Natalya Leaves

Life, Relationship change

Natalya decides to leave Fenneck and Flottenheim to face Pufuktin.

Fenneck sighed and looked himself over in the mirror. "You look fine. Go kiss her before she leaves!" Erikur groaned from Fenneck's bed. He was tossing a ball of magic up and down from his boredom. "I can't just kiss her, Erik! Everything has to be perfect." Fenneck tried to explain to his friend. "She's your thiramin! She's already as perfect as she can get." Erikur pointed out, "You know she still wants to leave, though. If you don't kiss her, she very well might." Fenneck stood from his vanity, "We decided to wait, so we're going to wait." "Well, at least finger her or something. You think the carpet matches the drapes?" Erikur teased him. Fenneck gave him a dirty look. "What?" Erikur caught the ball and sat up to meet his eyes defiantly, "Are you really that scared of sex? You used to be quite good at it. I'm sure a hundred years hasn't completely destroyed your game." Fenneck rolled his eyes and walked out the door. He headed down to the dining hall. He looked around the palace for Natalya before he found her alone on the balcony outside of Revolutionary Hall. He smiled when he saw her. They had grown close these last few weeks and he was trying to make the most of their time together. He walked up behind her and gently put his hands on her waist. She jumped and almost decked him across the face from being startled. He laughed and dodged her blow, "Woah! Woah! Hey, it's just me!" He hugged her and giggled until he looked at her face and saw her frozen tears. He stopped laughing, "What's wrong? I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were upset." She started crying harder. Fenneck held her tightly and she buried her head into his chest. He started praying that she wouldn't do this. Not yet. He wasn't ready to give her up. After a few moments, he started caressing her face and he melted the frozen tears from her cheeks. She looked up into Fenneck's eyes. Don't do this Nat. Please not yet. "I have to go." She whispered, her eyes full of pain. Fenneck felt his world start to crumble. He tried to keep his composure. He knew this was going to happen. "I know." He said softly, letting his jovial demeanor fall. "I've known for weeks." He admitted. His voice cracked a bit as he continued, "Will you at least tell me why?" He begged her softly. She sighed and looked down at his chest, avoiding his eyes, "I keep having these...nightmares. Visions during my meditations. I feel guilty, Fenneck. I don't deserve all this. I messed up and all I've done is run away." She said pushing through her tears. He nodded, "I understand. I think you are far to hard on yourself, but I understand." He gently caressed her face, "I know you aren't telling me everything. That's fine, you are allowed to have secrets...I just...I just want you to know that I know." He said, trying to be up front with her. Natalya lowered her gaze, guilty this time, "I left someone." She said quietly. Fenneck's heart broke at this. He'd lost her. He'd lost his thiramin. The thing he had put all of his hope and joy and faith in. Erikur was right, he was damn fool. "I just have to make sure he's okay. That they didn't... kill him or something." Natalya continued. Fenneck noticed she seemed quite distressed about the matter. "Who is he?" Fenneck asked her. He had never suspected there was another man involved and he suddenly realized that as fun as these last few weeks had been, he still barely knew anything about her. She was very private about her past, but then again, so was he. "His name is Dimitri." She said slowly, but Fenneck could hear the relief in her voice from finally getting to talk about him. "He's another soldier. He trained me and we ended up...we...it's complicated. We weren't allowed to be together, being KAV agents. They despised romance and...things of that nature. We...found comfort in each other despite the otherwise awful lives we had. I don't think they ever found out but I don't know if he's okay." The way Natalya talked about this Dimitri solidified Fenneck's defeat. He could tell she cared for him very deeply. "He helped me escape that night. I'm worried about him." She said desperately. Fenneck nodded, trying to ignore the pounding in his head, "When do you wish to leave?" He asked her, already knowing the answer was now. Natalya hesitated, "I...I don't know. Soon. I haven't rested in weeks." Fenneck looked out over the mountains. He knew he couldn't hold onto her any longer. He knew how she felt. He had been in love too. These last few weeks with her had been wonderful, but it wasn't love. Not like that, at least. "It should be safe enough for you now. Especially considering your experience up there. I'll help you pack and get you some fresh supplies." He said, resolved to get her out as soon as possible. "I'm so sorry." She said looking up at him with tears in her eyes. He gently wiped a tear away, "If this is something you must do then you must do it." He tried to be strong and resolute. He didn't want to make a fool of himself by crying and looking desperate in front of her. "I'd rather you leave with a purpose than