The Real Thing

Life, Identity

Fenneck brings Natalya some gifts from Flottenheim and Fenneck comes to the conclusion that he will never fall out of love with her.

Fenneck approached the cave and noticed a soft bit of firelight and sighed with relief knowing Natalya was home and probably resting. He tried to be quiet as he approached the pelts so he wouldn't disturb her, but his arms were full from the gifts and goodies he had brought back from Flottenheim from the winter and his bow got stuck on the pelts as he entered. "Shit!" he said, bumping into the barrels in the entrance, causing a few pots and pans to fall over and clank loudly across the room, startling Natalya. He saw some of the rolls in the basket of baked goods Baegla had sent start to fall onto the ground and Natalya started giggling at him before getting up and running to help him. She was only wearing her silky red shirt from Sivania with the pretty bright feathers just barely covering her butt, leaving her long, delicate legs out in the open. "Stop, hold on!" she laughed at him. "Damn furs!" Fenneck cursed as Natalya worked to unhook his bow. "Here, let me help." She took the basket from him and he sat the packages down on the ground. He sighed heavily from exhaustion. He had started his journey later than he planned, and was ready to fall into bed and lay down to stretch his sore legs. He was very happy to see Natalya, though, especially looking like this. "Are you okay?" she asked, seeing his exhaustion. "How was your winter?" she continued as Fenneck took his gear off. "It was good," he said, gratefully pulling his boots off and wiggling his toes. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I know it's late," he said tiredly. Natalya started putting the food in the basket away in their little kitchen area. "Oh please, I've been meditating for hours from boredom. I'm glad you're home. Are these from Baegla?" she asked him. "Yeah," he nodded, pulling his shirt off. "I'm happy to be back. I have some gifts for you, too. Everyone asked about you. They wish you'd come visit soon," he told her. It was more of a formality at this point. He was starting to think she was never going to leave the mountains. "I'll open them in the morning," she decided. "You look like you need some rest." She put the last of the food away. Fenneck smiled gratefully at her. "Yes please." He took his snow covered trousers off and laid them out to dry. "I'll talk to you in the morning," he promised her. "I'm glad to see you, though. I hope you've been well," he told her. He walked over to his bed and crawled under his furs in his undergarments. "I have," she said sweetly. "I'll talk to you in the morning," she said, smiling at him. He easily slipped into his trance and didn't open his eyes until Natalya's warm pot of apple cider clouded his senses as the sun started to creep over the mountains. He looked over and saw Natalya stirring the delicious pot of apples and cinnamon. He smiled sweetly at her. "Good morning," he told her blissfully. "Good morning," she said, smiling back at him. She was still wearing her silky red shirt but she had put on pants since he had seen her last night, much to Fenneck's disappointment. He stood up and stretched. He felt insanely happy to be home with her. He sat down across from Natalya who was on the other side of the fire. He undid his braid and shook out his long white locks as Natalya put a plate of fruit in front of him, perfectly chopped up to his liking. "Here's breakfast," she said as she handed him the plate. "I'm glad you made it back safely," she told him. He smiled at the gesture. "Thank you so much," he told her gratefully. "This is wonderful. I'm glad to be back too." Natalya fixed him a mug of cider and handed it to him over the firepit. He took it and held it up to his face to smell it. It reminded him of his mother's apple pie, sending a warm nostalgic glow through Fenneck's body. "You're so wonderful," he told her lovingly. "How was your winter?" he asked her, taking a sip of the delicious drink. "It was... fine. Not much happened," she said, trying to hide her evident sadness from him. "I'm sorry," he told her, understanding how unfortunate her last few winters had been. "Did you see Dimitri?" he asked her, knowing he probably shouldn't. She shook her head sadly. "No. It was too dangerous," she explained. Fenneck sighed seeing her so sad and hurt. "I have some gifts from Flottenheim for you," he suggested with a half smile, trying to make her feel better. Natalya smiled at his effort. "From who?" she asked softly, looking up at him. Fenneck smiled and hopped up to grab the packages. "Baegla of course sent the basket of goodies you put away last night," he said as he collected them and sat back down next to Natalya. "Then Naertho sent this..." he handed her the large bag with her new boots in them. "And the other two are from Jasna and myself," he said setting the other two boxes down on the ground in front of them. "Was there a special occasion?" she asked, confused by the gifts. "No, they just miss you and thought it would be nice," he tried to play it off, knowing how awkward she felt about getting gifts. She opened the gift from Naertho and studied the new pair of winter boots. "Yours were looking a bit rough," Fenneck commented, trying to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal. "Thank