Liltakoë

Liltakoë (Elvish for "dance of love") is the process of intricate courtship rituals by which a Wood Elf chooses and courts a spouse. Naturally, it is most common within Scalados, as this is the homeland of most wood elves.
Even within wood elven culture—a culture infamous for the length and specificity of its traditions and ceremonies—the courtship process is intense and involved, often lasting upwards of 3-5 years and sometimes as long as a decade.
Liltakoë is most often initiated by a man who sends a bouquet to a woman. (For the sake of clarity, this article labels "man" and "woman" roles assuming as such.) A woman attempting to woo a man is rare, but not unheard of. This is most likely to occur when the woman is of a highly accomplished professional status, like that of a Wizard, and seeking to court a man of a lower professional status. Common wisdom holds that this is because a man who is not ashamed of being courted by a woman will not grow insecure that her professional status eclipses his. In queer and/or same-sex couples, either member may initiate the ritual, though it is typically done by the person with the higher social or professional status.

History

The origins of liltakoë are long, complex, and mostly unclear; the length of the process is often ascribed to both the traditional wood elven love of ceremony and symbolism, and to the fact that divorce is uncommon and frowned upon in wood elven society.

Execution

Initiation

To initiate liltakoë, a man will send a bouquet to a woman he is interested in via messenger bird. Pigeons and doves are most common and traditional, but owls or falcons might be used by scholars, nobles, and other high-class individuals. The bouquet will communicate a specific message via the Language of Plants and Flowers; it will also be accompanied by a note that alludes to, but does not literally state, the identity of the sender.
The woman, if interested, will return the bird with a similarly coy note that includes an address to which her suitor can send letters. This will not be the address at which the woman lives, but rather an address of a relative or close friend she frequents.

Letters

The courting pair will send letters back and forth using this address for anywhere between three months to two years, in order to get to know one another better. If there is concern about discretion, the letters will often be accompanied by small bouquets with subtle meanings, which will be intercepted by the recipient well before the letter can be passed around to any nosy family or friends that might also know of the exchanges.
While the letters sent in this stage do contain some information about the suitors' interests and values, they are also vague and coy, often filled with poetry and allusions to literature and art. The recipients (and often their families) notice and scrutinize everything about the letters from the cleverness of their verse and their sly acknowledgement of understanding the other's references to the quality of the calligraphy and the thickness of the paper.

by Leonardo Wong

A bouquet of peonies, red carnations, white roses, and apple blossoms sent during the wood elven courtship process. In the language of plants and flowers, this suggests the sender tends to be choosy, but is strongly attracted to the recipient because of their strength, honor, virtue, and purity of heart. It is accompanied by a haiku in Elvish: "Alima arquen, / telëono dagormë, / nányë mírëmë." This roughly translates to "Fair and gentle knight, / after the end of battle, / my love is your prize." Taken separately and in translation, the words and flower meanings may seem fairly chaste. However, the combination of the poem's syntax and the potential other interpretations of the flowers' meanings suggests a much more amorous hidden meaning. There are also subtle indicators that the recipient is literally (not metaphorically) a knight or other warrior, and that both the sender and recipient are women.

At some point in the letters, the man will allude to wishing to know where the woman lives, typically with an allusion to a particular landscape or landmark within the city where he sends the letters. If she ignores at least five of these hints, the man will eventually stop sending letters, and the courtship is considered over. However, if she acknowledges these hints and gives more specific information, liltakoë proceeds to the next stage.

Visiting

The next stage of liltakoë takes place in person, under the cover of night. The man sneaks into the woman's home through a back door, servant's entrance, or window. If the woman anticipates this arrival, she will sometimes leave the correct window or door slightly ajar, often with a bouquet tied to the doorknob or a bowl of flowers or fruit left on the windowsill to indicate which entry is preferred. (Care must be taken with leaving fruit instead of flowers, as it may spark rumors—warranted or unwarranted—that the affair has turned physical, a major taboo at this stage.)
When the man enters the woman's home, he is to avoid her parents and/or elders, who by tradition will seek to chase him away. Any siblings, cousins, or servants on the property are likely safe contacts, as they traditionally distract the parents or hide the suitor well enough for him to reach the woman's chambers. Upon reaching the woman's chambers, he will find her seated behind a paper screen, with only her silhouette visible. On the first visit, the man must stay behind the screen for the entire night. The couples recite poetry to each other written for the occasion, and often perform for each other on musical instruments. (Though the family of the woman is supposedly unaware of his presence, they will almost inevitably listen to these performances through the walls and judge both members of the party on their abilities.) The man is expected to stay in the woman's house for the entire night and sneak out again at sunrise, leaving small gifts of flowers, coins, statuettes, or other tokens for both the woman and her family.
If this first visit is deemed by one or more parties to have gone poorly, they will use a messenger bird to send a bag of empty pistachio shells to the other suitor, and the courtship is considered void. If there is uncertainty on the part of either party, they will send a bag of whole pistachios instead; the receiving suitor can return the bird with a bouquet message reassuring the suitor and explaining their feelings, or simply shell the pistachios and send the shells back as a blanket rejection.
If the first visit goes well, the man will continue to periodically sneak into the woman's room and spend the night in her chambers. She will eventually allow him to greet her behind the screen, first briefly and later for more extended periods of time. After roughly six to eighteen months of visiting, the man will bargain with the family to "buy" rights to the room without the pretense of a screen. He may offer anything from gifts of food and personal errands to jewelry and gemstones, depending on his social class. Once the family haggles with him and the parties decide on the appropriate price, they will remove the screen and he will be welcome to enter the woman's chambers any night he wishes.

