Erikur's Last Sunrise

Life, Trauma/ Loss

Erikur dies and everything sucks.

Fenneck walked up behind Erikur and leaned against the railing next to him. They looked out of their balcony and over Flottenheim as the sky started to glow from the rising sun. There was a gentle, cool breeze and Fenneck instinctively leaned against Erikur. "Good morning," Erikur said smiling at Fenneck. "Good morning. How are you?" Fenneck asked him. Erikur shrugged and put his hand on Fenneck's lower back and rubbed him affectionately. "I'm fine." He looked out over Flottenheim. "You should put a shirt on before you freeze to death," Erikur teased him. Fenneck shrugged. "I don't feel anything anymore, remember?" he morbidly joked. Erikur shoved him playfully. "I don't believe that. You want to go for our walk?" Erikur asked him. Fenneck nodded and took one last look out over their city. He turned and watched Erikur go inside and he followed him. When they got inside he grabbed Erikur's hand and pulled him close. "What's up?" Erikur asked him, confused. Fenneck looked into Erikur's beautiful green eyes and wished once more to feel thiramin. He was becoming frustrated with every passing day as the desire to be with Erikur had started to consume him. They had spent these recent nights being overly affectionate toward each other and Fenneck feared it was only a matter of time before he gave in to the temptation. He gently caressed Erikur's side and Erikur leaned in and kissed him. Fenneck kissed him back and felt Erikur gently push him against the wall. Erikur had made it very clear that he wanted to be with Fenneck but Fenneck had stayed true to his decision to wait for his thiramin. Erikur gently pulled away. "Are you okay?" he asked Fenneck with his usual patient and gentle demeanor. Fenneck sighed and turned away from Erikur's gentle green eyes. "I don't know," he said looking past Erikur. "It's been sixty years, Fen," Erikur said sadly. Sixty years. Sixty years since the revolution. Since they had started this new chapter of life in their new country, Glitterfjell. Things were going well for their country. They had essentially removed poverty and homelessness. Their citizens were generally happy and free. Erikur was happy and free. Fenneck didn't always feel the same. He still found himself dealing with the grief and sadness of his past, unable to let himself move forward. Erikur helped though. Erikur helped a lot. Fenneck wished he would open himself up to him. These last few years he found himself praying to Corellon for Erikur to be his thiramin. He had never told Erikur this though, in fear that it would jinx it. Erikur kissed his forehead, used to Fenneck's awkward behaviors. "I just... I don't know." Fenneck sighed in frustration. Erikur's eyes begged Fenneck to be honest with him. "Why aren't we thiramin?" he finally asked Erikur with a desperate look of longing and pain in his face. Erikur sighed heavily and gave Fenneck a pitying smile. "Fen. You know it doesn't work like that." "Well why not?!" Fenneck said angrily. Erikur looked down and dropped his hands from Fenneck's waist in despair. "It's rarely with someone you've met before, Fen. Your parents were a special case." Erikur started pacing in frustration. "But this makes sense," Fenneck argued. "Why wouldn't we have it?" he asked him sadly. Erikur looked like he was struggling to figure out how to deal with this. "Fen. If you want us to be together then lets be together already," he begged him. "You know I want that too." Fenneck felt tears burn his eyes. "I said I'd wait," he said in a determination that was quickly fading from his life. "There's nothing wrong with deciding to be together, Fen. Plenty of elves do it now. It's becoming more rare to experience thiramin anyway," Erikur argued. Fenneck leaned back in frustration against the wall. "And what if we do meet our respective thiramins one day and... and we hurt one another?" Erikur walked over and plopped himself down at their table. "I don't know, Fen. We figure it out when we get there. We aren't guaranteed anything, though. Not even tomorrow. I respect you for committing to this but... no one's forcing you to. And I'm not saying that so we can have sex. I know it's not about sex, Fen." Erikur swallowed and looked up wistfully at Fenneck. "You know I love you." Fenneck turned away from him and felt himself start to flush. "Don't say that," he told Erikur as he felt tears start to slide down his cheek