stay and become miserable with guilt and grief. I do not want to be the reason your life does not fulfill its proper purpose. Let us go pack your things." Fenneck pulled himself from her balcony and led her down into her room. They packed her things in silence until Natalya opened her wardrobe. Fenneck came up behind her, "I'll have these things stored away." He said seeing her look longingly at his mother's gown and the other palace wear she no longer needed. She took a couple of the comfortable icy blue and white pants and tunics and closed the wardrobe. Fenneck studied her as she moved. She was hesitant but resolved. She had managed to put some weight on while she was here in Flottenheim and her body looked much stronger than it had the first night she was there. Her beautiful red hair cascaded down around her face and chest and swished gently with her movement. Her green eyes were full of sadness and pain. Fenneck wondered if thiramin was a mistake. It wasn't fair to either of them to have this connection and for it to not make sense with their lives. She loved someone else. Why would the elven gods give them this desire and confuse the normal cycle of things? It hurt Fenneck so much to see her leave. He realized these would be his last moments with her and that realization sent a bolt of pain through his heart. He'd waited so long for this. For her. Was he really going to just let her walk away? As she finished packing, Fenneck slowly came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her body sensually, allowing his thiramin desires to overwhelm him. He pulled her tightly into his chest, "Thank you for everything." He said into her ear. She leaned into him and Fenneck decided to throw the rule book out the window. He couldn't miss this like he had with Erikur. He had to be with her before he lost her forever. "Come. Be with me tonight." He whispered Elvish to her and let his tongue tickle her long pointy ears. She gasped and sighed heavily, telling Fenneck she was enjoying it. He pushed her to the bed and as she fell onto it she turned and looked up at him. She blushed and let her legs graze his own sensually as she hung off the bed. Fenneck looked down at her beautiful body and slowly allowed his hands to touch her thighs. It's not supposed to be like this. He thought suddenly before he glanced up and saw his father in the corner of the room shaking his head disapprovingly. He felt Erikur's breath on his ear, "Just do it! She's your thiramin. You'll never get this chance again!" Fenneck's heart pounded and he looked back down at Natalya who looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to make the next move. Evelyn was suddenly lying on the bed next to her in her white night gown that was covered in blood, the baby was nowhere in sight, "Don't hurt her like you did me!" She cried to him desperately, tears of pain and sorrow running down her face. Fenneck felt the room start to spin. "Fenneck...I..." Natalya's voice scared the ghosts away and Fenneck sat down on the bed next to her, avoiding her eyes and trying desperately to take a full breath of air. Natalya realized he was struggling to breath and she sat up and pulled him into her chest. He started crying intensely at her touch. He cried and cried, unable to control and fully understand the intensity of his swirling emotions. Eventually he slowly started to calm down and come back to reality as he felt Natalya's skin against his face and heard her soft cooing and comforting words. Her warm chest reminded him of all the nights Erikur had held him the same way. Her touch was gentle and Fenneck was relieved to be in someone's arms again. He took a deep breath and felt everything start to clear up. Erikur was right. He couldn't live with the regret of not being with her like he had all those years with Erikur. Fenneck finally stood up and took his tunic and his pants off. Shirtless and in his braise, he started helping Natalya out of her dress. "Fenneck, I don't think we should do this." Natalya said hesitantly, seeing his emotional state. Fenneck kept working at her corset, ignoring her, and sniffling the whole time. "Fenneck." He didn't answer. The lace on her dress was getting all twisted and the tears building in his eyes made it near impossible to see. "Damn dress" he muttered. He stood up and grabbed a knife from Natalya's packed bags. "Fenneck, what are you doing?" She asked, suddenly scared that he was holding a knife. He ignored her. He had to do this. He had to be with her. He had been through too much not to be with his thiramin. Surely the gods didn't hate him that much. He moved to cut her dress off of her. "Fenneck!" She said fearfully, pulling away from him and snapping him out of his determined state. "Stop. This isn't what you want!" She begged, fearful tears in her eyes. Fenneck felt all the anger and pain he'd been shoving down over the years boil to the surface. "No it's fucking not!" He yelled, letting out his anger and leaping off of the bed away from her. He angrily paced for a moment before he turned to face her. "Of course this is not what I want!" "Fenneck, please-" He cut her off. "Trust me, I don't want this any more than