fruit, and torn leather littered the floors, whilst shrapnel from the shattered shelf fed itself to fireplace’s flames. At the center of all the chaos lied my halfling friend wrestling the tackled human into submission. While Halmond had his left arm held against his own back by Marachar, he desperately flung his other in an attempt to break free. It only took a second for Marachar to notice before tightening his grip against the pitiable fellow. Halmond didn’t even let out peep. Not even a whimper as a disgusting pop erupted from his left shoulder. A moment of silence had passed. Only a grotesque grinding sound was heard as Halmond gritted his teeth in pain. After realizing what had happened, my shriek had revealed myself to the two. Whereas Halmond had dealt with the shock in silence, I, on the other hand, reflexively yelped and flinched. I thought the bloke’s shoulder’d been popped out n’ dislocated! “Ah! There ye are Sprick! Thank ‘eavens yer okay!” Marachar’s grip on the poor man thankfully relaxed after noticing my wellbeing. “I caught this ‘ere good-fer-nuthin’ sizin’ yer place up!” A muffled reply bounced off the floor. “I beg your pardon, SIR, I am not but a fine customer at this establishment! I was only perusing before you unjustly apprehended me!” Through his pain, the now face-down Halmond stated his case as clearly as he could against the dusty boarded floor. “Don’t believe this bloodied bloke fer even a second Sprick! One look at ‘em n’ it was clear he was casin’ up the joint! Damn bastard was checkin’ if the lock on yer window over there worked!” “Now hold for a moment, sir! There is no way to accuse me of such a thing! I was simply opening the window to alleviate this room of its overpowering aroma!” I meekly stepped in, unsure how to make heads or tails of it all. “Erm, well Marachar… he, uh, requested for an item that I had behind the counter. So, I didn’t see what transpired. But uh, mayhaps he didn’t want to interrupt me? The window was closed after all, and uh… perhaps the candles aren’t for everybody? He may really be telling the truth…” Marachar turned towards me with a blatant look of disapproval. “Oh c’mon Sprick! Don’t friggin’ believe his lies!” He firmed his grip against Halmond and lifted the man over his shoulder. “Yeah, so you took it upon yerself to oh so kindly let some fresh air in by feelin’ up the bloody locked window instead’a openin’ the damn door! Well, how about we show you to some fresh air, buddy?!” With a feat of strength, Marachar kicked open the door and threw Halmond right into the market’s street where a curious crowd had grown. “And beat it yah damned bloke! N’ never come back!” The crowd surrounded both the store and downed Halmond. After becoming situated with what had just happened, he got up and fled the scene, leaving only me and Marachar to clean up this disastrous scene…
Not even an hour prior, it was just business as usual at The Owl’s Eye. Or at the very least, it was no different than the past two days had been since the store’s opening. The sun gleamed through the store’s back window onto those old splintery oak shelves that lined the walls. Each of ‘em were finally stocked from tip to toe. All kinds of goods were placed carefully throughout the store: from jarred figs ‘n powdered spices, to aged leather bags and scratchy wool blankets. The fireplace behind the counter burned and crackled, and those candles that dad always insisted “smelt like the fall” swallowed the room with a cinnamon-vanilla scent. The store at last was properly set up! Just like dad would’a done at The Eagle’s Eye a decade ago. It would’ve made him proud! Just as I finished decorating my little cranny and opened shop for the day, a short and stout human strolled in… He sported a scar across his right eye, and sure, he had just a bit tad much of a shady disposition, but he didn’t seem like a bad man… Though, his sharp eye could’a hinted at his true intents… “Pardon me, my fine sir. Do you’ve any teas in your wares? Specifically, a currant, if you would? I don’t seem to see any upon your shelves…” He asked for one of the few things I kept under the counter… Could’ve he known…? “Ah-! Y-yes sir! I keep it in the back! Please, just a moment!” I snapped out of my thoughts and rushed to the back of the store. Eh… mayhaps taking my sights of him wasn’t the sharpest of my ideas… I can kinda see how my absence caused things to play out. “Good mornin’ Sprick!” The door slammed open, and from that hearty greeting, I could tell it was Marachar making a friendly morning visit. “How’re yah on this fine day of ou-… Who… who’re ye? N’ what do ye think yer doin’?!” And what followed was a shout, a scream, and a screech.
After bashing my head against the counter, I stood in a daze. A war had broken out in my store, but my senses were shocked. I couldn’t process a thing. When I finally came to, I arose from my temporal concussion into an unfamiliar environment. My warm and cozy store had altered into a horrific beast. A plume of smoke and dust had erupted into the air and consumed the once familiar sweet scent. Shards of glass, splattered fruit, and torn leather littered the floors, whilst shrapnel from the shattered shelf fed itself to fireplace’s flames. At the center of all the chaos lied my halfling friend wrestling the tackled human into submission. While Halmond had his left arm held against his own back by Marachar, he desperately flung his other in an attempt to break free. It only took a second for Marachar to notice before tightening his grip against the pitiable fellow. Halmond didn’t even let out peep. Not even a whimper as a disgusting pop erupted from his left shoulder. A moment of silence had passed. Only a grotesque grinding sound was heard as Halmond gritted his teeth in pain. After realizing what had happened, my shriek had revealed myself to the two. Whereas Halmond had dealt with the shock in silence, I, on the other hand, reflexively yelped and flinched. I thought the bloke’s shoulder’d been popped out n’ dislocated! “Ah! There ye are Sprick! Thank ‘eavens yer okay!” Marachar’s grip on the poor man thankfully relaxed after noticing my wellbeing. “I caught this ‘ere good-fer-nuthin’ sizin’ yer place up!” A muffled reply bounced off the floor. “I beg your pardon, SIR, I am not but a fine customer at this establishment! I was only perusing before you unjustly apprehended me!” Through his pain, the now face-down Halmond stated his case as clearly as he could against the dusty boarded floor. “Don’t believe this bloodied bloke fer even a second Sprick! One look at ‘em n’ it was clear he was casin’ up the joint! Damn bastard was checkin’ if the lock on yer window over there worked!” “Now hold for a moment, sir! There is no way to accuse me of such a thing! I was simply opening the window to alleviate this room of its overpowering aroma!” I meekly stepped in, unsure how to make heads or tails of it all. “Erm, well Marachar… he, uh, requested for an item that I had behind the counter. So, I didn’t see what transpired. But uh, mayhaps he didn’t want to interrupt me? The window was closed after all, and uh… perhaps the candles aren’t for everybody? He may really be telling the truth…” Marachar turned towards me with a blatant look of disapproval. “Oh c’mon Sprick! Don’t friggin’ believe his lies!” He firmed his grip against Halmond and lifted the man over his shoulder. “Yeah, so you took it upon yerself to oh so kindly let some fresh air in by feelin’ up the bloody locked window instead’a openin’ the damn door! Well, how about we show you to some fresh air, buddy?!” With a feat of strength, Marachar kicked open the door and threw Halmond right into the market’s street where a curious crowd had grown. “And beat it yah damned bloke! N’ never come back!” The crowd surrounded both the store and downed Halmond. After becoming situated with what had just happened, he got up and fled the scene, leaving only me and Marachar to clean up this disastrous scene…
I've noticed that in the beginning of the story, you started off with a reference to one of the main characters of the story, as well as basically displaying a cut of one of the climatic parts of the story. Transitioning back with "Not even an hour prior", it helps the reader have a good grasp of chronology within the story. The story is easy to follow, and has a lot of good moments. I especially like how descriptive you are in between lines of dialogue, helping set the tone of the characters and scene as a whole. Staying in the present tense with your verbs and descriptions also really helped as well.