you, actually." She smiled at the pretty boots covered in white fox fur. "They're beautiful," she said. Next she reached for Jasna's gift. Jasna had given it to Fenneck as he was leaving the palace and refused to tell him what it was. It was a brown parcel that was a rectangle just over a foot long. She tore off the packaging and Fenneck recognized the Mimics & Gimmicks label on the box with the image of a mimic treasure chest on the front with its tongue out. Fenneck's eyes widened in surprise. There was also a note pinned to it from Jasna. "I... I didn't help her with this," he clarified, not wanting to make Natalya uncomfortable with what was obviously a sex toy. "I don't know what it is but you... you might not want that." He looked her deep in the eyes to let her know this was not his idea. Natalya looked at him funnily, clearly not knowing what Mimics & Gimmicks was. She started reading the card Jasna had written out loud. "Dear Natalya," she read dramatically. "Fenneck tells me Dimitri has been a stick in the mud lately -" Natalya gave Fenneck a stern glare and kept going. "- and hasn't been taking advantage of that hot bod of yours like he should be. And since Fenneck is too much of a prude to do you and I hate the wilderness (Sorry! Trekking in the mountains is a nightmare!) I sent this to help hold you over. Also come visit me, I miss you! Tell Fenneck to stay in the mountains instead some time! All the love, Jasna. P.S. You might let Fenneck use this stuff too! He's so uptight and could use a night to himself. Winkey face. (I'm laughing in case you couldn't tell!) Okay love you byeeeee!" Natalya giggled at Jasna's ridiculousness. Fenneck was beet-red with embarrassment. "Don't open that!" he said, worried about the contents. Natalya laughed at him. "Oh please, it couldn't possibly be that bad," she opened the box so that Fenneck couldn't see the contents and she burst out laughing. "Let me see!" Fenneck said trying to get a glimpse into the box. She pulled it away from him and snapped it shut. Fenneck tried to grab it from her, knocking her to the ground under his body by climbing on top of her. He grabbed the box out of her hand and sat on top of her so she couldn't move. "Hey! Get off!" she said giggling and squirming beneath him. "Stop moving!" he told her, laughing as she started trying to tickle him. He managed to open the box and inside saw a very large glass, scaly dragonborn dildo. His eyes grew wide and he blushed a bit at the sight of the enormous sex toy. "Oh my god..." he said in shock that Jasna would send this to Natalya. Natalya laughed and tried to push him off of her again with no success. "Get off!" she complained before kicking her legs up into his back causing him to lurch down on top of her. He laughed some more at the ridiculous situation, setting down the box as he leaned down to whisper into her ear. "What's wrong?" he teased her. "Do you think you'll prefer the monstrosity Jasna sent you to the real thing?" he whispered into her ear. He started to enjoy her closeness and he lightly nuzzled her face, unsure if he was still being playful or not. Her body felt so wonderful and perfect pressed against his and he took a deep breath and enjoyed the smell of her. He felt himself starting to flush and harden with her body underneath his. He suddenly felt Natalya start to kiss his neck as vines wrapped around her wrists and ankles from the garden. He lurched off of her in surprise and jumped over to the opposite side of the cave to get away from her. He faced away from her to hide his embarrassment and very prominent erection. He tried to take deep breaths to calm down and to push the emotions away so he wouldn't have a panic attack. Why did she do that? What was going on? Did she love him back? He wanted to cry but he tried to control himself as he started pacing. "Fen," he heard Natalya say, clearly disappointed by his reaction. "We shouldn't have done that," he said as he put his hands up on his head to try and breath deeper. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he said, feeling shameful for teasing her. "Fen, it's fine. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you," she tried to calm him down. "I'm so fucking stupid," Fenneck muttered under his breath, ignoring her. "Fenneck, please don't get upset," she begged him. He stopped pacing and slowly turned to her and wiped a couple tears out of his eyes. The vines were creeping back into the garden now, allowing Natalya to sit up and look at him, full of defeat and disappointment. He hesitantly walked back over to Natalya and sat down a couple feet away from her. "I'm sorry, I... I don't know what came over me," he said, looking sadly into her eyes. "Well, it clearly wasn't me," Natalya joked to him. He smiled and sniffed as he wiped the last tears from his face. "That's funny," he said as he realized her silly inappropriate joke, grateful for her reassurance. "I like our friendship," he told her, hoping he believed it on some level. He sighed and looked down. "I don't want to mess that up." Natalya nodded. "Me neither," she said sadly. He looked up and gave her a small smile. "Well, I guess you'll have to make do with the dragonborn for a while," he joked, trying to lighten the mood. Natalya giggled. "It's truly something, isn't it?" she commented. Fenneck