as he felt his heart burn for Erikur's love and affection. "Fenneck..." Erikur stood and walked to him. "We're just friends, Erik!" Fenneck exclaimed in his fear and frustration. "Don't make this more confusing," Fenneck begged him as he started to shake from his emotions. Erikur took his hands in his own and forced Fenneck to meet his eyes. Fenneck felt shame wash over him as he turned as red as the apples hanging in their windowsill. "Do you love me, Fen?" Erikur asked him sweetly. "It's okay if you don't, but... I just want to know." Fenneck met his eyes and felt lost as he started into their beautiful, dark-green depths. He was frustrated. He loved parts of his relationship with Erikur. He wasn't sure if they were always in a romantic way or not. He had tried not to think of their relationship like that. A part of him wanted to tell Erikur that he did love him and to throw caution to the wind but another part of himself genuinely wanted to wait and not open himself or Erikur up to the consequences of a relationship that wasn't meant to be. The gods didn't want him to love Evelyn. Why would they let him love Erikur? Fenneck felt the burning feeling in his chest sear through him. "No. I don't," he lied, trying to protect them both. "Not like that at least," Fenneck said hating to hurt Erikur this way. Erikur nodded slowly and tried to let go of Fenneck's hands but Fenneck's grip held them tight. Erikur looked into Fenneck's eyes in hurt confusion and Fenneck looked down in shame. Erikur leaned his face over and nuzzled his smooth perfect face against Fenneck's. "It's gonna be okay, Fen. It's gonna be okay. One day," he whispered softly into Fenneck's ear. Fenneck leaned his head against him and felt the familiar stabs of pain start to attack his chest and he started sobbing into Erikur who held him tightly. It always happened like that. Sometimes randomly. Sometimes when emotions were high, but always sharp stabbing pains of grief that ripped through his entire body. It was second nature to Erikur to hold Fenneck through this and to comfort him. "I'm so sorry," Fenneck choked as he cried painfully. Erikur gently moved him to his bed mat and helped him to the floor. Fenneck sobbed hard and soon found himself coughing and shaking in pain. Erikur placed a cool rag on his forehead and forced him to drink a glass of water. "Shhh. It's okay Fen. It's okay. I'm right here." Fenneck finally calmed down and Erikur caressed his hair as he laid in his lap. Fenneck looked up at him and Erikur gently helped him sit up. "Thank you. I'm sorry I'm such a mess," he said to Erikur. Erikur looked him deep in the eyes and caressed his face. "We should go, the sun's rising." Fenneck nodded and found himself looking longingly into Erikur's eyes. Erikur sighed and leaned forward to kiss Fenneck's forehead but Fenneck intercepted him with his lips. They kissed passionately for a moment before Erikur pulled away and stood, avoiding Fenneck's eyes. He started getting ready and Fenneck followed suit. They left in silence and headed down through the palace. As they passed the throne room Baegla waved to them and they headed down into the Vallee. "It's okay, Fen," Erikur finally said, turning to him and smiling softly. Fenneck smiled gratefully back at him. "I know, I'm awful," he said. Erikur chuckled. "Just a little. I was thinking tonight we should hang out with Alexei at the bar. It's been a couple days." Fenneck nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good." "Fen, really, don't feel weird about this okay? We're best friends first, that's all I care about," Erikur assured him as they walked down the cold icy pathway into the Vallee. "Thank you. Me too," Fenneck agreed. He never doubted that aspect of their relationship. They passed some farms as they made their way through the villages and greeted some familiar faces as they passed. Soon they were in the forest and they began on their usual trail, worn from their daily tread. Erikur stopped for a moment and studied Fenneck. Fenneck turned back to look at him confused. "You really do belong out here," Erikur said admiringly with a sweet look in his eyes. Fenneck rolled his eyes at him and started walking back toward Erikur. "What are you talking about?" he asked him playfully. Erikur shrugged and smiled. "I don't know, you just look good out here is all." Fenneck walked over to him and pulled Erikur into his arms. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable," Erikur said nervously as Fenneck embraced him. "You don't. And... I do love you," Fenneck whispered as he looked deep into Erikur's eyes. Erikur leaned in close so that their faces were inches from each other. Fenneck saw so much hope and love in Erikur's beautiful green eyes. "You love me?" he said hopefully as a shy smile formed on his face. Fenneck felt his heart do a somersault and he knew he couldn't do this anymore. He did love Erikur. More than he'd ever loved anyone or anything else before. Maybe all this was his soulmate. Maybe they had felt thiramin that day on the farm when they instantly became best friends. "Of course I love you, Erik." Fenneck kissed him gently pushed Erikur against a tree and they started kissing passionately. Erikur kissed him hard and pulled Fenneck groin against his own. Fenneck started kissing Erikur's neck as Erikur moaned softly. Erikur grabbed Fenneck's butt and pulled him close. Fenneck felt overjoyed with desire and his hands started to reach down Erikur's pants. "Help! Please! Anybody!" Fenneck stopped as a female's voice range out through the forest in elvish. In his meditations Fenneck would find himself replaying this moment over and over again, trying to do everything differently. The moment was maybe two seconds at most but Fenneck would find it lasted for what felt like an eternity as he relived this day over and over again in his meditations thinking about how differently the world would have been in he had run to the elf in the forest instead of Erikur. "Help! Please! Anybody!" the voice shouted again. Fenneck and Erikur's eyes met for a brief, fleeting moment before Erikur dashed toward the voice. Fenneck went to draw his bow and saw movement ahead of him. He was barely able to dodge out of the way as an arrow whizzed past his head and landed in the trunk of the tree where Erikur's head had been moments earlier. He notched a couple more arrows as he hid behind the tree and looked out to see a man crouched in the bushes. A half-elf with dark brown hair and pale skin. He aimed carefully and rolled out from behind the tree as he fired his three arrows into the soldiers chest. Suddenly, he heard Erikur cry out in pain as the KAV soldier in front of Fenneck fell into the underbrush. Fenneck bolted toward his friend's voice. "Erikur!" he called out in fear as he leapt over bushes and logs. He finally found Erikur at the base of a tree splayed out as his red blood spilled out from his side into the snow. His beautiful lavender feather earrings were splattered with his blood and his face looked as if he had been in the middle of saying something as he died. Fenneck felt everything start to spin and he dropped to the ground and grabbed at Erikur's motionless chest and tried to summon magic to heal him. The soldier had stabbed him in the side, directly into his heart, killing him almost instantly. Fenneck felt everything go blurry as he clutched at Erikur's lifeless body as tears poured from his face. "No no no no no," he cried and buried his head into Erikur's chest. His green eyes had the same cold stillness in them his parents had and Fenneck felt his body start to convulse in pain and grief. "No no no! Erik! Erikur no!" He started sobbing and hyperventilating. Suddenly fear overwhelmed him. The soldiers were still out there. But he couldn't leave Erikur. He looked around and saw nothing and hoped he had at least killed the other one. He collapsed into Erikur's chest and started sobbing. Everything blurred and seemed to go black. Hours passed before Fenneck collected himself and picked up Erikur's body and started stumbling blindly toward Flottenheim. He had finally stopped crying and was able to muster enough strength to get him into the Vallee where someone fetched a horse and cart. Fenneck held Erikur close to his chest until they reached the palace. Everything started to blur again after that and Fenneck felt lost in it all. He collapsed onto the floor of the throne room as the healers came and could do nothing. Everyone around him was also in shock. Fenneck remembered hearing Catherine cry out in pain as she saw her brother's lifeless body and he remembered Jasna collapsing onto the ground in horror at the sight. He remembered Baegla trying to talk to him and him being unable to mutter a word. The next few days were a blur to Fenneck. He barely rested. He would go into their room and sit on Erikur's mat in silence, disbelief, and relentless regret.