you do! I didn't ask for you! I didn't ask to have you come in and make me fall in love with you just to have my heart ripped out! I didn't want you!" He told her harshly, fury on his face and sorrow in his eyes. "I dreamed about meeting my thiramin, my wife, my person, my entire life and you are the farthest thing from what that should have been! But gods be damned if I have to watch you walk away from me without experiencing this!" He suddenly saw Natalya's scared, hurt face. He saw Erikur in the back of the room drop his head in shame and walk away into nothingness. Fenneck realized what he was saying and stumbled to the ground, dropping the knife with a loud clang. He clutched his head in his hands silently for a moment before trying to speak. "I'm so sorry." He muttered, horrified at his behavior. "I'm so so so sorry." He looked up at Natalya, begging her to forgive him. She slowly kneeled down next to him and hesitantly reached out her hand to touch his shoulder. He looked her in the eyes woefully, "I didn't mean that, about forcing you to do this. I...I'm sorry. I'm such an ass." He looked away from her in shame, quiet tears beginning to roll down his face once more. "I'm scared Natalya. I'm angry...but not with you. This isn't fair for you either. It just wasn't supposed to be like this." His voice cracked and he felt guilt and shame flood his body. Natalya hesitantly took his hand. "I'm sorry." She said shamefully, "I never wanted to hurt you like this. I wish I could give you what you wanted." He sighed and squeezed her hand, "You shouldn't have had to see me like this. I don't want this to be how you remember me." He started crying again but Natalya pulled him to his feet and set him on the edge of the bed. He tried to calm down as she poured him a glass of water. He started taking small sips and watched as she took off her dress in front of him. Fenneck couldn't help himself from admiring her body as her dress slipped down to her feet. She was the epitome of beauty. Her breasts were perky and her curves were pronounced. Fenneck noticed she moved as if she was performing, like she was used to being watched and admired, fully aware of how beautiful she was. She was wearing a white linen smock and he could very clearly see her body through it. He couldn't help himself from studying every inch of her perfect body. Fenneck felt himself blushing, "We shouldn't do this." He said, aware of his foolishness at this point. "I'm not." Natalya said, her words were stern but her smile told him she enjoyed his attention. She climbed into the bed and got comfy under the covers. She sat against the pillows and patted the spot next to her, beckoning Fenneck to join her. He hesitantly stood and walked around to the other side of the bed and climbed in, careful not to touch her. Natalya laid down across from him. He set his glass of water down and leaned back against the headboard, avoiding her eyes. "How can you even look at me after that?" He asked her, ashamed of himself. "Trust me, I've seen worse." She said sadly. "I'd hate to see what worse is." He said, looking into her eyes. He slowly lowered himself under the blankets so that they were laying across from each other. They laid there for a while, allowing their emotions to settle. "Do you trust the gods? That they know what they're doing?" Natalya finally asked him. Fenneck looked at her thoughtfully, they had never actually discussed their respective religions. "I'd like to. I'm afraid I don't in practice." He admitted, "I am grateful for so much in my life, but I just wonder if the path to the right things always needs to be so hard. Maybe the sacrifices are the only true way to pave the way for good." He frowned looking down at the blanket he was rubbing between his fingers aimlessly. "I feel like the gods are unnecessarily cruel." He said sadly. Natalya looked up at the beautiful, ornate palace ceiling. "We had to go into the Abyss to hunt Arrallath down." She said, almost out of nowhere. Fenneck looked up at this, realizing that she hadn't spoken about this up until now. "While we were there, we saw this horrid abomination... I've never felt so much evil. Even in Lenisily. It hurt simply to be in its presence." She hesitated, her voice full of fear just speaking about the monster. "I see it sometimes. During meditation... it's awful." She shook her head sadly and her voice started to crack, "Why does it have to exist? Why are evil and pain lurking in every corner of this world?" Fenneck saw a tear run down her cheek and he instinctively scooted closer to her. She gently laid her head on his chest. "I wish I knew." Fenneck said as he gently started caressing her hair, grateful that she didn't find his touch revolting. "Gods you're beautiful." He said almost as an afterthought, admiring her beautiful body. He could tell she was trying to keep her legs together. Fenneck had also positioned himself so that she wouldn't touch his groin. He started to wonder about how good it would feel to make love to her. He could feel his chest growing warm from his desire. "You really think you could wait ten years to have sex with your soulmate?" Natalya asked him, clearly on the same