Are you a morning person, or more of a night owl?
I’ve been sacrificing most of my sleep for a crippling coffee addiction since about 1298, but early mornings are harder than late nights. I’m not an owl, though - those guys take the actual night shift.
What’s the first thing you notice about a person when you meet them?
First comes species, height, identifying features, any visible insignia. Everything you’d need to pass on a report. Right after that comes what weapons they have.
You see a huge spider in your room, what do you do?
That depends how scarce the food is.
If you could go back and change one decision you made in the past, what would you change?
I wish I knew, buddy. I wish I knew what would work.
Tell me about your first kiss.
Awkla and I were childhood sweethearts. Our first was in the greenhouse behind the orphanage schoolhouse. Trickmas, 1291. We were hiding from the head tutor so we could skip the Trickmas services. She had her feathers in red ribbons she’d stolen from the Trickmas decorations.
Do you give people second chances?
Someone did for me, once.
Are you a cat person or a dog person?
My lifestyle isn’t so conducive to pets. I mean, I like cats. Who doesn’t?
Do you think you’re attractive?
Not to anyone with a lot of sense.
What’s your worst habit?
I’m bad at budgeting. Got a handful of costly vices of my own and I’m a sucker for charity cases.
When was the last time you cried?
Takesday Sailormoon, 1312. Missing kid turned up dead. It happens, but I’d really thought we had that one.
Are you a good liar?
Only off the record.
What’s your biggest pet peeve?
Decaff.
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Everyone has in this business.
Are you more likely to use your fists or your words in an argument?
I prefer to hit first, just in case they don’t leave me a chance to hit second.
What’s something you’re naturally good at?
Sticking on things people’d rather shake me off of.
What’s something you had to work hard to be good at?
Unfortunately I didn’t master the home-work balance until after the divorce.
Can you tell when someone is flirting with you?
Picking up when someone has ulterior motives is a big part of my job. That’s just one of the perks.
Do you think money can buy happiness?
Nah, but it seems to buy just-about anything else.
Do you believe in destiny?
Maybe the rich and powerful have destinies; I wouldn’t know. Down here, there’s just us.
Are you a good cook?
I had to learn pretty quickly, living with a kid of a different species.
What do you think happens after you die?
That one’s a little beyond my investigatory powers. I’d like to think the Garden is real and there’s a sense of justice somewhere in the cosmos, but I know I don’t have a lot of evidence to go on there.
Did you have to grow up fast?
Everyone does down here.
Who do you look up to?
I had huge respect for my old editor, who may have been a sour pain in the ass but who never gave up on an important story, no matter who it put her up against. Unfortunately she got taken out by some kind of intelligent devil-razor, which doesn’t leave me a lot of other options. I’m always proud of my ex-wife, who runs a respectable business with her second husband and two kids. And I’m not really much of a man for gods, but I do like this Tybalt cat the kids in orphanages tell stories about.
When you go to a tavern, what do you order?
Coffee if I’m working. Whisky if I’m not.
What do you like most about yourself?
I’m a darn good journalist and not bad at looking after people.
What do you like least about yourself?
That I never could have made it work with my ex-wife.
Do you want kids someday?
I always wanted to settle down and start a family, before Awkla and I broke things off. I guess I’ve ended up improvising a bit since then.
Are you a planner or more spontaneous?
Harder to stay alive in my field without a plan.
Can you keep a secret?
Journalistic confidentiality, bub - I’m not at liberty to answer that.
Do you like being the centre of attention?
That ain’t how I operate.
If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
First thing, I’d entrust everything to Kitty. Then I’d pay a couple of visits. One over to the north side of the undercity, assuming she hasn’t moved since the last time I checked. And another one a whole lot further up.
Do you enjoy getting all dressed up for a special occasion?
I used to have a good suit. I wore it to my wedding. Over time, it’s become about as scruffy as the rest of them.
Where do you feel safe?
I know we’re never safe in the city as it is, and we’d be even less so outside. But as long as I’ve got someone I trust covering my back, I’m good just about anywhere.
Do you love or hate being alone?
It’s a whole lot easier to get outnumbered when your number is one.
What’s the last nightmare you remember having?
Depends what you count as a nightmare. Most of my dreams these days aren’t scary, just… sad.
Do you admit to mistakes when you make them?
You have to submit a retraction, that’s Journalistic Ethics 101. I mean, I assume it is. I didn’t go to university.
Do you want to grow up to be like your parents?
Jackdaw and Trink Tailfeather died in a mob hit when I was a tiny fletchling. Too young to remember them. From what I’ve found, they seemed not to be all that worth emulating. Gambled. Cheated. Got in debt with the wrong people. But that’s everyone down here. The guy that ordered the hit died three years later in a different mob hit, and then a few years after that the Candleman took over and every previous mobster on that side of town either fell in line or got hung from a walkway, fully encased in wax. I think I’ve gotten away from the spirit of the question here.
How do you deal with being sick? Are you stoic or super whiney?
Chances are I’ve got work to do and/or mouths to feed. I take a lot of whatever I can find that’ll take the edge of and then I grumble for a few days.
What did your parents expect from you when you were born?
They ran a pawnbrokers in what’s now the Candleman’s turf. No doubt expected to hand it down one day. Maybe also intended to hand down the dogfighting ring in the basement. As I said, the Tailfeathers were complicated people.
Do you have a strong sense of style?
I got a lot of ties and fedoras, but they’re all pretty well-worn these days.
Would you rather camp outdoors or stay the night in an inn?
Depends how tight the money is, and how rough the neighbourhood.
Is there a food that most people like but you absolutely hate?
I’ve been vegetarian for long enough that I can’t really take meat any more. A lot of folk in this part of town are either omnivorous or obligate carnivores.
Are you more of a hoarder or a minimalist?
I only hoard information. And notebooks. And paper. And string. And pins. And worn-out old suits. And cutlery.
Are you superstitious?
Nothing’s ever a coincidence, but it isn’t usually a supernatural one.
Are you the kind of person who remembers people’s birthdays and pet’s names and stuff?
Mind like a bank vault, but I keep notes anyway just in case.
What do you do to feel better when you’re sad?
These days, I drink coffee and I work, and usually I turn my problems into some powerful asshole’s problems in the process.
Is it hard for you to trust someone?
Always. Unless they come very well recommended. Or it’s a kid. I’ve been scammed by kids more often than most.
Are you susceptible to peer pressure?
Wouldn’t be much of a journalist if I wanted people to like me.
If you decided to stop adventuring and settle down, what kind of job would you take?
If I had to give up the journalism business? …time was I’d have helped Awkla with the seamstress enterprise. These days… you know, maybe I’d set up an orphanage. Or a cat shelter. Or some kind of combination orphanage and cat shelter.
As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Part of me wanted to be a family man, and part of me wanted to be a hero. I guess neither part really knew what they were asking for, but that’s kids for you.
