Home Again

Life, Identity

Fenneck returns to the mountains after his trip to Sivania.

"Hey!" Fenneck turned at the familiar voice and saw Natalya walking toward him through the forest. The sun had just broke over the mountains and Natalya looked like she had been up for a couple hours. "What are you doing out here?!" he asked her, surprised to see her so far from their cave when he specifically told her to stay there so she'd be safe for the winter. "Hunting!" she said, holding up a couple quails and rabbits. "I told you to stay in the cave! Did you run out of food?!" he asked her, concerned. She shrugged. "No. I just wanted some fresh meat. I'm not as much of a vegetarian as you are!" she teased him when she was finally within a few feet of him. He rolled his eyes. "Well, I'm back now," he said. He held up his giant bags of goodies. "And I have plenty of food and entertainment for a few months at least!" he told her excitedly. She smiled at him. "Cool! I'll just need to grab my pack and my tent. They aren't far from here." He gave her a stern look. "You've been camping out here?!" She rolled her eyes playfully and started walking off toward her things as Fenneck scolded her. "I've told you before it's too dangerous for that! There are giant spiders and all manner of dangerous creatures here!" She shrugged. "Yeah, but I like the change of scene. Speaking of which, how was your trip?" she asked him as they arrived in a small clearing where her things sat. She put her tent away as Fenneck spoke. "It was wonderful, actually," he said, smiling. "I'm not even sure where to begin, so much happened. Have you seen Sivania? Or a desert for that matter?" he asked her. She thought for a moment. "Yeah, I saw it from a distance on the ferry from Arrallath to Ringstadt. Very different from here," she mused. Fenneck nodded. "Extremely. I wasn't a fan of the heat but there was something magnificent and marvelous about seeing such a large expanse of flat, dead land," he said thoughtfully. She smiled as she put her tent into her pack and swung it around her shoulder. "Ready to go home?" she asked him. Fenneck nodded and led them out of the forest. "Sivania was beautiful. The colors and the architecture are so different from Flottenheim," he said, reminiscing about the city. "I spent hours in their fabric stores looking at the different silks and designs they had. They dress so much differently there because it's so hot. I was a fan of the lack of apparel." Natalya smiled at him. "Clearly your skin wasn't. You look like a tomato!" she teased him. He sighed in defeat. "Yes, we discovered I don't tan in the sun and instead just turn red, even after two months there." She laughed. "How was Alexei?" she asked. Fenneck smiled. "Wonderful. He loves it there. His job is going really well and... he and Padma are engaged, actually," he said hesitantly. Natalya thought about this for a moment. "Already? I thought they were thiramin?" she asked. Fenneck sighed, hoping they wouldn't get awkward and uncomfortable from discussing this topic. "They are. It's just... working out really well for them," he said. Natalya looked uncomfortable for a few moments. Fenneck decided to change the subject. "He asked me to be his best man when they get married. They don't have a date in mind yet, though, so I guess I'll have another excuse to visit whenever that is." She nodded. "Did you meet the dragon?" she asked him, also trying to get away from the topic of thiramin. "Yes! He was magnificent! Very talkative. I also saw a pseudodragon. He was cute." Natalya gave him a funny look. "What's a pseudodragon?" she asked him. Fenneck shrugged. "He was a tiny dragon, about the size of a house cat. He could read minds!" he told her excitedly. "Really?" she contemplated this for a moment and shrugged, saying "Neat!" Fenneck smiled. "I also learned what camels are and palm trees and-" She looked at him in surprise. "You've never seen palm trees?" Fenneck shrugged. "I had never left Flottenheim until now! I'm not as cultured as you are!" He playfully elbowed her as they exited the trees and headed up to the pass. She rolled her eyes. "So what else did you do?" she asked him. "We saw the gladiator fights. They were very intense. It is hilarious to me how passionate they were about the sport. They would get into arguments about their favorite fighters at every meal!" he said, laughing at the ridiculous behavior. Natalya smiled. "Sounds like the hockey games in Leniscow." He nodded. "I would assume so. I've never been there either, though," he commented. "Don't bother," Natalya told him. He laughed and helped her up one of the ledges. They focused on the trail for the rest of the way as their packs became heavy and the trail in the mountains became more rocky and dangerous. They finally arrived at their cave and Fenneck gratefully dropped his bags and laid down on the ground for a moment to stretch his sore legs. "Has sitting around in a cushy palace for two months made you weak?" Natalya teased him. He rolled his eyes. "I'll have you know I spent my