A suitor unpacks poetry and flutes in the chambers of the woman he is courting. Outside, her family listens carefully. The screen behind the woman indicates that this may be the first visit in which they are choosing to break the chaste separation between them.

If, at any point, a man goes to sneak into the woman's home and finds that the woman or her family have locked and bolted all doors and windows and denied him entry, he is to consider the courtship ended in disgrace. The slang term vëorrouku (literally "locked-out lad"), for a young man of ill repute or who would otherwise make a poor suitor, comes from the stigma surrounding men who are known to have courtships end this way.

Public Relations

It is taboo for a couple in the process of liltakoë to acknowledge each other in public, especially at social events like dances, until they are officially engaged. That said, it is also taboo for a couple to spend long periods of time with other potential suitors once they reach the visiting stage of liltakoë. Rumors often fly when a young person is seen avoiding a particular person at events, particularly if they start to spend equal amounts of time with all but one person. Someone who often seems tired during the day will also often be the subject of rumors and pointed questions, because of liltakoë's emphasis on nighttime meetings.

Proposal

At some point in the course of liltakoë, the man will begin proposing marriage to the woman. This typically starts when the man sneaks into the woman's house for the first time, but may begin as subtle allusions within the letter-writing stage. Custom dictates that she refuse or demur the proposal until the exchange has happened forty times. On the forty-first time, the man is expected to present a pair of rings. Wood elven engagement rings are most frequently made of yellow or white gold and include at least one gem, though simpler rings of sterling silver, copper, or bronze that do not include gems are not unheard of (particularly for younger or lower-class couples). If the woman rejects the forty-first proposal, the relationship is considered broken off, and both partners are free to court other people with little to no stigma. If she accepts, the couple is officially engaged to be married, with a wedding typically occurring within six months of the event. The various ceremonies involved in a wood elven wedding last for a minimum of one week, not counting the planning involved beforehand or the traditional honeymoon afterwards. Wealthy families may hold several weeks of ceremonies, up to a full month. The wedding itself is not considered part of liltakoë.

Components and tools

Elven engagement rings are worn on the pinky of the right hand by both members of the couple. Even simple, cheaply made rings are enchanted so that each wearer always knows the general cardinal direction where the other one is, so long as both wearers are alive and on the same plane.

Participants

Though the primary participants are obviously the courting couple, the courting couple's families and close friends are involved in the process at every stage. They read the notes sent between recipients (sometimes furtively, sometimes openly) and supervise the couples during the visiting phase of the relationship. If a family disapproves of the suitor, the courtship process becomes much more difficult.
The sheer number of flowers involved, especially in the early stages of the ritual, make florists and druids a vital part of the courtship rituals in a community. They are often the first to know who is courting whom, and particularly which people may be secretly juggling multiple suitors.

Observance

Courtship proceedings usually start when both members are between ninety and one hundred and fifty years old, with the members usually within twenty to thirty years of age of each other (if not closer). Initiating a formal courtship before one or both members has turned eighty is nearly unheard-of.
Wood elves who seek marriage will often wait to initiate formal courtship until they have the resources to do so, usually finishing apprenticeships or basic education first. (Romantic and/or physical dalliances do occur outside of courtship rituals, especially with non-wood elves, but most families rarely consider these serious or lasting.) The full steps of the courtship ritual are difficult for those outside of middle-to-upper-class families, so a few will often be combined, adjusted, or toned down for the sake of practicality. For instance, a suitor without the budget for constant bouquets might include mentions of flowers in their poetry instead, or a suitor without a family to visit might stay at a particular inn or the home of a trusted friend during the visiting portion. However, common wisdom states that the closer one can adhere to the full ritual, the more auspicious the match is.

Primary Related Location

Scalados

Related Ethnicities

• Wood Elf