picked up the box again and took the dildo out and feigned admiration for it in the firelight. "It's quite the work of art. You know, we could leave it out on display. It's quite fabulous, especially with the light reflecting off of it," he joked, enjoying their bit. "Yeah, it would look great on the bookshelf, right out in the open. Really adds character to the place," she played along. Fenneck sat the giant toy down and picked up the Mimics and Gimmicks box again seeing an opal flutterer in the bottom of the box. He pulled it out and handed it to her. "You might actually enjoy this," he told her, blushing a little at the idea of her playing with such a toy. "What is it?" she asked him, cautiously taking the item and looking it over. He blushed, not exactly sure if he wanted to explain the concept to her. "It's... it's um... it's a flutterer." He hoped she would realize what it was by the name but she looked confused as ever. "A what?" she asked. Fenneck felt his ears start to turn red. He both adored how innocent she was and found it a bit awkward at times, especially for someone with a fairly active sex life compared to himself. "A... a flutterer," he tried to explain. "You have to attune to it for it to work, though." She looked at him, still confused. He took a deep breath and sighed. "It um... vibrates and... you... you use it to orgasm," he said bluntly. He saw her blush and look at the stone a bit more before scrunching her eyebrows and looking up at Fenneck quizzically. "Really?" she asked him. Fenneck laughed a little at her response. "Yes, it's a magical item, you'll need to attune it to yourself." She looked at him, confused again. "How?" she asked. Fenneck looked into the box, hoping for some instructions so he wouldn't have to explain the process but he came up short. "Well," he said awkwardly. "I'm not... quite sure," he lied, not really wanting to just tell her to masturbate with it. "You would need to spend some time with it and try to focus magic into it. Make sure you're touching it to your... skin, though. Once it's attuned to you, only you can turn it off and on," he explained. Natalya sat it down and shrugged. "Well, I'm shit with magic so do you want it?" She offered him the stone. He rolled his eyes at her. "You are not shit with magic," he scolded her. "You saved my life once thanks to your magical abilities," he countered. "Yeah, just barely!" she exclaimed. "Besides, I obviously don't need this." She sounded like she was trying to play off her obvious curiousness. He wished she was more open to exploring that sort of thing. He really wanted to show her and help attune it to her and play with it on her beautiful- He stopped himself. He suddenly remembered his gift and realized it might make her feel better. "Here, open my gift. It might help, actually," he said, handing her the tiny box. She studied it carefully, having become distrustful of his gifts. "What is this?" she asked him. "A nipple clamp or something?" Fenneck scrunched his face in disgust. He and Evelyn had tried that once and it had been a very painful experience that left both of them swearing off nipple play entirely for a couple months. "Gods, no. Ugh." He suddenly stopped, realizing she might find that appealing. "I uh, I mean, unless you're into that. I... I don't mean to sound judgmental," he apologized quickly, knowing how much he hated it when she made judgments about his own sex life. Natalya laughed at him as she opened the small box. Her face grew serious as she saw the beautiful pearl and she pulled it out of the box and admired it in the firelight. "It's beautiful," she said, looking it over for a moment before turning to Fenneck. "Does it go up my ass?" she asked him jokingly. Fenneck rolled his eyes at her. "No! It's a Pearl of Power. It contains magic so that when you speak an attunement word it will become easier for you to summon magic," he explained. She smiled. "So what happens if I put it in my ass?" she asked, still laughing. "You fart rainbows!" Fenneck said, teasing her back. "Okay, so what's the magic word?" she asked, turning her attention back to the pearl. "I attuned it to the elvish word for friend," he explained, slowly meeting her eyes. "I know this hasn't been easy," he said, giving her a soft smile. "but I want you to know that I am extremely grateful to have you in my life," he told her. "When I met you I didn't realize how lonely I'd been these last few years," he said, thinking about how much had changed between them and how much he had grown because of her. "I'm really glad that we're friends, Nat. That I have someone in my life that I've allowed myself to open up to again." He looked up and cautiously took one of Natalya's hands. "I... I love you," he told her for the first time. He felt a wave of relief wash over him to finally say the words he'd been feeling out loud. He hated that he had to lie to her to get away with it, though. He was trying to be okay with their situation and he hoped saying these things would help him believe they were true. "Not in a... romantic... 