wave length. He smiled and thought about his parents, "I do." "Will you at least kiss me before I run off to my death?" She asked smiling up at him. He looked her in the eyes for a long time considering this. He could always have that. Why not take it? Maybe Erikur was right. He could kiss her now. They would most certainly make love if he did, though. He could convince her to stay. "Stop taking advice from a boy." Evelyn appeared, naked in the bed on the other side of Natalya. "Erikur is a dumbass. You already know she's going to leave, Fenneck. You know she loves someone else. You also know that you will be disappointed. You could have a wonderful night of love making but when you both wake up in the morning, nothing will have changed." Her tone shifted from playful to quietly serious. "She wants to leave, Fenneck. Just let her." Evelyn pleaded with him. Fenneck looked over into Natalya's eyes and knew Evelyn was right, "No." He said. "No?" Natalya asked sitting up, annoyed. Fenneck quickly glanced back over to Evelyn, but she was already gone. "No?" Natalya continued, her irritation growing. "Ten minutes ago you were ready to fuck my brains out and now, just no!?" He cocked his head to the side and smiled at her adorable response. "No." He told her again, becoming more at peace with this decision and finding her annoyance charming. "You will never see me again. There is a ninety-nine percent chance that I will die out there, if not from the mountains then definitely by Pufuktin. You're really not going to kiss me goodbye?" She asked him in disbelief. "No." He smiled. She lightly started play-punching him in the chest. "Hey!" He started laughing and batting her away. They started to tickle each other and he pinned her into the pillows and leaned his face close to hers. He let his breath tease her lips. He could feel how desperately she wanted him to make love to her. To kiss her. He wanted to taste her lips so badly. He felt her start to lean up to kiss him and he leapt back and started laughing at her frustrated face. She glared at him. "Prude." She teased him, feigning anger. "I will kiss you when the time is right." He said, sounding more confident than he felt. "Well you only have a few hours, so choose wisely." She said, crossing her arms. He smiled at her and leaned toward her, teasing her again by kissing her forehead before quickly getting back under the covers. "We'll see." He said, trying not to think about the fact that she was about to be gone from his life forever. He laid his head down on the pillows, "Would you like to try and sleep like humans do?" He said playfully, trying to lighten the mood a bit. "It's quite fascinating, and I see the appeal. Passing out for eight hours every day sounds heavenly." He said getting comfortable. "It's impossible." Natalya said, joining him under the covers, "I've tried it before. Dimitri tried to show me how and it doesn't work." This confused Fenneck, "Dimitri is a human?" He asked, unable to hide the judgement from his voice. "He's a half-elf. Does that bother you?" She asked defensively. "No," He tried to defend himself, "I just assumed he was a high elf, considering he's in the KAV. How does a half-elf become a KAV soldier?" He asked, genuinely surprised. "I think one of his parents was an important person in the government or something. He has a half brother who is a high elf and also an agent in the KAV. He's a dick, though." Fenneck suddenly realized the truth. A half-elf and a red-headed wood elf, in the KAV, who would obviously be willing to risk their safety to protect each other. She did do it. "What...what does he look like?" Fenneck asked her, fearing he already knew the answer. "Who? His brother?" Natalya joked. "No." Fenneck laughed softly at her joke, "Dimitri. I want to know if I'm more handsome than he is." He teased her, trying to distract her from his desperation to know. Natalya smiled sweetly when she thought about Dimitri, "He has shaggy, dark brown hair and bright blue eyes. He's big and very strong. He has smaller ears and his face is rough." Her voice was full of admiration and love when she talked about him. She glanced over at Fenneck, a bit embarrassed by her emotions and her voice became dramatic to distract from her clear display of affection for the half-elf. "He has a dark demeanor and his eyes are always a little sad. His torso is scarred from a century of abuse." She teasingly looked at Fenneck, "Jealous?" she teased. Fenneck smiled at her through his pain, "He sounds quite sexy actually." He enjoyed hearing her talk about him, even if it did hurt that her heart belonged to someone else. "Maybe I can convince him to have a threesome with us." She teased. Fenneck laughed, "No I was thinking about running off into the sunset with him when you break both of our hearts by getting yourself killed." He teased back. Natalya looked up at the lights dancing on the ceiling and smiled peacefully. Erikur appeared on the end of the bed, "Don't be too hard on her Fen." Erikur begged him. Fenneck sighed and studied her. She was just as broken and hurt as Fenneck was. He painfully decided to forgive her. He'd hurt Dimitri that day too. Luckily, she was able to save her love. Fenneck thought it was a bit ironic. Had he killed Dimitri that day, he might have met her then. He might have won her heart these last few weeks if Dimitri wasn't pulling her back into Lenisily. "Come here." He said in elvish, sitting up against the headboard. He pulled her up next to him and she leaned against him like they had that first night together after the festival. "Goodnight Natalya." He whispered in her ear. "Goodnight Fenneck." She said sweetly as they drifted off into their meditative states.   