evenings doing quite a number of physical exertions," he said, bragging a little too much about his exciting Sivanian nights. She looked at him quizzically. "I thought Alexei was with someone else?" she said. He rolled his eyes. "You know I can sleep with other individuals, right?" She shrugged as she started putting her things away and getting settled. "Sure. I just didn't think you had the game for it, especially looking like a ripe apple," she said teasingly. Fenneck scoffed at her. "Well, Alexei and Padma have a very open marriage bed. The whole court of Sivania does, for that matter," he said unable to stop himself from sounding wistful as he thought about his erotic nights there. Natalya gave him a suspicious look, as if she didn't believe him. He sighed. "Ever heard of orgies?" he asked her bluntly. She scrunched her face. "Ew!" she said in disgust. He rolled his eyes. "Oh please, you'd probably be into it if you weren't with your silly lover boy in Lenisily. Think about it: a fun night with him and maybe a few other bodies get thrown into the mix," he suggested. She shook her head in disgust. "You're so weird. Maybe it's a good thing we didn't end up together," she said laughing. Fenneck frowned and looked down to avoid her eyes, finding her words a bit hurtful. She seemed to notice this. "I... I'm sorry. It's just a very... foreign concept to me. I don't mean to sound judgmental," she apologized. He shrugged. "I know it's not for everyone," he said, as if it was no big deal and trying to hide his discomfort. "Speaking of your lover boy, how is he?" he tried to change the subject. She frowned and went to take off her boots. "I don't know," she said, sounding upset. "I didn't see him." She avoided Fenneck's eyes. He sighed. "I'm sorry. Is... is he okay?" he asked, trying to be sensitive. She shrugged. "It's just been dangerous, is all," she said quietly. "I'm sorry," Fenneck told her, upset that she had spent the winter alone. "Want to help me unpack this stuff?" he suggested, trying to make her feel better. "I have quite a few gifts for you. There was so much cool stuff in Sivania." She looked up and softly nodded at him and he excitedly grabbed one of the bags and walked over close to her. They sat down next to the fire and Fenneck pulled out the pile of books. "These are different stories and some political pieces I want to look over. I know we've read just about all the books we have here." He chuckled as he handed her the books. She flipped through some of them curiously. Fenneck got out the beautiful dragonchess set and put it together while she studied the books. "What's it made of?" Natalya asked him, picking up one of the figures. "Desert glass. It's beautiful, isn't it?" he asked her. She nodded. "We'll have to play a game later." He smiled. "Indeed." He pulled out some of the rugs and blankets and they laid them out on the ground to spruce up their home. Natalya wrapped one of the silky blankets around her shoulders. "I like the textures," she mused, rubbing the blanket across her face. Fenneck smiled. "I also got a ton of seasonings! They're spicier than what we're used to in Flottenheim. I also have some canned and dried fruit like dates, pineapples and coconuts. They're amazing!" He let her try some of the new food and finally handed her the clothes he had got her as well as some simple jewelry. "Here," he said, handing her the bundle that was wrapped in a silky piece of purple fabric. "These are for you." She opened the package and smiled sadly at the beautiful gifts. She held up one of the pretty golden necklaces with a simple amethyst stone dangling from it and her face filled with sadness. "Do you not like it?" Fenneck asked, worried about his gifts. She shook her head. "I love them." She set the necklace down in her lap and looked down for a moment. Fenneck reached out and gently rubbed her arm. "Should I have not gotten you something?" he asked, worried he had overstepped. She shook her head and Fenneck knew she was about to start crying. He scooted up against her and wrapped an arm around her as she started crying softly into his chest. He laid his head against hers. "I'm sorry. I... I just thought it would be nice. You're stuck up here so you never get to go shopping for yourself-" She cut him off. "I'm not upset about the gifts, Fen." She looked at him, desperate for him to understand what she was feeling. She sighed. "I'm sorry. They're beautiful," she said, drying her eyes off and trying to move past it. Fenneck was confused. "I don't understand. Did something happen? Do you hate amethysts?" he asked her, trying to get a gauge for what kind of gifts to try in the future. She laughed a little and shook her head. "No. It's just... you're the only person who's ever... given me gifts. I feel bad because I don't know how to respond to it." Fenneck squeezed her against his side. "You don't need to respond at all. I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable." He gave her a small smile. "How about this: I'll go outside and fiddle around in the snow for a few minutes