'I need to marry you' sort of way, but in a very deep, 'I'm so blessed to have met you and to have you in my life' kind of way," he told her, trying to hide his true desires. He did love their friendship but he knew he was kidding himself to tell her he didn't also want her like that. "You don't realize how much you've given me by coming into my life. I know thiramin has not been what I originally thought it would be, but I do believe you are my soulmate; that our paths were meant to cross. Maybe not the way I wanted, but... I'm glad things turned out differently." This he did believe, at least to an extent. Some days he believed it more than others, but he wanted to come to terms with this. He had to move on from her and re-establishing their friendship out loud was the healthiest way for him to do that. He wished he could have a more fluid relationship with her, similar to his relationship with Erikur but he knew it wasn't something she would be interested in. She squeezed his hand back. "Thank you," she told him sweetly. "I... I love you too," she said, giving him a soft smile. "I'm really glad things have turned out like they have. I don't want to mess this up," she said with a complicated look on her face. Fenneck smiled at her. "Hold the pearl and say the word," he told her, trying to avoid any more awkward moments between them for the day. Natalya did and as she spoke the word Fenneck felt the magic in the air circle around her. He picked up the flutterer and handed it to her. She hesitantly took it and held it in her palm. After a few moments the stone started to vibrate and she instinctively threw it from being startled and it landed in Fenneck's lap. He laughed and picked it up and held the vibrating disk to her, observing how fun it would be to play with as he did. "You'll have to turn it off," he said, laughing as she took it from him. Fenneck could see her eyebrows arch with ever so much enjoyment as she clearly considered playing with it. "How?" she asked him, looking for a button. "Just, like, squeeze it or something," he said, unsure of how this one actually worked. Soon she figured out how to control it. "Weird," she said as she put it back in the box. "Next time I go for a walk or something you should... try it out," Fenneck suggested shyly, enjoying the idea of her getting out of her sexual comfort zone a bit. "Maybe," Natalya said, clearly not wanting to seem eager. "Maybe you could bring it next time you see Dimitri," he suggested as he stood up and walked over to his corner. He grabbed a soft, baby blue poet shirt and went back to his breakfast and cider, trying to move past his sexual curiosities with her. Natalya rolled her eyes. "If I ever see him again," she sad sadly. Fenneck looked at her and sighed. "I'm sure you will," he tried to assure her. "I'm sorry you have to go through this," he told her. She picked at her food a bit. "Every time I do see him I'm worried it might be the last," she said, becoming somber. "He pulls away more and more every time I'm with him. It's not fair. I want him to get out. To be safe." She sighed and took a sip of cider. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a downer," she said, trying to avoid Fenneck's eyes. "Oh please, I understand," Fenneck said, wanting more than anything to have the power to help her through this awful scenario. "I can't imagine how awful it must be," he sighed. "How is he... looking? Is it... obvious yet?" She thought for a moment. "He has a full beard now, which is kind of nice," she said, smiling to herself. "Is it weird that I don't hate how he's aging?" she asked Fenneck. "It's kind of... sexy... in a way," she tried to explain. "He doesn't understand that, though." She ate a slice of apple half-heartedly. Fenneck smiled and laughed softly. "I think I understand. Beards can be quite sexy," he observed. "Honestly, from the way you describe him, I see the appeal," he tried to make her feel better. "Is he... does he move the way he used to?" Fenneck asked cautiously. Natalya softly laughed to herself. "He moves just fine. He's always been in good shape," she said, clearly thinking about her muscular lover. "He's still as big and strong as he's always been." She paused and pursed her lips in frustration. "He's been a bit more... hurried lately, though," she said. "At most, he'll only ever give me like ten minutes anymore," she said, seeming annoyed. Fenneck wasn't sure what she was talking about by only ten minutes. "Ten minutes of what? Oral?" Fenneck asked, taking a sip of cider. Natalya laughed at him. "No, just sex," she said, shaking her head at Fenneck for such a dumb question. Fenneck choked on the cider and started coughing. "Are you okay? Was it too hot?" Natalya asked, concerned. He waved her off as he collected himself. "Ten minutes of sex?" he asked her in shock. "That's it?!" He was utterly bewildered by such an idea. "Well, yeah," Natalya said, trying to defend herself. "I mean, it's normally outside in the snow so like, we don't take our time with things. Even before now it wasn't that much longer." Fenneck looked at her in shock and concern. "Wait wait wait," he said trying to collect his thoughts. "How long, say you were inside with some privacy, how long would you normally have sex?" he asked her, worried about what her answer might be. Natalya shrugged. "Maybe forty-five minutes, an hour if we're really lazy with nothing to do," she said casually. Fenneck stared at her, still in shock that someone, especially an elf like herself, would be content with such lovemaking. "What?" she finally asked him, not understanding his reaction. "Is... is that... good