The next morning Fenneck opened his eyes to see Natalya who seemed more restful than she had in weeks. Fenneck kissed her forehead as he stood up and got out of bed. He tried not to linger. Last night had gone well and he didn't want to risk ruining their final moments together. He put his tunic on. "I'm going to go change and then I'll meet you at the entrance by the throne room. You should say goodbye to Baegla before you leave, or I'll never hear the end of it." He told her. "Yeah, of course." She chuckled as she got out of bed. Fenneck left and quickly changed before heading down to the throne room. He saw Baegla walk out of her room. "Good morning." He greeted her. She stopped and looked him over before sighing heavily, "I'm so sorry Fenneck." She said, pain and defeat filled her voice. Fenneck gave her a soft smile, trying not to get emotional just yet, "She's in love with someone else, in Lenisily. Besides, she seems determined to go after Pufuktin." He explained. Baegla nodded understandingly, "I see." She said sadly. "Are you going to be okay?" She asked him, worried about his fragile emotional state. "I'll be fine, Baegla. I'm glad I got to meet her at least. Besides, how many people can say their soulmate killed someone as evil as Staladin? Who knows? Maybe she will kill Pufuktin." He said trying to assure her. Baegla gave him a wry smile, "Well you better tell her to get in line." She teased. She squeezed his hand and looked down the hall to see Natalya approaching them both. Fenneck felt inside his pocket to make sure he had his parting gift for her before they left the palace. The ring glowed warm at his touch. Baegla pulled Natalya down into a hug, "Thank you love, for everything. We have loved getting to know you. Our doors are always open to you." She told Natalya. "Thank you." Natalya said, standing back up, "I wish there were more leaders like you in our world. I can't thank you enough for sharing this beautiful place with me." Natalya told Baegla sincerely. Baegla smiled, "Of course, my dear." Fenneck led Natalya out and down the mountain of Flottenheim and through the Vallee in silence. He stopped when they had finally made it to the mountain pass. They stood there in silence, looking out into the mountains for what felt like eternity. Natalya finally reached out and took Fenneck's hand and looked at his face. He turned to her and broke the silence, "I have something for you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small box and handed it to Natalya. She opened it and pulled out the hand-carved wooden ring. It was lined with fur and where a gem would have been set were two carved snow white foxes curled into each other. "It should keep you warm in the mountains. I enchanted and carved it myself." He told her. He saw tears in her eyes and she looked dismal. "I don't have anything for you." She said sadly. "You have given me more than you know." Fenneck said, placing a hand affectionately on her shoulder. "Thank you for such wonderful memories. Thank you for an exhilarating romance." He told her lovingly, "Please be safe. Like Baegla said, you are always welcome here." He took the ring from her hand and slipped it onto her finger. He squeezed her hands and saw pain and sadness fill her eyes. They held each other for a long moment, inching closer and closer to each other before Natalya looked up into his eyes. "You're really not going to kiss me?" She pleaded to him softly. "No. It's not the right moment." He said, knowing that if he kissed her he wouldn't be able to let her go. "Very well." She said, unable to hide the frustration from her voice, "Thank you for everything, Fenneck." He nodded to her, unable to say or do anything for fear of swaying her from her path. She finally turned away from him and headed out into the mountains. He watched her walk away. She never once looked back. He stood there unmoving, alone in the snow for what felt like hours. "She's really gone." He heard his mother's voice behind him, in sad surprise. "I really thought there was something special there." Faina said looking off into the mountains with her son. He turned and left her there as he headed toward Flottenheim. He went straight to his room, ignoring all of his friends who tried to stop him on the way. He entered his room and locked the door behind him and cried harder than he had in his entire life. He was angry. He was angry at the gods and the world for the cruel trick they had played on him. Hours later, as he was sobbing into his bed mat, he heard a knock on his door. "Go away!" He yelled out, annoyed at being interrupted. He heard a soft scuttle and suddenly saw a mouse on