The Worst Kind of Hope

Life, Identity

Natalya starts to come to terms with Dimitri aging. Fenneck feels guilty and conflicted about it.

"Who's winning?" Natalya asked as she walked into the igloo. Fenneck looked up from the dragonchess set and smiled at her. "This bastard keeps beating me," he said, feigning anger and frustration at the game he was playing against himself. "I owe him like, five hundred gold at this point," he said jokingly. Natalya laughed softly for a moment before she very abruptly started sobbing. "Hey, what's wrong?" Fenneck jumped up and ran to her and almost hugged her before realizing she was covered in snow. He gently removed her cloak as she cried. "Hey, Nat," he said, trying to calm her. "It's okay." He took her head in his hands and looked her deep in the eyes. "It's okay, darling, we live here rent free. We aren't going to lose our home to my gambling habits, I promise," he said trying to make her feel better. She couldn't help herself from laughing and she smiled sadly at him, looking him in the eyes. He relaxed his hands from her face and took her hands in his own. "What's wrong? Is Dimitri okay?" he asked her, changing over to a more serious tone. She abruptly pulled away and leaned down to take her boots off. "He's... he's..." she struggled to find the words. She started changing out of her clothes as she spoke. "He's just stressed. Says things are getting worse," she decided, saying the same thing she always did when Fenneck asked about him. Fenneck sighed. He hated seeing her like this and he hated that Lenisily's political scene was getting so much worse. "I wish we could get him out of there," he said sadly, leaning down to put the chess game away. "He won't leave, especially now with the refugees. If he leaves, we won't be able to get them out like we have," Natalya said as she got into her bed and buried herself under her covers, clearly trying to hide away from Fenneck and have some privacy. Fenneck waved his hand to dim the bouncing magical lights on the icy ceiling so Natalya could rest easier. He walked over to his bed and started to settle in when he heard Natalya speak again in a very hushed, fearful whisper. "What happened with Jasna and Baegla?" Natalya asked him. "She told me they were together during the revolution." Fenneck looked over and saw her staring up at the ceiling, deep in thought. "About forty years ago now, Baegla started to pull away from Jasna. They stopped being exclusive and Jasna started to see other people. I thought initially that it had to do with Baegla's growing responsibilities with Glitterfjell but..." He suddenly realized Natalya's fear and he felt his stomach lurch with guilt. Dimitri was getting old. He had never asked Natalya how old Dimitri actually was. He knew they had been together for over sixty years, which meant he was at least almost a hundred; quite old for a half-elf. He stood up and hesitantly walked over to Natalya and sat down next to her. He reached out and took her hand and caressed it sadly for a moment. "I'm so, so sorry," he said, gently squeezing her hand. "Baegla pulled away from Jasna because she didn't want Jasna to watch her age and die. She wanted her to move on and find happiness in someone else," he said bluntly, avoiding Natalya's eyes and gently rubbing her hand with his fingers. "Jasna took it very hard and is still struggling with it. I found out recently that Baegla told Jasna she didn't want to... be together anymore, at all." He glanced down at Natalya who had tears in her eyes as she stared at the ceiling. Fenneck's heart shattered as he saw her pain. He didn't want to have to watch her suffer through this. "How... old is Dimitri?" he asked her hesitantly. "A hundred and twelve," she said fearfully, still avoiding his eyes. Fenneck sighed heavily and squeezed her hand. He wasn't sure what to say. "It's not fair," she said painfully. Fenneck shook his head. "No, it's not, is it? How is he doing? Does... does he look a lot older yet?" he asked, trying to be sensitive. Natalya shrugged sadly. "He has a beard now, some grey hairs. His eyes are tired and his skin is paler." Her voice cracked as she described him. Fenneck tried to think about what it would be like to go through something like that. To watch someone you love die. He also thought about how awful it would be to age without the person you love. "I'm sure it's hard for him too," he told her. "To see yourself grow old and tired but the one you love stay young, fresh and radiant..." he hesitated. "Did he want to break up?" Natalya started crying again. "I don't know..." Her voice cracked as she said it and Fenneck scooted next to her and pulled her into his arms. She sobbed into him and he laid his head on her head and held her tight. He didn't know what to think. He didn't want Natalya to be in so much pain. He also felt guilty for the part of him that saw this as a glimmer of hope for a future with her. He felt awful for it. He didn't want her like this. He didn't want this to be how he won her. She clung to him through the night and Fenneck rested with her in his arms. He hoped it wasn't true. He hoped she and Dimitri could love through this. Vyndius and Catherine seemed to be managing it, after all. He kissed Natalya's forehead as she started to meditate and relaxed a little as she rested peacefully in his arms. He laid back and drifted off next to her.