enough for you?" he asked her, concerned for her sex life. Natalya looked offended and threw a piece of apple at him. Fenneck casually caught it in his hand and popped it in his mouth before continuing to look at her expectantly. She glared at him for his quick reflexes. "Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" she said, clearly annoyed by his judgment. "How long is sex supposed to last, in your mind?" She gestured for him to answer. He thought for a moment. "Like a few hours, at least," he said thinking about it. "Normally, a whole evening or half the day. Once, when I was with Alexei and Padma, we started around lunch time and didn't finish till dawn the next day." Natalya's jaw dropped in shock. "That's insane!" she said, absolutely bewildered by such a concept. "Why... How? Why would you need that much time?" she asked him. "What do you mean?" he said, clearly not understanding the concept of being able to orgasm or be content with such a small time limit. "How do you only make love for ten minutes?" he countered. She rolled her eyes at him. "Oh please, you haven't ever had a quick fuck?" she asked him in bewilderment. He gave her a confused look. "What do you mean? Of course not! Can you even orgasm that quickly?" he asked her. Natalya started to blush and get a little flustered. "Well... not all the time, but that's not the point!" Fenneck looked at her in astonishment. "What the hell is the point, then?" he asked her. She met his gaze. "To fuck! To get fucked! I don't know!" She folded her arms defensively. Fenneck thought for a moment. "Does Dimitri orgasm?" he asked her. "Yes, of course!" she said, shrugging as if it were obvious. Fenneck gave her a pitying smile. "I see," he said, feeling sorry for her to be with such a selfish partner. Natalya glared at him and chucked another piece of apple at his face. He caught it in his mouth and smiled at her. She rolled her eyes at him which Fenneck had realized long ago was a favorite pastime of hers. "You're a jerk!" she told him. "I am very happy with my sex life and you can take that dragonborn dildo and shove it up your ass, along with your judgmental attitude!" she glared at him. Fenneck matched her glare and smiled. "Is that a challenge?" he teased. Natalya scrunched her face at him. "You're disgusting!" she said. He scoffed at her. "Oh please, you're just jealous that, while you might have more sex than me, I clearly have had the more adventurous sex life," he bragged. Natalya rolled her eyes. "It took you over a hundred years to get laid, that doesn't make you impressive, it just makes you sad," she teased. He rolled his eyes. "Perhaps, but at least I always leave the bedroom knowing my partner was very satisfied," he told her challengingly. She glared daggers at him. "Oh come on!" he exclaimed. "I'm just teasing," Fenneck said. "I know you and Dimitri have a wonderful time and you do normally seem quite satisfied with your romps. I just find it surprising for an elf, that's all," he said, trying to make her feel better. She took a long sip of cider before glancing up at him. "What do you even do for hours?" she finally asked him. "Isn't that exhausting?" Fenneck smiled to himself and blushed a little, wishing he could show her just how much they could do for hours together. "No," he told her. "You take your time with things. You make love. You pleasure each other. You try new things and you let yourself go to your deepest, natural desires. You don't throw each other against a tree and 'bang-it-out' as you've so elegantly put it in the past," he teased her. "Sounds exhausting," Natalya said, returning her attention to her food. Fenneck sighed. "Maybe it's a good thing we've decided to keep it in our pants," Fenneck said, taking a bite of fruit. "Yeah, maybe," Natalya said passively. Fenneck sighed, hoping he hadn't offended her. He knew she hadn't had a normal life and it wasn't fair for him to judge her. He couldn't help the desire to show her how wonderful sex could be. He understood how much she loved Dimitri but sex and love were two different things in his mind. Sure, they sometimes coincided, but they were not mutually exclusive. To her they were. It was frustrating to Fenneck. He hated how guilty she made him feel about his sexuality and openness to things, especially because he was finally starting to let himself be open about his desires and feelings again after so many years. She always seemed to be a bit stifling, though. He wanted to show her. He knew it would probably be easy for them to sleep together, especially with Dimitri fading from the picture, but he couldn't kick the feeling that it wouldn't be right. She was his thiramin and Fenneck couldn't help but want everything to be perfect with her, even at this point. He had avoided kissing her beautiful soft lips because he was waiting for the right moment. Besides, he wanted to move on. He wanted to move past her and be content with their relationship. With their friendship. Clearly their sex life wouldn't be that wonderful anyway. They'd probably fight the whole time. He looked up at Natalya as he took a sip of her delicious cider and sighed in defeat. He knew he wouldn't be content. He knew that moment would never come. He belonged to her, heart, mind and soul. He would walk through the nine layers of hell and back for her. She was his thiramin.