the ground in front of him. He rolled his eyes and turned away from it, "I said go away, Catherine." He felt her hand reach out and touch his shoulder as she sat down next to him on his mat. "I'm so sorry." She said to him. Fenneck tried to shrug her off. "Fenneck, please don't do this. Not again." She begged him. "Shouldn't you and Vyndius be in Canadia or something by now?" He asked her, still avoiding her eyes and showing his annoyance at her being there. She sighed, "Don't shut down again, Fenneck. I know it's not fair. I can't imagine wh-" He turned to her harshly, "No you can't." He told her through his tears, his face a mask of pain and sorrow. "You have no fucking idea what it's like. What my life is like. How...absolutely cruel it feels." She sighed at him and shook her head, "You are so blinded by pain Fen. Why can't you be grateful for it?" He sat up and looked at her in disbelief, "Why the hell would I be grateful for this? For missing out on so much? For having her ripped away from me without even a glance back? You want to know how tragic my life is? There's obviously the wonderful story about Evelyn and my unborn child dying on the same day my parents were murdered by assassins. Then I pushed Erikur away for years, unable to allow myself to really love again until finally I decided to let myself go to him and not minutes later he was gone forever. Sixty years later I finally meet my thiramin. My soulmate. My should-be wife. Just to find out she killed my best friend all those years ago. You wanna know the real kicker though? The soldier I shot and didn't kill that day is the one she's in love with. He's the reason she's leaving me. At least her lover got away that day. You think I should trust the gods and trust that there is some kind of order to this universe? This universe is cruel and disgusting, Catherine. Do not come in here and tell me to be grateful for pain." Catherine kept her composure and tilted her head at Fenneck. "Have you ever considered the reason your pain is so great? Fenneck, you used to love and care for others so passionately. Your lows are so horrendous because your highs have been so magnificent. Your love for Evelyn and Erikur and your parents is the reason it hurts so much for them not to be here anymore-" "I know that Catherine." He cut her off and shook his head at her. "It doesn't change the fact that the pain is still there and it still hurts." Catherine sighed in defeat as he continued, "If there is a lesson to be learned here, it's that I shouldn't open myself any more. That I am only destined to hurt." Catherine's eyes were full of hopelessness as she met Fenneck's, "I'm so sorry, Fen. I'm so sorry life has been so disappointing for you." Fenneck shakily stood up and walked over to his wardrobe and started packing. He couldn't stay here any longer. "What...what are you doing?" Catherine asked him, concerned by this behavior. "I'm leaving. Baegla needs someone to go into the mountains and make sure KAV agents like Natalya can't get across our borders." Catherine stood and walked toward Fenneck, "Fenneck, I don't think now is the best-" He turned and faced her, "No. It is the right time for this. I need to leave Catherine. I need to be alone. I've done it before, I'll be fine." He turned back to his packing. "Baegla won't let you go. Not after...this." "You really think she'll dare to argue with me?" He challenged her. Catherine put a hand on her forehead, "You're so selfish Fenneck. Do you really not care about any of us?" He laughed mockingly at her, "Says the woman who hasn't been here for the last seven years. I swear, you're never here anymore. No one ever questions your love for them because you have Vyndius, right? You're in love and happy. You're allowed to run off on adventures because you have your person, so why can't I? I'm happier on my own. No one else gets hurt that way." He angrily shoved a tunic into his pack. Catherine threw her arms up in defeat and walked to the door, "Fine. Just don't get yourself killed, Fenneck. Don't make me mourn the loss of another brother." Their eyes met and Fenneck felt grief and anger boil inside him at her words. "I'll be fine Catherine." He told her sternly, "Trust me, I'm guilty enough for the pain I've caused you from Erikur's death." Catherine shook her head and left. Fenneck took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment before slamming his fist through the door of his wardrobe angrily. He winced from the pain and pulled his now bloody hand from the wood and looked at the splinters sticking out of his fist. He carefully picked them out and closed his eyes as his golden swirl of magic consumed his hand and closed the scars. He cleaned up the blood and splintered wood before he continued packing. It was well into the night by the time he finished and he sat down on his bed mat and closed his eyes. He remembered his childhood home and sleepover with Erikur and Alexei. He remembered his mother's delicious apple pie on his birthdays and he remembered he and Evelyn's first kiss in the dressing rooms. He tried to keep his thoughts free from his more recent memories that were soaked in pain and grief as he meditated.