while you go through these things and then I'll come back and we will never talk about it again?" he offered teasingly. She laughed at him and shook her head. "No. It's fine. I just wish I could get you something for once," she told him. He pursed his lips. "Well, a nice roasted quail for supper tomorrow night might be a very delicious gift indeed. Especially if I didn't have to do anything to help," he coyly suggested. She giggled. "Sounds reasonable." He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Lovely. You can experiment with some of the spices I got, if you'd like. Go easy on them though, some of them are quite strong," he warned her. She smiled and picked up the silky shirts and pants he had gotten her and admired them. "These are gorgeous," she said, caressing the fabric. "Should I put some on?" she suggested. Fenneck smiled and nodded. "Do you like the colors? I tried to pick ones that would compliment your hair and eyes," he asked her, becoming aware that his arm was still around her and that she hadn't tried to move away from him. She nodded, looking at the clothes. "They're wonderful." She looked up at him. "Thank you." Her beautiful green eyes looked into Fenneck's and he smiled. "You're welcome, Nat," he told her, trying to ignore the fluttering in his heart as he looked down at her perfect face. Why did Alexei's thiramin work out so perfectly? Why wasn't she with him? They stared at each other for a moment before he slowly inched his face toward hers and she started to reach up to his. Eventually their noses brushed and Fenneck took a deep breath and wondered if they could figure this out if they just kissed each other, right here, right now. He felt Natalya's nervous breath on his lips and saw the desire in her eyes. He also saw a deep sadness. She was lonely. She was upset about Dimitri. He pulled back and sighed. "I'll step out for a moment and let you change in peace," he said quickly before jumping up and walking outside, not waiting for her response. He walked out and leaned against the mountain and enjoyed the cold breeze on his flushed sunburned skin. He took a few deep breaths to try and calm down. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Alexei was with Padma. That everything had worked out so perfectly for him and his uncle and his parents. He felt anger start to boil in him at his and Natalya's situation. None of it was fair for any of the parties involved. It wasn't fair to him or Natalya and definitely not Dimitri. He sighed thinking about the half-elf he had still avoided meeting in person. He didn't want to meet him. He was afraid it would hurt him too much. He liked that Dimitri was distant to him. He also felt guilty. He felt guilty for loving and wanting Natalya. He started crying angry tears and he slid down into the snow and rested his head on the rocks behind him. He realized how cold their mountains really were. How cold and heartless they were. "Fenneck!" Natalya called out of the cave entrance, poking her head out from the pelts. She looked over and saw him. "Fenneck!" she started to run to him before realizing she didn't have shoes on and jumped in surprise at the snow on her feet. "Stop!" Fenneck told her, getting to his feet and wiping his eyes. "I'm fine! Go inside before you freeze your toes off!" he told her. She looked at him desperately. "Please come back in," she begged him. He nodded and went to her and she leapt out of the snow and ducked back inside their warm cave. When they were inside he looked at her in her new outfit from Sivania. The loose silky fabrics draped over her body beautifully and he enjoyed the feathers dangling off the trim. She had the amethyst necklace on as well and she did a little turn to show off her new outfit. He smiled at her. "You look beautiful," he told her, trying to hide the sadness and pain from his voice. She smiled sweetly at him. "They're absolutely stunning! And comfortable!" she said, trying some silly poses for him. Fenneck sighed. "I'm glad you like it," he told her. "I should probably get settled in. I'm pretty tired," he said, going to take his clothes and boots off. "Okay," she said, sounding disappointed. "You don't want to play a game first?" She motioned to the dragonchess board and Fenneck felt his heart drop. She was clearly desperate for company but Fenneck needed some space. He had gotten used to expressing himself very physically in Sivania and he was worried he might do something stupid. "Tomorrow. First thing. I promise," he told her before going and remaking his bed from the long winter away. He noticed his bed was not how he left it and he smiled sadly realizing Natalya must have spent some of her lonely nights here, missing him. And Dimitri, the little voice in his head reminded him. He finally settled in for the night, wearing his own silky pajamas from Sivania, and saw Natalya reading one of the new books he had brought back. "Goodnight, Natalya," he told her. She looked up and gave him a small, sad smile. "Goodnight, Fenneck." He turned away from her and started meditating.